


Wake the White Wolf

by Aryagraceling



Series: Wake the White Wolf [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alpha Hatake Kakashi, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Anal Sex, Angst, Apologies, Arranged Marriage, Background GenRai, Beta Mitarashi Anko, Betrayal, Blood and Violence, Canon-Typical Violence, Confrontations, Cuddling, Depression, Domestic Moments, Drinking, Emotional Constipation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual canon character deaths, Explicit Consent, F/M, Fighting, First Time, Forced Abortion, Genma's a bro, Heat Cycles, Humor, Injury Recovery, Intercrural Sex, Kakashi's damaged as fuck, Knotting, Lies, Life Lessons, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Masturbation, Mpreg, Murder, Omega Umino Iruka, Oral Sex, Politics, Rejection, Rescue Mission, Rimming, Rutting, Sex Toys, Sexual Negotiations, Slow Burn, Torture, Voyeurism, canon adjacent, could be considered dubcon, emotional manipulation and abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-06-06 15:42:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 119,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15198002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aryagraceling/pseuds/Aryagraceling
Summary: In a world run by alphas, Umino Iruka never expected to be one of the omegas. When he presents, his world is flipped upside down and he's left spinning in the wake of all he thought to be normal.**Most major tags are added, will add smaller tags as I go along and the subplots reveal themselves. Rated explicit for later chapters**





	1. Prejudice

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Wattetraum](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wattetraum/gifts), [MagnusTesla](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagnusTesla/gifts), [MurphysAngel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MurphysAngel/gifts).



> Welcome to the second ABO piece I said I’d never write. Buckle up, this one’s probably going to be a long haul. I’ve got about six years of relationship plotted already, including the slow burn. But before we start, a few things (or, an entire prologue, more like):
> 
> MagnusTesla, thank you so, so much for requesting this and trusting that I’ll do it justice. It means more to me than you probably know. Bear with me through the first few chapters as I really dig hard into the preconceptions of ABO. I appreciate your sticking by me through all my recent stories and always having a kind word to say. So this is for you <3
> 
> Murphysangel, thank you to you as well. For putting up with my lack of Trinity updates (I swear I’ll get back to it soon xD), for being an excellent beta, and for sending me ABO inspiring fics. Thanks for sending me to the AO3 facebook group, which provided the bunny that grew into all of this. And, of course, all the kind comments <3
> 
> Wattetraum, for always making my day when I see your name in my inbox. I always know there’s a damn good comment coming, and you’ve been a major source of inspiration on those days when I can barely find it in me to bring my fingers to the keys. I’m not sure how you feel about ABO as we’ve never really spoken about it, but I’ve been meaning to gift you a long fic for a while, and this has presented the perfect opportunity <3
> 
> Thank you also to Holdt, Dani, and Rebecca (you know who you are) for letting me bounce ideas off of you, even if the conversations derail to weeeeeird fucking places xD I love you all. 
> 
> And with that, here...we...go. As always, feedback via comments and kudos is much appreciated. Let me know what you like and what you don’t! And if you’ve got any ideas/things you’d like to see, hit me up on tumblr @sparkswithyou.

_ Inhale.  _

The prick of the needle barely registered as the nurse slid it in to draw his blood. Her chattering about hormones and partners faded to a dull roar in the background as he focused on staying calm. Antiseptic and rubber made his nose twitch as he sat, watching the tubes turn red.

_ Exhale.  _

__ _ Alpha. Alpha. Alpha.  _ The word beat through his head in time with his heart and he closed his eyes.  _ Only child. Alpha.  _ The fact that his scent had grown increasingly sweet didn’t mean anything until his tests came back. He winced as the needle withdrew and the nurse put a small cotton pad on the leftover drop of blood. “Let’s get you all set up in a room,” she chirped. He nodded mutely.

_ Alpha.  _

He clenched his fist as she led him down twisting hallways to an exam room, shuffling him in and ordering him to strip. “There’s a paper gown on the table for you, dear.” She exited and he scowled at the mirror, angry at the way the hard lines of his stomach had softened in recent months.  _ Don’t have much more time to devote to training.  _

__ _ Jonin.  _

__ His one goal, to help Konoha, make his village strong again. Protect the people inside.  _ Omegas.  _ His lip curled in a snarl as the niggling voice reminded him for the hundredth time that day he might be one. “I won’t,” he whispered harshly to the posters on the wall.  _ I’m an alpha. I don’t give a fuck about fertility.  _ “No  _ fucking  _ way I change into a breeder.” No way he presented as the weaker sex. No way he’d be tied down, popping out kids. No way he’d deign to be an alpha’s bitch. And kami help the man who was paired with him, because there was  _ no  _ way he’d let a knot anywhere near his ass. 

_ Stop thinking like that,  _ he chided himself.  _ No need to worry. It’s almost never a firstborn presents as omega.  _ His fingers dug into the exam table as he fidgeted. The swish of his ponytail was loud before a knock sounded. “Umino Iruka?”

“Yeah,” he said, sitting up straight.

A weathered man opened the door, smiling kindly as he sat on a stool in front of the table. “So, you’re starting to present. Everything going well? No problems?”

“Nothing wrong,” Iruka said. “I’d just be a lot less nervous if my tests were back.” He rubbed at his neck and stared at the floor. “I’m pretty confident I’ll be an alpha but I just want the confirmation. It’s kind of a big deal.”

“Right,” the doctor laughed. He opened Iruka’s file and scanned slowly, pushing his glasses up his nose. “Says here you’re an only child. Your parents passed in the attack, yes?”

“Mhmm,” Iruka said. He crossed his arms at the doctor’s sad sigh. “I’m over it. It was years ago.”

“Okay,” the doctor said, sitting up to look him over. He made a small noise when Iruka winced as he pressed his chest. “No family history of ABO abnormalities?”

“Not that I know of,” Iruka said. “Though my mom was a beta. Is that bad?”

“Not necessarily.” The doctor pushed Iruka’s legs to the side to pull out the stirrups on the table. “Heels up here, please,” he said, maneuvering Iruka into place. “Just need to some quick checks.”

Iruka groaned. “Is that really necessary?”

“Standard procedure,” the doctor said. He got up to snap on gloves. “We--” he opened one of the vanity drawers and drew out a speculum.  _ Looks more like something Ibiki would use,  _ Iruka thought, eyeing it suspiciously. “Need to check your your insides. See if you’re developing any other organs. Again, just routine.”

Iruka hissed at the feeling of a freezing finger rubbing against him. “Bullshit,” he muttered, trying not to jump off the table.  _ Routine. Doesn’t mean anything.  _ He inhaled deeply as the finger pressed in, soon followed by another. It wasn’t the first time he’d been fingered open, but it was the most important.

“Okay, you’re going to feel a bigger pressure here, Iruka,” the doctor said. Iruka shuddered as cool air washed over him when the doctor pulled his hand away. “And...here we go.”

Iruka let out a soft whine as he was breached.  _ Not like he’s going to find anything, what’s the point?  _ He wiggled uncomfortably as the doctor fixed it in place and tensed when the wrinkled face disappeared beneath the fabric tented on his knees. “Everything's okay, right?” The nagging voice had increased to a shout.  _ Omega. Bitch. Weak. Stuck. _

“You’re  _ sure  _ you haven’t had any abnormalities?”

Ice trickled down Iruka’s spine as the instrument was removed and his feet were removed from the stirrups. “Positive,” he said.

The doctor opened his file and pushed his glasses up again. “Wait here,” he said, walking swiftly out the door.

The trickle became a river, cascading and deadening his body as his anxiety heightened.  _ Weak.  _ He took in another deep breath, focusing on the air rushing out of his nose on the exhale.  _ Come on, it’ll be okay.  _ His nose picked up the clean scent of blockers-- _ almost like fresh snow-- _ with the slightest undercurrent of mint, and heard Hatake Kakashi’s voice growing louder outside the room. “I’m fine,” the jonin snapped. “I just need to rest and you’re getting in the way of that. So kindly fuck off.”

_ Mate-killer Kakashi.  _ Iruka shuddered at the thought of anyone being paired with the older man. In an upset to Konohan culture, he’d been slated to mate with Nohara Rin. One mission later, and she was dead by his hand. No one wanted to be the next to fall prey to his wrath. 

Another knock and the door opened, doctor walking in with the nurse close behind. “Well, your results came back,” he said, tapping the file. “It’s unexpected, but not unheard of. Looks like you’re one of the lucky ones--” Iruka froze-- “not often an only child gets to bear children of their own. Congratulations, Iruka. You’re an omega.”

Iruka didn’t hear the rest of the canned speech about children and mates over the roaring in his head.  _ O--me--ga-- _ Each syllable beat in time with his heart. His vision narrowed to center on the posters in front of him, the wombs taunting him and  _ laughing.  _ He’d heard enough people recite the speech back to him after presenting, and each time he thought the same thing, never guessing it would turn back on him.

_ Congratulations, you’re everything you don’t want to be. You’ll be locked with someone who’s everything you wanted to be, as a constant reminder of your substandard biology. You’ll be confined to Konoha unless you’ve got a guard, because we can’t let our precious breeding resources go to waste. Congratulations, you’ll be expected to bear children and it’ll be the shittiest thing of your life--until they start popping out kids of their own.  _ “In conclusion,” the doctor said. Iruka clamped his hands onto the table, trying not to jump off and pin the man to the wall. “You’ll be very happy in your new life.”

_ In conclusion, go fuck yourself, because all your dreams are  _ dead. Iruka flinched when the doctor reached to touch his shoulder. “That’s not something to congratulate me about,” he spat. “My life is  _ ruined.  _ All I’ve worked for, gone.”

“Oh, that’s not tr--”

Iruka growled and slid off the table, grabbing his clothes. He could feel the fear and anger mingling in his chest, saw as the doctor caught wind of his scent. “How am I going to be a jonin, huh? Riddle me that,” he said. “I  _ won’t,  _ because I’ll be too busy being  _ bred.” _

“Omegas can have wonderful lives,” the doctor said. Iruka backed up slowly to the door, and the doctor didn’t stop him, but smiled sadly. “Just think of all the jobs you could have in the village. You could even become a doctor like me.”

“Never.” Iruka wrenched the door open and ran straight into the smell of blockers and mint. “Get the fuck out of my way,” he snarled, shoving the offending body to the side. The doctor called after him as he ran down the hallway, loathing the way Kakashi’s head snapped toward him as he caught his scent. 

_ Bitch. Breeder.  _ “Bastard,” he snarled, throwing open the bathroom door. “There’s no way. I’ve worked too goddamned hard to throw it all away because of--because--” A wave of helplessness washed over him as he took off the thin paper gown and looked down at his stomach. His voice broke when he spoke. “This.” He tugged on his clothes, hoping to hide the shameful evidence of his transformation.  _ Go rogue. Missing-nin.  _ His head shot up at the thought.  _ I could--  _ “No,” he said. “No, I can’t do that either.  _ Fuck.” _

The bathroom door opened and Kakashi’s voice drifted over the stall dividers. “Bad news?”

“What’s it to you?” Iruka asked, glaring as he walked out of the stall. Kakashi’s eye was cold as he met his gaze. “You’re what, twenty? An alpha. What’re you going to do, huh? Big bad alpha, come to take me and mate me right here?” Kakashi continued to stare, motionless, as Iruka taunted him, going so far as to stick a finger under his chin. “You’ll be lucky if anyone wants you anyway,  _ murderer.”  _

Kakashi caught his wrist and squeezed hard, the faint scent of chilis slipping past the blockers as his anger flared. “You don’t know me,” he said “You don’t know my past. And I’d encourage you to get yourself in check,  _ omega.”  _ The sharp alpha tones in his voice sent a shiver down Iruka’s spine and he tried to step back, but Kakashi held him fast. “Know your place.”

“My  _ place-- _ ” Iruka tried and failed to wrestle out of the jonin’s grip-- “is out there, helping the village. I will  _ not  _ be condemned to this just because I can breed now. I’m going to be a jonin, and there’s no one that can stop me.”

“Ha.” Kakashi’s short laugh was almost a bark, and Iruka bristled. “Jonin,” he continued. “You’re in the room with one of Konoha’s best and you  _ reek  _ of fear. No, even if you would present as alpha, I doubt you’d make it.” He blinked hard and swayed lightly on his feet. “Kami, get yourself on blockers. You’re--” he shook his head, letting Iruka’s hand drop-- “Sorry. I’m not thinking straight.”

Iruka rubbed his wrist and stared in shock as Kakashi stumbled against the wall. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“None of your business,” Kakashi said. “Go get your meds. And never,  _ ever  _ try to touch me again.” He gripped the bridge of his nose and pointed to the door. “Leave me alone. I don’t need some kid whining at me about how his goals were crushed. Shit happens. Get over yourself.”

Iruka’s jaw snapped shut and he pushed past the jonin, stalking to the exam room where the nurse and doctor were still talking. “Scent blockers, now,” he demanded. “Birth control too.”

The pair exchanged a worried glance. “You need to have a heat before we can prescribe those,” the doctor said carefully. “We’ll get you set up with a beta to help you through the transition, okay?”

“No,” Iruka muttered, fear swelling in his chest. He’d heard about heats from Izumo and Mizuki--the waves of panicked need, wanting to be filled so badly you’d stop at almost nothing to get it.  _ Losing control.  _ “I don’t want to. I don’t want this. I don’t--”

“Iruka, I’m sorry,” the doctor said. “That’s the way it is. Now--” he took out a paper filled with names and handed it to the chunin-- “here’s the updated beta roster. See anyone you like?”

The only two that stood out were Anko and Kurenai, and Kurenai... _ I need a beta, not a mom. Anko’s fun, from what I hear.  _ “Anko,” he said gruffly. 

“Excellent choice!” The nurse clapped, but stopped at Iruka’s look. “Ah, we’ll inform her shortly. Then we can get you two moved in together. She’ll be moving into your place, as is the usual arrangement. I’d suggest making sure everything’s in order.” She looked at the doctor again and smiled. “Then we can try to get your heat cycle started and set you up with an alpha.”

“No,” Iruka said. “No alpha. I will  _ not  _ consent to anyone you set me up with and will not bond with them. Take me off all your lists. I’ll do this with Anko or not at all.” He set his lips in a firm line as his words sank in. “I swear I will. Try me.” A tear threatened to slip down his cheek and he raised his head higher in defiance. “She’ll be good to me.”

“A beta is only meant to help you through the transition period,” the doctor said gently. “The most I could do for you is take you off the pairing list until you’re eighteen. Maybe you’ll change your mind before then, okay? Betas aren’t meant to be long-term partners. You  _ need  _ an alpha.”

Iruka tossed the paper back at him. “You know nothing about what I need. Hopefully Anko will.” He shook his head when the burst began to speak. “Take me off the list. I want her notified and my heat to start as soon as possible. And no one-- _ no one-- _ except her and the hokage hear about this.”

“Okay,” the doctor said. He held his hands up placatingly. “We can do that. I guess, just get ready for the move then. If you need any help with heat aids or anything, don’t hesitate to reach out. And come back when you’re done so we can get you set up on a medicine schedule.”

“Better come quick,” Iruka said, crossing his arms. “The last thing I want is to be stuck at home for weeks.” He turned and reached one hand to the door, one arm still curled around his chest and shoulders slumped under the weight of his world crashing down. “It should be soon, right?” The doctor looked at his chart and nodded, and Iruka walked out the door.  _ Soon. Then no one needs to know. I’ll talk to Sandaime and we can fix this. Fix  _ me.  _ Fix it all.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via Tumblr, Twitter, or join a pretty sweet Discord for all the updates in one place <3


	2. Sera

Each step Kakashi took was laced with exhaustion. His feet ached from the long hike back, his uniform was ripped and bloody, fog was settling into his brain, and the last thing he needed was for the nurse to keep bothering him about staying overnight for observation. “I’m fine,” he said. “I just need rest, and you’re getting in the way of that. So kindly fuck off.”

The woman clutched at her chest and Kakashi stopped to face her. “There is _no_ need for that,” she said.

Kakashi pressed his fingers to his forehead. “Sorry,” he muttered. “I know. I just--I’m in here enough, all right? I want to go home and just crawl into bed. Sera will let me know if anything’s wrong.”

“You really should stay overnight, you’re on the verge of chakra exhau--”

“Drop it, please,” he said. “I’ve been doing this for years. I know my limits, and I haven’t hit them yet. I’ll take care of myself and even come in in the next few days, if that’ll make you happy.”

“If you insist,” she said, putting a hand on his arm. “Can’t have a jonin like you getting ill.”

“I do insist. Besides, I sleep better in my own bed, so there’s that.” Kakashi grinned wanly from under the mask at the nurse’s worried look. “Nothing to worry about. Sera and I can handle it.”

The nurse squeezed once and nodded. “Be sure to get rest, Kakashi. We’ll see you soon.”

“Sure, I--” The door at his shoulder was ripped open and something-- _someone--_ barreled into him, shoving him off balance with a growled curse. The sharp scent of anger bled in the other person’s wake, and Kakashi’s nose flared as the omega undertones became apparent. _Not quite developed enough to have presented fully. Kami, though. Delicious._

“Oh?” The nurse turned to watch the boy flee down the hall. “I know that face, Kakashi. Go after him,” she urged. “Maybe you’ve finally found your mate.”

Kakashi shook his head and held up a hand to shush her as he craned his neck to look around. “Sera and I are good,” he said distractedly. “Don’t need a mate.” He slipped past her, ignoring the smug smile she shot him. _Who was that?_

Papers rustled as he rushed along the wall and opened the bathroom. Anger had morphed into fear, and the sour, acidic scent of lemons almost choked him as he walked in to the sound of a short sob and muttered ‘fuck.’ “Bad day?” he asked.

To his surprise, Umino Iruka stalked out of the stall, glaring. “What’s it to you?” _Your scent--_ “You’re what, twenty? An alpha. What’re you going to do, huh? Big bad alpha, come to take me and mate me right here?”

 _Kami, you’re a spitfire._ Kakashi stared, entranced and motionless, as Iruka drew closer, spitting obscenities as his scent grew stronger. His pulse began to race as the younger man grew bold enough to tip his chin up with a finger. “An omega would never submit to you. You’ll be lucky if anyone wants you anyway, _murderer.”_

The smack of Kakashi’s hand on Iruka’s wrist was loud as it cut through the fog in his brain. “You don’t know me,” he said. _Buying into the fucking lies. Of course you wouldn’t be any different._ “You don’t know my past.” He growled slightly, timbre of his voice lowering into alpha territory. _Need to teach_ you _a lesson as well._ “I’d encourage you to get yourself in check, _omega.”_ The hissed word echoed off the walls and Iruka tried to step back, but Kakashi grabbed his other wrist and held him in place with a deadly stare. “Know. Your. Place.”

“My place is out there, helping the village. I will not--” Iruka twisted and struggled in his grip and Kakashi dug in harder. “Be condemned to this just because I can breed now.” _No one will want a mouthy omega like you, bitch._ “I’m going to be a jonin and there’s no one that can stop me.”

“Ha.” One syllable, and Iruka struggled more. “Jonin,” he snarled. “You’re in the room with one of Konoha’s best, and you _reek_ of fear.” _Intoxicating._ “No, even if you would present as alpha, I doubt you’d make it.” _Can’t even control your scent yet. You’re old enough to have learned._ “Kami, get on blockers. You’re--” He closed his eyes and flexed his hands, willing the anger down-- “Sorry.” He released the boy and stepped back. “I’m not thinking straight.”

Iruka rubbed his wrists as he jumped away, fear clouding his gaze. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

Kakashi’s strength left him and he stumbled to the side, leaning on the wall. “None of your business,” he said, waving the boy off. “Go get your meds.” _Quit clouding my mind. I don’t_ want _you._ He gripped the bridge of his nose as another wave of exhaustion swept over him. “Leave me alone. I don’t need some kid whining at me about how his goals were crushed.” _You’re not the only one._ “Shit happens.” _People die._ He winced. “Get over yourself.”

Iruka shoved past him again and left him breathing hard against the wall as the door slammed. _Fuck._ Kakashi pushed off the wall and groaned. Against his better judgement, he took one last long inhale before he walked out and toward home, toward Sera. There was a fluttering low in his stomach as his thoughts raced. _Sera. I need to get home to her. She’ll know what to do._ He stopped short as the fluttering travelled south, sending shocks of _want_ straight to his cock. _No…_

His rut wasn’t due to hit for almost three weeks. _Why now?_ He unlocked the door to the house and stepped inside, breathing deeply, hoping to banish Iruka’s scent from his lungs. “Sera?”

“In here,” she called from the kitchen.

He walked behind her and hugged her, burying his face in the crook of her neck. “Missed you,” he said.

She looked down at his arms and squeaked. "Your uniform! I don’t have time to sew your clothes all the time. And you need a shower."

Kakashi tugged down his mask and nibbled below her ear, reaching his tongue out to lick the outer shell. “Only if you come with me,” he murmured. “Need you.”

“Ohhh,” Sera said. She turned to face him, pulling off his hitai-ate. “Thought that wasn’t supposed to start for a few weeks yet.” Kakashi nodded into her as he worried a small bruise just below her hairline. “And--” she sniffed-- “you smell...off.” She pushed him back and regarded him with narrowed eyes. “Are you okay? You stink of omega.”

“Had a run-in with Umino,” Kakashi said. He walked forward to lift her onto the counter, settling between her thighs and nosing into the buttons on her shirt. “Now c’mon, please.” The fluttering had morphed into blood pounding through his veins, stiffening his cock. “Need you so bad, Sera.”

She slid her fingers through his hair and tugged him away to hold his face in both hands. “You’re in rut weeks early and you smell,” she said quietly. “What happened with Iruka?”

Kakashi grimaced and rocked against the counter. “We fought at the hospital,” he admitted. “Nothing more. You know I’m yours.”

“I don’t send you into rut, lover,” she said.

Kakashi slid his hands down to knead her ass, pulling her closer. “You can help me through it, though,” he said. “Kami, want to bury myself in you so deep--” He slipped a hand around to rub against her pants, growling when he couldn’t get a good grip. “Fuck Iruka. I don't want him.”

Sera slid off the counter and pulled his jacket off, throwing it against the wall. “We’re talking about this afterwards,” she said, slipping off his blacks. “After you fuck me so hard I can barely bre--” Her breach hitched as Kakashi pushed her against the wall and lifted her so her legs wrapped around his hips. “Breathe--”

“Deal,” Kakashi growled. He crushed their lips together and moaned as she ground against him. “Bedroom, now.” She gasped as he dug his fingers in and shifted her away from the wall, carrying her to lay her on the bed. He stared her down hungrily as she wiggled out of her clothes so she was clad only in a lace thong. “Fuck, it’s like you knew,” he said, grabbing a kunai from the dresser to slice through his leg bindings. He all but ripped off his pants before crawling up to bite at her neck.

“Always ready for you to get inside me,” she said, tilting her head back. “What’re you waiting for?”

“Condom?” Kakashi looked down to see precum leaking to pool in her belly button. “Shit,” he whimpered. “You’re so beautiful. I just want to--” He reached down to run a hand over her stomach-- “Kami, want to fill you until you’re swollen with pups, my kids, my--”

“Just fuck me, Hatake,” Sera said, dragging his hand down to feel the soaking cloth between her legs. “Birth control will work well enough for now. Kid talk later.”

Kakashi kissed his way down her stomach, dipping his tongue into the pool just above her underwear before he slid them off. He reached up to grab one hand and slid two fingers from the other into her, groaning into the soft thatch of hair between her legs. “Should be illegal, walking around with this,” he murmured, tonguing her clit. “Mine. Want that for me.” His nose filled with the scent of her and he ground his hips into the bed. _Fuck. Breed. Pups. Mine._

 _“Alpha,”_ she groaned from the head of the bed. “More, I need more, Kakashi.”

He wrapped his lips around the nub and sucked gently before trailing slick fingers along her thighs to guide his cock to her entrance. “Gonna knot you,” he said. “Breed you, put a baby in you.” _All I want. All I need._ “Sera--” All breath hissed out of him as he slid in and she clamped around him.

“Move,” she ordered, bucking her hips. Kakashi reached a hand down to rub her as he pulled out and thrust in sharply, breathing heavily as the wet heat seared around him. “Yes, more, please, alpha--”

Kakashi kept up a steady rhythm until everything was _just_ on the edge to too much. “Mine,” he growled low in her ear. She let out a breathless ‘ah’ as he latched on to where her collarbone and pushed the beginnings of his knot into her. “Only mine.” He swiped his thumb over her clit as they locked together fully and she let out a louder noise. “Come for me.” His hips jerked in a staccato burst as he continued to play with her, and soon she arched off the bed, nails digging into his back as she cried his name. “Yes,” he said, pulling her close. “That’s it.” He kissed and licked just behind her jaw as his orgasm was milked from him. “Kami, gonna love seeing you all full of me…”

She slid her hands up to wind her fingers in his hair and angle their mouths together. “Me too,” she whispered. “My alpha.”

 _Forever._ Kakashi settled a hand on her stomach, feeling it expand slightly as the rut-induced ejaculation continued. “I love you so much,” he whispered, pressing their foreheads together. “So glad we were paired.” He broke away to press light kisses to her eyelids and nose before nestling into her shoulder again. “Never leave me.”

He could feel Sera’s smile lift the skin on her neck. “You know I might have to,” she reminded gently.

“Don’t say that,” he said. “You know no one else wants me.”

“Kakashi…”

Kakashi kissed up and down her neck, hoping to distract her, derail the conversation. “Wait until I’m done at least,” he muttered. “I was reminded of it once today, let’s not bring it into bed.”

“Okay.” One hand stroked his hair and the other rubbed lightly down his back and they sat in silence until he felt his knot deflate enough to pull out. “Was it Iruka?”

He reached for the towel they kept by the bed and nodded as he tucked it under them. “Chalk up another tally in the ‘murderer’ column,” he said, frowning. “‘No one’s ever going to want you, murderer.’ And of course he was so fucked up from almost presenting and finding out he’s an omega that he just about lost it.”

He rolled off and Sera ran to the bathroom. “So that’s why you stank,” she called.

“Yeah.” Kakashi caught the towel she tossed at him when she came out, absentmindedly cleaning himself. “He looked so pathetic, standing there and trying to threaten me. ‘No one’s ever going to want you.’” He snorted and set the towel aside. “That’s not...true...is it?”

Sera’s eyes held the only answer he needed as she climbed in beside him. “Of course not,” she said, smoothing the hair from his forehead. “You know I do. I always will.”

“Thanks,” he whispered. Sheets whispered around him as he burrowed into her side and pulled the blankets up. “Mission went well, but I’m fucking exhausted. Are you okay if I sleep until the next wave hits?” She nodded over his head and hummed in assent. “Love you,” he murmured, flipping so his back was to her chest. _I do, Sera. I want a family with you. Six years. It’s about time to make that declaration, don't you think?_

He never thought he’d be one of the alphas paired with a beta. Hatake Kakashi of the Sharingan, shunned by every omega they’d shoved his way, and all because Rin had sacrificed herself. His fingers twitched at the memory of his lightning coursing into her chest and he winced. _It wasn’t me. All I wanted was her._ Sera began to hum softly, her breath fluttering through his hair. _And now it’s Sera. Hatake Sera. We can go through the treatments together. We’ll get through it. Won’t we?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via Tumblr, Twitter, or join a pretty sweet Discord for all the updates in one place <3


	3. Heat

Iruka’s fingers drummed on the wall outside Hiruzen’s office, and for the third time in twenty minutes, Raidou gave him a pointed look. “Don’t you have somewhere to be?” he asked.

“Right here,” Iruka said. He crossed his arms and fixed his gaze on the wall in front of him, ignoring Raidou’s pointed jab about his distracting scent. “I need to talk to him and you’re not getting in the way of that, Rai.”

“You need to get yourself under control,” Raidou said. The pair straightened as the door opened, and a woman with long black hair walked out. Her face was downcast, but when she turned to Iruka, her eyes flashed and she snorted once before hurrying away.

“Hey!” Iruka called, taking a step forward. “What was that about?” A hand on his arm stopped him. 

“No mind, Iruka,” Hiruzen said. Iruka turned to look at him and he grinned. “Willing to wait a few more minutes while I finish?”

“Sure.” Iruka nodded and leaned back against the wall. Hiruzen disappeared into his office, and the chunin stared at the stairs the woman had exited down. “ Jerk,” he said softly. “Not like I did anything to her.”

“Betas can get bitchy,” Raidou said. “That’s Kakashi’s. She probably came to raise hell about your altercation yesterday.” Iruka’s head shot up and Raidou snickered. “Thought you could keep it a secret or something? Please.” He let out a huff and relaxed slightly. “You’d do well to learn not to fuck with him. Or alphas in general. It’s not our place.”

“Ours?”

Raidou sighed. “Take a deep breath.”

Iruka closed his eyes and inhaled, sorting through the layers of old building, dusty papers, and blockers until he stumbled upon something very warm, something  _ very-- _ his eyes snapped open. “You too?” he asked incredulously. 

“Being an omega isn’t all bad like you think,” Raidou said. “It’s not perfect, but it’s far from a death sentence. You’d be surprised the number of us in various positions around Konoha.” He tilted his head down to look Iruka in the eye. “Once you get through your first heat and get your meds squared away, things  _ will  _ get better. Trust me. I used to think like you.”

“Doubt it,” Iruka sneered. “You’re paired. I don’t mind a dick in my ass, but to submit to an alpha? Fuck that.” He shifted away and grimaced at the thought of stories he’d heard--alphas ripping, punishing,  _ taking.  _ He shuddered. “I mean, no wonder she was so irritated. Dealing with Kakashi on a daily basis has to suck.”

“You’ll learn,” Raidou said. He scrambled to attention as the door clicked open and Hiruzen walked out once more. “Heading home, sir?”

“Soon enough, Raidou,” Hiruzen said. “Go home yourself. Genma came back today and he’s probably waiting for you. Iruka and I can take care of ourselves.” He threw an arm around Iruka’s shoulders and waved Raidou off. The older man didn’t hesitate to fly down the hall toward home.  _ His alpha,  _ Iruka thought disgustedly.  “Ready, Iruka? I was thinking ramen,” Hiruzen asked.

“Whenever you are,” Iruka said. “I take it you heard already, so lay it on me.”

“I did hear,” Hiruzen said, blinking as they stepped into the sun. “It didn’t sound like something the Iruka I know would’ve done. What’s the matter?”

“You know my goals, you tell me,” Iruka muttered. The ends of his nerves began to fray as the crowd thronged around them, eager to say hello to the hokage. “Can we skip supper? Or get it later, or something? This is too much.”

Hiruzen slid closer to him and sealed for a transportation jutsu. They appeared in front of the memorial stone, and Iruka flopped hard onto the grass. Hiruzen eased himself down beside. “Careful, I’m not as young as I once was,” he said with a laugh.

“I didn’t mean to yell at him,” Iruka blurted. “I was so shocked at being one of... _ them…”  _ He wrinkled his nose and put his hands over his face. “Kami, that was embarrassing. I meant to come talk to you yesterday but after that I ran home and didn’t want to leave.”

“House is always open to you, you know that,” Hiruzen said, leaning back to look at the clouds. “Especially now. It’s not like I’m going to abandon you because you presented as an omega. What’s so wrong about that, anyway?”

Iruka sighed. “I was going to be a jonin.” He fiddled with a blade of grass. “Actually, scratch that. I’m  _ going  _ to be a jonin. I refuse to believe my autonomy has gone away because I’ve presented. It better not have, because I--” he turned to Hiruzen and held out a hand for him to shake-- “Can I talk to my dad right now, and not the hokage?”

Hiruzen nodded and shook. “Hokage? What hokage?”

Iruka sent him a relieved smile before exhaling shakily. “My first thought was that I needed to leave. Go missing,” he said. “I don’t want to be paired. I don’t want to be someone’s property.”

“Now, Iruka,” Hiruzen chided. “That’s not what we do in Konoha. You know that. Omegas make up some of the better shinobi in the hokage guard. There’s doctors, scientists, teachers--you’re not going to be stuck with an ‘owner.’ Do you think I’d let that happen?” He patted Iruka’s arm and Iruka turned away, face coloring. “As to the going missing--I’d encourage you to  _ really  _ think hard about that decision. I can’t stop you, but it would kill me to see you go.”

“I wouldn’t,” Iruka muttered. He folded his arms over his legs and rested his chin on his knees. A breeze fluttered through the clearing and his skin prickled as chakra bloomed with a loud  _ pop.  _ Kakashi’s voice drifted from the other side of the memorial, shushing the lighter female voice that told him he should be at home. Iruka’s face twisted in a scowl. “We should go,” he said.

The clean scent of blockers drifted over, but below it simmered black coffee--the earthy scent of early morning indulgences and lazy days spent in bed.  _ Need.  _ Iruka’s scowl deepened as Kakashi peered around the stone, carefully constructed walls slamming up around his grey eye. “Have anything you’d like to say to me?” Kakashi asked.

“He does, while you’re here,” Hiruzen said, pushing Iruka forward. “You two make up. Tempers were high yesterday and I don’t need this to be a bigger issue.”

The woman he’d run into in the hallway stepped out behind Kakashi and pushed him gently forward. She whispered something in his ear and he frowned, turning back to face her. “No fucking way,” he murmured.

“Something you need to say to  _ me?”  _ Iruka asked snidely.

“Yeah, fuck off,” Kakashi said. Sera cleared her throat and glared, Hiruzen doing the same. “What? He started it.”

“I’m not sorry,” Iruka said.

“Both of you, get over it,” Hiruzen said sharply. “I don’t  _ care  _ who started it. This ends here.”

Kakashi and Iruka stared each other down until Kakashi stood straighter, opening his chest and staring down his nose. “Apologies I couldn’t think past the stench of your fear to tell you that you’ll make a fine omega. Congratulations about your presentation and your new role in Konoha.”

Iruka bristled, a growl starting low in his chest, and Hiruzen put an arm on his shoulder to bring him down.  _ Not gonna work, old man.  _ “My apologies,  _ alpha,”  _ he said, voice laden with sarcasm, “that you can’t see past the omega to the person underneath. Apologies you can’t see I’m worth more than pups, you f--”

He didn’t get to finish before chakra popped again and leaves swirled in the jonin’s wake. “I am  _ so  _ sorry, hokage-sama,” Sera gasped. “I don’t know what he’s thinking. I’ll talk to him. He’ll be better come morning, I promise.”

“I’ll be expecting it,” Hiruzen said. Sera nodded and disappeared, and Hiruzen turned to stare disapprovingly at Iruka. “Am I missing something here? What’s going on between the two of you? He’s never that aggressive.”

“No clue,” Iruka said, shrugging. “I think he’s an ass and I called him on it. I doubt he was expecting it from someone like...me.”

“Right.” Hiruzen sighed and nudged Iruka away from the stone, toward the chunin’s apartment. “Can you at least  _ try  _ not to make waves with him? We’ll need to get you a job somewhere now that you’ve presented and I was thinking maybe the mission desk to start.”

Iruka’s stomach clenched as the smell of sake drifted out from a restaurant on the way. His skin pricked again like someone was appearing, but when he looked around, everything was the same.  _ Mission desk.  _ “Stick me in the place I get to see all the jonin head out? No thanks,” he said bitterly. “I’d rather shovel shit on the Nara farm.”

“That can be arranged.”

“No,” Iruka muttered. “I don’t  _ actually.”  _ He kicked a stone and watched it bounce off the side of a building. “So what else is there besides the desk?”

“Any sort of reception job, turns into a hospital job. Ibiki’s looking for an apprentice, you could help him with interrogations,” Hiruzen said. He tapped his fingers together as he thought. “The Yamanaka clan, too. Though that might be harder. The hokage guard could always use shinobi.” He jostled Iruka’s shoulder. “Gate-watching, missions desk, teaching--”

“Shit, I forgot about teaching,” Iruka said. From an early age, learning had been second nature to him, and others found it easy to learn  _ from  _ him. It was something he’d considered hard over the years before settling on becoming a jonin. “I’d be good at it.”

“It’d take training,” Hiruzen said.

“I’m willing.” The pair walked up to Iruka’s door and the chunin pulsed chakra into the lock. He swung it open and invited Hiruzen inside.

“Not tonight,” the hokage said with a smile. “This’ll be your last night before Anko moves in. Enjoy yourself. And about the teaching--if you’re okay being on desk rotation while you’re in training, I’m sure we can work things out. Deal?”

Iruka’s stomach twisted again, and he barely kept a straight face as he nodded. “Fine,” he said softly. “Thank you. I’m sorry the stuff with Kakashi happened. I’ll do better in the future.”

“Live and let live,” Hiruzen said. “You’ll both get over it eventually. Until then, maybe try avoiding him.” Iruka nodded again and Hiruzen winked before leaving, shutting the door behind him. 

“That’ll be easy at the fucking desk,” Iruka muttered. Another wave of prickliness slid over him and he tore off his shirt, rubbing along his arms. “Kami, it’s not like it’s the middle of summer. Why’s it so hot?” He kicked the rest of his clothes off and retreated to the bathroom, turning the shower on cold. “Ohh, that’s good,” he said as the water sluiced over him. He stood until his fingers began to wrinkle, and walked out to sit heavily on the bed to brush and braid his hair. 

His apartment wasn’t huge by any means, but it would be enough for Anko to fit comfortably.  _ I hope.  _ Iruka sighed and kicked the blankets up against the wall, using only the thin sheet to cover him as he drifted off with the thought of Anko in his mind and the smell of coffee dancing in his nose.

**

The next morning, he woke to drenched sheets, a violent pit of need in his gut, and a sharp knock on the door. “You alive in there?” Anko called.

Iruka groaned and rolled to face the window, sweat beading on his forehead. “Hang on a sec,” he said. “Think I’m--” He sat up and held his head. His sleeping top was knotted around his chest and he tried valiantly to straighten it before abandoning the quest entirely. He tossed it to the side and winced at the way his boxers were tented obscenely. But with one step forward, something trickled down the back of his thigh, and he stopped short.  _ Oh. Oh, kami.  _ “Fuck,” he ground out.

“You sure you’re okay?” Anko asked, knocking again. “Gonna let me in or what? I can’t unlock it mys--” Iruka yanked open the door, eyes wide, to see her fist up and ready to knock a third time. She wrinkled her nose as his scent hit her. “Shit, buddy, your heat came on  _ quick.  _ Here, let me--” She brushed past him to dump a few bags in the middle of the living room floor, and he bent over as his stomach clenched again. “How long have you been feeling like this?”

Iruka sighed in relief as she pressed a cool hand to his forehead. “Yesterday afternoon. I thought maybe I ate something bad, but then this morning…” More wetness slid down his thigh and he shifted, trying to hide it. “Just woke up and it was like this. And I can’t get the smell out of my nose. Fuckin’ coffee,” he growled.

“Ahh, alpha got ya, huh,” Anko said. “Well, better than needing it artificially started. I hear that’s awful. Just stick you in the doctor’s office with bottled scent and hope you get triggered.” She pushed him toward the bathroom and he looked back in confusion. “I need to go get my heat aids, unless you’ve got some already.”

“I don’t,” he said, face coloring. 

She nodded. “Take a cold--and I mean  _ freezing  _ cold--shower to take the edge off. It’ll probably get worse with here, so just...take your time. I’ll be back soon.” She popped off and for the second time in twelve hours, Iruka stood under the freezing shower, about ready to jump out of his skin. He could feel the heat rising inside him, twisting through his limbs and making his hole twitch with the need to have  _ anything  _ buried inside it. 

He moaned low as he brought a hand back to tease himself, clenching around his fingers and wishing desperately they were someone’s-- _ Kakashi’s-- _ cock instead. “Stop,” he whispered. “Not him. Not  _ ever. _ ” Another twist of his fingers had him gasping and he leaned back to let the water wash over him again. “I’m  _ no one’s.” _

Anko’s voice shocked him out of the shower. “Come on out so we can talk,” she said through the door. 

He grabbed a towel to put around his waist and draped another over his head, drying his hair the best he could before the fabric became too warm, too much. “Talk about?” he asked irritatedly.

“You and your heats,” Anko said. “I’m here to help with them, but I need to know exactly  _ how  _ you want me to do that. Normally we would’ve talked about it beforehand, but...well…” She gestured to him. “I’m not going straight to sticking stuff up your ass without permission and limits. That’s not my job, and you need to be comfortable with our relationship. I’m not here to hurt you.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had something in my ass,” Iruka muttered. The heat was winding in him again and without even his fingers to take the edge off, it  _ hurt. _ “I don’t really care, all I know now is I need to be fucked. I need to be--” his face burned as slick dripped down his leg, biology working against him-- “Filled.” He looked away and dropped the towel from his head. “Please.”

“Focus,” Anko said. “I know it’s hard, but the sooner we can get through this, the sooner I can help you, okay?”

“I don’t want a knot near me,” Iruka said in a rush. “I’m fine with fingers, a dick, a dildo, or whatever the fuck you have, but I do  _ not  _ want a knot in my ass. Good enough? Don’t call me an omega and don’t tell me you’re--” he shuddered--  _ “fucking  _ me. No dirty talk. I’m not someone’s bitch.”

“I wouldn’t ever say you were,” Anko said. Her face was kind as she gestured to the box on the bed. “Pick what you’d like. Everything’s sterilized and ready to be used.”

Iruka rubbed his thighs together uncomfortably as he rummaged, eager to get rid of the wetness accumulating. The various toys blurred together until he grabbed blindly, thrusting a medium length dildo with a slightly flared base at Anko. “This one. Now  _ help  _ me.” He crawled onto the bed on his hands and knees, towel forgotten. “Kami, I just--” he buried his face in the pillow and whined loudly as another twist ripped through his gut-- “I need it, Anko.”

She rested a gentle hand on his flank, carefully avoiding the wetness around his entrance. “Do you want me to touch you, Iruka?”

“I don’t know,” he whimpered, need whipping through him and making it hard to breathe, let alone speak. He shifted further into her hand. “That feels good, so yeah, please touch me, I--kami, just stick the goddamned thing in me.” 

“On your knees, then? Or would you like to be on your back?” Anko asked. 

Fabric rustled near Iruka’s head and the scent of an alpha grew stronger, but it was  _ wrong.  _ It wasn’t Kakashi. He grabbed the proffered scent-drenched t-shirt anyway and held it up to his nose, grinding his hips backward. “Knees are fine. Now  _ fuck  _ me already.” He panted as Anko’s hand moved away to tease his entrance.  _ “Please,  _ Anko!”

“Kami, Iruka, you’re in it bad,” she murmured, sliding two fingers into his slick heat. “Who brought this on?”

“No one,” Iruka rasped out, brow knitting as she crooked the fingers and glanced over his prostate.

“Uh huh.” She massaged gently around the loosening muscle until Iruka was almost hyperventilating, the need to be filled more than he could bear. When she took her fingers away, all he could do was let out a long groan at the sudden emptiness inside. “Okay, I’ve got the dildo in my hand, Iruka. Can I put it inside of you?”

“Just  _ do  _ it,” Iruka snarled. The hollow in the pit of his stomach was painful and the wrongness of the scent on the tshirt grated on his senses, but the rush that came with the press in pushed the breath from his lungs, and he groaned again. “Yes,” he said. “More. Harder.”

Anko obliged, sliding the toy deeper as she rubbed circles on the small of the chunin’s back. She murmured comforting nonsense as Iruka gasped below her, writhing with the flow of heat under his skin. Iruka’s pleas for more dissolved into short cries of pleasure when she found his prostate and began to massage the toy over it, a different sort of molten want sliding through his veins. He brought a hand to his cock, and with only a few strokes, felt his orgasm build. “Fuck, I’m gonna--” He keened as she pushed harder, slowly working the flared base into him. “Fuck me, just--alpha--please--” When he clenched around it, the heat spilled out of him and onto the bed, renewed wetness leaking out of his hole.  _ “Alpha,”  _ he sighed, slumping bonelessly and blissfully to the bed.

“Shhh,” Anko said, easing out of him and arranging him away from the wet spots. “Shh, just breathe. It’s okay.”

Iruka clung to the blankets, shuddering as he rode out the aftershocks. “Need him. Alpha. Need him, need his--” he shook his head and screwed his eyes shut, pressing the t-shirt to his face. “It’s not okay, not without him.”

“You’ll be all right, Iruka,” Anko whispered.

The grey eye of the jonin stared at him even from under his eyelids and each of Iruka’s muscles twitched with the want to find him,  _ breed  _ with him. He hated it. Hated it with every fiber of his being.  _ Disgusting omega.  _ “Shit,” he groaned, burying his face in the blankets. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t need this, shouldn’t need  _ you.” _

“I’m here to help you through this,” Anko said. “Now admittedly, it’d be a lot easier if we could find the person who sent you into heat and get you paired, b--”

“No,” he snarled. “I’m not matching with anyone. Ever. I’m not going to be one of  _ those  _ omegas.”

Anko sighed and perched lightly on his side of the bed, tapping his thigh. “We’ll figure it out,” she said. “But for now? I’m gonna go shopping, and you’re going to take a shower. What do you like? We should keep your favorite foods and drinks stocked during heats.”

“Bananas, salmon, bacon, and ramen, in no particular order,” Iruka said. He took one last sniff of the shirt before casting it aside and hugging a pillow to his face. “I wouldn’t say no to some chocolate either.”

“Drinks?” 

He felt Anko get up and heard her grab the toy and box, retreating to the bathroom to clean. “Black iced tea with oranges,” he said. He sat up, wincing as his legs slid into the slick on the sheets.  _ More laundry. Lovely.  _ “Are you almost done? I’m gross.”

Anko reappeared and thumped the box on the nightstand with a smile. “All good. Bathroom’s yours. Bananas, salmon, bacon, ramen, chocolate, black tea, oranges,” she rattled off. “Anything else?” He shook his head and she patted his hair. “Be back soon. Then we’ll get you fed and talk more before the next wave hits, ‘kay?”

“Sounds good,” Iruka said softly. He watched her transport away, then hugged himself. “You’re strong enough for this. You’ll get through desk duty and move onto something better. Fuck Kakashi and his stupid beta. It  _ can  _ be done alone, and fuck if I can’t be the one to do it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via Tumblr, Twitter, or join a pretty sweet Discord for all the updates in one place <3


	4. Hurts Like Hell

“What the hell was that?” 

The anger in Sera’s chakra couldn’t be ignored, and Kakashi growled from where he was balled on the couch.  _ “He  _ disrespected  _ me,  _ and we  _ both  _ need to apologize? Not a chance,” he said. When he turned to face her, she was glaring down and tapping her foot. “I’m not in the mood to do this with you right now.”

“Yeah, because you’re in rut. That  _ he-- _ ” she drew out the word-- “caused. Are you blind, or just stupid?”

“Neither,” he muttered. He shifted away from the back of the couch to face her as she sat in front of him, sighing heavily and cradling his face in a warm hand. “My eyes work fine and so does my brain.”

“Do you want him, Kakashi?” Sera asked. 

“No,” he said. “I have never wanted anyone  _ less  _ than I want Umino Iruka.” In a flash, he slid off the couch and bowled her over onto the floor. “I want  _ you,  _ Sera,” he insisted. She made a small noise into the kiss and he pressed harder, driven not just by the rut but the overwhelming need to erase all thought of Iruka until only Sera beat through his head. His fingers skimmed over her ribs and stomach to settle in the comforting hollows of her hip bones. “Never thought I’d find love until you came along, and I need you to know I’m  _ yours,  _ love, only yours.” He knelt above her thighs and bent forward to kiss along her jaw, sliding his thumbs under the waist of her pants. “Commando. Kami, you really do love me,” he said with a shaky laugh.

“Of course I do,” she said. “Anyone who doesn’t is an idiot.” She turned to blindly find his mouth and slipped her tongue out to trace his lips. Kakashi tangled their tongues together and she sighed into him. “You know who else is an idiot?”

“Who?” His nose skimmed along her throat as he made his way to whisper in her ear.  _ Smells like home. Like love.  _ He yelped and pulled away when she landed a sharp smack on the back of his head. “Hey, way to ruin the fucking mood!”

“You!” Sera shouted. “Hell, I can even forgive the Iruka fight, but being that shitty in front of the hokage? What were you thinking?”

“Could you not smell him?” Kakashi asked. She pushed him off and he sprawled against the coffee table, lust-clouded brain unable to quite keep up. “I could barely breathe, let alone think. And you want me to be all kind and loving?  _ And  _ I missed my daily visit because of him. So excuse me if I--”

“The. Ho. Ka. Ge,” Sera said, scrambling to stand above him again. She shook a finger in his face. “You are twenty goddamned years old and a jonin of Konoha. Hells, Kakashi, you were  _ ANBU.  _ Don’t give me that bullshit.”

“If all you’re going to do is yell at me, you can fuck off too,” Kakashi said, slapping her hand away as he stood. “Not to worry, I’ll finish myself tonight,  _ beta.”  _ He left her stammering as he stalked down the hall and slammed the bedroom door, groaning at the sight of the bare bed.  _ Forgot laundry. Damn it.  _ He opened the door and slunk out to lean against the frame, looking pointedly away from Sera’s unimpressed glare. “Did you finish the sheets and stuff?”

“Kakashi…”

“Is it done?”

“Fine,” she muttered, disappearing to the laundry closet. “Be a little bitch about it,” she said as she reappeared and whipped a ball of warm fabric at his face. “I’ll be waiting for when you’re too desperate to be satisfied with your hands.” Her braid smacked loudly against the wall as she whirled around to perch on the couch, away from him. 

Kakashi raised one hand to her as if to say come back, but set his face and turned back to the bedroom with a scoff. “Be a little bitch about it,” he said snidely. “See if  _ you  _ get laid tonight.” He tugged the sheets over the bed before stripping and retreating to the attached bathroom. “Last chance,” he called as he started the shower.

“Whatever,” came the faint reply. He could imagine her dismissive wave as she flipped another page of Icha Icha. Her eyes would get that simmering heat that begged ‘take me,’ and she’d flutter her fingers through her hair as she read. Her hair... _ tickling my chest as she rides me, or sliding my fingers in and pulling… _

Water trickled down his face as he closed his eyes and gave in to the delicious mental image of her dropping to her knees. When the imaginary tongue reached out to touch him, he tightened his grip. “Shit, Sera, you’re good,” he whispered, gliding his fingers through the pearls of precum on the dusky head. “Can’t wait to get inside you.” His face soured as he rethought. “Or come on you. Since you’re refusing me.”

He shook the thought away and gripped harder, gasping out at the recalled scent of cinnamon emanating from Iruka at the stone.  _ No, not that.  _ But as the smell grew stronger, drawn to the forefront of his mind, he felt his knot begin to grow under his hand. “Anything else, come on,” he growled. “I’m not getting off to Iruka.”

_ Who’s going to know?  _ The unwelcome voice in the back of his head repeated the question as he shook his head again.  _ It’s not as if Sera or anyone else is here to see... _ Kakashi glared hard at his slight reflection in the white porcelain.  _ “I  _ know,” he said. He dropped his head and braced himself with one hand, twisting the other roughly over himself as he focused on Sera instead.  _ Her hair. Her eyes. Her scent, her taste, her hips grinding down on mine… _ “Please, Sera,” he groaned. “Kami, just take him away.”

Cinnamon still plagued him as he grit his teeth, tried again, and failed.  _ I need  _ her. He shut off the water and toweled off his hair before slinging the towel around his hips and padding out to the hall. “Sera.”

“Ready to admit you’re an idiot?”

“Yes,” he ground out, screwing his eyes shut. “Okay? You were right. And here I am, saying sorry. So can you just fuck me already?” True to his imagined vision, she waved a hand and flipped a page. It was always that way--he wronged her and she made it  _ very  _ clear what she thought of it. Every time. He sighed. “Please?”

“Well, if you’re asking nicely…” She barely had time to dog-ear the page before Kakashi was on her, nipping and licking and sucking every inch of skin he could get his mouth on as he struggled with the button on her pants. “Calm yourself,” she said, pushing his hands away. “Lay the towel on the floor and  _ stay  _ down.”

Kakashi almost fell backwards onto the coffee table in his haste, barely containing a shiver as she stood over him. “You are  _ my  _ alpha,” she said, tossing her shirt aside.  _ “My  _ partner.” Her bra landed on the back of a kitchen chair and he let out a small whine as her breasts settled. “And the one you’re going to remain with, you hear?” She slid off her pants and knelt to palm Kakashi. The scent of her arousal caused his cock to jump lightly in her hand as he let it wash over him, overpower him. “And you will  _ not  _ act like that again.” He nodded frantically and she lowered herself onto him, hips rocking until he was seated fully in her. “Mine,” she moaned.

“Yes,  _ yes,”  _ Kakashi hissed as she rose up once, twice, before settling to grind her hips in tight circles. He could feel himself beginning to swell again and her nails bit into his chest when she began to ride him in earnest. “Only you, Sera,” he gasped. “Fuck--soon--I’m close.”

“I know,” she said, smirking. “Come.” The command was all he needed and he surged up to wrap his arms around her, burying his face in her neck as he released with long, hot pulses inside of her. 

“Love you, I’m sorry, please--” Kakashi murmured all manner of comforting phrases as he hugged tighter. “Forgive me.”

“Done,” she whispered, petting his hair.

“I have another question, too,” he said, nibbling below her ear. “It’s been six years you’ve been stuck with me. Six years with mate-killer Kakashi. Do you regret any of it?”

Sera groaned lightly as he shifted and put a little pressure on her insides. “Do you?”

“I could never,” he said, smiling into her throat. “And we want the same things, yes? A life together, to keep this home together--” he put a gentle palm on the curve of her stomach-- “pups, maybe?”

“Yes, Kakashi,” she said. She started to nod and rub their cheeks together, letting out small noises. “I do. I want that. Kami, even after you’ve been a dumbass.”

Kakashi huffed and pressed their lips together, rolling back down so she could stare at him when he broke away. “Then marry me,” he whispered, caressing her face. “We can do it all, Sera. Won’t be hard to convince the mating council. Won’t be hard to convince the rest of the village, they already hate me.” He smiled sadly and she squeezed his hand. “It’s time. What do you say?”

“Well,” she said, “other than ‘I thought you’d never ask--’” she bent down to kiss him--  _ “yes,  _ love. A million times yes.”

 

**

Four days later and Sera smiled up at Kakashi as they walked with Genma to the missions room. Post-rut Kakashi was always kind, loving, and with the secret they now shared-- _ out with horny, hormonal Kakashi and in with the man who’s going to father my children.  _ She leaned into his shoulder as Genma prattled on about he and Raidou trying to get pregnant. “Mmm, soon,” she whispered, out of Genma’s earshot. “That’ll be us.”  _ Already is. Well, me.  _

“You want to tell him or should I?” Kakashi’s fingers tightened in hers and she hummed contentedly.

“Neither. We should wait until it’s official,” she said.

Genma turned about-face and wiggled his eyebrows, senbon bobbing between his lips. “Official, huh? I like the sound of that. What are you, knocked up? Because we’ll take the baby if you are.” 

“No,” she said, stopping short and waving her hands in front of her.  _ With any luck, yes.  _ “Nothing that drastic. Kami, Gen.”  _ Not as drastic as quitting birth control and doing treatments on my own.  _

“I’ll get it out of you,” Genma said, poking the senbon at Kakashi. “You’re with me for a month. It’ll slip out.”

Kakashi shook his head. “Not unless she says so.”

Sera laughed and quickened her pace to catch up to the two alphas. “Soon enough,” she said. They stopped outside the missions room and she slid in front of them to put a hand on Kakashi’s chest. “Come back soon?”

“Always,” Kakashi said. He bent to nuzzle a masked nose into her neck. “Wife,” he whispered. She shuddered and he chuckled as he pulled back. “Don’t get into too much trouble while we’re gone, yeah?”

“Me? Tch, never,” she said. She pushed the door handle down and almost fell backwards when Kakashi pressed forward and  _ froze _ . “Hey, what’s your de--”

“Iruka,” Kakashi said with a curt nod. Genma stood at her shoulder as her eyes widened, both staring at what she hoped wasn’t going to be a fight. To Sera’s surprise, Kakashi took a deep breath and  _ relaxed.  _ “I see you’ve taken care of things,” he said, walking up to the chunin.

“Here’s your mission,” Iruka said. He looked like hell--eyes sunk so deep you could swim in the pits, shoulders bowed with the weight of the world, and a nervous twitch in his fingers he didn’t seem quite aware of. “Good luck and safe return.”

“Thanks,” Kakashi said, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably as he tried to lift Iruka’s gaze to his. “Hey, when I get back, let me apologize properly. I wasn’t exactly in my right mi--”

“Please leave,” Iruka said softly.  _ Firmly.  _ “I’d really rather not do this right now.”

_ Doesn’t smell like much. Must be post-heat and on his meds. Kami, that was quick.  _ Sera sucked in a breath at the realization that it might have been Kakashi that brought it on.  _ No, unlikely. He was about to present anyway. It’s fine.  _ “C’mon,” she said, waving him out. “Mission isn’t going to run itself.”

“Yeah, I’d rather get it done sooner than later,” Genma said. Kakashi’s shoulders slumped as he turned away from the desk, but he brightened upon seeing Sera’s smile. “Besides,” Genma continued. “It’s near those cliffs we found a few missions back. Plenty of cave networks to hide them in.”

A sharp sigh came from the desk as the trio walked out, and Kakashi winced. “I just wanted to say sorry,” he said.

“He’ll get over it,” Genma said, slapping his shoulder.

“Right.” Sera drew him into a hug as they walked out the front door and kissed his cheek. “Come back soon, love. I’ll miss you.”

“Be back before you can say Hatake,” Kakashi said with a wink.

“Hatake.”

Kakashi’s eye sparkled as he laughed. “Okay, maybe slightly longer. But soon enough. Then we’ll get everything squared away.”

Genma looked them up and down before walking away. “I’m still going to drag it out of you,” he said, motioning for Kakashi to follow. “Keep up or you’re sleeping on the floor when we bunk for the night.” 

“Love you,” Kakashi murmured, kissing her forehead before trotting after Genma.

Sera waved until they were out of sight, then turned toward home.  _ Few hours of reading, then off to see Shikaku.  _ She’d gone to her uncle several months ago and asked for his help. It had hurt, telling him that no one else would want Kakashi and that she was the best candidate for him to mate with, but he’d been relatively easy to convince.  _ ‘No one else hears about this,’  _ he’d made her swear.  _ ‘Not even Kakashi,’  _ she’d promised. 

At home, the pages flew by as easily as the birds outside the window, and before long, she found herself walking through towering pines beside rolling fields to the private Nara medical facility. “Sera,” the receptionist said, nodding her head toward the beta.

“Shikaku’s in today, right?” Sera asked.

“He’s expecting you,” the woman said, smiling kindly.

Sera smiled back before heading down the hallway to her uncle’s lab. “Anyone home?” she called, rapping on the door.

“It’s unlocked,” Shikaku called back. She walked in to the sight of his ponytail  _ just  _ peeking over a table. “Dropped a beaker,” he said. “Welcome back. I’ve got some news for you.”

“I’ve got news too,” she said, leaning against the wall. “On three?” It was a game they’d played since she was a child, any time two or more people had something exciting to share. “One, two, three--Kakashi and I are getting married,” she said.

At the same time, Shikaku said, “The hokage wants Kakashi and Iruka to bond.”

“He...repeat that?” Sera asked, suddenly unable to uncross her legs and arms. 

Shikaku stood to meet her eyes. “You’re getting married?”

“Say yours again, slowly,” she said, ice trickling through her veins.

“He wants...Kakashi...Iruka...oh, Sera, I’m so sorry,” Shikaku said, walking around the table to take her into his arms. She stood stiffly in his embrace, breath coming in shallow pants. “I know it’s been a long time for you both, but…” He pulled back to put both hands on her shoulders. “That’s classified, so I don’t need to tell you to keep quiet, right?” She shook her head numbly, staring at nothing as he continued. “That means I can’t do your treatments anymore either. I am so,  _ so  _ sorry I surprised you with that, on--fuck, married.” He looked down. “I’d say congratulations, but I don’t think it’d be welcome now.”

“No,” she whispered. Shikaku stepped back and she set every muscle tight against the heat threatening to spill out of her eyes. “No, that’s not going to happen. I won’t let it.” She snapped her gaze to his and frowned. “That’s  _ not  _ happening, Shikaku.”

“Sera, you can’t stop it,” he said. “It’s the hokage’s orders, and we can’t disob--”

“Fuck the hokage.” The tears turned into shudders of rage and she took a step back, scoffing at her uncle. “And  _ you?  _ When did you turn into the man who’d just...give up?”

“Sera, I could’ve already lost a lot helping you,” Shikaku said, stepping forward. She backed up into a table, sending a glass to shatter on the floor. “We both knew this was a possibility, didn’t we?”

Her mouth curled in a snarl as he reached a hand out. “You and I both know that’s bullshit,” she spat. “‘Mate-killer Kakashi.’ Come on. Even the hokage knows better than to pair him with anyone else.” The fact he hadn’t  _ actually  _ killed Rin didn’t matter, because the village turned its back on him anyway, just like his father. “We  _ knew.” _

Shikaku called out to her as she bolted out the door, thankful no one was wandering the halls as she sprinted into the glaring sunlight. “Fuck him,” she said. “He’s _mine,_ you arrogant old--aargh!” She transported home, eyes wild and lungs constricting as she stood in the kitchen. “No. You’re not taking him away. I’m not letting you, Iruka,” she said. “He’s right. Kakashi’s always right. I’m not leaving him. Ever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via Tumblr, Twitter, or join a pretty sweet Discord for all the updates in one place <3


	5. Eye of the Storm

Starting the week after Iruka’s heat, every few days Anko would shout out a name at breakfast. And every few days, Iruka would give another reason the name’s owner wouldn’t be his alpha.

“Ebisu!” 

“Too weird.”

“Hmm, Kotetsu.” 

“Just announced he’s been paired with Izumo, didn’t you hear?”

“Ibiki.” 

“Terrifying.”

“Asuma?”

“Gross, he’s like a brother to me.”

“Gai?” 

Iruka sighed heavily and took a long sip of tea. “I’m pretty freshly sixteen, Anko. Why in any sort of hell would I want to be mated to someone who’s always screaming about the ‘glorious power of youth’?”

“I’ll get it out of you,” she threatened. “There’s only so many alphas in the village. Is it...Iwashi?” Iruka groaned and the game started anew, running through several more names before one morning Anko hugged him from behind and whispered, “Kakashi.”

The mug Iruka was holding crashed to the floor and shattered, sending her skittering backwards. “Absolutely not,” he said. 

“Tch, if you’re going to be teaching small children, we need to work on your lying skills,” Anko said. “I  _ knew  _ it was him. Kami, Iruka, why would you hide that?”

“And risk being paired with him?” Iruka’s face was stone as he turned to her, carefully stepping around the shards. “I don’t know how many times I need to tell you, the doctor, my friends,  _ fuck,  _ even dad--that’s not going to be my lot in life.” He knelt to gather the larger chunks and deposit them in the trash, grabbing the broom and dustpan on his way back and wishing Anko would look away.

“I think you scent bonded with him,” Anko said, crossing her arms disapprovingly. 

“Nope.” Glass tinkled as he dumped the rest of the mug into the bag and very carefully got out another. “That’s supposed to be done over time, anyway. You should know that. We had that big blowout and no contact until I got on blockers. Well, except the memorial stone. But have you ever heard of a bond formed from meeting twice? No. And _he_ was on blockers both times.”

Anko made a dissatisfied noise and yanked open the refrigerator door. “Maybe it’s true love,” she grumbled, rooting around until she found the cold brew Iruka insisted she keep.  _ ‘Brewing coffee gives me a headache,’  _ he claimed. “More like makes your dick ache,” she muttered.

“What?” 

When she shut the door, Iruka’s scarred nose was inches from her face. “Said he makes your dick ache,” she sassed, staring at him. “Back up or I’ll kiss you with morning breath.”

“Gross,” he muttered, walking away to sit at the table. 

“Not as gross as your...whatever that is,” she said. She gestured to his bowl, filled with a mix of various breakfast nonsense she was sure wasn’t meant to be eaten together, and sat down next to him. “We need to teach you how to cook.”

“I can cook just fine,” Iruka mumbled around a mouthful.  _ “I  _ like my cooking.”

“Yeah, well, you’re not the only person in the house anymore,” Anko said. “I’m not cooking all the time.” She slid her hands across the table to touch their fingers together. “And if you insist on not being paired, we’ll be together for a while. I don’t mind that, but we’re going to have to learn to be a team, and not just a beta and--” Iruka glared-- “um, you. Beta and you.”

Iruka took his hands away to run them through his hair as he stretched, yawning. “Mmm, think we should really get to know each other a bit better. You  _ are  _ living in my place, after all.”

“Whaddaya want to know?” Anko asked. “I’m an open book.”

“Who’s your best friend?”

“Kurenai,” she answered without hesitation. “We have history together.” They both bore the same cruel scars on their stomachs, memories of experiments done by-- _ him.  _ Anko shuddered and took a sip of coffee. “But that’s a long story.”

“I’m listening,” Iruka said, cocking his head to the side.

Anko smiled and let out a soft breath. “How about this,” she said, pointing to the clock. “Tonight we’ll do a night in and learn stuff. I’m gonna pick up stuff to make dango and you--” she pointed her stir spoon at him-- “are going to learn to  _ make  _ dango.”

Iruka’s eyes were suspiciously curious as he regarded her. “If I don’t want to?”

“You’ll never know my secrets.” She wiggled her fingers and smirked at his defeated expression. “Here’s a bonus fact, dango is my favorite food. So any time you feel like being a real peach, now you’ll know how to make it.” She looked at him over the rim of the cup as she downed it before walking to set the mug in the sink. “All right, two facts about you before I kick you out to go train.”

“I used to have a cat named Slate and firmly believe chocolate should be a food group,” Iruka said. 

“You’re not wrong,” Anko said. She pressed a quick kiss near his messy ponytail on her way to his room to grab clothes and a towel. “If you’re still here when I get out, I’m kicking your ass. Go forth and learn the ways of teaching, young one!” She plastered on the brightest, most sarcastic smile she could as Iruka scowled at her.  _ Kami, it’s fun to fuck with him in the mornings.  _

“Once I  _ actually  _ wake up I’ll kick yours first,” Iruka said, yawning again. “Unless I somehow manage to die in training because I can’t pay attention.”

“I wasn’t the one who stayed up reading until the ass-crack of dawn,” Anko said. “And you already know what I’m going to s--”

“‘Told you so,’” Iruka mocked before she could finish. “Book wasn’t going to read itself.”

“Exactly that.” Anko waved to him before shouting goodbye through the door. Iruka’s answering groan as she turned on the shower earned a laugh. “If only you’d get your head out of your ass,” she said, “you’d give any alpha a run for their money.” She snorted. “And their sanity. C’mon, kid, I know you can do it.”

**

She met him for a late lunch at Ichiraku’s that afternoon. He was animated as he told her what he’d learned, and she beamed at his excitement.  _ So much better than sullen and heat-stricken. Thank kami.  _ “Seems like you picked a good job, then,” she said, thumping his shoulder.

“Mhmm,” he said, nodding. He swallowed and grinned. “Teacher first, jonin second. Might as well learn how to handle crowds of people if I’m going to get the laws changed.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. Mizuki and I were talking about it today.” He took another bite and waved his chopsticks as he chewed. “There’s so much shit to change, Anko.” Fingers appeared one by one as he listed his points. “Mating system, being forced with someone who the council thinks could produce good offspring. Bullshit. Omegas can’t leave without an escort because what, we’re weak or something? Bullshit. Can’t advance above chunin because of the same reason. And, hello? Rights for those of us who  _ won’t  _ be paired? There’s no reason we shouldn’t be able to be sterilized. Or hell, abortions. Omegas can’t get abortions without all these hoops we’ve got to jum--”

“Save it for home, Iruka,” Anko said. The man at the other end of the counter had begun to stare, and she didn’t like the way his beady eyes followed Iruka’s movements. “We’ll add it to the docket for tonight, okay?”

“Good, because I’ve got a  _ lot  _ of thoughts on the subject. For example, how omeg--”

“Iruka.”

He flushed and looked at the table, ponytail slipping to the side of his face. “Sorry,” he said. “It’s just exciting.” 

Anko grabbed his hand and squeezed. “You’re really sure about it? It’ll be a long, long road,” she said. “Stuff’s not going to get changed overnight.”

There was steel in his eyes when he looked into hers. “I’ve never been more sure of anything, Anko. You’ll support it?”

“Sure,” she said. His face lifted until he focused just past her head, then slid into a frown.

“No need for that,” a voice said as the curtain opened. “It’s nice to know you can actually smile.” Anko turned around to see Sera walking in with a tight-lipped expression.  “Kakashi’s gone, no reason to look so nervous. I apologize for his behavior the other week.”

“‘S fine,” Iruka mumbled. “I don’t need an apology from you too.”

Anko didn’t know her well, but any person off the street could tell she was trying  _ just  _ shy of too hard to keep her false happiness in place as she ordered.  _ Wears a mask, just like he does.  _

Sera turned to them and leaned one elbow on the counter. “I know you don’t,” she said. “But I still hold by it. So accept it.” Her eyes flashed as her fingers tightened into a loose fist. “Please?”

Iruka stared at the counter until Anko shoved his shoulder. “You’re not an animal,” she said. “Say thank you.”

“Thanks, I guess,” Iruka said. He sighed and picked at the remains of his food. The tension between the two was thick enough to cut with a kunai.  _ Doubt even Gen’s senbon could pierce it,  _ Anko thought with a snort. Iruka continued to shove the noodles around the bowl before speaking again. “Can you ask him to leave me alone when he comes back?”

“Of course,” Sera said. She breathed a sigh of relief, and Anko’s eyes narrowed slightly. “So, Anko, I hear he’s adjusting to taking teaching classes. Think he’ll pass the exams?”

Iruka scoffed. “I’m still right here, you know.” He dropped his head to the side and looked irritatedly at Sera. “And I’d appreciate if the town wouldn’t talk about me and my choices. Bad enough I was forced to make this one.”

“What’re you going to do, hide it?” Anko asked. “It’ll be pretty obvious once everyone sees ‘Mr. Umino’ emblazoned on a classroom door.”

“Better still be Umino,” Iruka muttered. He shoved his bowl across the counter and ruffled Anko’s hair before bidding them a quick goodbye.

“Men,” Anko said with a light laugh. 

Sera snickered as Ayame brought her food. “They are something, aren’t they?”

“I feel for the kid,” Anko said. “At least we knew how we would turn out. Well, how- _ ish.”  _ She shook her head. “Was Kakashi ever that moody?”

“Kami, was he ever,” Sera said. “Still is. But I got him when he was younger, fourteen.” Her eyes softened as she smiled fondly. “This little masked bastard, always sulking around the house until one day I’d had enough. Told him he needed to talk to me or I’d make him clean the house top to bottom. He was angry enough to yell at me, at least.” She let out a soft huff and stirred the bowl around, releasing a cloud of steam. “And we just grew from there.”

Anko set her lips firmly, staring at the counter. “You’ve got to know,” she said. “Help me put a rumor to rest. Did he do it?”

“Without a doubt,” Sera said. As Anko recoiled in disgust, she waved a hand. “No, listen. He killed her. That’s undeniable. I still help him through the memories.” Sera shivered and tensed. “But on purpose? No, he’s made it very clear she sacrificed herself. Screwed him up good.”

“You believe that?” Anko asked, taking another bite.

“Kakashi wouldn’t lie to me,” Sera said. “Why?”

Anko took a minute to glare at the man at the end of the counter until he left, leaving them alone. “I, ah,” she said, voice dropping to a whisper. “I think our boys formed a scent bond. Iruka refuses to  _ actually  _ confirm it, but I’ve heard him muttering about Kakashi in his sleep. Anything on your end?”

“No,” Sera said sharply.

“Just asking,” Anko said, raising her hands in surrender. “No need to get defensive.”

Sera shook her head. “I know Kakashi better than anyone in Konoha. He mentioned they fought, but nothing more. A scent bond is something he would’ve told me about.”

The creeping sensation of being lied to slithered down Anko’s back and she caught Sera shifting uncomfortably on her stool as she ate. “You sure?” She tapped her fingers, narrowing her eyes. “I know you love him, but if they’re able to be mat--”

“They  _ haven’t  _ formed a bond,” Sera snapped. 

“Okay, okay.” Anko tossed money for the bill on the counter and waved to Ayame through the kitchen window. “If he does say anything, just remember--keeping an alpha from his best match is a felony, Sera. Is he worth the jail time?” She caught the barest hint of a nod out of the corner of her eye as she walked through the curtains.  _ Prepare for a fight from all fronts, then.  _ “Can ya stop fucking me for once?” she asked the sky. “Just let one thing go easy, huh?” She kicked at a rock and watched it skitter to a stop several feet ahead. “Ahh, forget it. He’s a scrappy omega. He’ll do just fine. All I can do now is sit back and help him through the shit.”

**

That evening found Iruka sprawled on the living room futon and Anko unloading groceries onto the counter. “Choose,” she told him. 

“Do I have to?” he groaned. She gave him a look and he slumped further into the mattress. “Fine, I’ll cook if you do dishes.” He closed his eyes and listened to her bang about the kitchen before draping herself across his lap. One eye cracked open to see her coming in to lick his face. “Get off,” he laughed, shoving her away. 

She sighed and dropped melodramatically to the floor, throwing an arm up in mock anguish. “He doesn’t love me anymore! Oh, the humanity!”

“Bite me,” Iruka said, vaulting over the back of the futon before she could. “I swear, I’ll cover you in flour if you actually do, so help me--”

“I’m only helping you if you make me dango,” Anko interrupted. She laughed at Iruka’s exasperated expression. “What? Wouldn’t be the weirdest thing I’ve been covered in.”

“I’m afraid to ask, honestly.” He skirted around the futon before she could launch herself at him and stepped into the kitchen, holding her off with one hand. “Uh uh, I said  _ I  _ was cooking. Where’d you leave the recipe book?”

“Chef can’t even find the recipe,” she teased, slipping past him. She picked up a book from behind the ingredients. “Doesn’t leave me much hope, Iruka.” As Iruka advanced, she held the book up high, growling when he snatched it from her hands. “I just need to grow a few inches.”

“You’ll never be bigger than me,” Iruka said, sticking out his tongue.

“Watch me.” Anko disappeared into his room and he heard her rummaging through the closet, fumbling with-- _ a harness of some sort?  _ He pulled out his measuring cups, humming softly as he thumbed to the dango recipe. From the bedroom door, Anko cleared her throat loudly. “You were saying?”

Iruka looked over and his entire face lit up scarlet. “Kami, Anko, what the fuck?” She bit her lip and wiggled her hips with the sense of false innocence only she could pull off, and the  _ massive  _ strap-on she’d produced swung into the wall. “Gross. That’s gross. Is that supposed to--” He flushed deeper and glanced behind him with a gulp. “Ah, me?”

“Nah, not unless you want to sometime,” she said, grinning. “It was a gag gift a while back. But I figured I’d keep it just in case anyone  _ actually  _ wanted it.” She snickered as he ducked his face into his shoulder. “This is more your speed,” she said. 

Iruka groaned as she held up the toy they’d used during his first wave of heat. “Uh huh,” he said. “You’re going to be the death of me, you know that, right?”

“There’s worse ways to go.”

“Yeah, like being blinded by looking at that for another second. Put it away and help me,” Iruka said, shooing her back into his room. 

There was more clattering as she did so, reappearing to lean against the opposite counter and watch as he portioned ingredients. “Not quite that much water at once,” she said, pointing a finger. “Gotta be consistent.” Iruka rolled his eyes, but took the advice. “Does it feel like your ears yet?” She didn’t wait for an answer before diving in and poking at the dough. “Good enough. Microwave now.”

“Move, then,” Iruka said, hip-checking her out of the way. “Three minutes, right?”

“Exactly,” Anko said. She licked a finger and dipped it in the sugar, sucking it off as she regarded Iruka. “So why aren’t you admitting you and Kakashi have a thing going?”

“We  _ don’t, _ ” Iruka insisted. “Kami, Anko, he’s not even in the village. Can you let it go, just for tonight? Even for an hour. You promised you’d tell me about Kurenai if I made you dango.” The microwave hummed as they stared each other down, and Anko drooped when it dinged.

“I did,” she said. She nodded toward the microwave. “Split the dough into three pieces and work the matcha into one, and the food coloring into the other.”

Iruka didn’t meet her eyes as he thumped the dough on the cutting board and portioned it. “Sorry,” he muttered.

She put a hand on his back before sitting at the table and crossing her legs. “You’ve heard of Orochimaru, haven’t you?”

“Yeah, he’s one of the Sannin,” Iruka said, kneading.

“He was my sensei.” Anko smiled softly before frowning.  _ “Was.  _ Before this.” 

Iruka looked over as she pulled up her shirt to reveal scars spidering across her stomach. “Holy shit, Anko,” he whispered, taking a step forward. “I don’t know what to say, that’s--”

“Yeah, I didn’t either when he took us,” she said quietly. “There was a lot of ‘why, sensei?’ And pain. There was a lot of pain.” She pointed to the dough and pulled her shirt down. “Finish those. He did a lot of human experiments, everything from forbidden jutsu to, well, Kurenai and I. He was under the impression that somehow he could ‘cure’ the betas, make us into alphas and omegas.” She scoffed. “Never mind what we wanted.”

“Why?” Iruka began to form balls with the dough and order them on the dango sticks. “That makes absolutely no sense.”

“Don’t we know it,” Anko said. Iruka tossed her a stick and she chewed for a few seconds before continuing. “I was a failure. Kurenai...we still don’t know. He did different experiments on both of us. I was supposed to be an alpha. Had the personality for one.” She laughed humorlessly and at another dumpling. “But enough about that. You asked about our history. That’s the gist of it. We’ve been friends ever since. Trauma bonded and all that shit. I, ah--” she laughed once and stared at the floor as Iruka sat next to her-- “I’ve done some pretty intensive therapy for it. Still get fucked up over it sometimes, but I handle it.”

Iruka cautiously set a hand on her knee and she relaxed slightly. “Anything I can help with?”

“Not really,” she said. “Just be aware.” She smiled a sad, sweet smile and patted his knee before standing and grabbing another stick. “Wanna watch a movie or something? I’ll clean up.”

“Um, sure,” Iruka said, rubbing at his neck. “And sorry I pushed. That’s super personal. You didn’t need to share.”

“I know.” When he looked up, Anko nodded at him, eyes dark. “I shared because I trust you. I hope you’ll eventually learn to trust me as well, Iruka.” 

“All right,” he said softly. Anko turned to the sink and he put in a comedy, hoping to lift the mood.  _ Fuck, human experimentation.  _ Dishes clinked as Anko kept at them, lost in thought, and Iruka watched her. He watched the small smiles flit across her face before turning into a knitted brow and hard swallow. He noticed each soft sigh and the nervous fidgeting. “Anko.”

“Hmm?”

He stood to move beside her, looking down. “I’ll finish. Go lay down.” 

She sighed heavily before drying her hands and pressing her forehead into his chest. On instinct his arms crept around her shoulders, and she hummed. “Thanks, kid,” she murmured. “Mind turning off the light? I think I need to actually lay down.”

“Take my bed,” Iruka said. Anko pulled away to look up at him. “Serious. I’ll sleep out here tonight. Go.” He cocked his head toward the door before turning her and pushing her toward it. “I might come in later to grab better pajamas, but I’ll be quiet, I promise.”

She pointed back at him. “Better not wake me up. You saw the weapon I keep in there.”

“I’ll be careful,” he said. 

“And no perving.”

Iruka sighed. “You’ve seen me at my absolute most desperate. I think after putting up with you I deserve a little perving, huh?” He shot her a smile and she groaned loudly before disappearing. “I won’t!”

“I know,” she called back. “Don’t stay up too late.”

“Yes mom,” he griped sarcastically. There was a growl and he could almost feel the middle finger burning a hole in his back. “Night, Anko.”

“Night, kid.”

Iruka finished the dishes and wrapped the leftovers, grabbing a chunk of leftover chicken to eat while the movie finished. In the wake of Anko’s revelation, his mind raced with questions and concerns, but most of all was the urge to  _ protect.  _ Take away the pain.  _ Her eyes were so…haunted. Kami, what must that have been like? Horrid.  _ Long after the tv screen had gone blank, he sat in contemplation on the futon. “Fuck,” he muttered, looking at the clock. “Definitely bed time.”

The door creaked quietly as he opened it and took in Anko shuddering huddled up against the wall. Whispers spilled from her, punctuated by the occasional firm ‘no, stop.’ She was hugging all the blankets to her chest, and Iruka stepped toward her. “Orochimaru,” she muttered.

Iruka stopped short. “Anko?” Incoherent mumbling. “Hey, psst, you awake?” Another shiver ripped through her and she curled tighter on the blankets. Iruka sat carefully on the edge of the bed, laying a gentle hand on her knee. 

Her nails ripped into him as she started violently awake, nearly hitting her head on the wall.  _ “Stay away from me,”  _ she hissed.

“Sorry, shit, sorry, Anko,” Iruka said, jumping up and clutching his arm. “You were dreaming--”

“‘Ruka?” Anko blinked at him before shaking her head and rubbing her eyes. She still had to squint before she sank against the wall in realization. “Iruka.” Her voice was thick with sleep and what sounded like tears. “It’s you.”

Iruka stood awkwardly before her, unsure of what she wanted, what she needed. “Um, nightmare, I think. You were calling his n--hey!” Anko tugged him down to the bed and pushed him to the mattress, laying with her back to his. He felt her hand searching along his thigh and he laced their fingers together, thankful when he heard a relieved breath. She was still shaking lightly when she spoke.

“I saw him. Orochimaru. And he was calling me to him, like I was his... _ child,  _ or something. His student again.” She sniffed. “Like he loved me.” Iruka tightened his grip and she took in a shaky breath. “He didn’t love me. He didn’t love any of us. He was a monster, Iruka. It was a lie, and we all fell for it.”

Iruka rubbed his thumb gently over hers, staying quiet, not having the words to say. Eventually, as her breathing started to slow, he said, “He’s not here anymore, Anko. You’re safe here. I’ll protect you.”

“Hmm. Thanks, kid,” she whispered. “Can you do me a favor?”

“Anything.”

“Don’t move.” He froze as she shifted behind him and slung an arm over his chest, burying her face between his shoulder blades. “Please tell me this is okay.”

“It’s fine,” Iruka said. “I don’t mind.”

“Good,” she said. Her breath was warm on his back as she adjusted. “Sorry. You shouldn’t have to deal with this.”

“If I can’t say that during heat, you’re not allowed to say it now,” Iruka said. “If my problems matter, so do yours. Team, remember?” She held up a weak fist and he bumped it as he felt her smile into his shoulder. “D’you want some tea? Or some of those leftover dango, we’ve got some of those. I can grab th--”

“Just stay here for a minute,” Anko murmured. “Just a minute. That’s all I need.” She hummed quietly, heart beating against Iruka’s back, slowing as she calmed. “I’m gonna say something, and you’re not going to like it, okay?”

“M’kay.”

“You’re gonna make a good teacher, Iruka. And after that, I think you’re going to make an incredible dad.” He started to protest but she held a finger to his lips. “Lemme say it. Even if you don’t go through with any of it, you would. And if you don’t, you’ll be a good substitute to the kids who don’t have any parents.” Her hand drifted back down to rest on his stomach and she finally relaxed, sinking into the mattress and pillows with a long yawn. “I’m looking forward to seeing you on the Academy staff.”

“Me too,” he said quietly. “You should sleep, Anko. I’ll go.”

“Stay for a bit at least, please,” Anko said. Her arm tightened over him. “Just until I actually fall asleep.”

“You sure?”

“Positive. Let me have this, just for a bit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via Tumblr, Twitter, or join a pretty sweet Discord for all the updates in one place <3


	6. Caught

Kakashi bit his lip as his thumb rubbed over the mangled hitai-ate in his pocket.  _ Traitor,  _ his mind whispered.  _ You’ve forsaken the Leaf.  _ A sharp pain bloomed and he felt the warm slipperiness of blood ease the slide. “Ahh, fuck,” he muttered, bringing the wound into the torchlight. 

“You good?” Genma asked, kunai at the ready.

“Perfect,” Kakashi said. “Other than the smell.” Beta and omega and  _ fear  _ clouded the stale air in the network of underground caverns as they snuck forward to the source. “Kami, how the bastards can function down here I have no idea.”

“On the plus side, hopefully no pregnancies,” Genma muttered. “Like Yuri said, hands off the merchandise.”

“Glad he’s dead,” Kakashi said softly. “Anyone who takes another person for fucking  _ experimentation  _ doesn’t deserve to be alive. Though let’s be fair, he didn’t deserve that quick of a death, either.” When they’d gotten the information they’d needed to infiltrate the crime ring, they’d tossed the informant off a cliff to the rocks below, watching with cold eyes as his blood spread over the ground. 

Genma nodded and stopped, pressing a cautious hand to Kakashi’s chest. “Hear that?”

The sound of footsteps and hushed voices drew closer as  _ one, two... _ Kakashi had to strain to make out how many sets.  _ Six?  _ “You counting six?” he whispered. Genma nodded and they both curled their lips up as the scent of alphas bled into the omega haze. “You take half, I take half, but we keep one alive. Preferably the leader.”

“That’s the plan,” Genma murmured. He stood up straight and shook himself lightly before dropping into the role of good-natured thug and stepping out into the hallway, hands outstretched. “Gentlemen,” he said, plucking the senbon from his lip. “Heard Kaito needed reinforcements. Here we are.”

Kakashi slunk out behind him, hands in his pockets and shoulders bowed.  _ Traitor.  _ “Taking the bitches to Oto when you’ve got their betas in with ‘em has to be hard,” he said. “We’re here to see they get there safely.”

The guard in front leveled a sword at them, tilting his head up as he appraised. “Who was your contact?” he asked. “What’d they tell you about the job?”

“Yuri. Told us to tell you ‘new life, new jutsu, new world’,” Genma said. He flipped the senbon back up and began to chew. “What better passcode for experimenting, right?”

One of the younger men stepped forward. “We haven’t heard from Yuri in almost a week. How are we supposed to know you’re telling the truth?”

“You can’t,” Kakashi said. He held up the hitai-ate to the light. “But I can tell you the last time we saw Yuri he was flat on his back with fluids just  _ pouring  _ out of him. Looked like a fun time.” He stepped forward and straightened. “Konoha missing-nin. You can’t do much better than two ex-ANBU for guarding your cargo. ‘New life, new jutsu, new world.’” He snorted derisively and turned to Genma. “This better be worth what he’s paying us.”

“And how much would that be?” the leader asked.

“More than he’s paying you,” Kakashi sneered.  _ Not more than your life, fucker.  _ He peered around the corner and saw terrified eyes shining in the light. “No training and you expect to be guards for this shit? Ha.”  _ Pathetic.  _ “Though I suppose it won’t really matter once we’ve done what we came for, right?” He looked over to see a glint in Genma’s eyes.

“No, I suppose it won’t,” Genma mused.

“What the fuck’s that suppo--” The younger guard didn’t get the chance to finish before one of Genma’s kunai lodged in his throat, Kakashi’s following close behind to pierce through his eye and kill him instantly. Chaos erupted as the other five scrambled to raise their weapons, two falling in quick succession as Genma slid behind them and cut their throats. 

Kakashi dodged a large shuriken thrown by the youngest before kicking him into the wall and snapping his neck, dropping the body to roll away from a hail of senbon from the main guard. “Not going to work,” he growled. He dove forward to knock the man down and slammed his head into the ground hard enough to knock him senseless. “Keep him,” he shouted to Genma. 

“Yeah,” Genma grunted. Kakashi looked up to see him struggle with the last guard, stepping forward just as the other jonin kneed the man in the gut and stabbed through the back of his head. “Gross,” Genma muttered, slinging blood from his hands. “You want to take the captives or should I?”

“Get them out,” Kakashi said. They both turned to see the betas in defensive stances around the  _ very  _ young omegas. “Fuck, Gen, they’re just kids.” He shook his head and turned back to the unconscious guard slumped on the floor. “I’ll take care of him. Make sure he gets back to tell Kaito  _ exactly  _ what went on here. Meet you back at the safe house before midnight. If I don’t something went wrong and you should get back without me. Good?”

“Deal.” Genma dropped the weapons in his hands and stepped forward, arms in the air. “It’s okay,” he said. “We’re from Konoha. We’re not here to hurt you, we’re here to help you.”

One of the betas growled at him. “Saw your headband,” she said, jerking her head toward Kakashi. “Excuse us if we don’t just take your word for it.”

Genma sighed. “Would we have gone through the trouble of all that--” he pointed to the carnage behind them-- “just for the hell of fucking with you?”

“I’ve seen missing-nin do some sick, depraved shit,” the woman spat. “You’ll have to convince me better than that.” 

Kakashi stepped closer and drew himself up to full height, letting go of the careful hold he had on his dominance. “You’ll go with Genma or you’ll be used as human test subjects,” he said. “I know people who’ve had it done to them. There’s a clear winner here.” He narrowed his eyes as the beta moved to speak.  _ “Trust  _ me. It’s in your best interest, even if you don’t want to.”

“We don’t have any reason to trust you either,” the beta said. The others closed in around her. “Convince us.”

With a long groan, Kakashi walked out to grab the unconscious guard’s body.  _ Can’t ever be easy. Not with betas.  _ He dragged it back into the cavern, earning shocked gasps from the omegas. “You’ve got young ones who look barely old enough to have presented,” he said. “I doubt any of you have shinobi training, therefore aren’t really used to graphic violence.” He pulled out a senbon. “If you’re not out in five minutes, I’m going to start hurting this man whether you’re here or not.”

“You don’t want to see that,” Genma said. “It’s better if you come with us. We’ll get you back to Konoha and back home in no time, okay?”

One of the older omegas pushed through the beta barricade. “He’s right,” he said, sizing the pair up. “I think we should go.”

“That’s because you’re so heat-sick you can’t think straight,” the woman said, turning to glare at him. “Manipulation like that got you here in the first place.”

“Well if it caught him, what caught you?” Genma asked, crossing his arms.

She growled again. “There was a group of us that tried to take our people back. You see how well that worked out.”

“An admirable goal,” Kakashi said. “And now that you have the chance, you won’t go with  _ trained shinobi  _ because you think we’re manipulating you?”

“Your performance didn’t inspire much confidence,” the beta said, scowling.

“Ever heard of Hatake Kakashi of the Sharingan?” Genma asked. The woman nodded, and Genma gestured to Kakashi. “You’ve heard about the Sharingan, the Chidori?” She hummed in assent. “Your turn, man,” Genma said.

Kakashi opened the Sharingan, the buzz of chakra shocking the prisoners as the tomoe spun slowly. They huddled together as if their lives depended on it as more chakra began to whip through the air when he summoned the white lightning into his palm.  _ Kami, they’re so scared. Like--no, not even her. Civilians.  _ He ceased the flow and closed the Sharingan, sighing. “Good enough? Believe us. It’s our mission to keep you safe. We’re Konoha jonin, born and bred. I won’t ask again.  _ Leave.”  _ He pointed to the door and Genma stepped out.

“Coming?” he asked, gesturing toward the hallway. 

The omega stepped past the betas and strode out. “It’s that or stay here where we  _ know  _ there’s danger,” he said. “I’d rather take my chances under the sun than take another minute in these caves.” The beta stammered and he glared at her. “You know I’m right. Let’s go.” He cocked his head, urging everyone to follow, and Genma ushered them out to tie up the rear. 

“We’ll be waiting,” Genma said. 

Kakashi nodded and waved them off before tying up the guard and leaning him against the wall. He sat contemplating everything from Icha Icha to what he’d name his children when the time came until the man began to stir. “Whass, uh, who’re--” His eyes widened as Kakashi just stared at him.  _ “You.  _ What did you do? Where’d they go?”

“Far away from your twisted games,” Kakashi muttered. “You’re going to tell me exactly what you were doing, who you were doing it for, and why.” He held up the senbon. “If you refuse, I’m going to shove one under each fingernail until you break. If you don’t break, I’ll start cutting fingers knuckle by knuckle. I don’t have time for bullshit.”

“Do your worst,” the man spat. “I’m sure it’s nothing compared to what Kaito does to traitors.”

“Oh?” Kakashi raised an eyebrow. “We’ll make sure you survive to tell the tale then, of how you spilled all their secrets. Who’s Kaito’s boss?”   
“I’m not telling you.”

Kakashi sighed before manhandling him onto his stomach. “Told you I don’t have time for this shit,” he murmured, positioning the senbon against the man’s right index finger. “Tell me.”

“I won’t, jack-- _ aah,”  _ he cried as the needle sank into his sensitive flesh. “No, not--not saying,” he panted.

“You will soon,” Kakashi said. He knelt on the backs of the man’s knees, cracking them against the cold stone floor. A loud screech lit up the cavern as he wiggled the senbon further in. “Besides, I wouldn’t kill you. I’m not that sort of person.” He grinned below the mask, ignoring the shaking trying to force its way through his limbs as he tugged the man’s head up to look at him. “Hell, I’ll even do you a solid and heal you before I start the whole process over again. Sound good?”

“Fuck you,” the man ground out. “You’ll never get it out of me.”

Kakashi slipped another senbon in, this time under the left index nail, and sighed heavily at the answering scream. “If that’s the case, then we’re in for a  _ long  _ day.”

**

When the man finally caved, he was missing the tips of seven fingers and sporting an angry scar across his face. After healing him so he wouldn’t just die like he’d begged, Kakashi left him sobbing on the cave floor asking for mercy.  _ What, like you would have given those poor omegas? Not a fucking chance.  _

Genma was sitting on the safe house porch smoking a cigarette as Kakashi approached. “You look like shit,” he said, offering Kakashi the pack. “I’d get the blood out of your clothes before going inside.”

“I was going to take watch anyway,” Kakashi said. He slid behind Genma to lean against his back before tugging his mask down. The flame shone bright in the window as he lit up and took a long drag. “Seven fingers I got through. Impressive.”

“Told you, you should train with me and Ibiki sometime,” Genma said. “Bet I could’ve gotten him to talk in ten minutes. He’s on his way out, though?”

“I left him in the cave. Couldn’t stand the pathetic whining about just killing him before Kaito got him,” Kakashi said. “Though it is Orochimaru, like we thought. Fuck, Anko and Kurenai have got to be worried sick about the whole thing.” He took another inhale and dropped his head. “Everything’s okay in there?”

“As good as it can be, given the circumstances,” Genma said, flicking the ash off his cigarette. “I told them we’d leave tomorrow for Konoha, then send them home with escorts after the hospital checked them out.”

Kakashi sighed as the nicotine began to work through his body. “You ever think of what’s going to happen if you and Rai have an omega, Gen?” he asked.

“All the time,” Genma replied. He leaned his head back against Kakashi’s and groaned. “Still want a kid, though. Kami, it’ll all be worth it. And having two shinobi parents would give him a head start, anyway.”

“Mhmm.” The smoke burned Kakashi’s lungs as he held it for a second too long, letting it out with a sharp cough. “You know, I didn’t really start thinking about kids until recently. It’s always just been another thing people told me I should do without question, but…” He relaxed into Genma’s warmth. “The last few weeks I’ve been focusing on that and what I want. A future. I want a kid.”

“That what your big news with Sera was? Is she seriously pregnant? Or are you just trying?” Genma asked. “Didn’t realize you two had been mated.”   
“We haven’t been formally, no. But it won’t be hard to get permission,” Kakashi said. “The last four omegas Hiruzen’s tried to pair me with have rejected me. That’s two more than the past record.” He scoffed. “Besides. Sera and I are good for each other. She gets me, understands me.” He dug an elbow back into Genma’s side. “Who else am I going to pair with, you?”

Genma snorted and coughed as smoke rushed into the night. “Wouldn’t that be something,” he laughed, throwing a hand to the stars. “Shiranui Kakashi, mated to Genma, ‘til death do us part.”

“Oh, so I’m taking your name, huh?” Kakashi asked, tugging up his mask and turning to shove Genma down the steps. He doubled over laughing at Genma’s expression and cry that he’d been grievously wounded. “See? I’m already besting you. So Hatake Genma it is.”

“You’re the one telling Rai then,” Genma said, dusting himself off. He narrowed his eyes and pointed at Kakashi. “Good luck surviving that one.”

“On second thought, maybe I’ll leave you both well alone. Don’t want Rai failing to compete with my charms,” Kakashi said. He knit his fingers below his chin and beamed through the mask until Genma smacked him upside the head. “Hey! Rude.”

“Just preparing you for when Sera finds out you proposed to me,” Genma said, disappearing into the house.

“Don’t worry, I’ll definitely take watch now,” Kakashi called. Genma’s middle finger appeared in the window and Kakashi snickered before settling against the porch post. “Nah, don’t worry, Sera,” he said softly, looking up at the moon. “It’s still you I’ll pair with.” He let out a small laugh and hugged himself. “I doubt even Rin could compete with you now.”

**

The two day hike back to Konoha wore on Kakashi more than the torture and even more than a month of searching and information gathering. He sent Genma and the group ahead, unwilling to listen to omegan whining a second more. At the gate, Izumo waved him through without a single word, only a cool glare. Anko narrowed her eyes at him as he followed the group toward the hospital, and when he was done there, even Mizuki sneered at him at the desk when he handed in his report. “Something I should fucking know about?” Kakashi asked.

“Not a thing,” Mizuki said, stamping the report before putting it aside. “Konoha thanks you for your service, Hatake Kakashi.”

“Whatever.” Kakashi shoved his hands into his pockets and almost ran into Ibiki on his way out the door. “Shit, sorry,” he muttered. “Did I do something? What the hell is up with everyone today?”

“Might want to ask Iruka,” Ibiki said, shuffling past him. “Apparently he’s got a bit of a grudge. You should fix it before it becomes a bigger issue.” 

“Fucker,” Kakashi said, turning and walking away. “Thanks, Ibiki.”  _ You need to go home, go to sleep, and wake up to Sera, Kakashi.  _ He dragged his fingers along the brick in the hallway before sighing deeply. “No, I should take care of business first. Relaxing second.”

Genma met him on his way out the front door, report in hand. “Have fun explaining to Sera that we’re together now,” he snickered. 

Kakashi rolled his eyes. “Actually, I need to find Iruka,” he said. “Seems he didn’t take too kindly to me putting my foot down last month.  _ Last. Month, _ Gen. I tried apologizing. Seems it didn’t stick.”

“Shitty.” Genma tapped his arm with the scroll. “Good luck. I’ll send up a prayer for you when I’m balls deep in Rai in about twenty minutes.”

“Kami, no,” Kakashi snorted. “The absolute  _ last  _ thing I want is for you to start screaming my name at the sky while you’re fucking.” He ducked easily under Genma’s soft punch at his face and slid out the door. “Later, lover boy.”  _ Now, where to find Iruka… _ He considered going back up to the mission desk to ask, but Anko passed him again and he called to her. “Hey, any idea where Iruka would be?”

“Why do you want to know?” Anko asked testily. 

“First off, I’d like to know what he’s been saying about me that everyone’s all pissed off,” Kakashi said. Anko set her jaw and straightened, but Kakashi spoke again before she could. “Then--” he said, drawing it out-- “I’d like to apologize,  _ again.  _ I didn’t get the best chance when I saw him last.”   
“Hmm.” Anko glared for a second before her body slumped in submission. “He told me he was going to go train, so he’s probably at the fields. But if you  _ dare  _ threaten him again, I’ll have your head.”

“You know what, forget it,” he muttered, turning away. Anko’s hand on his arm stopped him. 

“I didn’t mean don’t go,” she said. “You should. But just--” she sighed-- “be kind. He doesn’t want trouble, and neither do you. I recommend and apology then staying out of his way, okay?”

“That’s all I want,” Kakashi said. “I want this shit over so we can both just move on with our lives.”

“Good.” Anko jerked her head toward the training fields. “Best get there quickly. He’ll be done soon.”

Kakashi nodded and waved as he walked off.  _ Kami, feels like walking into a disciplinary hearing. He’s a fucking omega. Stop shaking.  _ He scowled the entire walk to the training grounds as he fought with himself. When he arrived, Iruka was sitting on the other side of the clearing, propped up against a tree while he read.  _ Perfect.  _ He skirted around the edge of the treeline, dampening his chakra, until he was close enough to plop down next to Iruka. “So,” he said loudly, laughing internally at the way Iruka started and almost threw the book. “I hear you have a bone to pick with me.”

To his credit, Iruka’s recovery time was  _ much  _ quicker than Kakashi expected. The chunin smoothed his hair after carefully placing the book on his knees. “I don’t have a bone to pick,” he said, turning a page. “In fact, I want nothing to do with you. Especially not your--” his mouth curled in disgust--  _ “bone. _ ” He shuddered.

“Right,” Kakashi said, leaning closer.  _ Fuck the blockers. That smell is intoxicating.  _ He glanced up to see Iruka flush and begin breathing harder. “Something the matter?”

“You know what you’re doing.”   
Kakashi smirked. “I only came to apologize again. I’m sor--”

“Apology accepted,” Iruka interrupted, slamming the book shut and standing. “I told Sera to tell you to leave me alone but you obviously didn’t listen, so please. Leave me the hell alone, Kakashi. I don’t want you or your friendship.”

“Fine,” Kakashi said, head thumping back against the bark. “Kami, I feel bad for whoever gets paired with you, brat.”

“No one,” Iruka snapped. Before Kakashi could stammer out a reply to the venomous statement, the chunin transported, leaving Kakashi pointing at a swirl of leaves and faint chakra signature. 

“Well if that’s the way of it, great,” Kakashi muttered. “I did my part. Run-ins at the mission desk it is.” He got up and brushed the leaves off of his legs before irritatedly transporting home. “Sera?” he called when he landed in the kitchen. No answer. “Kami, it’s never been this easy to make me dislike someone,” he said, moving into the living room to search for his partner. “He should be the one apologizing to me.” He heard the lock turn and reappeared in the kitchen just in time to see Sera walk in with a bag of groceries. “I’m back, love,” he said, tugging down his mask. 

Sera’s lips were set in a thin line as she pushed past him to put the bag on the table. Her eyes burned when she turned to glare at him. “So,” she said. “Ran into Genma on my way home. Care to explain why you went to see Iruka before me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via Tumblr, Twitter, or join a pretty sweet Discord for all the updates in one place <3


	7. Dangerous Night

“Abortion.”

“Leaving the village.” In the early morning light streaming through the window, Iruka watched the sweat bead on his skin as another wave of heat drew closer.

“Mating.”

His fist clenched as he ground his hips into the mattress, trying to stave off the sense of sheer  _ need  _ as long as physically possible. “Someone finding some goddamned heat suppressors,” he moaned.

From the couch, Anko shouted, “Good luck with that. It’s been how many years now and no one’s found good ones?”

“Too many,” Iruka said. He rolled on his side to press against the wall, desperate for any cool surface to lean on. It was the third day of his second heat and in the early September mugginess, he needed anything to take the edge off.  _ Except an alpha. _

He heard Anko laugh at his groaning. “I can always get Kakashi for you,” she said.

“Still not happening,” he said. His fingers curled in his hair, doing his best to keep the ponytail away from his neck and cringing at the fact it was already damp again. “Hey, can we cut my hair soon? This is gross.”

“Not happening,” Anko said. “I cut my hair and have regretted it since so no, I’m not doing it for you.” Clattering sounded as she moved to the kitchen and dragged something from the fridge. “I guess if you really,  _ really  _ want to we can go ask Kurenai.” She thumped back down on the couch and he heard a loud crunching noise as she ate.

“Anko…”

“I’m not touching that mane with a scissors,” she said. “Keep telling me the list.”

He’d suggested it last heat to take his mind off the waves, but now with the next quickly approaching, it was hard to concentrate on what exactly he wanted to change in Konoha. He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes, trying hard as possible to ignore the prickling under his skin. “Ahh, partnerships,” he grunted, tossing the blankets off of the bed. “Omegas and omegas, alphas and alphas, betas and betas.”

“That one seems most attainable,” Anko said, still crunching.

Iruka ripped the curtains shut as the sun rose higher, painting his room in gold and caressing his already overheated skin. He cursed as he got up to stretch, wincing at the sweat already pouring down his back.  _ Kami, it’s barely light outside and I’m this hot already. Fuck heats.  _ “They’re all attainable,” he said. “Just a matter...of--” he doubled over as another, harder to ignore burst of prickling raced through him--  _ “when _ .”

“You good?” Anko asked.

He stumbled to the door and sagged heavily, beginning to clench around nothing as he started to pant. “Anko.” She looked over and his head dropped, cheeks coloring. “I need you to fuck me now, please.”

“How do you want it this time?” She took one last bite of a carrot before tossing the top in the garbage and trotting over. “Kami, dude, I know you showered a few hours ago, but you’re disgusting.”

“Not my fault it’s a billion degrees outside,” Iruka grumbled. “Shower again, I guess. I’m  _ trying  _ not to run the water bill up.” He tugged her into the room and shoved the box of heat aids at her before rummaging for a towel. “Dealer’s choice. I just need something besides my fingers.”

She smacked him playfully on the ass as he walked past to go to the bathroom. “Careful what you wish for, I might bring out the big one.”

“You won’t,” he said, pointing at her before shutting the bathroom door and turning on the shower to the coldest setting. He sighed as he stepped in, the icy water sluicing over his skin and washing away the sweat. As had also become routine, he glowered down at his body. “In a minute or two I’ll be an incoherent mess, so I’ll say it now. Fuck. You.” He knew it was useless, but the sentiment was there.

“That’s the plan,” Anko said as she walked in and climbed behind him. “Shit, it’s cold.”

“Didn’t mean you, you know that,” he muttered. “I should just get fixed. That’d solve the problem. And no need for more pills.” He jerked forward as the heat twisted lower in his stomach and he could feel the slick running down the back of his thigh. Anko guided him to lean against the side of the shower and spread his legs. “Please, Anko--” 

“They won’t let you,” she said in a rush, trying to get the most out of him before he gave in completely. “Wanna keep you fertile and it sucks, but add that to the list.” 

Iruka whined as she began fingering him open, need flooding every nerve. “Fuck the list,” he growled. “And the council and the rules but most of all  _ me,  _ fuck  _ me.” _

“Needy, aren’t you,” she said, working another finger in. At the next growling whine, she kissed the side of his neck in apology. “All right, Ru, it’s okay. I’ve got you, calm down.” Her hand rubbed over his stomach before reaching down to grasp him. “We’ll get through it again.” He ground back wordlessly until she slid the heat aid into him, biting into his own shoulder to smother the long groan at the sensation of finally,  _ finally  _ surrendering to what he needed and being filled. “Just another day, hon. You’ve got this.  _ We’ve  _ got this. You’ll do just fine.”

 

**

_ Two Weeks Later _

 

“I don’t care what you want, you’re going.” Anko plopped her legs on his lap as she leaned back over the arm of the couch. “His birthday’s just an excuse to get drunk and you--” she poked his nose-- “need to get out of the house for something besides training.”

“Hey, I went out with Izumo the other day,” Iruka said, slapping her hand away. “Besides, aren’t you worried about Dad finding out?”

“Ahh, you’re fine,” she said. “Besides, if nothing else, you’re with your humble, ever-loving guardian.” She bent over in a half bow, prompting a snort. “Get dressed. We leave in half an hour.” Iruka groaned as she got up and tugged him to the bedroom closet. “Where’s your going out clothes?”

“Don’t have any.” Iruka pulled a pillow across his face and sighed. “We’ve got a good cease-fire going, Anko, I don’t want to ruin that. We live our lives in peace without each other.” He peered out to see Anko staring. “Other than when  _ you  _ pester me about him.”

“You and Kakashi should get along,” she said, shrugging as she went back to searching. “We need to go shopping for you. This is just sad.” 

Iruka heard a little gasp before fabric covered the pillow, another heavier item close behind. “Anko.”

“You called?”

“What did I say about throwing stuff at me?”

She giggled. “That it makes you irritated and I shouldn’t,” she said.

“Then why do you insist on it?” Iruka shoved the pile off his face, looking over to see a sky blue t-shirt and jeans. 

“You’re a shinobi. It’s better to keep your reflexes sharp, especially if you’re going to be a jonin.” She grinned at his glare. “Don’t give me that.” 

“Jerk.” He tugged off his shirt and threw it at her, snickering when she was caught off guard. “You deserved that, don’t deny it.”

“Younglings. Always a chore.”

“I’m only a few years younger than you,” Iruka said indignantly before stopping to stare into space and tap his chin. “Or does this mean I can call you... _ old?”  _ He stiffened his joints and tottered over to fall against her. “My name’s Anko and it’s been so...long…”

“What, since I’ve had decent company? I know.” She stuck her tongue out as he slowly slid down her side to collapse on the floor, exclaiming he was mortally wounded. “Aww, get your clothes on and brush your hair. You’re going and that’s the end of it.”

“You’re making the next batch of dango then,” he said, pulling the new clothes on. 

“I make ‘em better anyway,” she said. 

Iruka scoffed as he retrieved his hairbrush from the bathroom and sat on the couch to do as he was told. “Maybe I just need more practice.”

Her bare shoulders stuck out of the bedroom door. “Does that mean you’ll make them regardless then?”

“Hell no,” he said. 

She walked out and stopped him just before he tied his hair into the signature ponytail. “Nope, special day, special style. Sit.” She pointed to the ground in front of her and he dutifully handed her the brush before he sat. “Braids for you.” He winced as she pulled a few strands out and she patted his head. “Sorry. Half up and braided down the back. You’ll look hot.”

“Not like there’s anyone I need to impress,” he grumbled.

“There might be,” she sang, wrapping one hand around his mouth before he could speak. “Not necessarily Kakashi either, calm down.” He licked the hand and she wiped it on his face as she went back to his hair. “You’ll have fun, I promise.”

“I’ll take your word for it.” He relaxed against her knees as she began to braid. “Though if he starts being an ass I’m leaving.” She snickered and he leaned his head back to stare at her. “What?”

“Ever think he likes you?”

“Oh, not you too,” he groaned. “First Izumo, then Mizuki, now you--fuck, what’s next, him admitting it? People don’t pick on people they  _ really  _ like, Anko.”

She tapped his face to push it down and finish. “I kid, I kid. You do have a good thing going with not talking to him. Ponytail, please.” He handed one up and she tied the end of the braid before pushing him toward the bathroom. “Go see how beautiful you look.”

“Can’t we just go? I’ve got stuff to do in the morning,” he said.

“You’re lame,” she said, pulling on her sandals. “All right, let’s go and you can be lame at a fun party.” He growled as she dragged him outside, but sank into an easy conversation as they walked to the bar. 

Genma met them at the door, senbon replaced by a cigarette as he and Kakashi sat talking. “Hey, welcome!” Genma called. It was hard to miss the sideways glance at Kakashi, who simply walked back inside when he saw them. “Ignore him,” Genma said. “He’s been in a mood all night.” As they got closer, he threw an arm around each of their shoulders and lowered his voice conspiratorially. “I think he and Sera are having a spat, but you didn’t hear it from me.”

Anko laughed and ducked out from under him, grinning back at Iruka. “Perfect,” she said.

“Oh?” Genma asked, crushing out the cigarette. “Do I smell something brewing here?”

“Not a thing,” Iruka said, walking after Anko. “All right, lover, lead the way.” He put a hand on her shoulder and followed her to the bar, where she ordered for them. A minute later, he took a sip of something surprisingly sweet and all together delicious. “Not bad,” he mused, tapping their glasses together. “Where to?”

“Gotta make the rounds,” she said, pointing around the crowded inside. “Then we’re gonna dance and I don’t care if you don’t want to, because your lady insists.” She pulled him toward Ibiki sitting at the end of the bar. “What’s up, Morino?”

“Not much,” the older man said, idly swirling his drink. “Just the general boredom that comes with these things.” He smiled at Iruka. “You know.”

“Aww, come on,” Anko said, punching his arm lightly. “Don’t scare off the kid from his first party.”

“You’re fine,” Iruka assured, taking a drink. “She dragged me here anyway. Didn’t you?” He looked down at her and caught the cheesiest smile before she waved to Ibiki and dragged Iruka over to Asuma and Kurenai. “Asuma,” Iruka greeted.

The man started and looked back, laughing when he saw Iruka. “Anko, stealing his first party from me. For shame,” he said. He drew Iruka into a one armed hug. “What’s she getting you into?”

“Nothing but the finest bits of trouble,” Anko said. “Not my fault you were gone and didn’t corrupt him properly.” She stuck her tongue out and turned around, almost biting down when she bumped into Sera looking down sternly. “Um, hey?”

“Welcome,” Sera said, plastering a fake smile on her face. “I didn’t realize you’d been invited.”

“To be fair, neither was I,” Kurenai supplied.

“Heard there was a party, and who am I to resist?” Anko asked. “Besides, Konoha always knows how to have fun.” She gestured grandly around. “So here we are.”

Sera looked Iruka up and down appraisingly. “You’re a little young, aren’t you?”

“He’s with me,” Anko said, narrowing her eyes. “He’s good.” 

Iruka met Sera’s frustration-laden gaze as Anko tugged him past and he shook his head to clear the cloud of unease. “Lovely, drag me to a party we weren’t even invited to,” he grumbled. “Now he’s got more reason to hate me.”

“No one hates you,” Anko assured, leading him back to the bar to order another round. “See? Rai’s here.” She pointed across the dance floor to where he and Genma were talking animatedly to Sera and Kakashi. “He likes you.”

When Raidou rubbed his stomach, Sera’s gaze snapped to Iruka. Kakashi threw his arms around the omega, laughing happily, but his face fell when he turned back to see Sera staring. He tucked her under his arm and steered her face into a distracting kiss. 

Iruka sighed. “She doesn’t.”

“Fuck Sera,” Anko said. “She’s a bitch, and I don’t like her, so she can go jump off a cliff for all I care.” She pushed him out on the floor as a dance beat started pounding through the speakers and turned her back to his chest, wiggling back against him. “Now dance, kid! Show me what you’ve got!”

It turned out that with a few drinks in him, he wasn’t a half bad dancer, and by the time Anko had moved on to catching up with Kurenai, Iruka needed to step outside for a breather. Stray hair was falling out of the braid and he undid it, threading his fingers through the strands to untangle them. He sighed happily as he leaned against the brick.

Out of the darkness, a shock of silver hair emerged as Kakashi walked over to thump on the wall next to him. To Iruka’s surprise, the jonin leaned almost uncomfortably close and  _ smelled  _ him before asking a simple question. “Why’re you so mean to me?”

With the alcohol flowing through him, Iruka told him exactly. “‘Cause you’re a jerk,” he said. “Always being mean to  _ me.”  _ He looked up and wrinkled his nose. “‘Oh, I’m Kakashi and I’m so  _ cool  _ and poor Iruka isn’t.’ Maybe if you knew me you’d think different.”

Kakashi crossed his arms, swaying slightly. “Well, since I’m  _ very  _ drunk, you and I are gonna be friends for the night.” He stuck out his hand and whined when Iruka rolled his eyes. “Hey, you’re the one who said it. Less be buds.”

Iruka turned to face him, one shoulder still firmly planted on the wall. “You first,” he said. “Why d’you always avoid me?”

“Sera doesn’t like you,” Kakashi said. “Tol’ me you’re bad.”

“And big, bad alpha always does as his beta says?” Iruka asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Her? Fuck yeah,” Kakashi snorted. He leaned in, balancing with one hand on Iruka’s shoulder, and whispered loudly in his ear. “You’ll get it when you’re older.” He patted Iruka’s head, obviously satisfied with the advice, and Iruka glared at him. “What? ‘M givin’ good advice, mark my words.”

“We’re both stuck with betas,” Iruka said, sliding out from under his hand. “We could do worse.”

“You? Pffft.” Kakashi waved a hand in his face. “Hokage’s kid and no pairing? You’re stupid.” He leaned close again, almost laying his head on Iruka’s shoulder as he sniffed. “‘Sides, you smell  _ real  _ good and that’s a shame to waste.”

“You do too,” Iruka said, fighting the urge to turn and bury his head in the silver hair. “But no one wants y--” He clapped a hand over his mouth and shook his head, eyes widening as Kakashi pulled back. “Oops.”

To his surprise, Kakashi laughed and took out a cigarette. “‘S okay, I don’t want anyone else. But tell me seriously, does this--” he slid his fingers into the top of his mask and Iruka’s heart stopped as he began to tug it down-- “look like the face of a kil--”

“Kakashi,” Sera snapped from the door. “What in the hell are you doing?”

The jonin held up the cigarette and shook it at her, leaving the mask displaced. “Wass it look like?”

She turned to Iruka. “Please leave,” she said coolly. When he hesitated, she pointed and snarled. “Now.” He flushed and obeyed, walking back in and straight into Anko, who hugged him and kissed his cheek. 

“Where’d you go?”

“Ousside. Talked with Kakashi,” Iruka said, leaning on her. “And he  _ wasn’t  _ a jerk this time.”

“Good, good.” She kissed him on the nose and pulled him back to Asuma and Kurenai. “Your lil bro was out talking with the birthday dude,” she said, pointing to where Sera and Kakashi had reappeared. “They’ve gotta thing.”

“Do not,” Iruka insisted. “He’s--” his face wound in thought-- “maybe not as big of a jerk as I thought? Can I say that?”

“You can do anything you want, Iruka,” Asuma laughed. “I’m just glad you two are getting along.”

“Aren’t we all?” Anko loudly asked Kurenai.

“Shhh,” Iruka said pressing a finger to her lips. “We should go home. Do some things.” He pushed her toward the door, waving back to Asuma as he left. “Dango. We need some of that. And water. Kami, I’m thirsty.” He swallowed hard as they stepped outside. “Home?”

“That’s where the dango shit is,” Anko said, shoving him down the street. “Let’s go, Ru.”

 

**

Kakashi’s eye cracked open to sunlight and a piercing glare from Sera, perched on the end of the bed. “Mornin’?” he asked, looking around in confusion in the split second before what felt like an anvil came crashing down on his head. “Mmm, fuck, don’t feel good.”

“It’s almost four in the evening,” Sera said, and Kakashi could swear her voice had never been that loud or grating.

He shrunk back into the pillows and pulled the blanket over his eyes, flashing lights dancing across his vision and making him nauseous. “Good thing I had off,” he groaned. “Ohh, kami, remind me never to drink again.” He felt her get up and walk over, and he could  _ feel  _ the glare through the blanket. “Seriously, I feel like hell.”

“Yeah, you look like it too,” she muttered, tugging the blanket away. “Get up. You need to eat, and we’re having a talk.” She rolled her eyes before stalking out and slamming the door behind her.

His stomach churned as he sat up, cradling his head in his hands before sliding them through his hair. “Shit,” he said softly. He slowly stood and when the room stopped spinning, walked shakily toward the door. “Sera,” he called, rubbing his eyes as he trudged down the hall. “How much exactly did I have to drink last night?” 

“A hell of a lot more than you should have,” she said, thumping a cutting board onto the counter. “And you smoked,  _ and  _ you had a real fucking good time.” She thudded a knife down on it and Kakashi felt another wave of nausea pass through him. “I haven’t seen you that bad in a long time. What the hell is your problem?”

“You, currently,” Kakashi snapped as she ripped open the refrigerator door. “Could you be any louder?” The question was met by the slamming door and his head snapped up, voice dropping and dripping with authority.  _ “Stop.” _

Sera looked at him in shock. “Did you just try and use your voice on me?”

“If it’ll get you to stop making so much  _ fucking  _ noise, then yes,” he said. “Forget me, what’s your issue? You’ve been like this for months now.  _ Tell  _ me.”

“Nothing,” she muttered. “What do you remember?”

All that he dredged up was blackness and some odd flashes, like Raidou’s pregnancy, Asuma and Kurenai’s pairing, and... _ Iruka?  _ He shook his head, trying to clear it and see if the brown hair was the omega before the memory of the scent hit him. His eyes flew open. “A little,” he said. “Don’t tell me I told Gen and Rai I’d like, love the kid as my own or something. Because I’d rather love my own kids instead.” He looked at her twisted face. “I didn’t say that, did I?”

“No.” Her voice was curt as she pulled out bowls from the cupboard. “You didn’t.”

“Are you going to tell me why you’re being shitty or do I have to figure it out myself?” Kakashi asked. Sera set her lips and he sighed.  “Whatever,” he muttered. “Go fuck myself, heard.”

“Who else did you talk to?”

“I’ve got no idea,” Kakashi said. “Look, if I did something wrong, just yell at me and be done with it. I don’t have the energy for this to be a long thing. You’re pissier than a heat-sick omega and I’m tired of it.”

“You’d know all about that, though,” she snapped. “Heat-sick omegas. Omegas who send you into rut early. Always smelling around him at the mission desk. On him all last night too.”

“What?”

_ “Iruka!”  _ she shouted, exasperated. 

He clapped his hands over his ears, her cry ringing through his head. “He’s just an omega with an attitude. Fuck, what is  _ with  _ you? You’re obsessed with him, not me!”

“You really don’t remember?”

“No,” he insisted. “I mean, he was there, and that’s all I’ve got.”

Sera leaned against the counter, arms crossed and eyes narrowed. “You two had a nice chat,” she said. “A  _ real  _ nice ch--”

“Oh, what, I’m not allowed to talk to others now, is that it?” Kakashi asked. “Because I’m telling you right now that’s not going to work.”

“He’s an omega, Kakashi,” she snapped. “He’s beneath you.”

“I talk to Raidou all the fucking time,” he shot back. “Being an omega’s not exactly a qualifier for being able to talk to someone. Do better next time.” He scoffed and retreated to the couch, burying his face under a pillow. “So what if I talked to Iruka? It’s not like we’re suddenly best friends. He’s still  _ Iruka.”  _

“You’re always so hung up on him,” she sneered. She set the bowls down on the table and walked over to take the pillow away and glare again. “‘Oh, Iruka pissed me off today. Did you hear what Iruka said about me? I saw Iruka out doing whatever the fuck it is he does.’ If he’s not a friend, then why are you  _ always  _ on about him?”

The nausea was slowly being replaced by burning frustration, the pounding in his head turning instead to a thrumming pulse as his ire was stirred. “I see him all the time at the mission desk? I mean, fuck, Sera, what more do you want?”

“You.” Her eyes swam as she sank to the floor and rested her head near his. “I just want you.”

He sighed and closed his eyes before resting a hand on her head. She relaxed into him. “You have me, babe. I don’t understand what this is all about.”

She sniffed and grabbed his hand tightly. “It feels like you’re slipping away and there’s nothing I can do to stop it,” she whispered. “And with all the recent missions and Rai being pregnant and I’m not--” she sniffed again and used the back of his hand to wipe away a tear-- “It’s just  _ hard.  _ And then you go and--” she broke off and gestured vaguely.

He took three deep breaths before speaking, voice cool and even. “Sera.”

“What?”

“Am I not supposed to go near anyone who might, at any point in the future, want me?” Kakashi asked.

“No, I just--argh,” she groaned. “He’s  _ different.” _

Kakashi groaned and squeezed her hand before pulling his back to rest it over his eyes. “I don’t see how. He’s just another omega and if I can talk to one, I should be able to talk to all without an issue.”

“You almost showed him your face,” she barely breathed out.

He froze. “I what, now?” He looked over to see her nodding, and panic began to seep in.  _ “Why?” _

“‘Does this look like the face of a killer?’ was the only thing I heard before I caught you. Kami, Kakashi,  _ that’s  _ why he’s bad for you. He makes you stupid,” she said. “Almost dragging your mask down in the middle of Konoha. You didn’t though, but think of it. Think of how he’d warp your judgement if you started hanging out with him? I’m looking out for your best interest.”

“Sera, I already know you are,” he muttered. “This wouldn’t have gone on for almost seven years if I thought differently, trust me. I would’ve pushed you out a long time ago if that wasn’t the case. He’s  _ fine.”  _ He rolled to face her, tracing her cheek with a cool finger. “You know you’re the one I want. He’s nothing to me.”

“You should stay away from him,” she said.

“Does it really mean that much to you?” She nodded and he sighed deeply. “Why?”

“Think of your standing, kakashi. Sniffing around an unpaired omega just looks bad, even without me being just...cast away,” she muttered, closing her eyes and inhaling. “For me, please?”

“If I say yes, can we put this behind us?” Kakashi asked.

“If you can keep the promise,” she said with a soft kiss to his forehead. “I love you and don’t want to see you hurt. Iruka could put that in jeopardy. Don’t you trust me?”

“With my life,” Kakashi said, returning the kiss. “I think you’re wrong, but sure. I can do my best to avoid him.”

“You  _ will _ avoid him,” she ordered.

“I said I’ll do my best.” The alpha was slipping back in, and he didn’t care. “It’s not guaranteed I’ll never run into him. Konoha’s only so big.

“You  _ will,”  _ she insisted, emphasizing with a poke to his chest.

He sat up and growled. “Seriously, what the fuck is your issue with him? I said I’d try, okay?”

“You’re a jonin, you can do better than try,” she said, getting up to follow him as he retreated to the bedroom. 

Kakashi shut the door in her face and sagged against it as he reached to the dresser for a mask and his weapons pouch. “We’re not doing this right now,” he said, brushing past her when he had everything situated. “I’m going out, getting some coffee and doing some training. When my head isn’t busy shattering into pieces, I’ll come back. If we do this now, we’ll both end up saying shit we regret, so just let me go.”

She gaped as he tugged on his shoes. “You’re joking, right? Leaving now?”

“No, I’m being an adult and knowing my limits, so let me be,” he muttered, throwing on his flak vest. “I’m going to the training grounds and I’ll be back in an hour or so. Where else am I going to go, seek him out? No. I’m disgusting and feel even worse than I look.”

“Liar,” she spat, stepping in front of the door before he could open it. “I saw the way you looked at that little bitch.”

“He’s the hokage’s adopted son,” he said. He tapped two fingers on his forehead before forcing the door open and rushing into blinding sunlight. “You could afford some respect. And he may be an omega, but at least he’s not a bitch like you.”

“I wasn’t a bitch when you were begging me to fuck you last week during rut,” she said.

“Whatever,” he snapped. “Just stay. Here.”

She stepped out and grabbed his arm, tugging him back. ‘You know we should finish this,” she said. “Don’t leave me alone.”

“You don’t get to say that,” he said. “You are  _ not  _ my owner. You are my beta, and like it or not, I don’t actually have to fucking listen to you. So when I say I’m leaving for an hour,  _ I’m leaving for an hour.”  _ He jerked his arm away and almost fell down the three stairs down from the small porch. 

“Oh, don’t you dare turn your back on me,” she snarled.

He heard her start after him and turned around with a snide smile, signing for a transportation jutsu just before she reached him. When he appeared at the training fields, he didn’t bother checking for others before taking out three kunai and whipping them with deadly accuracy at one of the wooden dummies. As he walked to retrieve them, entire body shaking, he turned to see Iruka standing at the edge and watching him, eyes wide and hand full of shuriken. “You,” Kakashi said, pointing at him before advancing. “You’re coming with me, and we’re having a fucking talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via Tumblr, Twitter, or join a pretty sweet Discord for all the updates in one place <3


	8. Secrets

Iruka’s muscles locked at the sight of Kakashi appearing on the field and immediately beginning to throw kunai. When the jonin turned to him with a wild look in his eyes, Iruka about fainted just to avoid whatever incoming blows he was about to be dealt. “You,” Kakashi said. “You’re coming with me, and we’re having a fucking talk.” 

“I, ah, I’d rather not,” Iruka said, stepping back and panicking at the fact his back was pressed against a tree. The shuriken in his hand shifted as he gripped them tighter. “I’ll just be going. I was almost--” He gulped as Kakashi smacked a hand on the bark to the side of his head. “Um, done?”

“What did I talk to you about last night?” Kakashi’s voice was rough, eyes dark in the late evening sun as he stared at the chunin. “Because apparently I was too far gone to remember, and Sera’s fucking  _ livid  _ at the both of us.” Iruka pressed himself further into the tree as Kakashi sniffed at him. “Kami, don’t be nervous. I’m not out to get you.”

“Can you back up then?” Iruka’s eyes darted over Kakashi’s face until the older man did as he requested. “You told me she doesn’t like me, then we talked about being stuck with our betas forever,” he said. Kakashi crossed his arms and gestured for him to continue. It did seem as if the malice in his eye was misplaced irritation, and Iruka breathed a little easier. “You told me I was stupid, too, but I should’ve expected that.”

“Why did I show you my face?”

Iruka blanched. “You didn’t,” he said. “You got that--” he pointed to the mask-- “down around your nose and that was about it before she caught you.”

Kakashi turned his back to the tree and slid down with a groan. “Tell me what I said, word for word.” He yanked Iruka down to sit next to him and leaned his head back. “And why didn’t you stop me?”

“You seemed sure of yourself,” Iruka sighed. “I don’t remember exactly what you said, but it was something about your face looking killer. Which, after seeing you just now I don’t doubt it does.” He snorted. “You also told me we’re friends now. Or were, for the night. I assume the offer doesn’t extend past that.”

“Tch, doubt it,” Kakashi said. “You’re not exactly what I look for in a friend.”

“Well obviously, not if you’re going to be an ass about it,” Iruka muttered. He tossed a shuriken at the tree in front of him. “I thought we had a good thing going. Avoid each other except when strictly necessary and everything’s fine.”

“I thought so too, but apparently drunk me thinks you’re worth something.” Kakashi held up a hand as Iruka began to gear up for a protest. “Not what I meant, just...apparently you mean more to me than my head lets on.” He tilted his head down between his knees and moaned. “Shouldn’t you be suffering like the rest of us?” 

“Had a slight headache earlier, but I’m fine,” Iruka said, throwing the second shuriken. “I’m also a lot younger.”

Kakashi kept his head between his legs when he spoke. “What, three or four years? Not that big of a difference.” Iruka shook his head and looked down to see the jonin’s eye peering out at him. “We need to figure this shit out, Iruka. Either we talk or we don’t.”

“Doesn’t matter to me,” Iruka said. He clamped his teeth around one blade of the third shuriken, metal cool against his lips. 

To his surprise, Kakashi stated he thought they  _ should  _ continue talking. “I know Anko thinks we should. Sera thinks we shouldn’t. I’m sure everyone else has opinions, but if you were important enough to grab my attention, acquaintances? Let’s drop the hackles.”

“Fine.” Iruka threw the last shuriken before heaving to his feet to retrieve them. “Just don’t expect me to fall at your feet like everyone else. I’m not that kind of man.”

“Whatever.”

Iruka looked back to see the eye still trained on him. “Problem with that?”

“No.” Kakashi continued to stare and Iruka bristled, earning a heavy sigh. “I just needed a few minutes alone out here and you’re in my line of vision,” he said. “Do  _ you  _ have a problem?”

“Not at all.” Iruka ducked his head as he put the shuriken in his holster, hoping to hide the blush he could feel creeping up his face. “I’ll just, ah, go then.” He jerked his head away from the clearing and turned to leave, a small part of him waiting for Kakashi to say goodbye.

The other man waited until he was a few steps away before calling to him. “Iruka?”

“Hmm?”

Kakashi was leaning back again, one arm draped over his hair. “Do the entirety of Konoha a favor and don’t run into Sera anymore. It’s better that way.”

Iruka shot him a sarcastic smile. “Yes, because we’re friends now, I’m going to seek out your  _ girlfriend  _ and talk to her too,” he said. “Be serious. Let’s take this one careful step at a time, Kakashi.” He walked away without a second glance, ambling under trees with his face to the sky. The clouds were barely moving in the September heat and when he couldn’t find any interesting patterns, he looked down only to see a streak of orange making a beeline toward him. 

“Watch out!” it shouted before tripping over his feet. The boy went sprawling in the road, and Iruka looked down to see none other than the demon fox himself dusting off his clothes. “I said watch out,” Naruto grumbled, glowering at him. “Man, now I’m going to be in last place in the race.”

“Race?” Iruka asked curtly. 

Naruto nodded and folded his arms, screwing his face in a pout. “I was racing myself to the end of the road and I was winning until  _ you  _ got in the way.”

“You need to pay better attention,” Iruka said. “Someone could’ve been hurt.” He glared down, seeing nothing but the monster of so many years ago as the kid looked up at him. “Control yourself.”

“I’ll be a better ninja than you someday. I’m going to be Hokage!” Naruto insisted. “Believe it.”

“I don’t.” Iruka curled a lip up and turned away, ignoring the boy’s frustrated whine before listening to him run off. “What a fucking joke,” he muttered. “Hokage. You’re a demon, literally. You’ll never make it.” When he walked in the door, Anko was lounging on the couch with one leg propped over the side and the other laying on the floor. “Careful, I might take that as an invitation,” he said, snickering. “If I tell you something, do you promise not to ambush me?”

“I make no promises.” Anko slid the leg on the couch onto his shoulder, tugging his face down  _ dangerously  _ close to her shorts. “Don’t be a weirdo.”

“Pfft, I’m not the one dragging me down to her level,” he said. “Can you at least promise not to flip out?”

With a sigh, Anko flipped her book shut and looked over the cover at him. “That’s an A+ way to make me flip out, but spill,” she said. “Did you hurt yourself or something?”

“Could have.”

Anko raised an eyebrow. “Too busy thinking to throw properly?”

“Better than not being able to move all day, you lump,” he teased, pulling both her feet into his lap. “No, Kakashi showed up and he was  _ pissed.  _ But--” he held up a finger as Anko’s fists balled in concern-- “he talked to me voluntarily, apologized,  _ and  _ said we should let the last six months go.”

“Iruka.” The look on her face was terrifying, her smile creasing her eyes until they were almost nonexistent, and he could feel her beginning to vibrate. “Did you make a friend?” She held her breath and he was tempted to never speak again, hold back the tide of insanity he could feel swelling behind her lips.

Against his better judgement, he said yes.

_ “What?”  _ She reached over to tackle him against the back of the couch, burying his face in her chest before ripping it back to beam at him. “That’s fantastic! What’d he say? Why was he angry? Did you tell him he took his mask off? Did he--”

“Anko,” he groaned, putting both hands on her shoulders to hold her at arms length. “I will tell you, but you need to listen, okay?”

“You will not leave out one--” she leaned forward to their noses were almost touching-- “single--” he shoved her off and held her at bay with his feet-- “detail.”

**

When Kakashi walked in the door, Sera turned from where she was leaning over the sink to turn red eyes to him. “I’m sorry,” she said before he even got his jacket off. “Kakashi, I’m  _ so  _ sorry.” She’d spent the last two hours in a panic, first at the thought of him coming home for another fight, then at the thought of him  _ not  _ coming home. “I was wrong, and I fucking--” she swiped a wrist over her eyes, cursing the tears that were prickling-- “take it back. I take it all back.”

The clink of zippers and weapons was loud in the soul shattering silence as he took off his uniform and walked behind her, settling strong arms around her shoulders and his chin on her head. “I’m not going to lie to you,” he said softly. “I’m not happy with the way things have been recently, Sera. I don’t understand, and it’s frustrating. I don’t like that.” His sigh ruffled her hair and she leaned into his touch. “I want to fix it, but I don’t know how. You won’t tell me. I don’t know, I’m just--” his hands tightened and she could  _ feel  _ his entire body frown-- “I’m not good at this.”

“You don’t have to be.” She shuffled around to wrap her arms around his waist and bury her face in his chest. “I--I’ve been being an idiot.”  _ I couldn’t handle the thought of you leaving, walking away. I hate it. Hate  _ him  _ for causing the thought.  _ “I promise to do better.” She held tighter as her eyes welled. “Please don’t leave again.”

“Why would I?” Kakashi asked. He tipped her chin up and met her eyes. “You don’t erase seven years’ worth of relationship because of a fight.” She saw a broken heaven in his eyes--storm clouds promising renewal, the want of more but the heartbreak of it being just out of reach. Everything vanished as he bent down to kiss her, lips moving gently over hers with all the care in the world. It was the way he kissed her in the dark after they’d fucked, each brush of his lips an unspoken ‘I love you’ as he came back to himself. “You don’t do it,” he whispered again. “But can you stop shutting me out? I love you, and it’s fucking painful to see you keeping this inside.” He kissed her again before settling back on her head. “I miss you. Can we just forgive each other?”

“Please,” Sera breathed. Kakashi took her hands to lead her to the couch, settling in with her back against his chest and his legs wrapped around her hips. “We should put it behind us, focus on the future. January is the next Council meeting, and I’ve been meaning to talk to you about trying for our marriage license.” She put his hands on her stomach and shifted her face to kiss his jaw. “Maybe then we can get somewhere on the family thing.”

“A child,” he murmured, nuzzling into her cheek.  _ “Our  _ child. Seven years in the making.”

“You’re going to be amazing, Kakashi.” The thought of him on his hands and knees playing with their son or daughter gave her pride and no short amount of love, and when she felt him growing against her back, she tucked his fingertips into the waist of her pants. “Want to have another go at it?”

Kakashi pulled back enough to whisper in her ear, hands already wandering. “If I ever say no to that question, I’m in danger,” he said, nibbling just below her earlobe. “So yes, I absolutely fucking do.”

**

That night, she promised to let her anger--her  _ hate-- _ go. And for the most part, she did. When she watched Kakashi smile at Iruka at the mission desk, she forced a smile to her face as well. When Iruka sought Kakashi out for help with a new jutsu, she let him go without a fight. She told herself it was because Kakashi was good at what he did, reminded herself that Iruka was  _ vehemently  _ against being with an alpha. When Kakashi brought the chunin up around her, she listened dutifully, quietly. And when Kakashi grinned and told her he thought of Iruka as an actual friend, she forced down the bitter tang of frustration and  _ let. It. Go. _

**

Over the next few months, Anko was a loving thorn in Iruka’s side, always encouraging ‘chance’ encounters between he and Kakashi. She slipped Iruka hints about the jonin’s whereabouts and pointedly ignored the fact that almost every time, he sneaked out to follow the trail. It happened frequently enough that she was incredibly careful about making sure he was taking his birth control each morning. In early December, she’d gathered enough on their bond--rather, their insistence there  _ wasn’t  _ one--to go to the hokage and let him know everything. He accepted the information gracefully, and she kept her first careful secret from Iruka.

**

Iruka pretended not to notice Anko’s not-so-subtle ploys to get he and Kakashi to spend time together. He told himself he went to get her off his back, but he knew he was a liar. He brushed off her implications he and Kakashi were growing into something more, choosing to ignore the fact that jonin was beginning to come to him as well. He shrugged away Sera’s lingering glares at the mission desk, denied anything other than friendship when his father started asking him very pointed questions about the pair of them. He refused to admit that late at night when there was no one but he and his hand the jonin invaded the far reaches of his fantasies. And when his third heat hit in mid-December? He refused to admit he’d accidentally cried out the alpha’s name.

**

Kakashi knew Sera saw he and Iruka growing closer. He tried each day to convince her not to worry, that they were friends and nothing more. To her credit, she didn’t nag. Didn’t cry, didn’t scream, didn’t throw any sort of fit, just...mutely accepted it. When Iruka clapped a hand on his shoulder after a particularly atrocious joke, he told himself the heat spreading through his body was embarrassment. He concentrated on the preparations for the Council and held Sera close at night, even going so far as to ask the chunin for advice on how to persuade his father how they should proceed. What he didn’t do was watch Iruka’s face twist when he turned away from the conversation.

**

At Christmas time, Kakashi accepted Iruka’s gift with eager hands. “It’s a book,” the chunin explained, rubbing at his neck.

“What, think my library needs updating?” Kakashi asked teasingly.

“I just happen to find it disturbing that all you read is porn,” Iruka said. “There’s no sex in this one but it’s probably better.” He flushed at Kakashi’s playful growl and shoved him toward the door. “It’s my copy so if you don’t end up liking it, maybe don’t throw it away or donate it.” He met Kakashi’s eyes and quirked the side of his mouth up.

“I make no promises, but I’ll try it,” Kakashi said. “I, uh--” he scuffed a foot and looked past Iruka to the snow falling outside-- “didn’t get you anything. Sorry?”

“Wasn’t expecting you to,” Iruka said. “Now get out before I assign you another mission.” He sat back behind the mission desk and waved Kakashi off, the scar on his nose stark white against the crimson of his face. “Have a good holiday, Kakashi.”

Kakashi sent a masked grin back as he walked out the door and down to the snowy streets. He watched families go about their last minute shopping and when he walked in the door, Sera greeted him warmly. “Mm, I missed you today,” Kakashi said, shedding his wet clothes. “Couldn’t stop thinking about how I wanted to get you bent over and full of me.” He let her to to retreat to the bedroom and pull on sweatpants, groaning in relief at the soft fabric. “Are you up for th--oh, holy shit,” he breathed. 

Sera’s clothes were piled on the coffee table, and she was  _ resplendent  _ in black lace under the multi-colored tree lights. “Am I up for it?” she purred, smirking as she parroted his words from months ago. “Darling, if I ever say no, I’m in danger.” Her finger cocked in front of her, drawing him in on an invisible line as her other hand wandered over her pale skin. “Come unwrap your present, Kakashi.”

His hands slid up her thighs as he leaned into her, slowly pressing her down to the floor. “As beautiful as it’d be to take you right here, those lights painting your skin--” he bent to kiss down her stomach, pausing at the top of her underwear-- “I think it’d be better to fuck you between the sheets. Bedroom?”

“Anywhere you want me,” she said, taking his proffered hand as he stood. “Because all  _ I  _ want is you so deep in me you forget your name.” 

**

After he had indeed come so hard he almost forgot himself, Sera cleaned them and announced she was going to retire early. Kakashi made sure she was settled before wandering out to pick Iruka’s present off the table. He examined the plain brown paper, noting the careful neatness of the tucked corners and tiny pieces of tape. It figured a desk-nin would wrap beautifully, and Kakashi smiled as he carefully undid the paper.

The delicate, somewhat muted scent of black tea, oranges, and sun-kissed grass drifted up from the pages as he thumbed through them. It was a welcome scent, one that reminded him of summer deep in the middle of Konoha’s winter, and he inhaled deeply as warmth settled in his stomach. The pages were worn and dog eared, binding creased with use. There was the occasional scribble in the margin, and Kakashi  _ knew  _ it was one of Iruka’s favorites. The trusting gesture didn’t go unnoticed, and his smile grew as he settled in to read by the light of the tree. 

The words came to life under the soft hues, telling a tale of men and women with the capacity to use all different sorts of magic. The notes Iruka took told a different tale, the tale of a man hell bent on improving himself, taking notes from heroes and analyzing what made a villain  _ bad.  _ It lent Kakashi a better understanding of Iruka, and he found the pages zipping by as one chapter became two, then four, then half the book. The scent drew him as much as the words and he soon caught himself taking not-so-careful lungfuls of the chunin.

When he realized, he slammed the book shut and tossed it to the other side of the couch, horrified. He scrambled back over the arm, almost falling to the floor before righting himself and making his way down the hall to curl under the blankets next to Sera, burying his face in her hair in the hopes he’d banish Iruka’s smell. She made a tired noise and shifted to face him, and he drifted into an uneasy sleep trying to focus on her and her alone.

That night, he dreamed. The usual demons dancing through red and black flames disappeared in the face of an orange sunset washing over a field of gently swaying grass. His head rested on a warm shoulder as he surveyed the scene, and the other person’s hand was tangled in his. He trailed his eyes up black-clad legs to rest on the gentle swell of a stomach under a uniform shirt. The powerful feeling of possessiveness, adoration, and overwhelming  _ rightness  _ that crashed over him stunned him but as he looked up to watch Sera admire the scene, ice shot down his spine.

It wasn’t her.

It wasn’t Sera.

It was  _ Iruka. _

Iruka, glancing down at him with those kind eyes and scarred nose. Iruka, head tilting in confusion as Kakashi dropped him to flash backwards, trying to get away as quick as possible. “You,” Kakashi gasped. “What the fuck?”

The pregnant chunin’s brow knit with worry. “You okay, love? I’d think it was pretty obvious ‘what the fuck.’” He gestured to his stomach before holding an arm out. “Did you see something, get scared?”

_ Only you.  _ Kakashi snapped his jaw shut and drew his knees to his chest, hiding himself the best he could as he just  _ stared.  _ The sight of Iruka pregnant--presumably with  _ his  _ child--was terrifying, but even worse, he found himself not entirely opposed to it. He shook his head mutely and squinted, trying to tamp down the growing feeling of everything being right in favor of focusing on why it was all  _ wrong.  _ Why was it Iruka carrying his child? Why did he think they were together? And most importantly,  _ why couldn’t he say anything about it?  _

Iruka beckoned him over again, and against his better judgement he settled into the chunin’s side with his mind going a mile a minute. “You’re safe here with me,” Iruka murmured, drawing Kakashi’s hand back to his stomach. “You and me and whatever this turns out to be.” He pressed his lips to the crown of Kakashi’s head and hummed happily. “The rest of the world doesn’t matter as long as we’re all here together, right?”

Kakashi’s eyes blew wide at the fact that he wanted to agree and before he knew it, he was conscious and panting heavily against Sera’s neck with the blankets twisted tightly in his legs.  _ What the hell was that?  _ He inhaled deeply and held it, hoping to calm his racing heart. His arm tightened around Sera’s stomach and she shifted, murmuring nonsense before her eyes cracked open. “Wha’s wrong, ‘Kashi?”

“Nothing,” he sighed, burying his forehead between her shoulders. “Had a weird dream. It’s okay.” He kissed along the bone with gentle lips and Sera ground her hips back against his.

“Mmm, need a hand with that?” She turned her head and Kakashi was grateful the darkness as his face heated at the fact that yes, he was almost  _ painfully  _ hard at the thought of his child inside Iruka. Of  _ himself  _ buried in the chunin. 

He sighed and tightened his arm around her as he shook his head. “No,” he said softly. “I’m good. I’ll be fine.”

“Must’ve been a good dream,” she murmured as his hand settled on her stomach. “What was it about?”

“Pregnant.” The word rushed out before he could bite it back, form a lie, and he froze. “You were...pregnant…”  _ Fuck.  _ “You were--”  _ He was.  _ “Beautiful, Sera.”  _ Iruka.  _ “It felt like everything I wanted.” That, at least, was the truth. 

“Why weird then?”

_ Because it wasn’t with you,  _ he wanted to say.  _ It wasn’t you and I didn’t hate it, and I don’t fucking know why. I  _ want  _ to hate it.  _ But instead, he huffed a small laugh against her neck. “Wasn’t weird, I guess. Just shocked me a little.” She shivered as he blinked rapidly, eyelashes teasing the back of her neck. “Go back to bed, love.” He straightened out the blankets and slid one leg between hers, seeking every possible inch of connection. “I love you.”

“Mm, love you too,” Sera said. “See you ‘n the mornin.’”

He sat up long past when she fell back asleep, mulling things over fruitlessly until his eyes began to droop once more. When he fell back into dreams, it was to the welcome sight of the normal nightmares. No more sunset, no more children, no more  _ Iruka-- _ just the demonic dance of a jonin’s everyday life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via Tumblr, Twitter, or join a pretty sweet Discord for all the updates in one place <3


	9. Bonds

March twenty-second marked three months since Kakashi had spoken a word to Iruka outside the mission desk. It marked three months of agonizing over his last words, where he’d went wrong, if he’d pushed too far with his gift. It marked three months of wondering if the jonin was ever going to speak to him again.

The silence weighed on him, even when he reminded himself Kakashi owed him nothing--including friendship. There was an almost constant pain in his chest. Not enough to be cause for concern, but the dull ache of something not quite right in the world. It was a subtle shift in everything and Iruka had had enough by the time the mating council meeting came. 

“Maybe he just sees me as an omega again,” he said, sinking low in his chair and crossing his arms as he considered for the thousandth time. “I was just reading too far into things. Obviously something got miscommunicated.”

“Ask him yourself,” Anko said, gesturing to the door. Kakashi and Sera walked in hand-in-hand, and Iruka felt his heart twist at the sight of Kakashi’s face crinkling in a smile when Sera leaned into his chest. “Hey, Hatake!” He looked up at the cry to see Anko waving wildly, beckoning him over.

“Oh, fuck you,” Iruka muttered, covering his face with his papers. “I don’t want to spend the whole night sitting next to him.”

“You two made up once and you can do it again,” she said as the pair made their way over. “Be nice.”

“Anko. Iruka.” Kakashi nodded at each of them before sitting next to Iruka, Sera sitting on the edge of the aisle and leaning over Kakashi’s shoulder. “Here for something special or just to listen to business?”

“He’s going to tell us about why omegas should be allowed more rights,” Anko said, jostling Iruka’s shoulder. “Isn’t that right?” He groaned and ducked further down, trying to hide his flush. “What’re you both here for?”

Sera beamed at Kakashi. “We finally got the paperwork finished, so we’re here to get it approved and make it official.”

Kakashi glanced at Iruka, eyes lingering as he nodded and kissed the side of her head. “Right,” he said. His voice was distant, distracted, and Iruka tried to ignore the unease settling in his stomach as a gavel pounded and the meeting was called to order.

Hiruzen cleared his throat from the front of the room when the Council formalities were through and they got to the thick of the meeting. “All right, we’ve got a lot to get through tonight, so let’s get this started.”

Asuma and Kurenai stood first, putting forth their plea to be approved for fertility treatments. Second was Mizuki’s beta, and Iruka’s brow knit in confusion when she asked to be reassigned. “I thought things were going well,” Iruka whispered to Anko. “Asking to be reassigned isn’t common.”

“Well, I doubt  _ she’s  _ the problem,” Anko replied. “You’re not hearing her side of the story.”

“Come on, Mizuki? The one who’s helped me so many t--” He cut off as Kakashi stood next to him, Sera following close behind.

“Hatake Kakashi and Nara Sera ask permission to be paired, hokage-sama,” Kakashi said. Anko met Iruka’s widening eyes with shock. He felt a chill settle into his bones as Sera smirked down as if to say ‘I win,’ and he couldn’t hold back his small growl at the forwardness as Kakashi continued. “We have all the necessary documents filed, we’re just waiting the Council’s approval.”

“Going to kill this one too?”

Kakashi’s head whipped to an older omega sitting near the door. “Care to repeat that?” His voice was dangerously low, hand curling into a fist as he stared.

The omega stood. “I asked if you’re going to kill this one too,” he said.

Sera snarled and took a step into the aisle, but Kakashi grabbed her before she could get anywhere. “If you’re going to ask stupid questions, shouldn’t you be on the playground with the children?” Kakashi asked. The omega opened his mouth and shut it at his glare. “Sit. Down.”

His tone held no room for argument and Iruka could’ve heard a pin drop as the omega took the order and Kakashi looked around. “Now, any other questions before we get on with things? No? Good. Before speaking ill of me, get to know me. Hokage-sama.” He nodded to Hiruzen as he sat, passing the floor back to him.

Hiruzen eyed the rest of the council before nodding back. “There will be no more interruptions of that nature,” he said. “We hear your request, Kakashi, and will consider it. Next, I think Iruka had some thoughts on law changes?”

“Next meeting,” Iruka said. The papers in his hand shook as he looked down, rattled to his core. Murmurs spread around the chamber and he leaned into Anko’s calming hand on his shoulder as tension radiated from Kakashi. Hiruzen didn’t press, and the rest of the meeting went smoothly.

When it was finished, the four of them found themselves alone on the street walking home. Kakashi held close to Sera and Iruka close to Anko, the two men unwilling to meet each other’s eyes until Anko shoved Iruka into Kakashi.

“You two are being weird,” she said. “I don’t like it.”

“I think they’re being perfectly normal,” Sera said warningly.

“We’re fine,” Kakashi agreed. “Right, Iruka?”

“Perfect,” Iruka muttered. “Just excellent. Why would anything be wrong, huh, Kakashi? We’ve never been better.”

“Okay stop,” Anko said, walking forward and putting a hand out. “Seriously, what is wrong with you two? You hate each other, then you can’t get enough of each other, and now this bullshit.”

“We’re  _ fine,”  _ they insisted in unison, and the two betas crossed their arms, unimpressed. 

“You heard them,” Sera said, leaning over Anko. “Isn’t it about time we all went home?”

“When one of them tells me what’s wrong,” Anko said. “And it had better be you, Kakashi, because I’m done listening to endless theorizing.”

Kakashi sighed and walked behind Sera to wrap his arms around her and peer at the two of them. “I’m a busy jonin trying to start a family,” he said. “I can’t afford...distractions.”

Iruka blanched, then flushed, then began to shake. “Distractions?” He brushed Anko’s warning hand off his shoulder and stepped forward. “You know what? Fine. Call me a distraction all you want but you know what I’ll never be? A  _ murderer.”  _

He didn’t bother listening to Sera’s sharp inhale or Kakashi’s growl as he walked away, straight past Anko and every other soul until he collapsed on his bed with a hand over his eyes, the ache in his chest spreading to every part of him at Kakashi’s denial.

**

Two weeks later, Iruka stared down at the table over a late supper. “I was so stupid,” he said yet again. “Thinking we could be friends. What sort of  _ moron--” _

Anko walked back from the sink to put a hand on his shoulder. “Do you really want me to answer that?”

“No, I don’t want to hear it again,” he said. “‘Scent-bonded pairs are one step closer to mates.’ Spent so much fucking time denying it and now this. It’s pathetic.” His fingers tightened on his chopsticks as he stared harder. “Fuck if we were. I’m not doing it. Not with him. Not ever.”

“You’re pretty broken up about someone you refuse to have feelings for,” she said. “His getting married shouldn’t matter if you were just friends, like you insist.”

“She’s a cunt,” Iruka said. “Always glaring at me. Always calling me omega. All over him whenever the three of us were together.” His lip curled in disgust at the thought of her being able to see him each day, then at the thought that  _ he  _ wanted that with the jonin. Little less than four months of thinking time had given him a good idea of what he wanted not to need, and he staunchly refused to entertain the notion of them together. “She doesn’t deserve him.”

“Bonded,” Anko said softly. She pulled away to grab a glass and bottle from the cabinet, pouring Iruka a drink. He heard the wind-up for a lecture but when he looked up, she was looking sadly into his eyes. “I’m going to tell you something and it’s going to hurt, Iruka. I know you already do, but I need to get this off my chest now that you’ve sort of admitted things.”

“Sounds exactly like what I need,” he muttered. “More pain.”

“It’ll hurt more the later I tell you.”

He stiffened, then took a long swallow. “What happened?”

“Take another,” she said, steepling her fingers and looking away as he drank. “I did something you’re going to be very angry about. You know I have duties as a beta.”

“To help an alpha or omega through until they get paired,” he said. “But that’s not going to be me. We already discussed that at length.”

She sighed. “It’s more than that, but yeah. One of our other duties is informing the hokage of potential pairings.”

Realization crept in along with a surge of warmth through his veins. “You didn’t,” he said.

“I had to.” She winced as his chair scraped back and he stood. “Iruka, you know I would never do anything to hurt you. This is best for everyone.”

“Everyone?” He shook his head, incredulous. “Like who, you? Me? Kakashi? What, fucking Sera, even? No, she’s ready to kill me as it stands. Best for everyone. Can you even hear yourself? And Kakashi couldn’t give a fuck less about me, you  _ bitch.” _

“Sit down,” she said, rising defensively. “We can talk this through. I know. you’re angry and hurt, but let’s--”

“Get out.” She started and cocked her head, and he pointed to the door with a snarl. “I said  _ get. Out.”  _

“This is my home too, now,” she said. “Let’s just be calm, Ru.”

“Don’t you dare call me that. I  _ trusted  _ you!” Thunder boomed as he stepped back, face twisting. “What did you tell him?”

“That it’s my firm belief you and Kakashi should be mated,” she said, hanging her head. “And you two are already scent-bonded. You didn’t see yourself with him, Iruka. It’s almost painfully clear, and I know Sera sees it too.”

“So that’s why she fucking hates me,” he scoffed. “You  _ know  _ they’re trying to get married. Why would you hide that from me? Did you say anything to her?”

“It’s not my job to tell her,” Anko said. “And it was her job to not fall in love with him.”

“Please,” he said, taking another step back. “Six years and not fall in love with  _ him?”  _ His eyes widened at the realization of what he’d said and his face contorted further as another  _ boom  _ cracked outside. “Fuck you. Fuck you, Anko. And you know what? Fuck this place.” He grabbed a jacket from the back of the couch, still backing toward the door. “Fuck Konoha and its rules and most of all, fuck  _ me  _ for thinking I could be anything different.”

The last thing he saw was her hand reaching out and a tear tracing down her cheek before the door slammed and he raced through the streets. Rain poured down on him, moon obscured by thick clouds as he sprinted toward the memorial stone. Toward the only family that felt safe. “It’s all  _ fucked,”  _ he cried to his parents, voice breaking along with the sky as lightning struck miles away. “I lost you, my home, my friend--”  _ my alpha,  _ his traitorous brain supplied-- “my goals. Why? Why did this happen to me?” His fingers ran over the black stone as he leaned into it. “For some grand purpose? I’m going to be the one to fix shit? No, I can barely get over someone who wasn’t even fucking mine.”

As the storm raged so did he, pouring his heart into the ground until the rain began to quiet. He slumped backwards, soaking and feeling disgusting as the clouds cleared and he was left to stare at the moon. It slowly faded away as sunlight crept in a few hours later, warming his freezing body and drawing out a shiver. 

Near seven, he turned his head to the sound of footsteps and the faint scent of mint approaching. Sandals appeared in his line of sight and Kakashi’s sigh rang through his head. “What are you doing down there?”

“The fuck does it look like I’m doing?” Iruka asked, burying his face in his arms. His body ached something fierce and the drag of wet cloth over his skin did nothing to ease the feeling.

“Looks like you’re about to keel over. Did you sleep out here?” Kakashi asked, leaning over him on one arm.

“Doesn’t matter.” Iruka curled tighter as Kakashi tapped his shoulder. “Go away. You don’t need more distractions.”

To his surprise, Kakashi sat next to him. “It’s part of an alpha’s job to make sure omegas are safe, Iruka. And you do not look safe.”

“Save it for your wife,” Iruka muttered. “You care about her. You can’t afford to care about me.”

Kakashi’s knuckles rapped on the rock irritatedly. “Sera’s not my wife. That fact was made painfully obvious by the rejection letter we got two days ago and compounded by the jonin meeting yesterday. Kidnapping omegas is still going on and to ‘strengthen village bonds’--” he quoted before dropping his hands to his lap-- “he wants all available alphas paired.” Iruka looked over to see him forming tight fists. “No fucking choice in the matter, as always. I think we can both agree on ‘fuck the rules.’”

“Unreal.” Iruka scrambled to his feet and stared down. “You’re an  _ alpha.  _ Rules say you get to continue your work, your life. What about your omega? They'll be expected to be knocked up with pups and be stuck in the village doing fuck all.”

“I am fighting to save seven years of history with the woman I love,” Kakashi said roughly. “I do not want this. I do not want an omega. Pups, yes.  _ Kami,  _ yes, Iruka, but with  _ her.  _ I want to father  _ her  _ children, not some bitchy omega’s.”

“That’s supposed to make me feel better?”

“It’s supposed to show you you’re not the only one with shit to lose.” Kakashi’s eyes gleamed as they looked up at Iruka. “There’s people fighting this stuff just as hard--if not harder--than you. Don’t forget that. It’s not just you.”

“Whatever.” Iruka sniffed and ran a hand through his hair before slumping against the stone, sighing. “Were you mad at me for some reason these last few months?”

“No, why?” Kakashi’s hands had relaxed, his breath coming easier as he pressed his fingers together.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” Iruka said softly. All the fight had flown out of him with Kakashi’s harsh reminder, and he wanted answers. “Never come through my line at the desk, always walk away if I’ve got a spare second. I thought maybe the book was too forward or something.”

“Something like that,” Kakashi muttered. “The story isn’t bad. I’ve read it twice.” Iruka looked at him in confusion and he sighed. “But it made me realize that maybe being acquaintances is better for Konoha’s health. We need to back off. Don’t you think?”

“You don’t know, do you?” 

Kakashi’s brow furrowed at the question. “Know what?” 

“Anko told my father we bonded,” Iruka said.

The jonin froze before shooting him a guarded look. “Where’d she get that idea?”

“I quote--’You don’t see yourself with him, it’s almost painfully clear, and I believe Sera knows too.’” Iruka crossed his arms and stared defiantly. “You know what? I tried to tell myself it wasn’t true. There was no way I’d bonded with mate-killer Kakashi.” A low blow, but if Kakashi was going to keep pulling away, it seemed only fair. He saw the hurt flash through the jonin’s eyes. “But with you sitting there I  _ know  _ she’s right. And I will never,  _ ever  _ let that happen again because when you stood up at that meeting, Kakashi, my heart tore in two. So maybe it’s a good thing you’ve stayed away. Fewer chances for you to fuck me up again.”

Kakashi inhaled as if to speak as Iruka turned around, but caught himself at the last second. Each step Iruka took was laced with exhaustion and frustration and to his utter dismay, he found himself taking one last glance backwards to see Kakashi standing and holding out a hand. “You--we--you think we bonded, too?” Kakashi called.

“Even if we did,” Iruka said, “I’m only seventeen. Spend the rest of my life with you? No. I’ve already caused myself enough grief over you. I’ll see you around, Kakashi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via Tumblr, Twitter, or join a pretty sweet Discord for all the updates in one place <3


	10. Denial

In the early hours of the new year, Kakashi woke to the fading bliss of his hands on Iruka’s pregnant stomach and the smell of citrus in the air of he and Sera’s bedroom. His arms immediately tightened around his beta, tucking his face closer into his-- _ her, Kami, you fuck-- _ stomach. He hadn’t touched Iruka’s book since the night it was gifted to him and  _ still  _ the chunin plagued him. 

Sera murmured and shifted in sleep, pressing her face into the pillow. Kakashi focused on her scent, the soft skin of her bare stomach, the way her hair fell through his fingers--anything but the thought of Iruka. He pressed his fingers lightly into her back and she sighed. “Mm, Kashi?”

“‘S you, Sera,” he murmured. “Only you.” 

Her stomach clenched when he exhaled slowly across it, her hand falling to card her fingers through his hair. “I hope so,” she said softly. “You did ask me to marry you.” She let out a soft laugh and tipped his face up to look at him. “Another dream, lover?”

Kakashi nodded and pushed his face back against her stomach, drawing his lips over the light curves. “Pups,” he said. “I want your pups.” He shivered at the stray thought that hers weren’t meant for him. The blanket tangled in his legs as he drew them up, twining theirs together. “I saw--”  _ a pregnant chunin I adored.  _ “I saw two, a boy and a girl.” He swallowed hard and hugged her tighter, unwilling to meet her eyes. “Crawling into bed with us, and your face was the most beautiful thing as you looked at them.”

_ Liar. _

“Who’d they look like?” Sera asked with a yawn. “Nara pups or Hatake?”

“Both.”  _ Do your duty, Kakashi. Man up.  _ He pressed one last kiss above her navel before pulling himself up to nestle his face into the junction of her shoulder. “One had black hair, the boy. He was teasing his silver-haired sister about being an old woman.” His brow knit as he dug a deeper hole, shoveling out every instinct telling him this wasn’t right, that he should be mated. “They were--” his voice broke almost imperceptibly and he shook-- “they were ours and I need that with you, Sera. I don’t want anyone else.”

Sera’s hand cupped his cheek, drawing his face up to hers before kissing him. “You won’t need anyone else,” she whispered. “I’m here, Kakashi. Forever, to stay. We’ll have our family, don’t worry.” 

He slid a hand around her head and deepened the kiss in response, pressing over her on one arm and looking down when they broke apart. “I’m sorry things have been rough for months,” he said. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about that recently and you need to know I’m sor--”

“Hey,” she soothed, reaching up to kiss his cheek. “It’s okay. I love you no matter what.” He bent to nibble along her jaw down to her pulse as she stroked the back of his neck. “We’ll be a true family soon. Get our license filed, get pairing permission, begin that part of ou--our lives.” Her breath hitched as Kakashi’s teeth scraped over her throat at the same time he pulled one of her knees up around his hips. “Hatake Sera and family.”

_ Hatake  _ Iruka,  _ you arrogant prick,  _ his mind supplied. “I need you,” he murmured. She gasped when he married their lips again, hands roaming the length of her body. “Good?”

“Perfect.” Her left hand worked its way into his underwear and stroked gently. “What better way to start the year than with a--ahh--bang?” Her grip tightened as he bent to take her nipple into his mouth, working it to hardness with a warm tongue. “Kami, Kakashi. What are you waiting for?”

He groaned at a particularly skilled twist of her fingers and pressed his forehead into the crook of her shoulder. “I don’t know,” he said. She laughed, and he cringed. “I just--”  _ Need to get him out of my head.  _

“You just need a long, slow--” she flipped him onto his back and smirked down at him--  _ “delicious  _ fuck, love. Thankfully you’re in the right hands.”

“Yes,” he said around the sudden lump in his throat. “The only ones allowed to touch me.”

**

Mid-February arrived and with it, six weeks of increased kidnappings and signals that his efforts were for nothing. Sera knew nothing of the torture he’d conducted on the mission with Genma, knew nothing about the two dead omegas they’d found on missions since.

The first omega was laid out in the snow, blood pooling from a kunai stabbed into the back of his neck. It was a normal death, one fitting and appropriate for a person who likely didn’t know how to fight back. It wasn’t the first cold-blooded kill Kakashi had come upon and he  _ knew  _ it shouldn’t affect him.

But when he and Gai turned the body over, ice flooded his veins. On the man’s face was a wound matching the exact one he’d given Kaito’s commander. And to his horror, when he lifted up the omega’s right hand the tip of his index finger was missing. “Shit,” he muttered. 

Gai asked what was wrong, and Kakashi swallowed his revelation to tell him the man had been injured, likely before he was killed. They transported the body back to Konoha with sad eyes and twisted lips. Kakashi told the hokage what he thought, and Hiruzen said he’d think on everything. He sent Kakashi home, and Sera did her best to ease the anxiety slipping through Kakashi’s defenses.

He found the second omega on a solo mission, unrelated to the kidnappings. He was tied to a tree with matching wounds, this time both index fingers missing. Kakashi just stared before untying him and reading his rites. 

Hiruzen was shocked to hear Kakashi’s theory about revenge, telling him it was likely a fluke. “Yes, sir,” Kakashi said before walking out and narrowly avoiding smacking into Iruka in the hall. The chunin’s eyes widened and his mouth opened before Kakashi transported to the thankfully empty house. He slid down the wall with his head in his hands, forcing thoughts of Iruka away as he took in a shuddering breath. 

It wasn’t the first time he’d been the target of revenge plots and wouldn’t be the last, but knowing it was omegas he’d sworn to protect-- _ that  _ wore on him. The consistent thought of Iruka warring with his need for normalcy,  _ safety  _ with the woman he wanted--that wore on him. Even Sera’s gentle reminders about taking care of himself wore on him because it was  _ wrong.  _ Some base part of him was beginning to reject her well-wishes and it  _ shattered  _ him.

Only at times like these, when he was alone, did he even begin to let himself think about his duty to mate.  _ Traitor,  _ he’d be called if anyone found out he and Iruka had likely bonded.  _ ‘How could you betray Konoha and your omega like that?’ _

“By not throwing away seven years,” he said, voice muffled by his hands. “Seven years of being mate-killer Kakashi and  _ biology--”  _ he clenched his fingers in his hair-- “is supposed to somehow make that okay. ‘Duty.’ What about what  _ I  _ want?” The rug bunched against the opposite wall as he stretched his legs. “I have given my entire life to Konoha and she’s all I ask in return. The only thing.” His body sunk lower under the weight of the decision he’d been putting off for months. “She’s the only one who believes me,” he whispered. “I’ve got to break that fucking bond.”

Chakra pulsed and the door swung open, Sera stopping short at the sight of him collapsed in the hall. “What’s wrong, Kakashi? Are you hurt?”

_ Not in a way I can fix.  _ “Hard mission,” he mumbled. “Things went wrong, but I’m okay.”

“Are you really?”

Kakashi groaned as she helped him up and hugged him. “No,” he admitted. He combed his fingers through her hair, catching on a few knots. “But there’s nothing to do about it.”

“I can think of a few things,” she murmured. “Want to help me with my hair? It’ll give you something else to focus on.” He nodded and she guided him to the bedroom. “Put on civvies, love. It’ll help you feel better.” She kissed his forehead before disappearing into the bathroom. 

He threw his uniform in the laundry basket and tugged on plaid pajama pants and a baggy sweatshirt. Sera’s voice drifted out as she began to sing, melding with the sound of the water and Kakashi's heartbeat loud in his ears. The bed creaked as he curled on it, pulling the hood over his eyes. 

_ Traitor. Like father, like son.  _

Sera continued showering and he tried to lose himself in her voice and ignore his head telling him to bring down Iruka’s book he’d hidden in the closet, saying it would bring him comfort. When she walked out, she made a concerned noise and sat next to him. “Breathe,” she said softly, sliding cool fingers under the hood to rub the back of his neck. “I’m here. You’ve got me.”

Kakashi nodded and covered her hand with his. “Always will.” His voice was thick as she bent to nuzzle against his cheek.

“Sit up for me,” she said. He did as she asked, wrapping his arms around her as she hummed into him. “You,” she said, “are upset that something went wrong, right?”

“Right.”  _ More like someone, but yes. _

“And you can’t stop thinking about it.” It wasn’t a question, but he nodded again anyway. “Can you tell me what it is?”

“No,” he whispered. “No, I can’t.” He held her back by her shoulders to look into her eyes. “I want to.”  _ But you wouldn’t understand.  _ “But it’s confidential.”

That was safe, and not entirely a lie.

“Here.” Sera pushed her brush into his hand and turned away. “You know what to do.” 

Easily intimate, concentrating on running the brush through her wet hair. At fifteen years old, he’d asked her for the first time if he could try. She’d been hesitant, but the way it centered him overpowered any misgivings she’d had. Over the years it had become routine--when he came home with the burning heat of failure singing in his veins, he’d brush her hair. When the horror of things he’d done became too much, he’d brush her hair. When his fingers itched with the need to bury a kunai in an unknown nin’s gut, he’d brush her hair.

Sera’s fingers played over his knee by her side. “Rut’s coming soon,” she said. “You’ll have a week off and we can get you back to normal, okay?”

“Normal means nothing to a shinobi,” he muttered. “Normal means complacency and complacency means death.”

“Kakashi…”

He set the brush to the side and separated the hair near her crown into three sections. “You know I’m right,” he said. “I can’t get sucked into the ‘it’s all good’ mindset. That’s how--” he ground his teeth and tugged another strand into the braid-- “that’s how you lose battles.”

“You’re not in a battle,” she said, flattening her hand. “There’s none here, not in this house.”

_ You’re wrong,  _ he wanted to say.  _ Everything. It’s all fucking wrong.  _ “Only against myself,” he said. 

Sera sighed. “You know I’m here to help with that,” she said. His fingers tightened, pulling more hair over as he worked. “That’s even what we’re doing now. Focus on me, Kakashi. I’m here, I’m yours, and I’m safe.”

Kakashi reached the bottom of her head and began braiding down her back. He rested his forehead against the back of her shoulders and repeated, “You’re here, you’re mine, and you’re safe. Can I have a tie?” She handed one over and he finished the braid before burying his face in her neck. “Someone died,” he said. “A  _ normal  _ person. Normal death and normal rites and everything was so  _ fucking  _ normal that I never want to be that. I can’t.” He threw his arms around her stomach and held tight. “Normal isn’t worth it.”

“A good thing you’re anything but, then,” she said, relaxing into him. “I might have had to find a different alpha if you were.” 

“Don’t say that. I don’t want an omega. Don’t want him, just want you.” He stiffened before shaking his head. 

“Him?” Sera shuffled to press their cheeks together. “Someone in particular?”

“General ‘him.’” Kakashi cleared his throat and shifted around so he was kneeling over her thighs. He took her face in his hands, looking deep into her eyes. “You’re my home. The one I want to come back to. Please never go.”

She smiled gently before leaning in to kiss him. “You’ve had me for years,” she said. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

**

March arrived along with Kakashi’s rut, and with each time he pressed into Sera the empty cavern opened wider in his chest. Every time she gasped his name, he clutched tighter to their shared history and doubled down on the decision to break Iruka’s bond. 

The week was spent in a state of panicked love and Sera picked up on it easily, rocking against him with affirmations of love and requests for their future. Her hands were steady and controlling when he needed them to be, and gentle when he needed to simply let himself go. 

When she was on a grocery run near the end, a wave came over him and in his hormone-addled state, he grabbed Iruka’s book from the closet and opened it. The scent was faint and he struggled to catch the last few whiffs of it as he held it to his face and brought himself off. The  _ shame  _ when he came back to himself was otherworldly, and Sera picked up on that too.

“I don’t know why you feel bad,” she said, depositing the groceries on the counter. “I’m the one who should be sorry, not being there when you needed me.”

“We needed food more,” he said hoarsely. He ran a hand over his face and grimaced. “Kami, how many days has it been?”

“Nearly five. You’re almost done, Kashi.” She turned to him with wide eyes when he growled. “What’s gotten into you?”

“Fucking stressed,” he said, flopping onto the couch. 

“You’ll be fine. Give it a few days,” Sera said. “I know how you work.” She tossed him a pen and pointed to the papers on the coffee table. “I picked those up while you were napping yesterday, license papers. We need to get them signed and filed before the twenty-third.”

He spread them out and looked them over, jotting his signature where needed and gathering them in a neat pile when he was finished. “Few more weeks and we’ll be on our way to married,” he said. “I can’t wait, Sera.”

“Me either,” she said. “Now, I saw Genma on the way back and invited the two of them over for supper on Friday. I figured it’d be good since Raidou’s getting to the point they’ll be wanting to stay in.”

“That’s fine,” he said distractedly, watching her move around the kitchen. “He’s what, seven months along?”

“With twins, no less. He’s huge,” she said, catching his eyes. “Gen looks so happy, Kakashi. We...we’ll get there.” Kakashi nodded and settled his head on his fist as she walked over. “Soon.” She settled in front of him and leaned into the couch with a sigh. “How are you feeling?”

Kakashi collapsed forward, laying his head in her lap and catching her hand. “Like shit,” he said. “But no worse than normal.”

Sera worked at the knots in his shoulders with her free hand as they waited for the next wave. When it came, he took her and forced himself to look into her eyes and swallow back the creeping feeling of unease that came with his orgasm. 

He couldn’t admit what was wrong when she asked.

On Friday, Genma knocked on the door with Raidou not close behind. He looked Kakashi up and down when the jonin opened the door and whistled. “Rough week?”

“You can only imagine,” Kakashi said dryly. 

“Oh, I’m sure you alphas have it so awfully,” Raidou griped, toeing off his shoes. “You don’t have things growing inside of you.” He nodded to Sera with a smile. “Just wait, one day this’ll be you and we’ll commiserate.” 

Kakashi and Sera both winced, hoping the other couple was distracted by their stolen kiss. “Right,” Sera said with a false brilliance. “Soon enough. Care to tell them, Kakashi?”

He smiled and tossed an arm around her shoulders, tugging her close as the group migrated into the kitchen. “Well, I was going to wait until supper got started, but--” He stood straight, adjusting his mask and smiling. “We are pleased to announce that after somehow  _ months  _ of bureaucratic fuckups, we’ve filed for a marriage license. All that’s waiting is the Council decision.”

“That’s fantastic,” Raidou said, sitting heavily on a chair. “I’m really happy for you both.”

Genma beamed and elbowed Kakashi’s side. “Finally settling down. Proud of you, kid.”

“Jackass.” Kakashi shoved him away, laughing. “Sit down and shut up before you make it weird. And kid? You know better.”

“Ahh, forgive him. He knows not of what he speaks,” Raidou said. “He’s just antsy for Shouto and Asahi to get here.”

“Caught me.” Genma held his hands up before standing behind Raidou and bending down to nuzzle into his cheek. “Not much longer. You guys’ll help, right?” He sat as Sera began to distribute the food.

“How could we say no?” Sera asked. “We’ve been friends for how many years now? It’s the least we can do for you both.” She met Kakashi’s eyes over Raidou’s head and cocked her lips up sadly. “It’ll be good practice for ours, if we have one.”

Kakashi nodded, shoving down the haunting scent of black tea that he’d begun to associate with the thought of pups. “We will,” he said, a slight quiver in his voice. “I wouldn’t have it any other way."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via Tumblr, Twitter, or join a pretty sweet Discord for all the updates in one place <3


	11. Duty

The next day, he just held her. It was a quiet afternoon of contemplation with the sound of rain hitting the roof lending a soft melancholy to the air. Sera’s hair tickled his bare arms as he wrapped them tighter around her stomach, chin resting on the back of her shoulder as he read her book along with her.

“You’re not feeling well, are you?” she asked, not looking up from the page.

“I don’t like playing the waiting game.” He nestled his nose into her hair, catching a small whiff of sweetness and closing his eyes. “I want this all to be over.” Another deep breath and he hummed softly. “You smell a little different. New product?”

“No,” she said. Her face turned to his and she kissed his cheek. “You sure you’re up to going out tomorrow? You’re not normally this bad after rut.”

“I’ll be fine,” Kakashi said. “Just fucking exhausted. I’m tired of fighting for happiness, Sera. Tired of fighting for what everyone else has so effortlessly.” He made a frustrated whine and slumped against the couch. “Why can’t the Council see that? Have I not done enough?”

“Hey,” she said, shutting the book and turning around to run her hands down his arms. “You have dedicated your life to Konoha. That’s got to count for something.” He pulled her forward into a hug, sagging into her touch as her fingers worked over his spine. “Are we not happy now, hmm?”

“I want--” He sighed and shook his head when he pulled back, staring. “I don’t know. It just...hurt. Seeing Gen and Rai like that. We deserve that.”  _ I deserve that.  _ Sera looked back sadly. “Don’t we?”

“Of course,” she said, smoothing back the hair from his forehead. “They’re blind if they can’t see that.”

He slid a hand over hers as it cupped his cheek. “Yeah.” Thunder rolled overhead and he winced at the sudden loudness. “I had plans for tonight, you know,” he said. “I was going to take you around and show you some things.” She cocked her head, and he let her hand drop. “Now what’s the point? It’s rainy and disgusting and  _ wrong.”  _

“Tell me about it, then,” Sera said. She slid off the couch to sit between his legs, pulling one of his hands to her hair. Kakashi began to comb his fingers through it, releasing a faint burst of that smell as she leaned her head on his knee. “How would you have taken me around, hon?”

“I wanted to go to that restaurant we went to on our first night together,” he said. “We had saury and you told me I was being an asshole. I got so mad but I was, wasn’t I?” His fingers caught in a snarl and he pulled back slightly to untangle it. “I was so fucked up and you took pity on me. Hatake Kakashi, mate-killer on the outside and quaking child on the inside.” His hand shook and Sera tilted her head back to meet his eye.

“You weren’t really what I was expecting,” she said. “I mean, I don’t know  _ what  _ I was expecting, but you were anything but.” She smiled, and his throat grew tighter. “And I love you more for it.”

Kakashi nodded and pushed her head back down. “You told me that you didn’t think I did it the next day,” he said. “I never asked you why.”

“I heard you scream that night,” she said softly. “It terrified me. I rushed to your room and you were tangled in the blankets, shuddering and making the most broken noise I’d ever heard.” She turned to watch raindrops track their way down the window. “And then you cried her name.” 

“Rin.” Kakashi bit his lip and redoubled his efforts on her hair. “How many times--”

“More than enough,” Sera murmured. “More than any child should have had to bear, Kakashi. You were--” she sucked in a long breath-- “you were a killer. That much was obvious from all the blood you dragged in the door. But you didn’t kill Rin. Nothing’s been more apparent to me since.”

He took his hand away to run the back across his stinging eye. “Yeah.” She started to turn back and he quickly stopped her, carding his fingers through as he blinked rapidly. “Anyway.” He cleared his throat. “I, ah, wanted to go there. And then I was going to drag you to the training grounds.”

“Our…” She brought a hand to her lips, nibbling her index finger as she thought. “Oh, our first kiss?”

“Mhmm.” He paused his fingers in favor of resting his forehead on her head. Hard as he tried to stop it, a tear leaked out to wet her hair. “You were teasing me about being too old and I sh--shut you up good, didn’t I?” He sniffed and her hand came up to guide his head down to her shoulder, stroking soothingly as he focused on breathing evenly and pressed his lips to her throat. “You didn’t call me old again.”

“Old man,” she whispered. Her fingers stroked over the back of his neck and he buried his face deeper. “What’s wrong, Kakashi? Tell me.”

“You  _ believed  _ me,” he said. “Why can’t they f--fucking see that?” His shoulders shook with the need to hold back, lock everything away, but as Sera turned to him he cracked. “It’s the goddamn rain,” he said with a shake of his head. “Pissing down on us like everything else in our lives. Can’t catch a break. Can’t get ahead. Can’t get married, can’t get--” his hands fell to rest on her stomach-- “What am I doing wrong, Sera?”

She started to speak, but he interrupted her. “Memorial stone would’ve been next,” he said bitterly. “The first time you saw me cry. I’d been walking to visit Rin and someone just kept hurling insults at me.” He hugged around her shoulders and let out a sob. “It was like you knew,” he said. “You knew I was in pain and you came and I lost it.” Kakashi could feel her wet hair tracking along his cheeks but continued anyway. “I hated you for seeing me at my weakest but I  _ loved  _ you. I fucking--” 

“Shh, Kakashi,” she murmured, turning to draw him off the couch and into her arms. “I remember that first. You remember what else happened there for the first time?”

“I admitted it,” he said. “You told me you didn’t want to be anyone else’s beta and I told you I didn’t think I wanted that either. Who else could love a broken soldier?” He stuffed his hands under his arms in an attempt to make himself smaller, banish the well of feeling bursting from his chest. “It was when I realized I trust you. And what did I say next?”

Sera huffed into his hair and he felt her lips start to twitch in a smile. “You got  _ violently  _ ill the next day and in the middle of puking your guts out right here--” she gestured to the coffee table next to them-- “you told me you loved me and you were sorry I had to see you like this.”

“I meant it,” he wept. “I hate you s--seeing this. It means weakness, and weak is not what I need to be.” 

“I’m here with you for a reason,” Sera said. “I’m here for  _ you.  _ For this. I love you, even when you break.”

Kakashi pressed his face into her chest. “I asked you to marry me right here,” he said. His voice shook as she nosed his face to the light. “And you said yes and then everything went to shit, didn’t it? Look at us. This.” He dragged a hand across his face again and gestured vaguely around the room. “It’s all  _ fucked.  _ All of it. House and relationship and everything else but not a goddamn thing to show for it.”

“You have me,” she said softly. “Isn’t that enough?”

He paused before slumping against her with a shuddering sigh. “Yeah,” he said. “But you want it too, don’t you? Family? With me?” He threw his arms around Sera and tried to steady himself. “Please say yes.”

She nodded against him and tightened a hand in his shirt. “Of course,” she said. “And um, on that note--” her heartbeat began to thud faster against his cheek as she tried to work out the words-- “I’ve actually got something to tell you.”

**

“He knows.” Sera sat against the table in Shikaku’s office, face downcast. “I told him everything a few weeks ago.”

Shikaku tented his fingers and stared over at her. “About everything?”

“Kakashi knows more than you do,” she said. “I didn’t stop when you told me to.” She raised her gaze to his with a rueful smile. “Shouldn’t have taught me so well, huh?”

He closed his eyes and very slowly lowered his hands to lay flat on the desk. “You didn’t stop.” It wasn’t a question, and his tone was hard to read as he took a deep breath. “What exactly were you thinking?”

“That I need him like I need air, Shikaku,” she said. “Iruka? Please, there was no way. And then he--they started sniffing around each other and I couldn’t. I couldn’t let it happen, couldn’t let him be taken away from me.” She crossed her arms and looked to the ceiling. “That was my mistake, because who’s a beta to compete with one’s real mate, right? I thought…” She trailed off, biting at her fingernails. “Seven years. Seven fucking years. And it all lies in the hands of the old bats of Konoha.”

“Respect them, Sera. They know what they’re doing,” Shikaku said.

“Don’t give me that,” she said. “They got Kakashi’s mate wrong four times, you can’t tell me they’re always right.”

“Can you say that he and Iruka aren’t bonded?” Shikaku sighed and got up to stand in front of her, hands on her shoulders. “Look me in the eyes and say it.”

She locked his gaze and opened her mouth. “I--I, um, no. I don’t think--”

“You’re lying.” Shikaku stepped back and regarded her. “You knew better and still continued treatment. Do you know how dangerous that is? For everyone, Sera, not just you. That could affect the entire clan.” 

“Yeah, doesn’t change the fact that I did it.” She sniffed and watched the clock on the wall tick away the seconds before Shikaku’s shoulders slumped. “I didn’t come here to be told it was a bad decision. I knew that going in,” she said. “I came here because I’m trying to cover my bases. We’re standing up at the meeting tonight and announcing our bid for pairing. I don’t give a shit about that  _ stupid  _ chunin, but I want to know if you’ll let it happen.”

He scoffed and looked away. “That’s an insane thing to ask of me.”

“I’m not asking you as the Nara doctor,” she said. “I’m asking you as family. He might be bonded to Iruka but bonds can be broken, and I’m the one who loves him. Please.” 

“I can’t promise you that,” Shikaku said. “My duty is to Konoha first, no matter how much I love you.” He ran a hand through his ponytail. “But I can give you one thing. If they don’t ask, I won’t tell. Beta pairings  _ can _ work just as well as omega. But if anyone-- _ anyone-- _ asks about your relationship, I will tell them.” 

“The meeting’s tonight. We’ll know then, and this whole mess will be behind us.” Sera pressed two fingers to her forehead and groaned. “Kami. Fuck this system. Damned by biology. Isn’t that a shit way to dictate the rest of your life.”

Shikaku nodded. “Can’t argue with that.”

“They haven’t worked yet, if you’re worried about it,” she said. “The, uh, treatments. No pups.” 

“Good,” he said. “That would have been...a tragedy.” He shook his head. “How the fuck did I let you rope me into this in the first place?”

“Because it usually takes a while to start working and it had almost been six years at that point,” Sera said. “We both thought it’d be easier to get paired. I mean, come on.” She snorted. “You can’t tell me four potential mates went by and you  _ honestly  _ thought they’d pick another.”

“Yeah, but that was stupid,” Shikaku said. “I never should’ve given you permission.”

“Too late.” She kicked at a stray bit of paper on the floor. “Well. He should be due back soon. It’s nearly ten AM.” Shikaku looked on as she paused in the doorway. “I really am sorry about putting you in this position, if you can believe me,” she whispered. “I didn’t mean for anything to hurt.”

“Go on,” Shikaku said, tilting his chin toward the door. “We can talk about it more later, but for now, I need some time.”

She hung her head and exited, feet dragging as the door shut behind her. The woman at the desk waved cheerily as she left and she couldn’t bring herself to smile back before transporting home. Her stomach clenched uncomfortably and she grimaced down at it. “Not the first time we’ve done that,” she said. “Fuck off. You’re just anxious.” She fell to sprawl on the couch, tugging a blanket over her legs to wait for Kakashi. “Just fucking anxious.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via Tumblr, Twitter, or join a pretty sweet Discord for all the updates in one place <3


	12. Changes

On a mission near the border, Kakashi found the third dead omega. His stomach turned at the gaping wound on his face, already knowing he’d find three fingers missing. “What do you want from me?” he growled. The omega’s eyes stared soullessly up at him, stained with blood. “Killing innocents isn’t going to get you anywhere, you stupid fuck.”

This time he burned the body. Said the rites and set a torch to it, holding his head by the light of the fire. It was too far from Konoha to be worth transporting it back and that fact hurt more than feeling Rin’s chest around his wrist. “Dragging the whole fucking country into it,” he muttered. “Just come and find me. It’s better for everyone that way.”

He journeyed on when finished, earning a new wound on his leg not from any weapon, but from running into a sharp branch while distracted by the sudden thought of Iruka bloodied in his arms. The pain jerked his focus from the chunin to exactly how he was going to explain the wound to Sera.  _ Just thinking about the one who’s fucking worthless to me.  _ Kakashi shook his head, irritated. “I don’t  _ want  _ him,” he spat to the empty forest. “Stop tormenting me. He’s the one who’ll hurt me in the end. Think of that, mate-killer.” 

The fourth omega was hung from a tree with the same exact wounds, four fingers missing. “Going to get me for the seventh?” he asked when he cut the man down. “At least have the decency to let me fight for their lives, cowards. Take me on man-to-man.” 

He stayed just long enough to put out the embers before racing toward Konoha. Izumo waved him through at the gate and he skipped the mission desk in favor of walking straight through his door and into Sera’s arms. “I needed to see you,” he whispered into her neck. “I can’t--I couldn’t--”

Her fingers tightened in his flak vest as she pulled back to look at him. “What happened?”

“I didn’t even kill them,” he said. “It’s my fault. My own stupid,  _ fucking--” _

“Kakashi.” Sera took his face in her hands. “Hey, look at me. Focus on me, okay?” He clutched her wrists and stared, paralyzed, as a delicate scent surrounded him. “You’re in Konoha with me. Whatever happened out there doesn’t matter here. Breathe.”

“They’re  _ dead.”  _ Kakashi shook her off and sat at the table with his head in his hands. “Dead omegas and it’s all because of me.”

“Did you tell the hokage?”

Kakashi snorted derisively. “He didn’t take me seriously. One of his best and he just waved me away like I was paranoid.” He growled and smacked the table as she sat down. “And I shouldn’t care. I shouldn’t fucking care but everything’s changing, Sera. He doesn’t care, Gen’s getting all that I want, Ir--”  _ Iruka’s slipped away--  _ “You’re different. Your smell is wrong and I don’t know what it means. It’s not  _ normal.”  _

“I don’t know what happened out there, but snap out of it,” Sera said, placing a hand over his. “Where have you been since you’ve gotten back?”

“Just here.” Kakashi curled his hand into a fist and closed his eyes, counting backwards from ten once, then again as Sera stared. “I need to change clothes, fill out a report, turn it in, and then we’ll go to the meeting. That’s tonight, right? I didn’t miss it? I can barely remember what day it is.”

“It’s in about three hours, love,” she said, rubbing small circles on his skin. “Do you want me to come with?”

He stood and nestled his face into the crown of her head. “Strawberries,” he muttered. “That’s what it is. You smell like strawberries more than Sera.” She shifted as his arm tightened around her chest for a second before he released her. “I don’t...hate it,” he admitted. “But I don’t know and I don’t like that. It’s dangerous.”

“No one else has said anything. Are you sure it’s not just stress fucking with you?” Sera asked. 

“Might be,” Kakashi said as he retreated down the hall. He dropped his uniform in the basket and tugged on a new one, wincing at the slight pain in his leg. “I’ll go alone. Can you make something? I’m starving and just don’t have the energy.”

“Go,” she said, patting his arm when he walked past to put on shoes. “I’ll make saury.”

He looked to her with exhausted eyes. “Thank you,” he finally said. “For everything.”

“You’re worrying, Kakashi,” she said. “What did we say about it?”

“What happens happens and everything will work out for the best,” he recited. “But--”

“No buts.” She came to the door as he stood and drew him into a hug, burying her face in his shoulder. “Come back and we’ll destress you.”

“Give me an hour,” he said, opening the door. “It’s a long report.” The sun beat down on the nearly melted snow, releasing the scent of damp earth and stone into the air as he walked. It was the smell of spring, of rebirth. New beginnings. “Right,” he muttered, kicking at a stone. “Not when everything’s going to hell. Might as well smell the burning bodies again.”

For once he was frustrated Iruka wasn’t at the mission desk when he handed the report in. No Iruka to send him a shy smile, even glare at him to put him in his place.  _ Like he could ever.  _ He didn’t ask, but Izumo volunteered Iruka was training with Anko, that he had a big presentation planned for the meeting tonight. “What of it?” Kakashi asked. “Not my business.”

“Just thought you might like to know,” Izumo said. He stamped the papers and set them aside, waving him off. “Thank you for your service.”

“My pleasure,” Kakashi said darkly as he transported back home. 

Sera looked up and held out a hand from where she was cooking. “Almost done,” she said as he squeezed it before collapsing in a chair again. “What do you need?”

_ Clarity. Peace.  _ “A nap.”

“That can be arranged,” she said, taking out a bowl and utensils. His stomach growled as she set it in front of him. “Eat first then we’ll get you to bed.”

“I shouldn’t,” he said. “I should be planning.”

“We’ve done all we can do,” she said. “No offense, but you look like hell. How long has it been since you’ve slept decently?”

“Days.”

“Exactly.” She took a bite before getting up to wash the dishes off. “So hurry and eat.” He hummed in acknowledgement and they sat in an uneasy silence as an anxiety deeper than any he’d felt before flowed through him. It was the unknown calling out, tempting him off the path of certainty into inky darkness that swallowed his foreseeable future. “Go on,” she said when he finished. “I’ll be in shortly. Do you need a shower or anything?”

“Just sleep,” he said, rubbing his eyes. “What are they going to do, turn me away because I look rough? I just got back from a mission, they’re lucky I’m coming at all.” He pushed the bowl away and stripped on his way down the hall, piling his uniform at the edge of the bed. The blankets embraced him and before he knew it, Sera was shaking him awake.

“You’ve got half an hour,” she said. “At least make yourself presentable.” He groaned and pulled the covers over his head. “This is our chance at the future,” she continued, settling next to him. “For us, Kakashi.” She hooked a finger on the blanket and pulled it down, nuzzling close. “Think of little Hatakes running around.”

Kakashi shivered as her fingers played over his side. “I have,” he whispered. “It’s all I dream about these days.”

“Get up and come chase them with me,” she said, smoothing his hair. “Then you can sleep for as long as you need.” 

“How about forever,” he said. “That’d be good.”

Sera looked in concern as he sat up. “What’s really wrong? That’s more than a little worrying.”

“It’s nothing,” he said, turning away as he pulled on his uniform and disappeared into the bathroom to pull a brush through his hair and groom himself to some semblance of normal. “Everything,” he said when he reappeared. “It’s everything but it’s fine. Things will work out. They always do. They can do it again, right?”

“Exactly. Now--” she put a finger under his chin and tipped it up-- “head high and we’ll march in there to get what we want.”

Her fake cheer didn’t quite catch, and Kakashi clung to her as they walked to the meeting. It felt like each step was taking him another mile away from where he needed to be--safe and secure in the house that had once again become his home.  _ Their  _ home. He no longer saw his father’s blood on the floor--that memory was wiped away by the times Sera had dutifully stayed awake with him when he sat up every anniversary of his death. The memory of Sakumo’s discovery of his midnight snack runs was buried under countless nights Kakashi had caught  _ Sera  _ raiding the pantry. 

His remembering ended when he heard Anko call his name. “Hey, Hatake!” At her side, Iruka flushed and ducked down, muttering something under his breath. 

“There’s two seats open by them,” Sera said, steering him toward the pair. 

Kakashi sat next to Iruka, Sera on his other side. “Anko, Iruka,” he said with a curt nod. “Here for something special or just business?” Anko informed him business, and Sera clenched his hand as she nearly spilled theirs. When it came time to announce their bid for mating, a sharp pain lanced through Kakashi’s chest at the way Iruka’s eyes widened and hurt bled into his light scent. As he spoke, he could hear the distraction in his voice but couldn’t focus on sounding normal when there was a-- _ his-- _ hurting omega next to him. 

“Going to kill this one too?” 

He froze for a split second before whipping around to stare at the omega who had asked the question. The hand resting on Sera’s hip clenched and she whined almost imperceptibly as he took a deep, shuddering breath. “Care to repeat that?”

“I asked if you’re going to kill this one too,” the omega said as he stood. His eyes were unkind, venomous, and Kakashi had to hold Sera back as she took a step forward into the aisle.

“I’ve got it,” he whispered before clearing his throat. “If you’re going to ask stupid questions, shouldn’t you be on the playground with the children?” A shitty question for a shitty person but after seven years he was  _ through.  _ The omega started to say something and Kakashi snapped. “Sit. Down.” A hush fell over the chamber as his eye swept over the crowd, daring anyone else to speak up. “Now, any other questions before we get on with things? No?” Everyone cringed under his gaze and his lip curled in a frown under the mask. “Good. Before speaking ill of me, get to know me. Back to you, sir.” He nodded and sat, shaking under Sera’s hand as Hiruzen resumed the meeting.

“Are you okay?” she asked, leaning in to him.

He looked over to see Iruka shivering and pointedly looked away when their eyes met.  _ I’m not yours, omega.  _ “Fine,” he muttered, sinking low in his seat. There were no further interruptions to the meeting and when it was finished, he shot out the door with Sera close behind as he tried to avoid Anko and Iruka as much as possible. 

Stupid, really, because Anko was on a mission. She stopped them in the street and Iruka’s voice was bitter as he emphasized he and Kakashi were  _ fine,  _ because what else would they be?  _ Nothing, because I’m with  _ her. Three months of careful avoidance came to a head and spilled out as Kakashi looked to Iruka and called him exactly what he was--a distraction.

Iruka stiffened and leveled poison-filled eyes at him. “You know what? Fine. Call me a distraction but you know what I’ll never be? A  _ murderer.”  _

The floodgates of rage opened for the briefest second before Kakashi’s walls flew up and he just watched Iruka walk away. “Home. Now,” he said, reappearing in the kitchen with Sera following close behind. “Every time I think I’m okay. I’m through with it. Every goddamned time. I was  _ fine  _ ignoring him and everything else until all this  _ shit _ started happening.” He tossed his hitai-ate to the table with a clang and whirled around to look at her. “Why?” His voice broke as he brushed past her to crawl into bed, uncaring he was still in uniform. 

“I don’t know,” she said, coming in after him. “Life is hard?”

Kakashi pulled the covers over his head. “Helpful.”

“You know I want this just as much as you do,” she sighed. “Don’t get short with me.”

“I need sleep, okay? I need to rest. I’m tired.”  _ Every part of me.  _ “We can talk in the morning but for right now leave me alone.” He felt the bed shift as she slowly got up, and the door clicked shut after she turned the light off. The room was silent save for his ragged breathing before he shuffled out of his clothes, uncaring of where he threw them. “Shouldn’t,” he muttered at the thought of pulling out Iruka’s book. It barely smelled like him anymore, but there was the memory of comfort in the pages and Kakashi could think of nothing he needed more than that. With a heavy sigh, he got up and retrieved it from the closet, simply clutching it to his chest as he curled up and fell into sleep.

**

The next two weeks brought three short missions near the village and no dead omegas, much to Kakashi’s relief. All field-trained betas were summoned by the hokage and given the order they were to polish their skills as they may be needed soon, and when Kakashi was home they began sparring. Sera’s shadows flew alone with his shuriken as they practiced, danced together over the field. Shikaku showed up one early morning, giving Sera pointers on how to better utilize the Nara jutsus. 

Kakashi thanked him for his work and his discretion, and he nodded. “She told you the conditions, I assume?” Shikaku asked.

“She did,” Kakashi answered. 

Sera tossed a sweaty arm over both their shoulders. “Of course I did. Time to come clean, right?”

“You could afford to get clean, yes,” Shikaku said, wrinkling his nose with a small laugh. Sera shoved him away and Kakashi’s lips cocked up in a smile. “Come by for lunch sometime,” he told her. “You’re invited too, Kakashi. We’ll feed you.”

“I’m in and out on missions so much I can’t give a solid yes or no, but I can try,” Kakashi said, rubbing his neck. “Though she’s been--”

“Perfect,” Sera said with a dark look. Her face brightened when she looked back to her uncle. “We’ve been perfect. Just waiting on confirmation.”

“You’ll get it soon enough,” Shikaku said. “It shouldn’t be that long. It’s what, the seventh? That’s two weeks. It’s probably waiting for you now.” He tilted his head toward the Hatake compound. “Let me know when you want to get together, Sera. I’ll see you both later.”

They said their goodbyes and Sera was almost vibrating against his side as they walked back to the house. “Calm down,” Kakashi said. “You’ll give yourself a heart attack like that.”

“This could be the day,” she said, pulling him ahead. “Seven years of waiting and we’ll be mated. I can’t fucking wait.” Her braid nearly hit his face when she turned suddenly to sprint toward the door. “It’s here!” She waved an envelope excitedly, motioning him forward. “Come on, you open it.” He caught it as she shoved it into his chest and nearly fell into the house in her hurry.

“You should tell him,” Kakashi said. He stood in the entryway with a thumb under the seal and his brow knit. “He could tell you if you’re sick.” The seal cracked and Sera waved away his worry. He looked to her, both taking a deep breath before he began to read.

_ The Mating Council of Konoha regrets to inform you we cannot accept your request for pairing-- _

The papers dropped and Sera barely caught them as Kakashi slumped against the wall, staring sightlessly ahead. He heard her read about duty, honor, and going to the hokage for further orders but none of it really registered as ice flooded through him. “Denied.” His voice quivered as he screwed his eyes shut. “Seven years, four omega rejections, and our request was  _ denied.”  _

“Fuck,” she whispered. “What’s wrong with them?” She wrapped him in a hug, arms bands of steel trapping him when all he wanted to do was run. “There has to be some sort of mix-up. This isn’t--they can’t--” Sera swallowed hard as she pulled back. “Oh god, I don’t feel good.” She fled to the bathroom and he heard her knees hit the floor as she gagged.

Kakashi followed her and knelt behind her, holding her braid away while that  _ stupid  _ scent bloomed. “Maybe you’re fucking pregnant,” he muttered.

“No,” she said, shaking. “Almost two years of treatments and it happens now? Life doesn’t work that way.”

“It always finds a way to fuck me over,” he said as she retched again. “Nothing’s more clear than that.” 

Her forehead rested on the cool porcelain and he rubbed gently between her shoulders. “It’ll all work out,” she insisted weakly. “It’s probably to be the food we had last night. We’ll go to the hokage and get it sorted. I’m not losing you.”

“What if it doesn’t?” Kakashi sat back on his heels and let the braid drop in favor of laying his hands in his lap. “I don’t know their plans. I don’t know what’s going on. Change is for missions, not for home.”

“When’s your next one?” Sera asked, wiping the back of her hand over her mouth and standing to flush the toilet. 

“Two days from now,” he said. 

Sera turned on the tap and rinsed her mouth, leaning heavily on the vanity. “Two days to get it sorted, then. I’m going to shower and we’re going down there to raise hell. We will not lose each other like this.”

**

They didn’t get an audience that day or the next, and by April ninth Kakashi woke early to slip out of bed and to the store. Genma had shown concern when Kakashi mentioned the change in Sera’s scent and had urged him to get it checked out. Kakashi was thankful for the early-morning deadness as he picked and paid for a pregnancy test, desperately hoping the older woman at the counter was smart enough to keep her mouth shut.

He arrived back home to Sera still sleeping, and sat on the couch with Icha Icha until he heard her rise and groan before rushing to the bathroom.  _ ‘Morning sickness,’  _ Genma had said with a curt nod.  _ ‘Get her checked, man. Maybe they’ll give you a pass and mate you if she is. It could be your ticket.’  _ He’d offered support if Kakashi needed, and Kakashi had thanked him before wandering off to think. 

Kakashi sighed and picked up the bag, hanging it from one finger as he walked to lean in the bathroom doorway. “I have something for you.”

“Morning to you too,” Sera muttered. “I don’t want it.”

“You want a family.” He squatted and held out the bag, urging her to take it. “You said it yourself, it’s probably not a baby. But if it is, Sera...That could be our way out of this mess. They’d have to pair us. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“Don’t ask that,” she said. “Don’t  _ ever  _ ask that after the time we’ve had.”

He shook the bag before tossing it over. “Take it. I’ll give you privacy but for me, Sera, please take it.”

She looked to him out of the corner of her eye. “What’ll you give me if I do?” she asked with a slight huff. “Everything I’ve ever wanted?”

“I’m trying,” Kakashi said, head dropping. “It has to be enough sometime. I don’t have much else to give.” 

“I’ll take it later.” She sat back against the wall, staring up at the ceiling. “You’ve got that meeting today before your mission tomorrow. It’s not like we’ll have a lot of time to discuss things regardless of what it is.” 

“I want you to,” Kakashi said. “I can’t force you but I think you should, hon.” He crawled to her side and hugged her arm to his chest. “Like you said, imagine little Hatakes.” The constant unease rose higher at the words and he once again tamped down the image of a pregnant Iruka on a grassy hillside. “Meeting can go fuck itself.”

“Hokage called all alphas.” Sera sniffed and pressed her face into his shoulder. “You should go. Or train, or something. I want to go back to bed.”

“I can go back with you,” Kakashi said.

Sera’s nails dug into his arm. “You should go,” she repeated, and he watched a tear trace down her free cheek. “Don’t get lost on the road of life.” She pushed him away when she stood to brush her teeth.  _ “Go.”  _

Kakashi sat back heavily on his hands, eyes narrowing. “Okay, then. I’m trying to be a good fucking partner. My apologies.”

“Don’t be like that,” Sera said. “I just got up, puked, and now you’re pushing this on me. I need space, Kakashi. You know better.”

“I want to know,” he said as he stood and walked to the bedroom to pull on his uniform. “Forgive me for being curious about something that could impact us for the rest of our lives.”

She shut off the sink and leaned on the door with a hand outstretched. “Come here.” He trudged over to fall into her arms and she sighed heavily into his flak vest. “I love you,” she murmured, swaying back and forth. “I love you, and us, and everything we’ve built but Kakashi, we need to tread carefully.” She tugged his hand down to her stomach and looked to where it rested. “If there is our child in here, that’ll raise a lot of questions and we need to prepare for that. So please--understand where I’m coming from.” 

“Mhmm.” Kakashi wound his fingers into her hair, massaging the back of her scalp to release her scent. “But we would know, at least,” he said softly. “I’d know if I was a father.”

“You’ve waited this long, love. You can wait another day or two.” Sera took his forearms in her hands and pressed him back, looking up with wide eyes. “I promise I will take it. Now go find out what the hokage wants. And tell Genma I’m hoping Rai has the twins soon. I can’t wait to meet them.” She shot him a wan smile and patted the side of his face. “I’ll be here when you get back.” 

“Promise?”

“As serious as when I said I’d marry you,” she whispered. “Go on. I’ll be waiting.”

**

The meeting went as smoothly as Kakashi could’ve expected after the hokage announced all unmated alphas were being required to mate, strengthening Konoha’s bonds in the face of the kidnapping threat. As Hiruzen explained it was to forge stronger relationships and give them a reason to care more, Kakashi sat numbly and stared at Ibiki’s bandana in front of him. 

The world fell away eventually and he couldn’t find the strength to react when the meeting ended and Genma shook him. “Hey, you okay, Kakashi? This is--shit, I mean--” Genma leaned close to whisper in his ear-- “Is Sera...you know...”

“I have no idea,” Kakashi mumbled, blinking slowly. “I don’t know, Gen.” He threaded his fingers through his hair and looked at the other alpha. “Is it even going to matter? We’re  _ obviously  _ not a strong enough relationship, not important…”

“Bullshit,” Genma said. He crossed his arms and scowled. “Who are they expecting you to pair with? No offense, but with--yeah. Ah, I heard Gai say he was going for Iwashi, but shit, what other omegas are even unpaired? There’s--”

“Iruka.” Hiruzen walked up with an intimidating frown on his face and both alphas snapped to attention. “Genma,” he said, nodding toward the door. Genma all but sprinted away and Hiruzen looked Kakashi up and down. “The council has made the decision you'll be mated with Iruka, Kakashi. I know you and Sera have a lot of history--”

“A lot?” Kakashi asked, incredulous.  _ “Seven years,  _ sir. We’ve been together for seven years.”

“And I know you’ll do your duty to the village, as she will,” Hiruzen said. “I  _ am  _ sorry it’s come to this, but you’ve collected the facts. You know much of what’s happening out there.” He pulled Kakashi into a small room off the side of the chamber and closed the door. “We’ve gotten updated information that I was going to put in your mission packet, but here is just as well. One of the omegas Gai managed to rescue overheard his captor talking about Orochimaru. If he’s mixed in with all this, it’s worse than we thought. So please, Kakashi, for Konoha. Step up and be an alpha for my son.” 

Kakashi’s jaw snapped shut with enough force to rattle his skull as he closed his eyes. “Yes, sir,” he ground out, lying through his teeth  “May I go?”

“You may,” Hiruzen said with a sad smile. “Things will be finalized when you get back.”

“Might as well never reappear,” Kakashi muttered as he turned on his heel and walked out, sealing to transport himself to the memorial stone. He cursed the rock, the earth, biology, and most of all the chunin who had managed to fuck everything up for him. Grass flew as he kicked at the ground, hating how the smell surrounded and taunted him with the happiness that was always  _ just  _ out of his reach. “Why did I expect anything different? Why?” His words bounced off the stone and he smacked a fist against it. “You don’t fucking know, why am I asking you?”

Silence met him again and his growl rattled his bones. “I ask for  _ nothing.”  _ He fell forward, hands finding barely any grip on the freezing surface. “And I’m still disappointed.” The memory of Iruka here and hissing at him almost a year ago surfaced and he latched on to the anger he’d felt that day. He latched onto the wrath he’d let build inside him without Iruka to temper it and  _ snarled,  _ filling the noise with everything he couldn’t say to Hiruzen. “Duty. Genma's right. It’s bullshit. Every part of it. Mated to strengthen bonds.  _ Shit.”  _

A branch cracked and his head snapped up to catch Anko traipsing through the brush. “Oh,” she said, stopping short when she saw him glaring. “I can leave?”

“What the fuck did you tell the old man?”

She stiffened and shook her head. “That’s really none of your busin--”

“What. Did. You. Tell. Him?” He was almost making himself nervous, and Anko looked ready to piss herself at his voice. “Tell me.”

“I think you two bonded and it’s my job to say something if--oh god--” She whimpered as he rose and stood over her, glaring down. “I think you two would work and it’s my duty, it’s my  _ duty,”  _ she babbled. “I did nothing wrong.”

“You fucked up,” Kakashi spat. “I don’t want your shitty omega charge and now he’ll be forced on me. Did you ever stop to consider what  _ we  _ want, or just blindly follow the rules?”

“I--”

“Save it.” He pushed past her to retreat into the forest, flashing through the trees until he stopped with his back against a large oak. The bark was rough as he curled his fingers, nearly ripping out his nails with the force. “ _ Iruka _ .”

Black tea, citrus, and a bundle of mess coming in to his life to ruin everything he’d built. Snappy, irritating--kind if Kakashi was being honest, but what would that matter? Kakashi had made his choice, and it was Sera. Iruka was probably laughing at the thought of being with him and he  _ should _ be. 

Kakashi sat until it was nearing dark, an entire day wasted on the thought of an omega. On the thought of everything crumbling around him until it was him spinning alone in the dark, scrabbling for purchase in a cloud of a pain and panic. He didn’t even bother asking why this time, because there was never an answer. There was only more shit being piled on him. With a low groan, he headed back to the house and found Sera sleeping. He sat on the edge of the bed and shook her gently. “Sera.”

“Hmmn,” she murmured, rolling to face him. “Welcome back.”

“Did you take it?”   
She shook her head. “I was waiting for you,” she said.

“Don’t bother.” He crossed his arms and bent in half, forehead resting on the blankets. “Regardless of what it is it’ll be awful. I can’t have a family with you anyway.” Sera’s hand rested on the back of his neck and he tensed. “I have orders. From the hokage.”   
“What orders?”   
“I’m being mated,” he whispered. “He told me himself to stand up and be his son’s alpha, Sera. Iruka doesn’t want me. Everything is--it’s all wrong.” He grabbed the comforter, balling it in his fists as he took a deep breath. “I don’t know what to do.”

“You hurry home from the mission and we take it up with the Council. I don’t care if they won’t give us an audience, we’ll  _ take _ one. They won’t get away with this.” She rested her forehead on his back and he felt her shake. “And if they don’t fix their mistake? We burn it all down.”

**

He didn’t sleep that night. Sera raged and all he could muster was an overwhelming numbness, seeping deep into his core. When she fell asleep he brought out Iruka’s book and held it on the couch, listening to the storm play itself out outside. Where thunder usually calmed him it riled him, and where rain soothed him the sound grated on his ears until he threw the book at the opposite wall with a curse. “You should stay in dreams,” he muttered. “I didn’t want to bond with you.” It was the first time he’d admitted it out loud, that the day in the hospital had affected then more than they realized.

“You won’t be good to me,” he said, picking up the book and gently tracing the pages. “You…” The words dried up as he thought of his dreams and how happy he’d been. “Iruka doesn’t want you, Kakashi,” he reminded himself, straightening his spine. A bird began to sing outside and his head thumped back against the wall. “Doesn’t matter what you want, just remember that. No one wants you.”

The thought pounded through his head as he prepared to leave and kissed Sera goodbye. She shed a few tears, and he wiped them away with a gentle touch and the parting thought that he’d be back in a few weeks. He took one last lungful of her, savoring it as he walked out the door and to the memorial stone. As he neared, Iruka’s faint scent mingled with the rain-soaked earth. “What are you doing here?” he asked upon seeing Iruka curled at the base.

“The fuck does it look like I’m doing?” Iruka buried his face, attempting to hide red eyes from Kakashi. 

“It looks like you’re about to keel over,” Kakashi said. He closed his eyes and leaned over him, strawberries fading away in the face of bitter tea and regret. It was the same smell Iruka had had at the meeting and Kakashi felt the overwhelming urge to wrap him in his arms, take away the hurt from the omega. 

It was the alpha in him, and he fought hard against it.

“Doesn’t matter,” Iruka said. “Go away. You don’t need more  _ distractions.” _

Kakashi slid down the stone to sit. “It’s part of an alpha’s job to make sure omegas are safe, Iruka. And you do not look safe.” He looked worse than Kakashi did--mud-stained clothes, tears drying on his face, and deep black pits around his eyes as he shifted away from the jonin.

“Save it for your wife. You care about her. You can’t afford to care about me,” Iruka said darkly.

“She’s not my wife.” Kakashi’s hands tightened into fists as he explained why, ending with, “I think we can both agree on ‘fuck the rules.’”

“Unreal.” Suddenly Iruka’s warmth was missing from his side as the chunin got up. “You’re an alpha. Rules say you get to continue your work, your life. What about your omega? They’ll be expected to be knocked up with pups and stuck in the village doing fuck all.”

Kakashi’s lip curled up. “I am fighting to save seven years of history with the woman I love,” he said.  _ Seven years without  _ you. “I do not want this. I do not want an omega. Pups?  _ Yes,”  _ he admitted. “But with  _ her.  _ I want to father  _ her  _ children, not some bitchy omega’s.”  _ Not yours. _

“That’s supposed to make me feel better?”   
“It’s supposed to show you you’re not the only one with shit to lose.” Kakashi looked up and trained his eye on Iruka’s scar, unable to meet his eyes. “There’s people fighting this stuff just as hard--if not harder--than you. Don’t forget that.” His chest tightened as Iruka collapsed back next to him, sulking.

“Whatever. Were you mad at me for some reason these last few months?” 

_ Angry? No. If only you knew.  _ “No, why?”

“You’ve been avoiding me.” There was no fight left in Iruka’s voice, just a weary tension. “Never come through my line at the desk, always walk away if I’ve got a spare second. I thought maybe the book was too forward or something.” 

“Something like that,” Kakashi muttered.  _ All the nights I’ve stayed awake to the thought of you.  _ He told the chunin it was better they remain acquaintances, and hurt flashed through Iruka’s eyes as anger bled into his scent. 

“You don’t know, do you?”

“Know what?” Kakashi froze, praying to every god Iruka didn’t know himself, that the alphas had gotten the information first. 

“Anko told my father we bonded,” Iruka said.

_ Fool, Kakashi. Stupid. “ _ Where’d she get that idea?”

“I quote--’You don’t see yourself with him, it’s almost painfully clear, and I believe Sera knows too.’” Confirmation of what Kakashi had been shoving inside for months, and Iruka’s voice was a brand on his soul as he continued. “You know what? I tried to tell myself it wasn’t true. There was no way I’d bonded with mate-killer Kakashi.” He waved off Kakashi’s pained hiss, face twisting into an agonized frown. “But with you sitting here I  _ know  _ she’s right. And I will never,  _ ever  _ let that happen again because when you stood up at that meeting, Kakashi, my heart tore in two. So maybe it’s a good thing you’ve stayed away. Fewer chances for you to fuck me up again.”

Kakashi could barely think over the tide of tainted happiness that rushed over him. Forget the fact Iruka had told him he'd never accept him--hormones paid no mind to the words. He nearly called out to Iruka as he walked away, but caught himself at the last second. Before Iruka hit the treeline, however, a question burst through. ‘You--we--you think we bonded too?”

Iruka stopped and half-turned back to him, unable to meet his eye. “Even if we did, I’m only almost seventeen. Spend the rest of my life with you? No. I’ve already caused myself enough grief over you. I’ll see you around, Kakashi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via Tumblr, Twitter, or join a pretty sweet Discord for all the updates in one place <3


	13. Dango and Despair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See end notes for CW due to spoilers, esp if you are sensitive to pregnancy things.

Iruka didn’t bother going home to change before adjusting himself and walking to class. Who cared if it wasn’t regulation? Shinobi came home with worse on their uniforms all the time. Kakashi’s face played in his vision as he and Mizuki sparred, grey hair flashing in the sunlight. Mizuki caught his arm with a kunai-- _ should be paying better attention,  _ his friend sneered--and Iruka’s fuse burned out. He laid into Mizuki with all the fury he’d been holding back for weeks,  _ months,  _ and was unsurprised when he was dismissed for the day with orders to take some time. 

It didn’t matter. 

He didn’t care.

It wasn’t like he was going to do anything more with his life.

After wandering the outskirts of the village for the day, he returned to the training grounds as he considered the last few months. From Kakashi-- _ alpha _ \--abandoning him for Sera to learning Anko wasn’t quite as supportive as she seemed, he thought. He was exhausted but held no desire to go home, see the woman who had given him over to the whims of Konoha. 

Beginning with shuriken, he threw every weapon in his pouch with deadly accuracy and with each, named another sin. “Told my father. Let me go without a second glance. Cut me open. Thinks I’m worthless. She’s right.” A slew of curses burst from him when he nicked his finger. “Yeah, definitely right.” 

The blood taunted him as his head hung, all the fight wrung out of him. “Fuck it,” he muttered. Metal clinked as he picked up the equipment and dumped it unceremoniously in his holster. “Home it is, then.” He heaved a sigh and turned toward town, dreading the mere sight of Anko’s face. 

Her chakra reached out to his as he hesitated at the door with his head against the frame and arms wrapped around his stomach. “Hey,” she said when he finally walked in.

“I don’t want to talk to you,” he said softly. He closed the door to his room and leaned against it, brow knit in pain and frustration. The sight of her blanket on his pillow twisted his face, and he opened the door to throw it angrily at the couch. “Don’t sleep in here again. You’re not welcome in my space.”

Sadness permeated her chakra, and he tamped the feeling down, trying to mute it as best he could. She banged around in the kitchen as he laid there, uniform grating on his skin while the incessant noise in his head wouldn’t let up.  _ Distraction. Be better. Omega.  _

_ Worthless omega. _

_ Distracting omega. _

_ Can’t even handle a bit of betrayal. _

He could hear her coming to the door and pulled the blanket over his head as she knocked. “I made dango, Ru,” she said. “Can you come out?”

“No.”

“Please?” He listened to the break in her voice, the thickness that meant tears, and ignored it. She did not deserve his empathy. “I don’t want this to be bigger than it needs to be…”

“You lied to me,” he said roughly. “You lied, broke my trust, and now  _ you  _ don’t want it to be this big thing?” He sniffed and buried his face in the pillow, desperately trying to replace her scent with his own. “Go away.” Anko knocked once more and he growled, a warning not to speak again. “I said  _ leave,”  _ he hissed. “I don’t want you near me.”

“They’ll, um, be in the fridge,” she said, trailing her hand down the wood as she walked away. The TV turned on and he listened to her settle, likely lost in thought. She never actually watched the shitty reality show she had on. 

Iruka’s tears fell silently for a while as he let the last few months wash over him. Everything came to a head and poured out of him onto the pillow that reminded him of pain. The half healed wound on his arm stung viciously, his healing justus not quite enough to heal it properly. 

Here he was, never good enough, and licking his wounds in fragile peace. 

_ Pathetic. _

Anko’s crying quieted near eleven, and he waited until midnight to sneak out and clean himself in the dark bathroom. When finished, he opened the fridge to find the dango and several other favorites, along with a note of apology. He left the note shredded on the floor and the food exactly where it sat. The clanging of his spoon in the cereal bowl should have been enough to wake the dead, but Anko was a very heavy sleeper and he scarfed the bowl down in haste. 

She whimpered from the couch and out of habit, he craned his head over to see her clutch at nothing and murmur his name. “Yeah, see if you catch me again,” he whispered. “See if you earn back what you no longer deserve.” Anko grew louder, more agitated, until she shot up with both hands clamped on her head. 

“I lost you,” she said with frightened eyes. “You were there, and then you weren’t, and you were--you were gone.”

“Sounds appropriate.” Iruka dumped the bowl and walked back, dodging Anko’s hand as she grabbed for his arm. “Don’t,” he snapped. “I don’t want you touching me.”

“Iruka, I’m  _ sorry,”  _ she said, a tear tracking down her cheek. “You have to understand.”

“What, that you obviously haven’t been listening to me for the last year now? Pretty obvious,” he said. “Duty. According to your stupid rules that dictate your  _ fucking  _ duty I’m supposed to pop out pups and be a good little bitch. Is that really what you want for me?”

“I want you to be happy,” Anko whispered. “I thought…”

“Thought you’d make me happy? You could have,” Iruka said.  _ “You,  _ Anko. I was happy with you. With the way things were. I was happy living and sharing my life with you. I was fine with you training me for teaching and jonin studies. I even accepted the braiding and the dango and the occasional snake because I was  _ happy.  _ Kakashi? Please. You’re blind if you think I’ll be happy with him.”

“But you bo--”

“I don’t want to hear a fucking word about bonds,” he spat, turning with one hand resting on the doorknob. “I thought I was worth more than duty to you. I thought we were friends, Anko.” She gaped at him as he slid into his room, eyes lingering as he watched another tear crawl down. “I guess I was wrong.”

**

He didn’t speak more than a few words to her for days, even when she gave him the news he’d been summoned to the hospital on the seventeenth. “Room 312,” the receptionist said, and he walked in to the sight of an exhausted, sweaty Raidou with newborn twins curled on his chest.

“Hey,” Raidou said, motioning him over. “I thought you might want to meet them.”

“Aren’t they beautiful?” Genma asked from beside him.

Iruka nodded as he walked over, scent drenching the room when Raidou shifted in the bed. “What did you name them?” he asked quietly. “They’re--” Breath caught in his chest as the far one yawned, tiny fist searching the air until Raidou gave it a finger to hold. “I--” 

“Gen,” Raidou said with a nod to the door. 

“Be back soon,” the alpha murmured. He kissed Raidou and each of the kids before excusing himself, claiming he needed coffee. “Love you all.”

Iruka sat delicately on the bed when Raidou offered a spot, eyes trained on the twins the entire time. It was hard to breathe with their new smell washing over him and pulling him ever closer, needing to love, protect--

“That’s close enough,” Raidou murmured when Iruka’s ponytail draped over his chest, nose nearly touching their blanket. “Shouto--” he patted one child’s shoulder-- “and Asahi.” He waved the captured finger and Iruka had to choke back a sob when Asahi yawned again, a small whine escaping him.

“Rai, they’re--I--” Words escaped him under the overwhelming sense of family and home. “I, ah…”

“I brought you here for a reason,” Raidou said. Iruka offered a finger to Shouto, who grabbed his hair and pulled instead as his father continued. “I know...you don’t think being an omega is worth anything.”

“Raidou, do we need to d--”

“Please listen. I’ve had a hellish last twenty-four hours and I wanted you here to see this right now because I  _ know,  _ Iruka. I know what it’s like to be in your shoes.” Raidou gently uncurled Shouto’s hand and looked at Iruka with steel in his eyes. “You need to see being an omega isn’t worthy of your hate. Look at them.” He hugged them a bit tighter, hands curling over their shoulders. “Look at me.” Iruka met his gaze and quickly dropped it to look back at the twins. “Tell me this is worth your anger, Iruka.”

“You know that’s not fair,” Iruka said. “Not with all this going on.”

“I’m not letting you lay there and moan because of what you can’t change,” Raidou said, putting a hand on Iruka’s shoulder. “I’m also not saying this, a family, is in the cards for you, but please--your life is not destined for the shit pile because of your parts.”

“I’ve never said that,” Iruka said.

Raidou patted him before pushing him slightly away. “You didn’t need to say it. It’s obvious that’s how you feel, and it’s important you see that you’re wrong.” Iruka screwed his eyes shut, nodding without the ability to speak around the lump in his throat. “I know we’re not  _ incredibly  _ close, but I wanted to be the one who told you,” Raidou continued. “We’re not so different, you and me.”

“Right,” Iruka said thickly. Not once in the year since he’d shoved past Kakashi in the hall had the bond been so apparent as when Asahi’s hand gripped at his shirt sleeve. “Can I...tell you something? Without you telling Genma?” Raidou said yes and under the influence of the pups and proximity, Iruka spilled everything he’d been keeping to himself to the other omega. The bond, the months of friendship, the rejection, the  _ rift  _ that opened in him when Kakashi named him distraction. 

Raidou listened, fussing over the twins occasionally when they demanded attention. When Iruka was done, he handed him a tissue from the bedside table and ordered him to stand. “Do you feel better, letting that go?”

“A little.” Iruka wiped his face and took a deep breath, shuddering on the exhale. “I’m sorry,” he said. “You’re probably tired and hurting and here I am like a child.”

“Worth it,” Raidou said. Asahi whimpered, and the omega brushed fingers over his forehead. “I am here if you need someone, Iruka. Remember that. I may not be here every hour, but you are  _ not  _ alone, okay?”

“Okay,” Iruka said as Asahi let out another whimper and began to cry in earnest. “Do you, um, want help? I don’t know...how...but I could try.”

“I think they need Dad,” Raidou said, shushing the child. “I’m exhausted and would like some sleep, so if you could send Genma in on your way out, I’d appreciate it.”

“Sure.” Iruka waved goodbye on his way out, nearly running into Genma when he opened the door. “He needs you,” he said, nodding to the crying child. “I--thank you. Please say thank you for me.”

“Can do,” Genma said after a gulp of coffee. “I’ll see you around, Iruka.” He disappeared, and Iruka pondered Raidou’s thoughts on his way out into the street. It was gorgeous, all sun and the last of the cherry blossoms beginning to fade away on a soft breeze.

It wasn’t worthy of a door slamming so hard it rattled on its hinges, and Kakashi stumbling backward into the street with haunted, panicked eyes muttering “no, no, no no no,” to himself. His head whipped around and Iruka gasped at the sight of the Sharingan bared to the world. It caught him, paralyzed him as Kakashi took one dazed step back, then another before Sera opened the door, leaning heavily against the frame with blood on her fingers. “No!” Kakashi shouted, and civilians and shinobi alike turned to stare.

“Kakashi, come inside,” Sera said weakly. “Come here.”

The jonin’s chest heaved as his head swung from side to side, silently daring anyone to approach him. “No,” he repeated. “It’s not true, it’s not--” His legs shook when he crouched lower, took another step back. “You didn’t.”

“Come  _ here,”  _ Sera said before curling over with a wince. “Do not involve the whole village, please.”

_ “Murderer,”  _ Kakashi hissed, voice breaking on the last syllable. He took three more steps back and yelped when he ran into an older woman, tripping over her foot to fall on the ground. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he babbled, but pushed her hand away when she offered it. He scrambled to his feet, chakra roiling uncontrolled through the atmosphere. “Murderer,” he said again. “Leave, I have to--” He disappeared with a pop of chakra, and the street erupted into chaos as Sera shut the door against their questions. 

Iruka shot off toward home with a cocktail of feeling coursing through him he was nearly unable to decipher. He wanted nothing more than to find the alpha, hurt who had hurt him, take his pain and shelter him from the world. Anko didn’t get a word in before he locked himself in his room and sealed for a shadow clone, transforming himself and falling into the clone’s arms.

Stupid? Perhaps.

But with everything burning in his veins, the only thing that mattered was his clone would give him memories of holding-- _ comforting-- _ his alpha. Did not matter his transformation into Kakashi was likely all sorts of panicked and wonky. Did not matter it was only a shitty substitute for what he’d wanted for months.

It mattered that there was finally contact--even simulated--between Iruka and the man Anko had betrayed him for. 

_ Kakashi  _ mattered, and the two clung to each other on top of the comforter until their breathing and heartbeats stilled. “This is…” the clone began.

“Shut up.” Kakashi’s voice sounded through the room, and Iruka buried a strangely unscarred nose into the clone’s shoulder. “Hold me. Love me, please.” Hearing the jonin begging was strange, especially coming from Iruka's own mouth, but he did not care. 

“Okay,” his clone soothed, smoothing a hand through his hair. “Okay, alpha, it’s all right. Shhh.” 

Iruka tugged the clone down to the bed as protective urges surged through him and wrapped it tight in his arms. “Iruka,” he whispered, and his name in Kakashi’s voice was everything to his hormone-addled brain. “Iruka,” he said again, voice dropping lower as he nuzzled against the clone’s neck.  _ “Omega.” _

_ Pathetic. _

The clone pressed back against him, and he felt himself begin to stir.

_ Disgusting. _

As the knowledge spread through him, he pushed the clone away and dismissed the jutsu, memories snapping back to him like a punch to the gut.

_ Alone. _

_ Terrified. _

_ Needy. _

_ Omega. _

He curled under the covers with darkness covering his heart and Anko knocking on the door, insisting on knowing who was in there with him. “No one,” he said brokenly. “Just like always. There’s no one here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, an abortion mention is what you will read.
> 
> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via Tumblr, Twitter, or join a pretty sweet Discord for all the updates in one place <3


	14. Decision

Letting Iruka walk away was the hardest thing Kakashi did that day. He and Tenzou--along from ANBU, which gave him pause--were sent with orders to find out where Orochimaru was hiding and experimenting. Being with the younger alpha was soothing, and as they flew through the forests surrounding Konoha, Kakashi found himself lost in the rhythm of their feet on the ground. Lost in a fragile sort of peace. 

That peace continued until, when they camped for the night, Tenzou asked how he and Sera were getting along. “We have not had much time to catch up since you left,” he said over the fire. “And I was wondering with the new mating rules if you were still together.”

“We are,” Kakashi said, instantly on guard. “We’re doing well, Tenzou. Thank you for asking.”

“Did I say something wrong?” Tenzou asked. The flames cracked and reflected in his owlish eyes, wide and unthreatening in the light. “My apologies, senpai. I did not mean to offend.”

Kakashi sighed and tossed a small stick into the fire. “You’re fine.” He took a deep breath and focused on relaxing his shoulders, letting the tension bleed into the ground below him. “We...I’m not sure what our future is.”

“Oh.” Tenzou took a bite of his ration bar. “That’s unfortunate.”

“That it is,” Kakashi said. He leaned back to stare up at the stars, catching one falling. “Make a wish.”

“Wishes don’t come true,” Tenzou said around another bite.

Kakashi laughed dryly. “Sometimes it’s all you can do,” he said, sending up a prayer that she was, in fact, pregnant and they’d be allowed to stay together.  _ Some way, somehow,  _ he thought as he laid back on his jacket. “Make one anyway.”

“I wish you’d stop being stupid,” Tenzou said.

“Hey!” Kakashi propped himself up on one elbow to see Tenzou staring across the flames. “I’m not--”

“Please,” Tenzou said with a wave. “I saw you the other day.”

“Point being? I know you’re always lurking when you’re on guard duty.”

“I saw what you bought.” Tenzou’s calm demeanor dropped as he leaned forward, eyes piercing deep into Kakashi. “I did not tell anyone and asked for this mission specifically to talk to you about it. You’re unsure about your future with your beta because you believe she’s pregnant, am I wrong?”

Kakashi’s jaw snapped shut when Tenzou cocked his head in question. “That’s none of your business,” he said. “You should know better than to pry.”

“It’s my business if it will affect Konoha, and a pregnant beta out of nowhere could affect the village,” Tenzou said. “There will be questions and there may be panic. That affects things, Kakashi. So please, for your own good--out with it. I will go to the hokage if you won’t tell me and he will be far less lenient.”

“You--” Kakashi’s nails dug into his thighs as he shrank into a ball, wanting to sink into the ground beneath him. “You don’t have that right.”

“You don’t have the right to keep this a secret,” Tenzou said. He sighed and looked into the trees. “Tell me.”

“No, Tenzou.”

“Tell. Me.” Tenzou’s voice held no room for argument and Kakashi recognized the ANBU severity they’d been taught years ago. “So help me, I will go back to Konoha and tell him everything. You have thirty seconds to begin.”

Kakashi stared until Tenzou started counting down from ten before holding a hand out and saying, “Yes, I think she is.”

“There’s something,” Tenzou said. “Tell me everything. Practice how you’re going to tell the hokage.”

“I can’t do that,” Kakashi said. “She’s going to--she’ll--”

“Did you know?” Tenzou asked. He tossed the bar wrapper in the fire and rested his chin on his knees, arms wrapped around the back of his thighs. “Betas don’t just get pregnant.”

“I’ve known for a month now that she’s been doing treatments,” Kakashi whispered. His eyes lost focus as he looked into the fire, watched the light dance between them. “It’s been nearly two years, Tenzou, and I had no idea. She hid it from me. From everyone.”

“Who helped her?”

“Shikaku.” Kakashi screwed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose, groaning. “Bastard didn’t even think to tell me my fucking partner was going behind my back. And I--” he shook his head-- “I want it. I want whatever she has in her right now. I want a family.”

When he looked up, Tenzou had his hands clasped in front of his face. “I’m going to say something you’ll be angry about,” the younger man said. Kakashi raised his eyebrow, and Tenzou bit his lip. “It is not your place to say whether you want a family with a placeholder. Don’t--” he held up a finger when Kakashi began to protest-- “get angry with me. I do not like the rule either. My beta is kind and gentle and someone I would gladly give my life for, but I know she isn’t the one who will become my family. It is not your decision to make.”

“They want me with Umino Iruka,” Kakashi blurted. Tenzou started at the outburst, and Kakashi buried his head in his hands. “Iruka, the one who’s caused so much grief between Sera and I. I can barely look at him without seeing anger and pain and  _ want,  _ Tenzou.  _ And I don’t want him.”  _

“Iruka, the one who you were close with for months, you mean.” Tenzou crossed his arms and set his jaw. “Do you even hear yourself speak? One sentence contradicts the other and you know which one came first? That you want him. Get your head out of your ass.”

Kakashi leveled a warning gaze at him. “Don’t pull that voice on me,” he said.

“What are you going to do about it, tell me I’m wrong?” Tenzou stared back unashamed, and scoffed when Kakashi let out a soft growl. “You wouldn’t be getting shitty with me if you knew I was wrong. That’s not who you are.”

“It’s not your place to tell me how I feel,” Kakashi countered. “I can figure that out for mys--”

“It is your  _ duty--”  _ Tenzou’s voice rang sharply through the trees-- “to do as Konoha bids. You are a jonin, an alpha. Past ANBU. Did those years teach you nothing?” 

The tightly wound knot in Kakashi’s chest burst open, and he gaped at Tenzou before snapping. “Fine. You know what? Perfect.” He threw his arms out, baring his chest. “You caught me, Tenzou. Feelings? Overwhelming. I have been drowning for a  _ year  _ now while I try to salvage my sense of normalcy. That’ll look great on a performance report. ‘Jonin cannot handle the stress of change.’ Change is for  _ missions  _ and not for life, and no one  _ realizes  _ that.” 

“You know what could help balance that?” Tenzou asked.

“What?”

“The goddamn omega you left hurting in Konoha.”

“The one who made it real clear he wants nothing to do with me,” Kakashi said. “The one who will be the fifth to reject me come pairing time. I don’t even think he knows yet but Tenzou, you didn’t hear the poison behind his words this morning. I’m not living with that for the rest of my life.”

“He’d be less poisonous if you were less of a jackass,” Tenzou said. “I’ve seen you. I watched you build him up and then break him. I’d be pissed at you too. He has every single right to those feelings.”

“I--”

“Don’t you  _ dare  _ try to deny it,” Tenzou said. “You know you fucked this one up. I don’t care if you want a life with Sera. Well, I do. I want you to be happy. But to cause someone else pain because you can’t make up your mind is nothing short of pathetic, senpai.”

Kakashi stood and walked away, out of Tenzou’s line of sight as the other alpha stared him down. “Pathetic,” he muttered. “Anything but. Not my fault Iruka’s too sensitive.”

_ ‘I watched you build him up and then break him.’ _

Something ran through the brush as Kakashi walked further into the forest, startling him. Branches parted and in the dark, he was glad he didn’t need to watch his hands shake when he leaned against a tree and looked at the stars again. 

_ ‘I tried to tell myself it wasn’t true. There was no way I’d bonded with mate-killer Kakashi.’ _

Kakashi’s breath caught in his chest as his arms tightened with the remembrance of Iruka’s pained eyes. The broken look on Sera’s face when he shoved the pregnancy test into her hands. The scent of strawberries that wouldn’t fade and barely compared to the near ecstasy he wouldn’t admit Iruka’s scent brought out. 

_ ‘I’m never letting that happen again.’ _

“He’s right,” he whispered, bringing a hand over his eye. “Fuck. I  _ am  _ a moron.” Tenzou’s chakra reached for his and he turned away from the approaching man. “I don’t want to hear it.”

“You want to hear this,” Tenzou said, and Kakashi looked over to see some sort of fleshy thing in his hands. 

“What the hell is that?”

“Hokage-sama informed me there may be someone who’s ‘out to get you,’” Tenzou said. “I think they got you. Someone.”

Kakashi jumped back when Tenzou tossed a severed foot at him. “They don’t sever limbs. I never did that.” 

Tenzou motioned him back toward the camp, telling him that while Kakashi was thinking, he’d gone out to scout. “Here,” he said, stopping short. They both took in the sight of someone sprawled against a tree, limbs cut at the joints. “Not trying to get you?”

“No.” Kakashi crept forward carefully, looking over the corpse. No fingers gone, no gash on its face, just senselessly hacked to pieces. “This makes no sense,” he said, sniffing. “And--” another sniff-- “he doesn’t smell like an omega. Smells like--”

“Alpha,” Tenzou said.

“Exactly.”

Tenzou shook his head. “Violence for the sake of violence?”

“I don’t see a hitai-ate anywhere on him,” Kakashi said. “No marks.”

“Shit.”

Kakashi knelt to close the man’s eyes. The corpse was cool to the touch, stiffened. He pulled away to motion to the fire. “We should burn him.”

“Exactly what I needed tonight,” Tenzou muttered, gathering the scattered pieces. “Confrontation and murder. Pyres...go get more wood, senpai. I’ll get him over to camp.”

Kakashi did as asked and they read the rites together before speculating on why the poor man was killed. “Too close to the border, maybe?” Kakashi said.

“Could’ve been traveling with too much money,” Tenzou mused.

“No point in dismembering a corpse after you’ve robbed it,” Kakashi said. “Come on Tenzou, you know better.”

“Ready to admit you do too?” Tenzou asked.

Kakashi knew enough to know when he was beaten. “I have a choice,” he said. “That is what I know.”

“Figure it out on first watch,” Tenzou said. “I don’t expect you to answer me, but when we get back the first thing I want to see is an apology to Iruka and your telling one or the other you can’t go between them anymore. I cannot advocate for Sera, but you need to choose one.”

“I know,” Kakashi said softly. He shot Tenzou a wan smile in the firelight and pushed him toward his pack on the ground. “Go to sleep. I’ll wake you in a few hours.”

“Think,” Tenzou said, poking at his chest. “Long and hard.”

“I will, Tenz.” Kakashi summoned Pakkun to patrol with him as the other man settled in, and thought into the early morning hours without distraction before he finally, determinedly made his decision to put the chunin’s bond to rest.

**

On April thirteenth, four days after Kakashi left, Sera sat on the toilet with one hand over her mouth and the other holding the test confirming what she had suspected for a little while now. What Kakashi had expected.

Parenthood.

Her heart beat quickly, hands trembling as her eyes filled. “Oh my god,” she whispered. “This is…” Several thoughts came in quick succession. A blessing. Unexpected. Everything they’d hoped for.

_ Horrifying.  _

She set it on the counter and stood, leaning over the sink and staring at her own wide eyes in the mirror. “You should be here,” she said as she pressed a hand to her turning stomach. “We should be celebrating your child.” Her eyes filled and one tear escaped before she ripped a hand violently over her face. “And you’re gone.”

The test taunted her and she knocked it off, sending it flying to clatter against the shower floor. “The thing that’s going to fucking keep us together and you’re not here to experience it with me. Don’t even care if it’s positive because of that  _ chunin.”  _ She smacked a fist against the vanity and winced. “I was a good beta. I did everything I was supposed to and you’re pulling away anyway.”

The back of her mind supplied that that was the point, he was always going to, but she shoved it away. “No,” she growled. “I’m not being treated as a throwaway. That’s not for me.That is not who I am. That is not who  _ we  _ are, Kakashi. It’s not happening.” 

She set her jaw and dried her face with the towel before braiding her hair and getting dressed. She didn’t bother with makeup or her uniform before walking into the street, only to be stopped by an ANBU in a fox mask. “Your presence is requested by Hokage-sama,” the soldier said. “Please come with me.”

The pair walked, dodging stares, to the hokage tower, and Sera was ushered in to the sight of Shikaku standing next to the desk with eyes downcast. “Sera,” Hiruzen said, nodding toward the door. “Thank you, Fox. Dismissed.”

“Sir.” Sera bowed and tried in vain to catch Shikaku’s eye as her thoughts raced. There was only reason they’d be together in one room, and that was--

“I’ve heard some very troubling things this morning,” Hiruzen said. Sera’s eyes widened as her spine stiffened, unable to look at his face. “I’ve heard a story of someone who was desperate enough to break Konoha law. I’d like to hear what happened from her perspective.”

“I’m sorry,” Shikaku said to the floor. “I couldn’t justify keeping it after the alpha meeting. I--”

“Enough, Shikaku,” Hiruzen said. His voice held no malice but a great disappointment, the weight of expectations unfulfilled. “I’d like to hear from Sera exactly what happened.”

With a heavy heart and burning throat, she told him. She told him about how, two years ago, she’d approached Shikaku with the idea. It was right after Kakashi’s fourth rejection, and both she and her uncle were confident Kakashi would not mate. Would not bond. She told him how much effort it was to keep secret, and he asked why she wouldn’t just tell Kakashi.

“I knew it was wrong,” she whispered. 

“We both did,” Shikaku said.

Hiruzen waved a hand to shush him. “Continue, Sera.”

She told him how happy she was when Kakashi had told her he wanted children with her, wanted to marry her and make her his forever. She told him about the problems they’d had ever since, and hung her head in shame when she admitted Kakashi had known for a month.

“Please,” she said. “I don’t care how you punish me. Do not punish Kakashi for this. It was my own idea and he was none too pleased when I told him. It took some time for him to come around, and I stopped. He didn’t think it was a good idea.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Hiruzen said. “Is there anything else you’d like to tell me?” She just nodded, unable to form the words. “Say it, then,” Hiruzen encouraged. “Don’t withhold it.”

“I’m--they, um--” She swallowed hard and looked to Shikaku, lip trembling. “They--” she shut her eyes, unable to face either of them-- “they worked.”

“Oh my god,” Shikaku breathed. “Sera…”

“Please don’t,” she said. 

Hiruzen sighed and placed both hands flat on the desk. “How long have you known?”

“I was walking out the door to tell Shikaku when Fox stopped me,” Sera said. “I’ve suspected for a bit but took the test this morning.”

“Hmm.” Hiruzen took out his pipe, put the tobacco in, and lit it as the two Naras waited. “This is a problem we have on our hands. A problem indeed.”

“Kakashi deserves to be a father,” Sera said. “Please. Don’t take that chance away from him.”

“Do not presume to tell me what to do,” Hiruzen said. “I’ve been waiting for the time Iruka was old enough to be mated. What I see in Kakashi and what I see in my son are two compatible shinobi, two compatible people. They may not realize it, but the council has. They complement each other.”

“Sir, I can comp--”

“Quiet.” Hiruzen took another lungful of smoke and looked at her through the cloud. “I have watched you for years. I’ve seen how you to interact. You’re comfortable with each other. Love each other. You have been good to Kakashi, I won’t deny that. But you are not his mate, Sera. A pregnancy wasn’t yours to decide.”

“Yes, sir.” Sera clasped her hands in front of her, averting her gaze as the hokage stared.

“And now I have a decision to make,” he said.

“Yes, sir.”

Hiruzen tapped his fingers irritatedly on the desk. “Iruka and Kakashi will be mated,” he said. “That I won’t change. But this fetus--” his fingers stopped-- “I know it’s been years in the making, but it won’t have a father.”

“There are plenty of fatherless children,” Sera whispered, understanding beginning to dawn. “Plenty of orphans.”

“This is Kakashi’s child, and I can’t have it running around Konoha when he and Iruka are mated.” Hiruzen pressed a hand to his forehead, shutting his eyes. “The situation is precarious enough as is, what with the kidnappings and new rules and now this. I can’t have a distraction jeopardizing that.”

“No, please, sir,” she said, panic seeping into her voice. “I can leave. I can move to another village, anywhere, just please--” her voice broke-- “don’t give that order.”

“I don't want to see this happen any more than either of you do,” Hiruzen said softly. “But since you’re both here and this is in the open, I’m giving you a week to terminate. You have three weeks after that to move out of Kakashi’s place into your new assignment.”

“I’d rather you jail me instead,” Sera said. “Dead serious. Four weeks to kill my child and leave behind the man I love, only to be used by someone else.”

“Please don’t argue, Sera,” Shikaku said.

Hiruzen’s face twisted in a grimace. “Unfortunately, I can’t work around this. You’re known for taking Kakashi down from where he was as a child to some semblance of normal. I have another project for you.”

“I don’t want him.”

“You’ll have him anyway,” Hiruzen said. “I’m sorry, but this is the way things are. We’ve had nothing but problems from this omega from the time he presented. You’re a strong woman and the council believes you can handle him.”

“Who?” Sera asked.

“Mizuki.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via Tumblr, Twitter, or join a pretty sweet Discord for all the updates in one place <3


	15. Grief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, the time has come. She's done it. CW once again for abortion and the grief process. 
> 
> I've seen your comments on the last chapter and yes, I agree. Hiruzen made a shit decision ❤️
> 
> For a more immersive experience, Light of the Seven from the S6 GOT soundtrack was my inspiration piece for this chapter and I'd encourage listening while you read.

That afternoon, Sera and Shikaku were both taken to the hospital--Shikaku with orders to confirm the pregnancy and Sera with orders to comply. When tests were done and they were sure there was a child inside her, she was told she had until the twenty-first to make her decision. 

She spent that night with a bottle and regret racing through her veins. 

The fifteenth dawned, and she stared at the ceiling with bleary eyes. Her head pounded and she thought about just puking in the nightstand drawer because standing was too much effort. Eventually she made her way over to the toilet, ignoring the test still mocking her from the shower floor as she retched. 

She didn’t bother going to the desk to see if any short missions were available. She didn’t bother going to lunch or out to train. She didn’t bother going to the memorial stone or the places that calmed her because what would, now?

Instead, she went to the Hatake complex. 

She leapt the fence and landed with a painful thud on the other side, everything hurting with the hangover. “Should be ours,” she muttered. “Could be, if that old bastard bites it before the week’s up.” Weeds caught her hands as she walked through the yard and she watched blossoms from the old cherry tree drift across the cracked concrete. “Broken, like everything else.”

A squirrel crossed her path, startling her, and she let out a surprised squeak before putting a hand to her chest. “God,” she said. “Scare the little shit out of me. Less painful for everyone that way, huh?” She watched it climb the tree, chittering at her. “Fuck you too. Fuck it all.” 

It wasn’t the first time she’d been here over her years with Kakashi. The first time was when they were newly matched and he wouldn’t speak to her. She broke in and searched the dusty house for anything he might cling to, embrace. Now as the door swung open with a creak, she thought of his face when she’d presented him with the blanket she’d taken from his bed. A child’s blanket, shuriken print. The one they kept on their bed to this day.

At the time, he’d been heartbroken to see something that reminded him of his father and his past.

The second break-in was when he turned sixteen, and she was looking for something-- _ anything-- _ to help him remember his life outside of ANBU. Something to crack the dead look in his eyes when he stared out the window before retreating to sleep away entire days. 

He’d looked at her when she said she’d failed and whispered all he needed was her, the person who believed him.

The third was six weeks after his eighteenth birthday, and he had just come home from a two month mission. Her stomach turned as she remembered his frustration when she presented him with an old set of kunai he’d forgotten when he moved. Minato had helped him settle into another house, Sakumo’s savings buying the place outright so Kakashi wouldn’t have to spend another night with ghosts. 

He’d told her she shouldn’t go back again, that he didn’t want to remember.

He’d told her a lot of things that night, under the influence of a good bottle of sake and the post-mission come down. How he’d thought about backing out of their partnership before realizing she was one of the only people who willingly spent time with him. How he’d thought about backing out of life in general. How he’d thought about leaving Konoha behind because what was life if you were a dog stuck in ANBU’s cage?

How he'd decided to stay because she was the only constant in his life. 

Searing tears burned down her cheeks as she walked through the house that should have been hers. Theirs.  _ Ours.  _ A thick layer of dust covered everything, Kakashi having barred anyone from going inside to clean and make it new for someone else. Stubborn, as always. A little sentimental, but then again she supposed she would have done the same had her parents’ cabin not burned to the ground. 

She sneezed as a cloud flew up from the couch when she sat to look around the living room plastered with pictures of what she’d hoped their child would look like. “Now that chance is gone,” she sniffed, wiping her nose on her sleeve. “I should just fucking leave. Get out of here while I can.”

_ ‘Duty before dishonor,’  _ her parents had always told her.  _ ‘Be good, Sera. Make our clan proud.’ _

“I wanted to,” she said. “I could’ve had the Hatake heir. I still could. It’s in me.” Her hands shook when she pressed them to her stomach, breath hitching. “I kept him safe. I kept him sane. I did m--my duty. I’m bearing him a c--child.”

A bird sang outside and she opened the window to throw a discarded shuriken at it, catching the branch below. It screeched and flew off, and she sank down the wall with head in her hands. “The thing I worked so hard for and now it’s either dead or destined for running all its life. It wasn’t supposed to be easy, but fuck if I thought it’d be this hard. No one deserves this.”

_ Except a liar,  _ her inner voice reminded.  _ A lying beta who knows better. A beta who’s bringing it all crashing down. _

“Shut up,” she keened. “Leave me alone. I don’t want to hear it.”

_ You  _ deserve  _ it,  _ the voice said.  _ All the lies and deceit. All the manipulation and discarding his wishes. You thought it wouldn’t all come falling? _

She stood and took a few tottering steps before catching herself and running out the door, through the back streets. The Hokage monument all but sneered down at her as she ran, and she wiped away a renewed wave of tears at the choice she had in front of her. 

Their door slammed behind her, sending a wave of pain through her pounding head. “Fuck,” she said. “Too much.”

_ Not for this sort of decision. _

The rice she ate didn’t want to stay down either, and she ended up back in bed with a glass of water and painkillers. Her thoughts zipped by, scenarios playing themselves out faster than she could keep up. “You should be here to help me,” she moaned. “I did it for you, Kakashi. I did it for us.” He surrounded her as she buried herself under the blankets, drifting off to the sound of her conscience screaming.

April sixteenth brought the fading remnants of the hangover and the thought to find reasons to stay. Sera started with the spare bedroom, picking through old uniforms and boxes of books neither had looked at in ages. She held up the first Icha Icha she’d gotten him when he was barely fifteen, sparking an addiction she didn't care to correct. The orange cover was too bright in the morning sun and she threw it onto the bed before diving back in.

Very few things caught her eye until she laid back on the bed to stare at the ceiling. Senbon holes littered the white paint where a young Kakashi had taken out his frustration on the house instead of at training. She’d lit into him when she discovered it, told him it was his job to fix his house. 

Now, she was glad he hadn’t. 

She stared for a few minutes more before rising to wander into the living room and kitchen, running her fingers over their lives together. The furniture Tenzou had made as anniversary gifts, art on the walls they’d picked together, the stupid fridge magnets he insisted on having--she closed her eyes and leaned against the wall to take it in before making her way back to their bedroom. 

The shuriken blanket called to her and she wrapped it around her shoulders as she considered what had all happened in the confines of these walls. From fighting to fucking and everything in between, the secrets they shared were innumerable and it cut her deep to think it would be taken away soon.  _ Unless I take myself away first.  _

Towels fell to the floor when she opened the closet, along with the book Iruka had given Kakashi for Christmas. It fell open to the middle, pages dividing evenly along the spinal crease. There were scribbles in the margins far too messy for any mission desk employee, and the breath caught in her throat as she recognized Kakashi’s chicken scratch.

The book itself told a story of war, of dragons and magic. The notes told a story of someone desperately trying to win a war against himself. They were dated, scattered throughout the pages with no particular rhyme or reason. Instructions. Behavior notes that no person should need unless focusing too hard on normal. Reminders to stay away from black tea and Iruka’s mission desk line. Dreams he’d had and the lies he’d covered them with. Wants and needs he desperately tried to convince himself she could support. 

The last note made her snort in derision. 

_ STAY AWAY FROM IRUKA _

The book dropped to the carpet again as her gut sank and numbness settled in. “‘I don’t care,’ huh,” she said, biting her lip. “‘He doesn’t matter to me.’” She inhaled slowly to steady herself. “That’s it then, Kakashi? Lying to me all this time?” A barking laugh sounded as her conscience reminded her he wasn’t the only liar. “What’s the point, then,” she muttered. “You want him. You  _ have _ wanted him, and you knew it.”

Anger began to seep in past the veil and she clenched a fist at her side. “What about burning it all down with me? Was that a lie?” Her free hand shook as it reached for the book, and she retreated to the backyard with a lighter. Ripping filled her ears as she methodically took the pages apart, laying the pieces down on a small patch of dirt near the fence.

“I fought for this. I fought for us.” She knelt and held the flame to the pages, rocking back on her heels as they caught. “Hatake Sera.” The band on her finger glinted red and she took it off to examine it before whipping it as far into the trees as she could with a cry. “I fought for a  _ fucking _ lie.”

The smoke burned her lungs as she crashed back to the ground, sprawling back against the fence. “Wasted seven goddamn years fighting for something that wasn’t really ever mine. Stupid.  _ Stupid.”  _ She banged a fist uselessly against the dirt as her chest heaved. “I’m done fighting. For you, for us, even for Konoha. Fuck this place.” Her braid nearly dragged in the pile as she stood, scowling at the house that was no longer a home before running in. 

Fox dropped in front of her when she walked out. “Going somewhere?”

“Yes,” she said. “I need to go to Shikaku. I’ve made my choice.”

**

She spent the seventeenth and most of the eighteenth packing. For seven years’ worth of life together, there was surprisingly little she wanted to keep. Most of her clothes fit in a bag, she had a box of books for herself, and the various knickknacks they’d collected would only be painful reminders of what she’d had. 

Shikaku was allowed lunch in the house under ANBU guard at noon on the eighteenth both as a goodbye and final consultation. Three months, he told her, was his sentence, as well as his medical license being revoked. He gripped her hand tight when she apologized and shook his head. “It’s my fault too. I knew the risks. I’ll still be useful,” he said.

“I put you in the position and we both chose wrong,” she said. “I thought he loved me.” 

“He does,” Shikaku said. “Unfortunately for you and I, the Umino boy was in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“Right place, wrong time,” she muttered. “Kakashi should have come home after that mission. I could’ve taken care of him. He didn’t need the hospital to tell him he needed rest.”

“Would’ve found each other eventually,” Bear remarked from the corner. “Fifteen minutes.”

“Sera, I--” Shikaku could barely meet her eyes as he took a bag out of his vest-- “This is it. You don’t need to take it directly now, but you should bef--”

“Give it to me.” Her eyes fell to the floor as he dropped the first round into her hand. Bear stared as she took it, stone-faced. “I want it done. I want it out. I want--” she swallowed hard against the bile rising in her throat-- “Kakashi won’t be a part of me anymore.”

Shikaku walked around to pull her up into a hug. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “I never thought it would end like this.”

“Was there ever any other way for it to go?” Sera could feel the deadness in her eyes when he held her at arms length, the apathetic sway in her body. “We weren’t it. We were never going to be enough for the hokage and his prize bitch. No matter how hard we fought it.” 

“Enough,” Bear said sharply.

“Just said I never was,” Sera snapped back before Shikaku pulled her tight again. “I never was.” She could feel tears trying to form, but her eyes just burned as she slumped back into her seat. “What else is in there?”

“Second course--” Shikaku pushed the bag over and brought out another-- “sedatives--” he pulled out the fourth and final-- “antibiotics.” She listened as he explained when and how to take each before Bear announced it was time. “One more goodbye?” Shikaku asked.

“Please just go,” Sera whispered. “I’ll do this alone.”

“You heard her,” Bear said. “Come on.”

Shikaku’s eyes were pained when they met hers. “I do love you, you know,” he said. “I will be there for you.” She nodded, and he left with Bear close behind.

She sat still for nearly three hours, counting each second, each breath, until she very carefully picked up her glass and threw it against the wall. The song of the shards dropping to the floor wasn’t loud enough to drown out her breathing, so she did the same thing with her plate and the fruit bowl in quick succession before her tears began to flow.

The deep, gut-wrenching cries found at the end of one’s rope sounded through the empty house as she sobbed. It was hard to breathe around the crushing weight of failure that dropped on her chest, chasing away the numbness and forcing her to relive past mistakes with her rose-colored glasses stripped away. Everything was gone, and nothing but lies echoed from the halls.

It was enough to make her hope Kakashi didn’t make it back this time.

She stepped over the glass to take out the pack of cigarettes he kept in the end table. “Always telling you you shouldn’t smoke,” she muttered as she lit up. “Who’s going to care now?” She hadn’t had one since she realized she’d turned Kakashi onto them almost four years ago, and her lungs ached on the exhale. “Gotta have some sort of coping mechanism, right?”

Four more went down quicker than Kakashi after weeks away before there was a knock on the door and Genma’s excited voice saying “They’re coming.” She got up and cracked the door, bleary eyes looking to Genma--hair escaping his hitai-ate, no senbon, and eyes wide. “Wondered if you wanted to hel--hey, are you okay?”

“Fine,” she said roughly. “But I’m, ah, preparing for something. I’ll see them when they’re born, Gen.” She started to close the door and he held it open, looking up in concern.

“Are you sure? You were really excited to be there when we asked a few weeks ago,” he said.

“Positive.” She barely managed to drag the corners of her lips up in a smile before bringing the cigarette to her lips again. “I can’t wait to meet them.”

“Gen, please,” Raidou called from the street. “Let’s go.”

Genma’s eyes searched hers before he nodded once and retreated. “Tomorrow,” he shouted from down the street. “Come to the hospital.”

Sera simply raised a hand before shutting the door and putting out the cigarette, falling into bed seconds later. “Two hours,” she whimpered, wrapping both arms around her stomach. “Then I can put him behind me.” 

_ Take the second set of pills and leave Kakashi broken for Iruka to fix. _

_ His problem now. _

“I wanted you,” she said, pressing a hand to her abdomen. “I wanted your father. I wanted it all.” She sniffed and buried her face in the pillow. “The one time I know of a person’s been encouraged-- _ forced _ \--to abort and it’s a person who wanted the child. Kakashi’s grown. He should be able to decide for himself.

“You don’t even have ears yet. Doesn’t matter because you never will, but you should know I would have loved you. If he hadn’t been set on trying to hide Iruka from me, maybe things could have been different. I could’ve run instead. But that’s not what happened, is it?” Her chin trembled as another sob threatened to burst forward.

“He’s not even here to know you’re for sure alive,” she said bitterly. “He said you were wrong, different. He doesn’t like change so maybe it’s for the better, huh? Just leave instead of dealing with him and the stress you would cause.” A breeze picked up outside, sending shadows skittering across the floor, and she tucked herself in. “Enough. Enough hiding, lies, deceit. Things are going to change, and I’ll be the one to bring it about. I’ll be the one holding the torch to Konoha’s foundation because this is it, child. I’m finished, and Konoha’s going to pay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via Tumblr, Twitter, or join a pretty sweet Discord for all the updates in one place <3


	16. Tempered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your continued support, everyone ❤️

“You should have a little more respect for the public,” Tenzou said. He stared pointedly at the book in Kakashi’s hand before sighing at his raised eyebrow. “I know, I know, you don’t care.”

“Keeps me entertained on the road,” Kakashi murmured.

“You’re avoiding talking to me,” Tenzou said. “Have you made your decision?”

“You’re not going to like it.” Kakashi turned the page and caught Tenzou narrowing his eyes. “It’s  _ my  _ decision. I promised to apologize to Iruka. I’ve been waiting for a family for a long time, Tenz. Please respect that.”

“I suppose,” Tenzou said.

Kakashi flipped the book shut and stopped, Tenzou turning around to face him. “I’m turning in my report, going home, and I’ll see him the next day. I’m exhausted,” he said. “I’m sure you want me rested when I say the words.”

Tenzou grumbled and turned to continue walking, and Kakashi went back to the book until they were walking under the gates. “I wish you’d do what you know is right,” Tenzou said. “That man belongs to you.”

“That  _ boy,”  _ Kakashi emphasized, “needs to grow.” He put an arm around Tenzou’s shoulder to drag him close, whispering in his ear. “Iruka is not the one having my child. So no more about him. You can follow me and make sure I do it, but I don’t want to hear it after that.”

“Whatever you say, senpai.” Tenzou shrugged off his arm and waved to Kotetsu at the desk. “I just hope you know what you’re doing.”

“I’m confident,” Kakashi said.

Tenzou stuck to his side as they filled out and turned in their reports, accepting Izumo’s scripted lines thanking them for their service. Thankfully Iruka was nowhere in sight, and Kakashi let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding as the two stepped into the street. “Let’s not make it another few years, Kakashi,” Tenzou said, clapping him on the shoulder.

“Looking forward to it,” Kakashi said. They broke and he stuffed his hands in his pockets as he walked, basking in the sun and blossom-scented air. The week away had renewed his confidence that Sera was the one he should be coming home to, that they could fight for their life together. He thundered up the stairs and unlocked the door, all at once taking in the  _ wrongness  _ in front of him.

It was dark, curtains drawn and lights all off. Too dark for the middle of the day, even if Sera wasn’t home. There was glass shattered across the kitchen floor and into the living room, mounding up near the sides of boxes in the hallway. A dull thudding noise was coming from the bathroom, and he palmed a kunai as he tried to push the offensive stench of bitter laced with strawberries from his nose.

“Sera?” He took two steps forward, then another two, then another, dancing around the glass and trying not to make much noise. His chakra permeated the house, finding only her signature. “Who else is here, Sera? What’s wrong?” He heard muttering as he stepped into the bathroom doorway, only to be caught in a complete shadow bind.

Sera held bloody fingers together as she thumped her head on the wall once more, hair vibrating with the impact. “You,” she muttered. “It’s you, and the village, and the hokage.”

“Wh--”

“You did this.” Her face was that of a wraith when it peeked out from behind her hair--red and watering eyes, pale skin, her lips a crimson slash through the bottom half of her head. “It’s your fault.”

He struggled, not understanding and needing to be closer, take her in his arms and  _ help.  _ “Sera, I chose you. What’s my fault?”

“The baby.”  _ Thud. _

Dread crept in and he tried to shake his head. “You’re sure there’s a baby?”

“There is.”  _ Thud. _

Kakashi swore his heart stopped. “Can I come closer?”

“Was.”  _ Thud. _

“Don’t hit yourself, love,” he whispered. “What do you mean, ‘was’? Where’d it go?”

“It’s all gone.” Sera released the bind and Kakashi stumbled forward, falling to his knees as she shrugged, fingers falling to rest in her lap. “All of you is gone now. I’m free.”  _ Thud. _

Kakashi crept another inch forward before she snapped to leave her alone. “Are you--is this--are you miscarrying?” He swallowed hard against the quickly forming lump in his throat as she hit her head again. “Ser--”

“No.” She pulled her knees to her chest and he saw a stain on the white at the bottom of the tub, red as her lips opening in a low moan. “I took the future for myself because you don’t love me like you love him. Can’t.”

“What did you do?” Kakashi’s voice was tremulous as he reached a hand out, shuffling the slightest bit forward. “Sera, what did you do to our baby?”

“‘He doesn’t matter to me. I don’t want him.’” She shrugged again before pressing her face into her knees. “Come to find out you dream about him and getting him pregnant and  _ lie  _ to me about it. You said that was our family.”

His stomach dropped. “It will be our family.”

“You weren’t supposed to be home for another two days,” she said, slumping against the wall. “I was going to leave and not see you again. Be Mizuki’s bitch instead. But you had to go and fuck that up too, huh?” She ran the back of her hand over her nose and sniffed hard. “Couldn’t even let me leave without being a burden. Look at you, crying.”

Sure enough, when he brought a hand to tug down his mask, his cheeks were stained. “What did you do?”

“I killed it.” She laughed, short and sharp, and he ceased all movement, even breathing. “I killed it like you killed Rin and like I should have done with that omega when I got the chance. All this time, and we were living a lie.”

His eyes flew to the red on her pants as he gasped for breath. “Don’t you dare,” he muttered, panic setting in. “Don’t you dare say you killed my child. You didn’t. You  _ couldn’t.” _

When he inched closer, her hand shot out to wrap around his face, nails digging in as she shoved him back. “I said stay the fuck away from me,” she snarled. “You hurt me.” 

“I--” her fingers dug deeper before she ripped them away, leaving marks down his cheeks--  _ “stop,  _ Sera.”

She scoffed as she got to her feet, balancing herself on the wall. “You are no longer my problem,” she said, turning to him. “I am no longer your whore.” 

Blood thundered through his head as he scrambled backwards. “No. No, Sera, I’m not--” he nearly slipped when she stepped out of the tub, catching himself on the doorframe-- “You never were.”

“You are--and have  _ always  _ been--a thorn in my side. I don’t know how I ever loved you.” Her eyes were venomous as she pushed him back out the door to sprawls against the wall behind him. “I knew you’d betray me one day.”

“You k--killed--” He gulped, holding out a shaky hand to her stomach-- “you killed my child…” She stared him down as he pulled it back and tugged the mask up once more, every movement slow, unsure as everything began to sink in. “You loved me. You  _ love  _ me, you do. Why--”

“I needed you.” She groaned and planted a hand next to his head, the other on her stomach as her head curled toward his chest. “I needed you to give me a reason to fight for this and you gave me lies. I burned that damn book. I burned your notes. I burned everything of his and now it’s time to burn the last thing he’s tainted.” 

“Sera, no.”

“Konoha.” Sera shoved off the wall and leaned against the doorframe. “It should be done soon. If I bleed out on the bed, so fucking be it.”

“Get out,” he said, barely audible even to him.

“What?”

Before she could shut the door, he grabbed her elbow and pulled her into the hallway again. “Get out of my house.” He could feel his hands on her shake as he stepped back, struggling to take her with him. “You need to leave.”

“Kicking me out already? I expected better from the man I practically fucking raised,” she said.

“You’re a murderer,” he whispered. “How could you?”

She pushed against him and he recoiled as if she’d lodged a shuriken in his chest. “How could you tell me we were meant to be together when you knew you two were bonded?”

“I was taking steps to remedy that,” he said. “You know what I said to Tenzou not twenty-four hours ago? ‘He and I might be bonded but she’s my home.’ Home, Sera.” His voice broke like the glass beneath his feet as he retreated to the door, mask now uncomfortably wet. “You’re home.”

“Not anymore.” She lunged forward and ripped off his hitai-ate, ordering him to open his eyes. “I want you to look at me and remember. This beta loved you. I  _ wanted  _ you when no one else did. I wanted it all. But that doesn’t matter because it’s not Konoha’s plan. The Konoha you fight so fucking hard to protect and you can’t see it rotting from the inside. Don’t care to look.”

The doorknob shocked him when he made contact and he turned it, opening the door the slightest bit. “There were options,” he said. “We could’ve fought for this together. I was going to, I was, I wanted--”

“Don’t you dare go out that door,” she said. “No one but the hokage, Shikaku, and two ANBU know about this. Do not air our dirty laundry.”

He opened it and nearly fell backwards onto the steps, slamming it behind him. “No,” he muttered. “No, no, no, no.” Both eyes darted around the street, catching everyone stopping to stare at his panic. Iruka’s scent whipped through on the spring breeze and he turned to see the chunin frozen, hand reaching toward him as Sera opened the door and put on the mask of victim, begging him to come back inside. Her eyes were steel, and Kakashi shook his head, stuck in a loop. “No, it’s not true, you didn’t--”

If he said it enough times, it might come true. Speak the child back to life. Bring back his family.

“Come  _ here,”  _ she hissed. “Do not involve the whole village, please.”

Her red fingers taunted him as he named her murderer, traitorous voice breaking as he stumbled into the middle of the street. He tripped over an older beta’s foot, shoving her hand away as he scrambled back muttering how sorry he was. Iruka took two steps forward and Kakashi could feel the omega in him reaching out, trying to soothe the pain, and he did his best to wall himself off. “Murderer,” he said louder, and Sera’s face slammed shut along with the door. “Leave, I need to--” Kakashi fought off every instinct screaming for him to run to Iruka and transported instead, finding himself deposited on Genma’s doorstep. 

He knocked, and knocked again with a cry as he pulled his hitai-ate back into place. “Open the damn door, Genma,” he shouted, starting to pound before he saw the neighbors staring from their porch. “What?”

“They’re at the hospital,” one said.

“Raidou went into labor yesterday, didn’t you hear?” the other offered. Kakashi shook his head in mute horror, and the omega tutted at him. “I’m sure they’ll be back tomorrow. Or you could go visit them.”

“They have a child,” Kakashi whimpered.

“Two, actually!”

Kakashi didn’t answer before transporting again, to the forests surrounding the village. “It’s gone,” he said. “She--my--oh my god.” Both hands flew to his mouth as the full weight hit him like a Rasengan blast. “It’s over, it’s gone, it’s--”  _ Done.  _ “Dead. Child’s dead, mine, no--” 

_ Finished. _

_ ** _

Kakashi did not make it home after receiving the news, and Sera was grateful. For the first time in years, there was no worrying about where he was and how he was faring. There was no point in worrying now, because what mattered anyway as she sat broken in the sunset, letting the last of him die.

He didn’t come home the next morning, or the one after that. 

April twenty-second, Cat came bearing orders she was to clear out as soon as she was able. “Best wishes in your new post,” the ANBU said, handing her the assignment scroll. Their hand lingered on it when she tried to pull away, and they sighed. “I’m sorry, Sera.”

She snatched it away, and the soldier disappeared as quick as they had come. With that, she began to sort and pack again. She’d swept up the glass, boxed up the books, cleaned the blood from the tub and her clothes. By the time evening rolled around, she was prepared to leave. There was plenty of her things staying behind, but they were no longer her problem. 

They didn’t matter anymore.

Mizuki met her at his door with a leer. “Look at you, pretty thing come to be mine,” he said, tongue peeking out from between his lips. “Can’t wait to get between those legs.”

She played the role of dutiful, simpering beta until the door shut, then grabbed him by the throat and slammed him into the wall. “Keep your filthy hands off of me,” she snarled, teeth snapping inches from his face. He whimpered, pawing at her wrist, and she dug harder into his jaw. “I may be a beta, but I’m no one’s bitch, you hear me?” Mizuki did his best to nod, eyes wide and panicked, and she eased up a fraction of an inch.” “I know what you’ve done to your past two betas. I’ve heard about the bruises and the stitches. You lay a finger on me and I’ll kill you where you stand. Understood?”

“The fuck is your pr--”

“Un. Der. Stood?” Mizuki nodded, and she scoffed in disgust before tossing him to the floor and venturing further into the dingy apartment. “They did everything for you, didn’t they?”

“It’s been weeks since Ari’s been gone,” Mizuki muttered, picking himself up and padding after her. “I’ve been busy with training.”

_ Gods. _

“You’ve been too busy to have a bit of fucking decency?” Sera asked, picking up what looked to be a uniform shirt covered in mud. “An omega should know how to keep a home, isn’t that what you’re supposed to be learning? They’re doing a shit job beating it into you.”

“You’re not the only one who’s refusing to be someone’s bitch,” Mizuki said. He sat in the armchair and crossed his legs as he regarded her, watching her pore over every surface before opening the curtains. “Iruka’s not the only one who doesn’t want an alpha.”

“Well, he’s getting one,” she said darkly.

Mizuki folded his legs under him and peered out at her from behind his hair. “Is he, now?”

“Kakashi.” Sera stood in front of him with her arms crossed, eyes narrowed. “You have a problem with him, don’t you? I can practically see it spelled on your face.”

“Goody two-shoes with ties to the hokage,” Mizuki said. “Everyone’s best friend and somehow manages to beat me at most of what he does. Yeah, excuse me if I’ve got a fucking issue.”

Sera clicked her tongue and nodded. “That’s good. Something we have in common.” Mizuki cocked his head as she went back to the window, smirking as she looked into the street. “You and I will get along just fine, so long as you control yourself.”

“Why do you say that?”

She laughed. “We want the same thing, Mizuki. What’ve he and the village done for you?”

“Stuck a capable shinobi in the village for no goddamned reason.”

“And what do you want?” Sera asked.

“I want out of here,” Mizuki said, tapping his foot. “I want to leave this place behind.”

“Leave it behind? No,” she purred, moving to rest on the top of the armchair. “We’re going to give Konoha exactly what it deserves. You and I? If you’re willing to work with me, we’ll take back the power for ourselves. Make us human beings again.”

**

One week after Iruka held Kakashi, Anko gave up trying to coax him out of his room. They didn’t speak to each other, barely acknowledging they lived together as Iruka locked himself away. Two weeks after, she stopped cooking extra food for him, leaving him to fend for himself. Three weeks after, he noticed her getting increasingly antsy as he slowly emerged from his cocoon to everyone but her. 

On May fifteenth, she pushed him into a kitchen chair and pinned him with a glare. “We’re having a talk,” she said.

“I’m fine with the way we are,” he snapped.

“If you don’t want to talk about the obvious, fine,” she said. “Your heat’s coming up in three weeks and it’s my job as your beta to ask if you’re going to let me fuck you.”

“If I say no?” Iruka asked.

“Have fun with heat sickness. It’s such a joy.” They stared each other down before Anko sighed, put her hands on the table, and lowered her eyes. “If you’re not going to talk to me...at least let me apologize once more, okay? Don’t leave me hanging any longer. If you don’t want to t--”

“I’m angry with you.” Iruka crossed his arms and leaned back, tilting his head to the ceiling as their feet touched. It was the most contact they’d had in nearly a month, and he pretended not to notice how much he’d missed it. “I--” he inhaled through his nose, exhaled a heaving sigh-- “you and I were good together, and that’s been disrupted.”

“And that’s my fault,” she said.

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over these weeks,” Iruka said. “It’s not just yours, and it’s not just mine.” He settled back to meet her eyes and grimaced at the lines furrowed in her forehead. “I think I’m going to be angry for a long time about this. It wasn’t a small thing.”

“Right,” Anko said. “Is there a ‘but’ I’m hearing here?”

“There is.” Iruka slid a hand over so the tips of their fingers were barely touching, fiddling with her nails. “Wasn’t a small thing,  _ but--”  _ he pulled her hand into both of his to play with her fingers, distracting himself-- “I really miss making dango with you, Anko. I miss  _ you.  _ It’s been almost a month.”

“I know,” she said softly. “I’ve counted the days, Iruka.”

“Ru.” Iruka drew his bottom lip between his teeth and worked it as he traced the scars on her palm. “Please call me Ru again. I’m sorry.”

“I am too, kid,” she said. “For everything.”

He dropped her hand in favor of pulling her into a hug, earning a squeak as he nearly crushed her. “I have something else to tell you too,” he murmured into her hair. “I know...we talked about how I’m bonded to Kakashi. I did something the day I ran into him on the street.” He let her go and she nodded as he told her about the transformation, the burning need to be with  _ his  _ alpha in his time of need. “I still don’t want to be his omega,” he said, ears burning with shame.  _ “I  _ don’t, but I think my body wants to. I know he doesn’t like me. I haven’t even seen him since that day.”

“Long mission?” Anko offered. Iruka shook his head, saying he’d been seen at the mission desk, and she hummed a little as she thought. “Could be laying low,” she said. “I heard he and Sera aren’t together anymore.”

“She’s with Mizuki,” he said, beginning to chew his lip again. “I, ah, I’m guessing it’s my fault.”

“That’s the logical conclusion,” she said. “I’m pretty certain you two are being paired. We just need to wait for the official letter. Should be coming any day now.”

“I’m terrified, Anko.” Iruka found her hand again and squeezed, closing his eyes against the sun dipping low in the window. “I don’t know what happened or what she did but whatever it was, it wasn’t good, and I don’t know if I’m supposed to be able to handle it.”

“I’ll be in the village, Ru,” she said. “You can always come to me.”

“I shouldn’t have to handle it.”

“I know.” Anko tugged him up and pulled him over to the couch, settling him between her legs with her chin resting on his shoulder. “Rules are shit, aren’t they?”

“I was going to have them changed by now,” he said, snorting. “Couldn’t even stand up at the damn meeting because he was there and I could barely breathe.”

“There is one thing you might not have considered,” Anko said. Iruka turned to gaze questioningly, and she hugged tighter. “He seems to have gone through a lot of unfair stuff himself. Ever think he might want them changed too?”

**

The next day, the official mating paperwork arrived. Iruka had expected seeing Kakashi’s name on the scroll, but hadn’t expected the way his body would begin to shake uncontrollably. Anko embraced him wordlessly, and he held onto her for the night. It was the first night in months she’d actually slept with him, each needing the closeness and comfort before it was stolen.

On the seventeenth of may, Kakashi arrived to the mission desk with deep, deep circles around his eyes and no light left in him. He didn’t bother waiting in Izumo or Mizuki’s line this time, walking straight up to Iruka’s chair and setting a sopping report down. “I need another mission,” he whispered, voice hoarse.

“Kakashi, you haven’t been here for more than a few hours in weeks,” Iruka said. The alpha grit his teeth, and Iruka stood his ground. “I think you need a break. Go to the hospital and get checked out, at least.”

“Another.” Kakashi swayed a bit before fishing in his vest, popping a soldier pill into his mouth. “You will not tell me what I can and cannot do.”

“It wasn’t a suggestion,” Iruka said. Kakashi’s eye flashed, and Iruka stood. “I don’t know what’s wrong with you, but you’re not fit for duty right now. Please. I can take you there if you want. My shift’s almost done.”

“I don’t need your help,” Kakashi slurred. “You’ve done enough.”

Izumo glanced between them, unsure of whether to step in, and Iruka waved him off to take Kakashi aside. The jonin slumped against the wall, pill barely affecting him. “Listen, I don’t know what you’re doing or why, Kakashi, but for Konoha’s sake...do not go back out like this.”

“You had to come in and ruin it, didn’t you?” Kakashi shot back. “I was happy and now look. Everything’s in ruins and it’s all because you ran into me in that  _ fucking  _ hospital.” He smacked a fist against the wall and everyone’s head turned as Iruka stared disapprovingly. 

“Do we need to take this outside?”

“I think we do,” Kakashi muttered, glaring around the room. “Training grounds. Five minutes.” He transported away before Iruka could get another word in, and he waved everyone’s eyes off of him as he sat back down. 

“Do whatever you need to do,” he said. “Don’t let me stop you.”

Izumo motioned the next person forward as Iruka cradled his head in his hands. “We can get the rest,” he said, tilting his head toward Mizuki. “You’ve got twenty minutes left. Just go, it looks important.”

Iruka groaned. “You could at least  _ try  _ to save my ass,” he muttered. He packed his bag and transported out, arriving to a band of clouds on the horizon and a gaunt Kakashi marring his line of vision. “Finally ready to admit you’ve been a jackass these last four months?”   
To his surprise, Kakashi fell back against a post and slowly slid down to rest his head on his knees. “She’s gone, and it’s your fault.”

“Who?”

“Take a single guess,” came the muffled dare. “She took my family.  _ You  _ took my family. why? Why would you do that? She killed it.”

“I didn’t exactly choose any of this,” Iruka said.

“But you’re getting it.” Kakashi’s knuckles were bone white against the black of his gloves as he gripped his elbows. “Ripped away my happiness because you were uncontrolled. You should’ve been better.”

“Yes, excuse the fact I’d just had my entire life turned upside down,” Iruka said. “Forgive me.” he snorted, and Kakashi glared up at him. “I won’t be blamed for this, Kakashi. Ever thought  _ you  _ could have been better controlled?”   
“I don’t want this,” Kakashi muttered for the millionth time. 

“You seem to be stuck on that,” Iruka said, looking to the approaching clouds. “But what was it you preached to me when we actually fucking spoke? Duty. You quoted duty. You and every other person in the village. And I get it, I really do. Konoha’s important. But you know what else is important? Sanity. Kindness. Love. And there is no love in you toward me, Kakashi.”

“Don’t say that,” Kakashi said. “Don’t--”

“What, going to come out and say you do love me? You’re lying. You don’t  _ abandon  _ someone you love, Kakashi. You don’t leave them laying in the dust wondering what they did wrong for  _ months,  _ then call them distractions. You  _ don’t.”  _ Iruka inhaled deeply and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Have you been home yet?”

“Not for weeks,” Kakashi said. 

Iruka slid down the post next to him, careful not to touch him. “Well,” he said with a watery smile. “I’ve got news for you, then.” 

“I think I can guess,” Kakashi said. “Soon to be Hatake Iruka, in the fucking flesh.” His head made a dull thud as it flopped back against the pole, and Iruka winced. 

“Yeah,” he said. “So...my family is being taken too, and avoiding the issue isn’t going to help. Avoiding Konoha isn’t going to help. It’ll only hurt you in the end. You look like shit, and I’m taking you in.”

“No, you’re not.” Kakashi struggled to keep his back against the post as Iruka pulled on his arm, trying to get him to stand. “Get your hands off me.”

“Make me,” Iruka said sharply.

Kakashi’s eye widened before he shoved Iruka away, attempting a kick to his shins. “I can take care of myself,” he said, scrambling to stand. “I don’t need your help.”

“You need someone’s,” Iruka said, catching him as he tumbled forward. “Gods, Kakashi. How long has it been since you slept?”

“I’ve slept,” Kakashi muttered. “A few...few days ago, I think. Let me  _ go.”  _ He pushed Iruka again and planted his feet wide, swaying lightly in the breeze. “Do not touch me.”

“Get off your high horse,” Iruka snapped. “You’re obviously exhausted and in no shape to be standing, let alone take on missions. Especially alone. The hospital or your house. Pick one.”

“I can walk home.” Kakashi’s chest heaved as he shook his head, stepping forward. Iruka stepped out with him, and he growled. “Alone. I can do this _alone,_ omega.”    

“My name is Iruka,” Iruka said, crossing his arms. “We are officially being mated and you will refer to me by my damn name when speaking to me. Now let me take you home, Kakashi. Don’t kill yourself because of your fucking pride.”


	17. Renascence

    When the first beginnings of consciousness began to stir, the first thing Kakashi noticed was safety. Comfort. The caress of fabric over skin not encased in his stiff uniform blacks and the faint smell of cinnamon under tea invaded his half-dead mind and he pressed his face into a pillow, seeking more. The gears in his mind began to turn as he stretched, his back sending a spark of pain hurtling through him.

    The barely healed wound on his back, that he’d received when an Oto nin had dropped on him examining the fifth dead omega with his fingers missing.

    The one he’d gotten for being stunningly careless.

    The one he’d gotten running from his problems.

    Both eyes flew open to the sight of Iruka sleeping in the corner, propped up with a blanket and curled around Kakashi’s bloodied flak jacket. The chunin was breathing evenly, unresponsive to Kakashi’s grunt of frustration when he tried to press up from the mattress. Kakashi took a second to gather his wits, interrupted by Iruka stirring and shifting against the wall.

    “Hmmn, ‘Kashi,” he muttered. “Later?” His ponytail was caught on the texturing and he shook his head before unconsciously bringing the jacket up to his face and inhaling. Dark eyelashes brushed over his cheeks as his eyes darted back and forth below his lids.

    Kakashi failed in his quest to not mimic him with a pillow, once again nudging into the grey pillowcase and closing his eyes as he took a deep breath. It felt like home. He didn’t know how he’d gotten into Iruka’s bed or more importantly _why,_ but the world fell away to the scent of an omega he wasn’t supposed to want. He didn’t want the things that came with one, especially one who consistently pushed his limits and seemed to be nothing but problems.

    What he _really_ wanted, his body screamed at him, was a piss.

    Iruka was startled to wakefulness when Kakashi crashed to the floor, attempt at being stealthy foiled by the fact all strength seemed to have left him. The two stared at each other for several seconds and the silence was broken only by a key in the lock outside and Anko announcing she was home.

    “You’re awake,” Iruka finally said, setting the jacket aside.

    “I needed to use the bathroom,” Kakashi whispered as he hauled himself to sit against the bed frame. “I, ah...I tried. How long have I been here?”

    “Two days.” Iruka watched carefully as Kakashi rubbed his eyes, then cleared his throat. “You might want to--” He covered the bottom half of his face with his hand, and to Kakashi’s dismay he realized his mask was barely covering his lips, let alone anything else important. “I didn’t want to touch you while you were sleeping,” Iruka continued as Kakashi fixed himself. “Figured you wouldn’t appreciate someone messing around with your face.”       

    “You were right,” Kakashi said. His arms shook as he pressed up from the floor, black spots dancing in his vision. “I thought I told you I was going home.”

    “You tried,” Iruka said, shrugging.

    “So why am I here?” The spots grew larger as he half-stood, and he ended up collapsing back onto the bed. “I should be in my bed, in my own house, alone.”

    “You don’t remember, do you?” Iruka asked. Kakashi shook his head mutely and the chunin tucked his bottom lip between his teeth, sighing as he looked to the window. “What’s the last thing I said to you?”

    Kakashi racked his brain, trying to remember anything but Iruka coming down on his name. “You were angry.” He swallowed hard, memories of the last month an absolute mess. “Told me your name was Iruka. We’re mated?”

    “About to be,” Iruka said. He crossed his arms and let his lip go, beginning to chew on a finger instead. “You told me some things and then you just collapsed. No one saw, but I didn’t know how to bypass your security and you really shouldn’t have been alone anyway. I’m so sorry, Kakashi.”

    “You don’t need to be sorry,” Kakashi said. “I have tight locks and seals.”

    “Not about that.”

    Kakashi stilled, the only sound in the room their breathing and his heart pounding in his ears as Iruka’s eyes softened. “What, then?”

    “You let what Sera did slip,” Iruka whispered. “When I asked you why you were being so adamant you said you weren’t going to live somewhere with the ghost of your baby. I thought you were delirious, and you probably were, but ah--” he tore his gaze from the sun to look Kakashi in the eye-- “you told me she said it was my fault? I don’t know why you both seem to think that but I’ve got nothing to do with your problems.”

    “We bonded. That’s the problem.” Kakashi set his hands in his lap, tucking his legs onto the bed. “In the hospital. That’s what set all this shit in motion. Why your father thinks we’ll be a good match.”

    “I didn’t sign up for it either,” Iruka said. He stood and offered his hand, and Kakashi just stared at it. “You said you needed to go and you obviously can’t walk by yourself. Get up.”

    Kakashi took the hand, shutting his eye against the way everything in him rejoiced at the contact. He leaned heavily on Iruka as they made their way past Anko pointedly ignoring them on the couch and tried to shoo Iruka away when he shut the bathroom door. “I can do this.”

    “You couldn’t move five feet from the bed,” Iruka said. “I’m not going to watch. Just lean on me.”

    “I’ll sit.”

    Iruka sighed. “Fine. Yell when you’re done.” He deposited Kakashi on the seat and left to thump down on the couch. Kakashi struggled out of his pants, nearly faceplanting into the wall, and ran a hand through his hair. His gross, hadn’t-been-washed-in-days hair, attached to his similarly disgusting body. The smell of old blood permeated the room as he redressed and washed his hands, unable to look at himself in the mirror.

    Alpha, sunk low enough to need an omega’s help.

    He opened the door, and both Anko and Iruka stood. Iruka walked over and pulled Kakashi’s arm over his shoulder, nose wrinkling. “You need a shower,” he said.

    “Take me home and I’ll take care of myself,” Kakashi said. “Or get Genma. He’s helped me before.”

    “I could--”

    “Get over yourself,” Anko said. Both looked to her, and she huffed. “Yeah, you, Kakashi. He’s going to see you eventually, you know.”

    “Anko,” Iruka warned.

    She waved his concern away. “Why are you so dead set on hurting him? Accept the fact that you two are going to be together and try to be happy, okay? I don’t want to hear him crying for y--”

    “Enough,” Iruka said sharply.

    Kakashi winced at the tone as the chunin tugged him back toward his room. “You…”

    “I don’t want to talk about it,” Iruka muttered as he set Kakashi on the bed again. “I don’t need another reason for you to make fun of me.”

    “I don’t make fun of you,” Kakashi said.

    Iruka handed him his flak jacket before leaning against the wall. “You call me omega, distraction, always avoid me. I don’t like it. Might not be making fun, but it’s certainly not acceptable. Would you talk to Raidou that way?”

    “No. Raidou’s a friend of mine,” Kakashi said.

    “I was too.” Iruka groaned and pressed a hand to his forehead, wrapping his other arm around his stomach. “Did you forget that along with common decency?”

    Kakashi shook his head. “Of course not. My goals changed, and you were no longer a part of them.” He tugged on the jacket and snapped to attention at a knock on the door.

    “He needs to eat, Ru,” Anko called.

    Iruka took the four steps to the side of the bed slowly before settling next to Kakashi. “I’m going to say something to you before you leave this room, and you need to listen.” Kakashi sucked in a lungful of him as he sighed. “I know neither of us wants this, okay? I know about your past. I know about omegas rejecting you and I imagine it hurt. A lot. But I am not those omegas.” His fingers laced together, and Kakashi tensed. “We’re here because we’re required to be. So don’t hate the person who’s finally going to accept you. That’s all I ask.”

    “Tables have turned,” Kakashi murmured. Iruka looked to him in confusion. “Training grounds after my birthday. I was the one in your position.”

    “Oh yeah.” Iruka laughed once, softly, and the corner of his mouth turned up in a smile. “You told me to stay away from Sera.”

    “You still should,” Kakashi said. “She--”

    “Said she was going to hurt me, yeah. You mentioned that too,” Iruka said. Hesitantly, with the quietest sigh, he brushed his knuckles against Kakashi’s knee, pulling back at Kakashi’s glare. “I wasn’t planning on going up and hugging her or anything, I promise. She’s still terrifying.”

    “You need to do more than that,” Kakashi said. “I don’t think you understand.”

    “I’ve avoided her for months without a problem,” Iruka said. He stood, and Kakashi walked into the living room with him. “I can do it again.”

    “I’ve got rice for you, Kakashi,” Anko said from the kitchen. “Plain. Figured it’d be better on your stomach.”

    “Thanks,” he said, accepting the bowl she handed over. “I--you could’ve brought me home. I have food there. And a place to eat without my mask.”

    “You’re not fit to stand,” Anko said, “let alone prepare yourself a meal. Just accept it. Iruka will be doing it for you soon enough. Watch out, he’s an awful cook.”

    Iruka turned crimson, all the way to his ears. “I’m learning,” he muttered.

    “It’s not his job,” Kakashi said, leeching warmth into his hands. “And I’m gone most days anyway.” He could feel the strength slowly beginning to creep back into him and curled into himself at Iruka’s grateful look. “We won’t have to see each other.”

    The gratefulness fled. “That’s not what being mated means,” Iruka said. “God, can you get your head out of your ass?”

    “Boys!” Anko said. “Both of you, quiet. Iruka, be nice. Kakashi, you _will_ pay attention to Iruka because he’s _yours,_ whether you like it or not. You cannot ignore him because he’s not Sera.”

    “I wasn’t.”

    “You were,” Iruka said softly.

    Kakashi sat on that, unwilling to admit that yes, that was the case. “I need to go to my place,” he finally said. “You don’t need to take care of me any more.”

    “Eat, and we’ll let you go,” Anko said.

    “My face--”

    “Would Anko leaving make you more comfortable?” Iruka asked. Anko made an affronted noise, and Iruka’s gaze stayed steadily on Kakashi. “That’s what you’re afraid of, right? People seeing your face?” Kakashi nodded, and Iruka asked her to leave.

    “Be good to him,” she said, shooting Kakashi a look. “I’ll know if you aren’t.”

    Iruka shut his eyes and planted his face into a pillow as the door clicked shut. “You can eat now,” he said, voice muffled. “I promise I won’t look.”

    Kakashi wolfed the bowl down, body starving for anything other than soldier pills and ration bars. “Here,” he said as he pulled the mask back into place and held out the bowl. “Now can I go home?”

    “Are you going to be okay if you do?” Iruka asked.

    “Yes.” Kakashi nodded once and set his feet on the floor, standing shakily. “If you...want to walk me, maybe? And get Genma. He should still be home on leave. He can help with anything else I need.”

    “Are you sure?” Iruka asked.

    “I have things to take care of that don’t involve you,” Kakashi said. Iruka groaned and he shook his head. “First a shower, then dealing with the mess she left behind,” he continued. “I haven’t allowed myself to handle things and I need to do that alone. You gave me the chance to sleep, which was a good start, but I need to heal. And you cannot be a part of that.”

    Iruka opened the door and Kakashi’s eye narrowed at the beaming sun. “We have a week and a half for you to heal,” he said. “June first. I’ll leave you alone until then if you want.”

    Kakashi steered them into the back alleys, trying to hide from prying eyes. “You can...talk to me, I guess. Give me a few days. I need time.”

    “Mhmm.” They slipped through the shadow until they hit Kakashi’s street before the jonin took his arm from over Iruka’s shoulders, taking a steadying breath before stepping out. “Still want me to get Gen?” Iruka asked.

    “Please,” Kakashi said, undoing the locks and sliding in. Before he closed it, he leaned his head on the frame and held Iruka’s gaze. “Sorry I bled on your bed.”   

    “It’ll come off,” Iruka said. “Go sit down and I’ll send Gen over in a few minutes. Take care of yourself, Kakashi.” He tugged the door shut, and Kakashi retreated to the couch, breathing shallowly against his shoulder to keep Iruka’s scent with him instead of grappling with the ghost of Sera’s as he sat alone in the empty, cursed house.

**

    He woke several minutes later to the sound of irritated knocking and the sight of Genma looking as rough as he did. “What happened to you?” Genma demanded, pushing inside. “You haven’t been home for a damn month and now you want me to--” He stopped when Kakashi slumped back against the wall, shrugging off his jacket. “Where’d you disappear to?”

    “Look around,” Kakashi said. “What’s missing?”  
    “Not seeing anything specific,” Genma said.

    Kakashi let out a sharp exhale as he tried to take off his blacks, back stinging with every movement. “Sera.” Genma’s eyes widened as Kakashi led him to the bathroom and sat on the edge of the tub, back to the other alpha.

    “Shit, Kakashi, that’s bad,” Genma said, gathering chakra for a healing jutsu. “Iruka didn’t do anything for you?”

    “He let me stay at his place,” Kakashi said. “Not that I had much of a choice.”

    “What happened to Sera?” Genma worked quickly, managing to heal much of it as Kakashi groaned. “Why haven’t you been to see the twins yet?”

    “Congratulations,” Kakashi offered.

    “You said you’d help,” Genma said. His hands moved over Kakashi’s back, searching for any other wounds that needed healing. When Kakashi assured him that was it, he stepped back to allow Kakashi to draw a bath. “Neighbors said you showed up at our door and when I came over to ask what you needed, the lights were all off.”

    “You were right,” Kakashi said, balancing on Genma’s shoulder as he took off the rest of his clothes, mask still intact. “I shouldn’t have taken that mission with Tenzou. She--” He broke off with a hiss at the heat of the water scalding his skin as he sank in, Genma looking away as he sat on the toilet. “I’m not going to be like you.”

    “How so?”

    “I can’t be a father,” Kakashi said softly. He watched the water begin to turn dark as accumulated dirt left him and shuddered at the thought he’d sullied Iruka’s bed like that. “This stays between us?”

    “Lips are sealed,” Genma said.

    “There was a baby,” Kakashi said. _“Was.”_ When he looked to Genma, the other man had a hand over his face. “That was about my reaction.”

    “No, you don’t understand,” Genma said, slowly releasing his lips. “I was over here that night…”

    “Why?”

    “That was the night Shouto and Asahi were born, I think,” Genma whispered. “I asked--oh, god, I asked if she wanted to help, and she was--”

    “She aborted, Gen.” Kakashi asked for a washcloth from under the vanity and Genma handed it over. “Looked me dead in the face as she was bleeding and said I was no longer her problem, and she was no longer my whore.” His nails caught on his skin and he watched angry lines form before beginning on the other arm. “Whatever you asked her to do, I doubt she cared.”

    “Is that why you’ve been...gone?” Genma asked.

    Kakashi nodded. “Couldn’t face the emptiness,” he said. “Didn’t want to remember. I’ve been home twice to get another uniform and that’s it. Maybe ten minutes in the last month.”

    “Fuck.” Genma played with the ends of his hair, absentmindedly tucking a finger into his lip.

    “You can smoke in here, I don’t care,” Kakashi said. “That was one of her rules anyway.”

    Genma lit up and offered him one, which he refused. “Suit yourself,” he said. “And you’re hereby excused from babysitting duties. Iruka’s been helping every so often, anyway.”

    “I wanted to be there for you, Gen.” Kakashi’s shoulders slumped as he leaned forward, fixing his eyes on the silver fixtures. “Now…”

    “I understand, Kakashi.”

    “Please don’t give them to Iruka to take home,” Kakashi murmured.

    “Not like it’s a problem at his place,” Genma said, tapping his foot.

    “His place is this place now.” Kakashi took the plug out and shivered as the water began to recede, chilling him to the bone in the cool house. “Mating notices came out.” The drain growled, prompting him to begin filling the tub again. “Welcome to my humble abode, Hatake Iruka.”

    “When’s the date?” Genma asked.

    “The first. I’ve got a week and a half.” Kakashi began to wash himself again, this time starting with his hair while Genma asked question after question about his plans and what had transpired. Eventually, Kakashi’s eyes could barely function and he told the other alpha this. “If you could hand me a towel and help me to bed, that’d be appreciated,” he said. “The spare room. I won’t sleep in that bed again.”

    “Not even with Iruka?”

    “He may be staying with me but we are not sleeping together,” Kakashi said. “He and I have a _long_ way to go before that point.”   

    “Overheard him tell Rai the other day you haven’t exactly been kind to him,” Genma said, helping him stand and stagger to the spare room. “Sounds like you both have stuff to work on.”

    “Yeah, I heard all about it this morning.” Kakashi didn’t bother retrieving clothes before crawling under the covers and curling up, testing out the motion of his shoulder and back. “I don’t need to hear it again. Can you come check on me tomorrow? If I’m not up, knock on the window.”

    “Sure you don’t need the hospital?” Genma asked.

    “Positive. I’ve got too much shit to do here,” Kakashi said. “So thanks, but I’ll be fine.” Genma left with the promise he’d be back and Kakashi fell into another deep sleep, wishing he’d had the foresight to open a window before being bathed in Sera’s stale scent as he dreamed.

**

    Iruka shook his head when Genma came back and told him Kakashi asked for him to come by the next day. “He said he needed a few days without me,” he said, handing Asahi over. Genma let the child grab at his hair, smiling down on him while he instructed Iruka to do it anyway. “He’s exhausted and probably embarrassed,” Iruka said.

    “He’s hurting without his beta or anyone else there to help,” Genma said. “Trust me. He might not _want_ you there, but he needs you. Right, Rai?”

    Raidou looked up from the couch where he was holding a sleeping Shouto. “Someone’s got to handle their alpha’s shit,” he said, smirking tiredly. “Ask Genma about the time he needed someone besides the nurses to heal him.”

    “Oh, shut up,” Genma said. When Iruka cocked his head in question, the alpha flushed. “Not all problems can be solved with medicine. Sometimes alphas need...outside influences?”

    “Once upon a time he needed a hug after a mission,” Raidou said.

    “It was more than that!” Genma cried.

    Raidou chuckled. “Okay, and a fuck.”

    “Did he, now?” Iruka asked, settling next to the other omega and crossing his arms. “Do tell.”

    “Tell him and you’re not getting any for a week,” Genma threatened.

    “Please, it’s been longer than that with these two,” Raidou said. “Don’t worry, though, your secret’s safe with me.” He motioned Genma over, and Iruka looked away as they kissed. “You really should go tomorrow, Iruka,” he said as they parted. “If he gives you hell, tell me and I’ll kick his ass for you.”

    “I can do it on my own,” Iruka grumbled, hiding his face in his shirt. “Might as well learn soon anyway, right?”

    “Exactly,” Genma said. Raidou nudged his shin with a foot and cleared his throat with a pointed look toward the chunin. “Oh, right. Knock on his window if he doesn’t answer. It’s on the south side of the house.”

    “That’s not going to look weird,” Iruka said.

    Raidou shrugged as Shouto let out a soft whimper. “No weirder than Genma perching in a tree outside my apartment when he decided he wanted me,” he said, much to Genma’s chagrin.

    “I brought flowers,” the alpha said, covering Asahi’s ears. “Don’t let daddy tell you I’m weird. I brought him flowers and some food, because that’s what people do when they like another person.”

    “You spilled it on the ground,” Raidou said with a flat look.

    “Pfft, nervous,” Genma said. “It was not well known Namiashi Raidou was a sucker for tiger lilies, but I--” he tapped his temple before pointing a finger between them-- “I figured it out.”

    “Genius, he is,” Raidou said, and Iruka mocked gagging.

    “You two are disgusting,” he said, running a hand down Shouto’s face before sliding into his shoes. “The absolute worst.”

    “You love us,” Genma said. “Otherwise you wouldn’t be here.”

    “Caught me,” Iruka said as he bid them goodbye and walked out the door. He could feel a very faint twist in his stomach--the kind that meant heat was about to come--and he growled at the sky as he made his way home. “Dammit, Kakashi,” he muttered. “And now you’re all over my room and the rest of the place too.”

    Anko looked up when he slammed the door. “What’s your deal?”

    “Remember when Kakashi triggered my first heat?” She nodded. “Guess what happened again.”

    “Are you sure?” Anko got up and looked him over, feeling his forehead. “It’d make sense...and now that you two are going to be mated, maybe he should help?”

    “No,” he said.

    “Iruka.”

    “He’s going to want to knot me and I am _not_ going to let that happen,” Iruka said. “He’s not fucking me.”

    “Yet,” Anko said. Iruka’s stomach clenched again, quicker than normal in the beginning days. “It’ll happen eventually, hon.”

    Iruka shook his head no. “He doesn’t deserve me just handing over my ass,” he said, walking into his room before instantly walking back out. “You get my bed for the week.” Kakashi’s scent was overwhelming in the small space, leaving his head spinning without the alpha there to ground him. “Shouldn’t have slept with that damn jacket, shouldn’t have slept in there at all,” he said, taking leftovers out to eat. “And yes, yes, you told me so.”

    Anko was trying not to grin when he looked over.

    “Smug for someone who’s about to go back to beta barracks.”

    “Happy you’re finally together,” she said. “Well, kind of. Maybe this’ll get you closer, hmm?”

    “He’s not here, Anko,” Iruka sighed.

    “You say I get the bed now, but by tomorrow night you’re going to bury yourself in the sheets and not come out for days,” Anko said. “I have seen when alphas and omegas alike find their mates and boy, you are in for a ride.” She patted his shoulder before sitting next to him at the table. “You’re sure I can’t convince you to let me bring him over here?”

    “I don’t want him knowing,” Iruka said. “I told Genma I’d check on him tomorrow morning but that’s the most I’ll see of him this week. Promise me, Anko.”

    “One hundred percent sure, Ru?”

    “I said promise me.”

    “Fine,” Anko said with a melodramatic flop backwards. “Not even when you’re begging for him?”

    “Not even then. He may be my alpha, but he’s got stuff to make up for before he comes anywhere near me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via Tumblr, Twitter, or join a pretty sweet Discord for all the updates in one place <3


	18. Catalyst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternately titled: Might Be the Heat Talking But It's Spitting Straight Truth

Iruka woke on the couch in a cold sweat the next morning. It wasn’t his usual pre-heat sweat that made him want to crawl out of his skin into a frozen lake, no. This was the feeling of something wrong, something missing, and he needed to find it.

    Needed to find his alpha.

    He shook his head before looking at the clock and running both hands over his face. “‘S too early,” he said. “Don’t want to be up, don’t want to go check on him. Gen, you asshole.” The empty living room said nothing, and he pulled the blanket over his face. “I want to get it over with. Want to be fucked, except I _don’t,_ not by Kakashi.”

    _You wouldn’t mind,_ the back of his mind reminded him. _Wouldn’t be the first time you imagined it._

    “No,” he groaned. He reached into his pants, not feeling any slick yet, and sighed. “Genma.” _Shouldn’t have agreed to check on him. Not my job yet._ “Yeah, yeah, I promised,” he said. “Might as well now that I’ve got a few hours before it hits.”

    He hauled himself up to sit, running a hand through his messy, half-undone ponytail as he yawned. A pack of frozen veggies fell on his foot when he opened the freezer in search of an ice cube to chew, and he glared down at it before tossing it back. “And she says _I’m_ the one who can’t put groceries away properly.”

    As he went about his morning routine he considered showering before heading over, but decided against it. “Might as well save the water,” he said, swallowing his birth control and suppressants. “Not like showering now will help later anyway.”

    Anko barely stirred when he slipped into his room, holding his breath against Kakashi’s scent. He didn’t bother getting nice clothes, settling for a sweatshirt and thin pajama pants instead. His stomach clenched as he shut the door, catching the remnants of Kakashi. “Damnit,” he said, doubling over against the wall.

    Cramps were never this bad.

    “You’d better appreciate this, Kakashi,” he continued. To his relief, the street was relatively deserted as he appeared on the jonin’s steps and knocked.

    “Get the door,” Kakashi said from inside.

    Iruka heard grumbling and the sound of nails on wood before the door opened to Pakkun’s face. “Oh. I thought Genma was supposed to come, not you,” the ninken said.

    “Who is it?” Kakashi asked from inside.

    Iruka nearly stepped on the pug in his haste to get in the door and surround himself with Kakashi’s scent, the same one he’d memorized so carefully at the memorial stone long ago. “Me.” Kakashi was sitting on the couch wrapped in a blanket looking every shade of exhausted as he _stared._ “Hey. Ah, Genma said you asked for me. I figured you didn’t, but wanted to know if you were oka--”

    “You’re in heat.”

    It was a statement, not a question, and before he could think Iruka found himself nodding as Pakkun disappeared. “I think it was you,” he said. “I’m a few weeks early and I don’t know what else would have triggered it.” He took another step forward, feet moving of their own volition. “I came over to check before it got bad. I’m sorry.” Blood began to race through his veins, the rest of the world fading away to the sound of his heartbeat and the scent of an alpha’s arousal.

    _His_ alpha’s arousal.

    “Do you…” Kakashi trailed off as Iruka’s feet kept pulling him forward, following his nose to the origin of need. “Did you come for help?”

    “No.” Iruka closed his eyes and shook his head as he tried to gather his wits. _You should not want him. You do not want him,_ he chanted silently. _Won’t take his knot._ He shivered as the heat stole through every vein, sending tremors through his body and eroding his senses. “I need to leave. You’re too much.”

    “You’re not the only one who got hit early,” Kakashi said. Iruka heard him unfold from the couch and walk over to stand in front of him. “Open your eyes.”

    “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

    “Open.” Iruka couldn’t resist the command in Kakashi’s voice. When he looked, the alpha’s face was mere inches from his, both eyes bared. “Do you want me, Iruka?”

    “No,” Iruka said again, nearly tripping over the coffee table as Kakashi leaned in. “I wanted one thing and I got it.”

    “Then why are you still here?” The question was almost whispered against his lips as the alpha came closer, taking a deep breath through his mask. “Not going to help your mate through the rut you brought on? Came just to tease me?” His nose bumped Iruka’s cheek, and the omega sat down hard on the table.

    “I came to see if you were alive,” Iruka said. His voice broke slightly, and Kakashi fell back to curl on the couch, hiding behind the blanket with his shoulder to Iruka. “And you are, so I can go now.” To his surprise, Kakashi asked if he was in pain. “It’s not pleasant,” Iruka said, leaning over as another wave of cramps hit. This time he whined, Kakashi’s proximity sending thoughts of being bred and knotted through his mind. “Oh, god,” he groaned. “Fuck.” Kakashi was squirming uncomfortably under the blanket when he looked up. “What, is this funny to you?”

    “You’re overwhelming and if you stay, you’re going to see some things you probably don’t want to,” Kakashi admitted, ducking under Iruka’s gaze. “I don’t have a beta and my omega doesn’t want me,” he continued, swallowing hard. “If you’re not going to help, please leave. I’m in for a long week and it doesn’t help I’m already exhausted and trying to heal.”

    He sounded gutted and the base part of Iruka surged, prompting him to fall to his knees and whine as he pushed his nose into Kakashi’s neck. The fabric of the mask rubbed against his nose, Kakashi’s pulse pounding wildly just below his lips. “I--”

    “Pick a side, Iruka. Stay or go.”

    Iruka snapped back to reality with a gasp, tearing away from Kakashi and putting both hands over his face. “Shit, I’m sorry,” he said. “Here, I’ve got an idea for something, at least.” He tugged off his sweatshirt, uncaring there was no shirt underneath, and thrust it into Kakashi’s hands. “You’re all over my room. It’s only fair.”

    Kakashi’s shirt was in his hands faster than he could blink. “If you’re not going to stay, take it,” he said, and the hurt in his eyes was otherworldly as Iruka clutched the fabric to his chest. “I can at least try to start making up.”

    “Making up for what?”

    Kakashi sighed as he slipped into the sweatshirt. “You’re searching for something.”

    “The truth,” Iruka said softly. “Tell me.”

    “I deserve to be alone for this, okay?” Kakashi said. “You should go to Anko and be with someone who knows you and who can help you, so just go.”

    Iruka’s breath hitched as he put the shirt on, nearly choking on Kakashi’s scent. “You know me.”

    “Not the way you need.”

    “Do you want to?” The words were out before he could take them back and Kakashi’s eye snapped to his as they sank in. Iruka found himself pinned in place by the dark look and swallowed hard. “We’re…about to be mated. You’ll have to learn eventually.”

    _Stupid, Iruka, you know better._

    “It’s your choice to make,” Kakashi whispered. “But make it soon, because it’s coming on fast and you’re not helping.”

    “You--don’t wait. Do what you need to. I’m coming back at--” Iruka checked the clock-- “nine? Gives you time and I need more than a split second to think about this.” _To agree and--consent._ He gave a small shudder at the thought as Kakashi agreed before transporting back to the living room. Anko looked up from where she was sprawled on the couch and immediately shot to her feet. She didn’t get a word in before Iruka wrapped her in his arms. “Kakashi’s in rut and has no one,” he said into her shoulder. “He’s alone.”

    “And you…” She slipped a hand under his shirt to run her nails over the small of his back, making him squirm. “What, are you asking permission?”

    “Advice,” Iruka said, panting as he cramped again. Need hurtled through him and this time he felt it, the wet clench around nothing but the feeling of want. “I don’t want him in me and that’s what he needs but I want to help. He’s hurting, Anko, and that’s hurting _me._ But I don’t--” he bit his lip before burying his face in her hair-- “I’m not supposed to want to help him. He’s been so...so... _fuck.”_

Anko broke his grip to hold him at arm’s length, eyes searching his. “That’s a problem you have, then,” she said. “You went to his place?”

    “I shouldn’t have,” he muttered. “But I told Genma I’d check on him, so I did and no-- _ow.”_ There it was, the trickle down the back of his thighs. “I want it, Anko.”

    “Breathe, Ru,” she said, smoothing a hand over his hair. “Take a minute, okay? It hasn’t fully taken over yet. Calm down and tell me one hundred percent honestly--do _you_ want Kakashi or is it the heat talking?”

    “I’m not supposed to,” he repeated. “But I _do._ I do and I hate hiding it and I don’t know what to do.” He let her lead him to the couch and buried his face in his hands as she scratched over his back. “I have wanted him ever since that goddamn night at the bar.” Anko slid her arm around his shoulders as he slumped into her side, brow knitting in pain. “What do I do?”

    “You try and stop panicking, for starters,” she said. “And now that you’ve admitted this? You go get him, Iruka. You set your limits and you go to your mate.” When he looked up, her eyes were wet as she smiled. “Just do it, kid. He’s not forcing you, is he?”

    “He told me to leave if I wasn’t going to help,” he said. “Said I should be with someone who knows me, and that’s you.”

    “Do you _want_ to stay here with me?” Anko asked. Iruka shook his head, trying to stay atop the rising tide of feeling he’d kept buried. “Are you going to be safe if you go? You’ve taken your birth control?” He nodded this time, and she kissed the side of his face. “Can you tell me what’s not okay to do to you?”

    “Don’t call me omega, don’t make a big deal of fucking me, and no knots in me,” he said.

    “Is there anything to add for Kakashi?”

    “I don’t want him inside of me,” Iruka said. “I want to be in control. I _need_ to be in control.”

    Anko began to scratch again. “If he hurts you in any way, I’ll come and fuck him up,” she said. “Do you need your kit?”

    “Probably,” he said. “I’m sure he doesn’t have stuff for heats. I don’t know what he has. I don’t know--fuck, I don’t know anything about him.” He could feel the hysteria reaching around his throat and took a deep-- _calming--_ breath of Kakashi as Anko retrieved the bag from the closet. It held three heat aids they’d picked out together, a heating pad for the last few days, an old blanket, and two books for the spaces between waves. “I--he hasn’t been home in a long time, does he need food? It’s almost nine, I told him I’d b--”

    “Go, Ru.” She shoved the bag into his hand and held the other as she kissed his cheek. “If you need food later, come back and let me know so I can grab some. He needs you now. You need him. Hey,” she said, grabbing his chin and pulling their faces close. “I’m proud of you, Iruka. Really, truly proud. Now go, and be safe, hon.”

    His hands trembled as he formed the seals and appeared on Kakashi’s doorstep one more. Heavy, thudding steps came toward him before Kakashi opened the door and pulled him inside. “What’s with the bag, already moving in?”

    “I have rules,” Iruka blurted, holding it close when Kakashi moved to take it. The jonin looked confused, and Iruka groaned. “I want to help you and I have rules. Sit, please.” Kakashi obliged, settling back under the blanket on the couch. “I will help you through rut because you are my mate and I--” he hesitated, unsure, before looking at Kakashi-- “I want you. I want this. I have wanted this. I know I said otherwise but please let me help.”

    “I’m not telling you you need to,” Kakashi said.

    “This is of my own free will,” Iruka said. “Let me.”

    “You have me,” Kakashi breathed, one hand reaching for Iruka.

    “I need control.” Iruka planted himself in a kitchen chair and stared across the entryway at him. “You will give that to me.”

    “Bold.”

    “Kakashi.”

    “You’ve got it,” Kakashi said quickly, bowing his head. “I swear to anything you’ve got it, Iruka, please--”

    “I don’t want you inside of me,” Iruka interrupted, silencing him. “I will consider letting you use some of my heat aids but you will not be inside me. You will not knot me and you will not ask me if I like being fucked. And do not, under _any_ circumstances, call me omega. These are non-negotiable.”

    “All acceptable,” Kakashi said. “I only ask you don’t mention children. You’re on all the proper meds?”

    “Yes.” Need stole the breath from Iruka’s lungs as he stood to walk over to Kakashi. The jonin held his hands carefully by his chest as Iruka settled onto his lap, cringing at the way he could feel the slick soaking into his pants. The heat surged as he nuzzled into Kakashi’s neck, taking in the scent and memorizing the curves. “I want to discuss this further when I’m--” he slid his hands under the blanket and sweatshirt, running his fingers over the small patch of hair just above Kakashi’s waist-- “more...myself.”

    Kakashi’s voice was strained as Iruka pressed closer, lengths brushing together as Iruka pushed the hood away and bit down lightly on his bare skin. “What do you need now, then?”

    “I need to have something in me,” Iruka murmured in his ear. “Alone. But you can listen.” He took Kakashi’s earlobe between his lips, rolling softly, and sighed at the way Kakashi’s hips moved under his. “You can listen to me come.”

    Kakashi flat out whimpered below him, hands still plastered to his own chest. “Down the hall,” he said. “B--bedroom. End of the hall. Fuck, you feel so good.”

    Iruka smirked. “I have waited so long,” he said. “And every time I thought about it I. told myself no, I shouldn’t. Because Hatake Kakashi does not want me. And I was wrong, wasn’t I?”

    “So wrong, Iruka, please,” Kakashi whispered into his hair. “Let me touch you.”

    “Mm, no,” Iruka said, sliding off to look down at him. “You’ll touch me when I allow it, and not a second before. I will help you, but don’t dare think you’re forgiven.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via Tumblr, Twitter, or join a pretty sweet Discord for all the updates in one place <3


	19. Chapter 19

Iruka had to have picked a toy that vibrated on purpose. Kakashi sat outside the bedroom door and cursed the fact he’d been so fucking blind. All this time and he could’ve been listening to the breathless pants of his name instead of bitching from a woman who had never loved him. 

He could hear the wet glide of the toy and likely Iruka’s hand on himself, could barely think around the honeyed scent of his omega’s-- _ Iruka’s,  _ he sternly reprimanded himself--slick. Iruka kicked the setting up another notch and  _ keened,  _ the angelic sound ringing through the halls and shooting straight to Kakashi’s neglected cock. 

Kakashi had come once already that morning. When Iruka had gone away, the first thing he did was bury his face in the chunin’s sweatshirt and imagine how it would feel to get him on his hands and knees, presenting like a picture. He imagined the way Iruka would taste, smell, feel clenching around his fingers and cock. It had felt like everything he wanted, without the shadow of Sera to make him feel guilty, and it took only a few minutes before he was squeezing a hand around his knot and trying not to ruin the sweatshirt.

He couldn’t have imagined what Iruka would do to him in person.

Listening to Iruka moan was every single need recognized, and Kakashi finally understood why Genma was so insistent on religiously sticking to Raidou’s heat schedule. An omega-- _ partner, Kakashi-- _ in heat felt like home. Iruka felt and sounded like home, if home was currently twenty minutes into being fucked. 

Iruka had the stamina of a god, if Kakashi was being honest with himself. How many times had Kakashi almost come now, just from the way his mate sounded? Several too many, and Kakashi gave in to instinct when Iruka gasped his name again. He sucked in a lungful of sweetness and began to move his hand, the excess of precome he’d let build easing the slide. It was almost a dance as they raced to the edge together.

Kakashi squeezed, and Iruka cried out.

Iruka fucked himself harder, and Kakashi came to the sound of a title he very carefully made a note not to mention.

_ “Alpha.”  _

The sound of the vibrator died as Kakashi got up off the floor to wash his hands, nearly missing Iruka weakly calling his name. “Kakashi, please,” the chunin begged, and who was he to resist? He opened the door to the sight of his blankets bunched over Iruka’s naked form and a bright purple toy next to his face. Iruka threw an arm back, burying his head into the pillow. “Please.”

“I don’t know what you want,” Kakashi whispered around the tightness in his throat.  _ Beautiful.  _ “What do you need?”

“Sit on the edge and stay still.” When he did, Iruka twisted in the blankets so his forehead was nestled in the crook between Kakashi’s stomach and thigh. “Stay there.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Kakashi said, basking in the scent of sex, slick, and partner. He laid his hands in his lap and tried to avoid getting the rapidly cooling come in Iruka’s hair. “Is this...what’s normal?”

Iruka’s pupils were blown wide when he looked up. “I was surrounded by you and you weren’t there,” he mumbled. “That’s never happened. I needed to see you.”

“You said--”

“I know what I said,” Iruka said. “That was before I--never mind. I need you, that’s all I know.” He curled around Kakashi’s back so his knees were nearly touching the jonin’s other hip and pressed his face impossibly closer into Kakashi’s stomach. “I want another blanket. Maybe two or three.”

“Iruka, it’s going to be too hot,” Kakashi said. “It’s nearly June.”

He felt Iruka’s fists clench near the small of his back. “You don’t tell me what I need,” he said.

“I didn’t mean to.”

“Anko told me about nesting.”

_ Oh.  _ “Is that what this is about?” Kakashi asked.

Iruka put both hands under his chin and groaned. “I don’t know. It’s never happened before.” His breathing was slowly returning to normal, chest no longer heaving. “I suppose that’s got to do with you being close.”

“Something else that’s my fault.” Kakashi let his shoulders slump, avoiding Iruka’s head with an elbow. “Sorry, I guess.”

“Not everything is,” Iruka said, beginning to stretch out. “You shouldn’t fall into that. Is that--” He wrinkled his nose at the sight of Kakashi’s hand when he raised his head. “Gross.”

“I didn’t see you grab a towel on the way in here,” Kakashi said. “Gross for using my sheets.” Iruka grumbled, but didn’t deny it. “Can I go take care of this?” The chunin let him go, and when he was in the middle of cleaning Iruka spooked him by knocking on the doorframe. “Shit,” he cursed. “Warn me.”

“I do need a towel,” Iruka said. “I didn’t want to go through your stuff.”

“Here.” Kakashi tossed him one and told him he’d be out shortly if he wanted the bathroom. Iruka shut the door and retreated to the bedroom, and Kakashi stared at himself in the mirror. He still looked like absolute hell from his month away--sunken eyes, hollow cheeks, bony chest when he pulled the sweatshirt up. The bowl of rice from Anko had done him good, but he hadn’t had anything since and he was famished.

He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about eating Iruka for breakfast, but unfortunately the chunin’s ass would provide next to no nourishment.

Iruka was leaning against the master bedroom door when he got out. “I was right,” he said. “You don’t really have anything besides some frozen fish and canned vegetables. Not even cereal or anything.”

“Milk would be expired anyway.” Kakashi took the towel from him and just held it, unsure of whether to put it in the laundry or hang it up. He elected to hang it after seeing there wasn’t too much staining it. “I need to eat. Sooner rather than later, preferably.”

“I can try scrounging,” Iruka offered.

Kakashi shook his head. “I’ll find something. I hear you’re a menace in the kitchen, anyway.”

“I can make some stuff.”

“I’ll find something,” Kakashi said again. “I can make my own food.”

Iruka shrugged before retrieving the shirt he’d been wearing. Kakashi hadn't realized covering something could feel like mourning, but Iruka’s clothed chest sent pangs of longing through him. “Suit yourself,” he said. “I should have a few hours before the next wave.” 

Kakashi watched him sit on the couch, noting the way he covered himself in the blanket.  _ Nesting.  _ “I’m assuming you’re hungry too, if you were going through my cupboards,” he said as he looked through them. Iruka was bright red and silent when he looked over. “You might as well get used to the layout if you’re going to be living here. I won’t be here all the time.”

“I could’ve asked first,” Iruka said, looking away. “I’m not always at my best during heat.”

“And I’m not always the best during rut, but I survive,” Kakashi said. “We make do with what we’ve got.” He pulled out some fish to run under water and put some old rice he’d found way in the top cupboard. _ Breakfast of champions.  _ The can of carrots was unappetizing, to say the least, but they’d do along with the rest. “Are we going to talk about your list?”

“You should get some food in you first,” Iruka said. He burrowed deeper into the blanket until only his eyes and ponytail were poking out and Kakashi was thankful the mask hid his smile. Iruka might be correct about him needing to apologize, but the chunin wasn’t completely blameless.

After all, one does not insist they don’t want someone and show up at their door a month later saying they want to fuck.

“You’re staring,” Iruka murmured.

Kakashi shook himself out of the daze, pulling his attention back to the stove. “Thinking,” he said.    
“About?”   
_ You.  _ “Nothing,” Kakashi said. “About what I--we, I guess--what we need for food.”

“Anko said she could get groceries since we’re both, ah, sort of indisposed,” Iruka said. “If you want to make a list I can give it to her when I get extra clothes.”

“You could wear mine.” Immediately, Kakashi kicked himself. A break would give him time to start clearing the house, purging memories and preparing for the chaos his life was about to become. “Or not,” he said at Iruka’s stare. “Your own are good.” He adjusted the fabric over his nose before tossing the fish, still half frozen, into a pan. Proper procedure didn’t matter when hunger was beginning to take all sense from him.

Iruka got up, hefted the blanket around his shoulders, and started to wander. “You don’t have bad taste,” he mused as he looked over the art on the walls. “I like some of this.”

“It’s all getting burned.” 

Iruka whirled around as if he’d been hit with a kunai. “Why would you do that?”

“It’s all...hers,” Kakashi said. “I don’t want it.”

“Is that why you’re sleeping in the spare room?” Iruka asked. 

Kakashi paused before nodding. Too much, too many reminders in the short time, especially with another person occupying the space he’d so carefully carved with her. “Can we switch the subject?”

“Mhmm.” The blanket whispered over the floorboards as Iruka walked into the kitchen, leaning against the wall as he watched him. “To what?”

“Honestly, silence would be good for a bit,” Kakashi said to the stove. “I need time to adjust. I didn’t expect rut, I didn’t expect you here, I had plans, things to do and they’re disrup--”

“Understood.” When Kakashi looked back, Iruka was chewing on his lip. “I didn’t mean to be a distraction again,” he whispered. “I’m sorry.”

Kakashi sighed. “I didn’t mean that, you know,” he said. “I was--it was a different time in my life.”

“It was two months ago.” Iruka leveled his gaze, unimpressed. “Not entirely a different time.”

“Do I need to tell you everything that’s gone on since then?” Kakashi asked.

“You said you wanted quiet,” Iruka said, settling in a chair. “This is your home. I’m a somewhat-at-best invited guest.” He looked out the window, resting his chin on his hand. “So, sorry.”

“No, you and I both know you didn’t deserve that,” Kakashi said. The fish spat at him and he jumped. “I know it wasn’t right.”

“Thanks.” Iruka tapped his other fingers on the table before moving back to the couch. “Is it like this for you? Restless? Itchy?”

“Restless, yes. Itchy, no. It’s more of an urge to--to--” There wasn’t really a way to say it he could think of that wouldn’t offend Iruka, but thankfully the chunin stole the words away.

“Urge to breed,” he said.

“Exactly.” Kakashi couldn’t look him in the eye. “I know that’s not what you want to hear.”

“It’s how it feels for me too,” Iruka muttered. “Really caught the shit end of the stick. Bo--”

“We can go back to quiet now,” Kakashi said. Iruka quieted and let him sit in peace for several minutes before coming to stand behind him. “You’re going to be in the way in a few seconds,” Kakashi said. “I’d recommend moving.”

“You’re upset with me,” Iruka said. “I can feel it. I can  _ smell  _ it.”

“I’m hungry, in a place I don’t want to be, with someone new,” Kakashi said. “I have good reason.”

“Put the spoon down,” Iruka said softly. Kakashi did, pressing both hands to the counter and setting his shoulders. “I’m going to touch you. I can help. I’m here to help.”

“You’re caus--” Kakashi cut off as Iruka’s hands slid around his waist. “Causing…” The chunin’s fingers dug slightly into his hips over the fabric of his pants before his face nestled between Kakashi’s shoulder blades. “What are you doing?” 

“I like it when Anko does this,” Iruka said. “Thought it might help.”

Memory stirred, and Kakashi jerked forward at the thought that it could be Sera at his back. “Get off,” he said roughly. “Please.” 

Iruka immediately stepped back. “Sorry, sorry,” he said, hands in the air when Kakashi turned around. “I thought--”

“You thought wrong.” Kakashi shut his eyes to block out the hurt on Iruka’s face before slumping defeatedly. “That’s something she used to do. I get the feeling we’ll be learning a lot about that this week and I am sorry in advance for that. I don’t know what might remind me, but please, just...understand.”

“You’re hurt,” Iruka said, nodding once. “Badly.”

“Yes.”

“Lesson learned,” Iruka said. Kakashi began portioning the food and set a bowl in front of Iruka. “Aren’t you going to eat?”

“I’ll wait,” Kakashi said. 

“Oh, for--” Iruka turned in his chair, settling his chin over the back away from Kakashi. “Eat. I’m going to see your face anyway, I’m not sure why it’s a big deal.”

“You’re not ready for me to fuck you, and I’m not ready for you to see my face.” There it was, in the open. No taking it back. Kakashi saw Iruka stiffen, but forged ahead. “I will trade you reasons why. You first.”

Iruka growled around a mouthful. “That’s not fair.”

“Fairer than making me wait in the hall while you fuck yourself on my bed,” Kakashi said. 

“Whatever.”

Kakashi made triple sure he wasn’t looking back before sneaking a few bites. “You don’t need to get snippy with me. Just talk to me.”

“It’s not just rules I’d have for you, you know,” Iruka said. “They were the same for Anko and would have been the same for anyone. I don’t want to be the lesser partner. I won’t be.”

“Are you blind? Omega doesn’t mean lesser,” Kakashi scoffed. “Have you  _ met  _ Raidou?”

“Everyone says that until you look at what we’re allowed to do,” Iruka said.

“Being out of the village all the time isn’t all it’s cracked up to be either,” Kakashi said. “Being expected to provide and protect wears on you. Not having a clue what waits outside the doors for you wears on you. Everyone looks at you unless you’re ANBU and expects you to be this...savior. You’re not the only one who gets shafted.” He took another few bites while Iruka mulled it over, shifting in the chair. 

“I guess I never thought about that,” he finally said. 

Kakashi set the bowl on the table and drew his feet up onto the chair, perching precariously. “You’re not the only one who’s been hurt by the village. Just...remember that. Now, help me clean this?” Iruka was quiet when he turned around and grabbed Kakashi’s bowl to put it in the sink, and Kakashi grew concerned with each second more. “Iruka?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m not trying to be mean,” Kakashi said. “I swear.”

“I know,” Iruka said. He played with the ends of his hair, tongue poking out from between his lips as he lost himself again. “It’s something to think about. Process. Um…”

“Do you want something?”

“A shower, I think,” Iruka said before nodding. “Yeah, a shower. I need a little time.”

**

The water didn’t help quite as much as he thought it would, Kakashi’s face invading his mind as he washed. When he got out, Kakashi had put a towel on the toilet for him and he wrapped himself, squeezing out his hair into the drain. The jonin was curled under the covers when Iruka slipped into the room in search of clothes. “Kakashi?”

“Hmm?”

“I, ah, don’t have any clean clothes here,” he said. 

“They’re in the dresser by the door in the main room,” Kakashi said, pointing. “You can explore the house but please don’t bring up why I have some stuff. I know she left things but I don’t know what, exactly.” He pulled the covers higher around his chin and sighed. “I desperately need sleep. If your next wave hits you can wake me up and I’ll take the couch. Or help, if you want.”

“Do you  _ want  _ to help?” Iruka asked.

“Yes,” Kakashi said softly. “Badly.”

Iruka held the towel with one hand and crossed the room to kneel so they were face to face. “Would being in the same room help, do you think?”

“Probably.” When Kakashi shifted, Iruka could see the angry lines left behind from the mask and all he wanted to do was wipe them away. “You can go,” he murmured. “I’m not going to be good company for much longer. I can barely keep my eye open. You can sleep in the other room if you need. That’ll be yours anyway.” 

“We’re not going to sleep together?” Not an unwelcome revelation, but a somewhat shocking one as Kakashi shook his head. “Unusual.”

“I won’t sleep in that bed, and this one isn’t exactly big enough to fit the two of us comfortably,” Kakashi said. “And I need time to adjust. Please wake me up later.” He turned away and Iruka barely held back from nuzzling the back of his neck where his hair was tamped down. 

He settled for a good night instead, to Kakashi’s exhausted amusement. When the door clicked shut, he sank back against the wall and put a hand to his stomach. “No, you don’t need to wake him up next time,” he said. “Let him sleep. He needs it more than you need him.” 

There was only a small answering cramp as the heat began to gather again. Iruka tried and failed to find a hairbrush, cursing the lack of foresight as he tried to comb through his hair the best he could with his fingers. When he settled on the couch in Kakashi’s clothes, he began to think again.

Mostly about Sera.

“He’s right,” he concluded. “Shit for everyone involved.” He hooked a finger between his teeth and nibbled, discarding the way he could almost hear Anko scolding about his nails. The paintings now almost mocked him with the knowledge they were hers.

An interloper’s.

Not his.

Iruka bit harder than he intended and yelped at the pain as he shook his hand. “It’s the first day,” he grumbled. “You can’t be staking territory already. Especially since you’re invading his time to change things for you.” Kakashi’s scent called to him from everywhere, seeping through him to bring on another several cramps and the beginnings of wetness. He grunted at a particularly nasty one and pulled Kakashi’s blanket tight as he made his way back to the room in search of his heating pad. He hated it, using it this early in the week, but if Anko wasn’t here to help he didn’t know what else to do.

He nearly hit the floor when Kakashi shifted and mumbled his name. “Yes?”

The jonin jerked awake before crawling up against the headboard and holding a pillow in front of him. “You’re a dream.”

“I’m not.”

“You've said that before,” Kakashi whispered. “More than once, and every time I wake up disappointed.”

“You dream about me?” Iruka asked. Kakashi nodded once before hanging his head low, eye barely open as he sagged. “Since when?”

“Christmas.”

Iruka debated questioning further, but Kakashi was beginning to slide down into the bed and looked about half-dead. “I just came to get my bag,” he said. “You can go back to sleep, I won’t wake you again.”

“Stay.”

It was the barest hint of a whisper, so much that Iruka couldn’t tell if Kakashi had actually said it or he was imagining things. “You want me to…”

Kakashi held out a hand and looked away. “Please stay with me.”

“There’s not really a good spot for me,” Iruka said.

“I can sleep on the floor, I just need someone,” Kakashi said quietly. Iruka’s heart broke at the depth in the last four words, and he reached for the hand. “I thought I could sleep alone. I can’t.”

This was Kakashi vulnerable, and it didn't take Iruka long to make his decision. “Can you move over a bit?” Kakashi did, and Iruka pulled back the covers to slide in behind him to feel him trembling. “Cold?”

“I want to touch you,” Kakashi said. “I’m trying and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done not to.”

Iruka took a deep breath and put one hand on Kakashi’s bony hip, softly carding the other through his hair. “Stay still,” he murmured. Kakashi held his breath as Iruka slowly moved the hand down to rest on his stomach and tugged him closer. He pressed his lips just below Kakashi’s ear, catching half of the kiss with the mask.

There was an almost painful second of silence, and then Kakashi sniffed. “You’re burning,” he said brokenly. “Everywhere.”

“Do you want me to stop?” Kakashi shook his head and buried his face in the pillow. Iruka saw the mask slip a bit, revealing some of his nose, and kissed his neck again. “What do you want?”

“I just want to hold you,” Kakashi whispered. “I need you near me.”

“You have permission.”

Kakashi turned in his arm and nearly smashed their faces together in his haste. “I’m sorry, sorry,” he muttered, adjusting his mask. “I didn’t mean--”

“It’s okay,” Iruka said. “It’s okay, Kakashi, calm down.” The alpha shifted lower in bed to nose into Iruka’s neck, nearly... _ whimpering?  _ Iruka wrapped an arm around Kakashi’s shoulders and tucked him close as he shook. “Shhh,” he soothed, stroking down the length of the jonin’s spine. “How do I help?”

“Just be here,” Kakashi said, and Iruka stayed. He stayed, holding Kakashi, until they both slipped into sleep by the mid-afternoon light.

He woke several hours later to slick thighs and Kakashi perched on the other edge of the bed, very carefully keeping all limbs to himself. “I--” He couldn’t get another word out before the heat slammed into him. “I need to--”

“I’ll leave,” Kakashi said. “Your bag is by the bed.”

“You can watch,” Iruka said quickly. “No touching and you can sit by the door but you can watch.”

“Iruka, I’m going to need to take care of myself,” he said. “You don’t want to see.”

Iruka tossed a blanket at him before reaching down for the bag, irritated he hadn’t cleaned his vibrator yet. “Should’ve--dammit,” he muttered. “Can you--sit-- _ oh.”  _ His hips jerked forward with a sudden spike in Kakashi’s scent, and he looked over to see Kakashi scratching his neck. “Do that again.”

He nearly came undone when Kakashi did.

Kakashi settled against the door, obviously trying not to stare, and Iruka very slowly rolled onto his back and took off his pants. He cringed at the way his thighs slid together but when he met Kakashi’s eye, blown wide with lust, it didn’t matter.

He had pleased his alpha.

The thought sent another spiral of need down into him and he flipped over, planting his chest and both knees on the bed to fully bare himself to Kakashi. During heat he didn’t really  _ need  _ to prep himself, but with Kakashi watching? Two fingers had never felt so good. He panted into the pillow, slowly working in a third, and listened to Kakashi’s bitten off noises. “Let me hear you,” he ordered. “Tell me what you think. This is for you.”

“It’s so much better than I imagined,” Kakashi said. 

“You imagined this?” Iruka’s cock bounced against his stomach as he bit his lip, angling the fingers toward his prostate. “Wanted to see me fuck myself?”

“I wanted to--” When Iruka looked back, Kakashi’s hand had stilled under the blanket and he was breathing heavily. “Rules. Against the rules.”

“Good,” Iruka purred. “Thank you, Kakashi.”

“Please keep going,” Kakashi said, swallowing hard as he began to move again. “Don’t let me stop you.”

“I won’t.” Iruka pulled his fingers out with a sigh at the feeling of loss before suddenly, without warning to Kakashi, slid the toy home. It was, as always, not  _ quite  _ what he needed but with Kakashi’s scent surrounding him and the jonin’s eyes on him, it was enough that he could feel himself dripping. “Fuck, you feel so good,” he said, slowly beginning to move. “Harder, Kakashi. I won’t break.”

The noise from the door was impossible to describe. A strangled groan, whine, what have you--it was frustration and need packaged in a whimper that rolled off Kakashi’s tongue like his mouth was good for nothing else. “Iruka--”

_ Anko would be proud,  _ Iruka thought with a grin and particularly hard thrust. He could already feel his extremities tightening, pulling back as the thrill of being watched shoved him closer and closer to the edge. “You like imagining this is you? Feeling me clench around you, so tight. I’m so tight,” he said, punctuating with a low groan. “All for you--”  _ alpha.  _ He could drown in the way Kakashi’s scent grew stronger with every breath, every whisper of Iruka’s name, every beg of ‘please.’ “What are you waiting for, Kakashi? Not going to come for me?”

“You first,” Kakashi ground out. “I need to see…”

Iruka didn’t reply, choosing to give Kakashi what he wanted. His legs shook as he drew closer, having to switch hands when one began to hurt. Coherent thought left him as the first flutters hit in his gut, and at the feeling of his hand on his cock he gave himself up completely, clamping hard around the toy as he slumped to the bed with a low whine.

He heard Kakashi come, looked back to see his face twisted and legs splayed under the blanket as he took some of the mask into his mouth, biting down on his lip. “Shit,” the alpha whined, hips jerking several times before he quieted. “Can I come over there?” 

“Stay sitting,” Iruka said. He set the toy aside, making a note to clean them both this time, and nearly stumbled into Kakashi when he walked over. “Is that what you wanted?” Kakashi nodded quickly and Iruka sank to his knees, pushing forward to trap Kakashi’s hands in his lap under the blanket. “I want you to watch next time too,” he murmured, pushing his face into the junction of Kakashi’s neck. “Okay?”

“More than.” Kakashi’s hands twitched against Iruka’s knees. “I need to clean.”

Iruka fished a hand out and held it with both of his, tracing the veins on Kakashi’s wrist as he regarded the white stain covering it. “That’s a lot,” he said.

Kakashi looked away uncomfortably. “Happens during rut,” he said. “I can’t do anything about it.”

“You are--” Iruka bent his head close and met Kakashi’s eye-- “mine,” he said. Kakashi shuddered violently as Iruka’s tongue cut through the small pool, taking his first taste of the man he was supposed to call husband.

Mate.

“You don’t have to,” Kakashi whispered, head thumping back as Iruka took his index finger in his mouth. “If you don’t want to you don’t have to, I can do it.”

“You are mine and I will do what I want,” Iruka said, licking a broad stripe across Kakashi’s palm. It wasn’t exactly what he’d had in mind--he’d  _ wanted  _ to come in for a cuddle--but the way Kakashi melted under him when he licked his lips was intoxicating. “That is to show you I’ll be good.”

“I didn’t doubt it,” Kakashi said.

“I did.” Iruka let the hand drop and swallowed, trying not to shudder at the lingering taste. He pressed his forehead to Kakashi’s chest and stared down at the layer of fabric between them, half tempted to rip it away.  _ Gotta be stronger.  _ “You told me earlier what you want,” he said. “Now I get to say what I want.”

“What’s that?”

Iruka pressed his lips to the underside of Kakashi’s jaw. “I want to kiss you. Bare. I don’t need to look but I want to feel you.” 

“That’s it?” Kakashi asked.

“Yes,” Iruka said softly. He leaned back and closed his eyes, leaving everything up to Kakashi. The fabric whispered over the jonin’s skin before Iruka felt him move slightly forward. “You’re sure?” 

“I wouldn’t do it if I wasn’t,” Kakashi breathed against his cheek. Lips--chapped and bitten but  _ warm-- _ brushed over his scar before landing on his mouth. Iruka let it happen, let Kakashi explore for himself. He kissed Iruka once, softly, before pressing their lips together again and not letting go. 

Kakashi kissed like Iruka was his last meal and he was doing his best to enjoy it. It was hard to keep his eyes shut as the alpha dove in with both feet, capturing Iruka’s bottom lip between his and sighing around it before breaking. Iruka felt around for his somewhat clean hand and pulled it to his head, offering a little more control.

It was no surprise when Kakashi ran with it, sliding his fingers into Iruka’s ponytail and slipping his tongue out to flick at the seam of Iruka’s lips. “Enough,” he said hoarsely when he pulled back. “I’m not going any further. Hang on.” Fabric rustled as he tugged the mask back up and told Iruka he could open his eyes. “Thank you.”

Iruka kissed back through the mask once before standing and offering a hand. “My pleasure.” Kakashi could barely meet his eye and he leaned in for another quick kiss before pushing him to the door. “You should sleep again,” he said. “So come back and I’ll help you again, okay?”

“Will you stay?”

“If you want me to,” Iruka said. “Though you probably need new sheets.”

“In the hall closet,” Kakashi said. “Do you--the, uh--the shuriken ones are mine. If you could use those.”

“Hatake Kakashi, sleeps on shuriken sheets,” Iruka said, stifling a laugh as Kakashi narrowed his eye. “I will get your sheets,” he continued. “And I will help you fall asleep again. We can talk later.”

“Promise?”

“I promise, Kakashi. I will be here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via Tumblr, Twitter, or join a pretty sweet Discord for all the updates in one place <3


	20. Quiet

Kakashi watched him several times over the next day, capturing every expression as Iruka cried for him. Every breath, every time he bit his lip, every clench of his hands in the sheets. His hands itched with the need to hold him, smooth his hands over Iruka’s sides and worship every inch of the body that seemed to be created with only him in mind. When Iruka fell to the bed for the last time, exhausted, Kakashi leaned his head on the mattress and whispered assurances he’d take care of him.

Iruka barely had the energy to snark back he could take care of himself.

“You can hardly speak,” Kakashi said. “I’ll grab some towels and food.”

“In a minute.” Iruka groaned and turned to him, seeking out his hand. “Give me a minute. It hurts. I need--” he let Kakashi go to pull the blankets tighter, brow knitting in pain-- “It always gets bad around the third day. It’s too much and it _hurts,_ Kakashi.”

“It’s always the fourth day for me,” Kakashi said. “Coming over and over when you otherwise wouldn’t want or be able to. Not a great time, but you know that.”

“You don’t have to be fucked several times a day,” Iruka muttered. He nestled his nose in Kakashi’s hair, taking in his scent, and Kakashi fought the urge to rip down his mask and kiss him like he had the first night. Comfort him. Hold him close. “The only plus is that I had Anko as a beta and know some tricks, I guess.”

“Oh?”  
    “You could get me food first,” Iruka said.

Kakashi straightened and stared. “You’re going to leave me hanging on that?”

“Information requires payment.” Iruka smiled tiredly before settling face-first into the pillow. “Lucky for you I take payment in the form of sustenance.”

“You--” Kakashi huffed and struggled to his feet, shooting an irritated glance at Iruka’s bare back before opening the door. “Maybe I’ll go ask her myself.”

“I wouldn’t recommend showing up when she’s alone. I made that mistake once,” Iruka said. “It was...illuminating.”

Kakashi didn’t answer, leaving to clean himself before tossing a clean towel at the chunin. “I’m sure you know all sorts of things,” he said. “I--” he grunted in frustration-- “I...Sera didn’t do her job. Withholding things won’t make it easier on either of us.”

Iruka motioned him closer, sitting on top of the towel with the sheets bunched over his lap. “Sit,” he ordered, and Kakashi did so, eyeing him warily. “Thank you for telling me.”

“I admit secrets and you thank me,” Kakashi said. “Anyone else would laugh.”

“I’m not anyone else.” Iruka pitched forward to rest his forehead on Kakashi’s shoulder. “I believe in trust. I believe in being kind, and I need to show you that. So just accept it. I’m trying to apologize.”

“Sounds like gaining leverage.” Iruka smacked his arm for that, and he sighed. “Sorry.”

“Kiss me.”

Kakashi softened at the request, hackles dropping at the soothing tone of Iruka’s voice. “Close your eyes,” he said. He wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to the way Iruka’s lashes brushed his cheeks when he obeyed, and snuck a quick glance with the Sharingan to commit it to memory. Eyes closed, cheeks dusted with pink, lips slightly open--Iruka was a vision. “Thank you,” he said quietly.

Their second kiss was just as good as their first. With the mask bunched around his throat and Iruka’s fingers searching for his on the blanket, he pressed their lips together and reveled in the soft warmth that was his mate. There was no come on his tongue this time, no salty bitterness to mask the sweetness of him.

It wasn’t like kissing Sera.

    Kissing Sera was kissing a storm, and kissing Iruka was romancing the hours afterward--basking in the quiet golden light over rain-soaked fields, listening to the first notes of birdsong on the cool breeze.

    As Iruka’s lips grazed his, Kakashi tentatively wound a hand around the back of his neck. Iruka sighed out a yes and raised his own hand, thanking Kakashi when he pressed it to his neck. They both broke at the same time and rested their foreheads together. “Again?” Kakashi asked.

    Iruka kept both eyes closed as he shifted up onto his knees, swallowing hard as he moved both hands to Kakashi’s shoulders. “Once more, but I want--” he slid the hands up Kakashi’s neck, thumbs stopping just below his jaw-- “can I feel your face?” Kakashi nodded, and he smiled. “Any hideous deformities I should know about?” Iruka asked, thumbs drifting over the jaw to rest on his lips.

    “Just my scar,” Kakashi said.

    Iruka felt over it with his right index finger, eyes still tightly shut. “I don’t think it’s hideous,” he said, tilting his head as if regarding him. “If yours is ugly, then so is mine.”

    “It’s not,” Kakashi whispered. “I like yours.” He held his breath as Iruka’s lips fell on the bottom half of it, brushing over his cheek and leaving fire in their wake. “I always--” Iruka moved to cup his face-- “always did.”

    “You know what I think?” Iruka said, turning Kakashi’s head back and forth once. “I think I was wrong.”

    “Wrong?”

    “I said something to you more than once, and I was wrong,” Iruka murmured. He leaned forward to kiss him once more, quickly, and smiled. “This doesn’t feel like the face of a murderer, Kakashi. I couldn’t...get past myself and I’m sorry. I know that doesn’t make it better.”

    “It’s a start.” Kakashi leaned back on both hands and Iruka followed, pressing him onto the bed with one arm on his chest and the other planted by his head. “That was a painful night.”

    “For both of us,” Iruka said. He leaned down and sought out Kakashi’s lips for a final, lingering kiss before fumbling for the mask. Kakashi gently pushed his hands away and did it himself, whispering it was now okay to look. “You’re really not the person everyone says you are, are you?”

    “I learned long ago to stop listening to what people call me, so I don’t know,” Kakashi said. He slid off the bed and grabbed a blanket for his shoulders as Iruka began to clean. “Right around the time I left ANBU and became part of the village again, people didn’t bother hiding their thoughts.”

    “I’m sorry.”

    “I--” Kakashi bit his lip, unsure he was willing to hand his forgiveness over yet. “I’ll go get you food.”

    Iruka curled back into the blankets, wincing. “I’ll be out in a bit. I just need a second more.”

    “I’ll go out and get supplies today,” Kakashi said. “You stay in bed.” Iruka smiled at him before he closed the door and paused to listen to the quiet sigh Iruka let out when he was out of sight. The cabinets about echoed when he opened them after taking the last bit of fish from the freezer. “Dammit,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair. “Should’ve taken better care of this. Should’ve known it was coming.”

    “I can go home and nick some stuff if you want,” Iruka said softly from the hall. He was wearing one of Kakashi’s sweatshirts, hands tucked into the sleeves and hood drawn around his head. The few strands of hair that had escaped were lit up golden in the light streaming in the living room window. “I’m sure Anko has all sorts of questions for me. Probably wants to know my birthday plans, too.”

    “It’s your birthday?”

    “The twenty-sixth,” Iruka said. “Four days. Heat should be done by then.” He waved away Kakashi’s worry that he hadn’t known, hadn’t prepared anything. “I’ll go out with friends. I didn’t really expect you to know or care.”

    “Are you sure?”

    Iruka nodded. “I can stay at home until we sign the papers and stuff. I sort of barged in on your healing time.”

    “You’re helping,” Kakashi said. “Do you know how awful it would’ve been without you here?”

    “Not great, I imagine.” Iruka whined softly as he sank into the couch, clamping a pillow to his stomach. “I’d be a mess. I’m already a mess.”

    “Not really,” Kakashi said.

    “I’m...trying to hold myself together,” Iruka said. “I get really emotional and I can’t be this weeping little...ugh.” He ducked his face into the pillow and Kakashi’s hand automatically reached out, wanting to be close. “You don’t need to see me like that.”

    “You realize I will eventually, right? If we’re going to be living together.” Kakashi tossed the fish in the pan and rinsed his hands before kneeling in front of him. “If Anko can see you like that, I can too.”

    Iruka’s eyes gleamed when they met his. “I’m not ready yet,” he said. “I don’t want--you’re going to think I’m weak. I’m not weak. I don’t need to cry.”

    “Suit yourself.” Kakashi hesitantly held out a hand toward Iruka’s face, waiting for the small nod before sliding it into the hood and cradling his cheek. “I cry. Sometimes. On really bad days. I did the day she, um--well. I did that day. And several times since.”

    Iruka leaned into the hand and screwed his eyes shut. “Can I tell you something?”

    “Of course.”

    “That day I went home and did something,” Iruka whispered. “The omega took over and when I got home I transformed into you and held a clone of myself. Don’t hate me.” He cracked an eye when Kakashi sank lower, settling his chin onto Iruka’s knee. “I wasn’t proud of it. I’m still not.”

    “I used your book to help me through rut once,” Kakashi said. “There. We’re even.”

    “How?”

    Kakashi could feel the blood rising in his cheeks. “Your scent was all over it and a wave hit while Sera was out,” he said. “I knew. I knew about you and I should’ve known about her.”

    Iruka pressed his lips to Kakashi’s palm before pushing it away. “I don’t think it’s a good idea to talk about that right now,” he said. “Maybe when I’m less...teary.”

    “Okay,” Kakashi said. He grabbed the blanket from the opposite end and put it over Iruka before walking back to finish the food. Iruka grabbed the bowl with both hands and held it to his stomach until Kakashi folded himself on the couch, facing away. He peeked back a few times to make sure the chunin wasn’t looking before tugging down the mask to eat. “What do you usually do when it gets to this point?”

    “Have some tea and sleep,” Iruka said. “And maybe a bath. Anko used to do my hair for me sometimes. But you don’t have tea here and your bed isn’t mine.” He sniffed, and Kakashi fought the urge to lean back and tuck him into his chest. “And it’s small.”

    “There’s a bigger one in the master,” Kakashi said.

    “I tried going in there and all I can smell is _her,”_ Iruka muttered. “I don’t like it in there.”

    “I’m sorry.” Kakashi snuck another glance to see Iruka running a sleeve across his nose. “I can sleep on the couch if you want the bed.”

    “No, that’s stupid.” Iruka sniffed again and Kakashi’s heart cracked at the small sob that left him. “It’s your bed and your house and your--everything. I’m the odd thing out. I should’ve stayed at home. I’m used to it there.”

    Kakashi set the bowl on the coffee table, pulled up his mask, and turned to face him. Iruka’s lip quivered until he bit down before covering his face with both hands. “Iruka, can I touch you?” Iruka nodded, and Kakashi scooted forward to wrap an arm around his shoulders, letting the chunin rest his head on his chest. “You can go home if you need,” he said. “I’m not going to stop you. You know that, right? You’re not required to stay here.”

    “But my bed probably smells like Anko now and my alpha isn’t there.” Immediately, Iruka cringed. _“You’re_ not there,” he corrected. “You’re here and you need time an--”

    “Iruka,” Kakashi said, and Iruka wiped his eyes before humming in question. “I will be okay with you doing what you need. If you want me to come to our place, I will. If you want me to stay here, that’s fine too. You only have so much time before we’re permanently living together.”

    That was the wrong thing to say. Iruka burst into proper tears, turning away and pulling the hood completely shut. “You shouldn’t be forced to live with me.”

    Kakashi awkwardly ran a hand over his shoulders, resolve strengthening when he didn’t pull away. “I mean, there’d be worse people to live with,” he said. “We were friends for a while. You sort of know me”

    “I don’t want you to hate me because I’m taking over your life,” Iruka said, sniffling. “I know you don’t like change.”

    “Are you having second thoughts?” Kakashi asked softly.

    “Maybe.”

    Kakashi froze before pulling away, tucking all limbs into himself. “You’re free to leave,” he said. “Go if you want to. I won’t pull you down.” His nails dug into his forearms, leaving angry half-moons as he grit his teeth. “I can do this alone.”

    “That’s not what I meant.” Iruka turned to him, peering out of the hood. “I--maybe I should’ve stayed home. This is embarrassing and not a good impression of me.”

    “You thought worse of me for a long time,” Kakashi muttered. “I want to help you. Be there. I’m not out to get you.” Much to his surprise, Iruka fell forward to rest his head in Kakashi’s lap, hands curling on his knee as he began to calm. “Okay?”

    “Yeah,” Iruka said. “I’m sorry.”

    “Please don’t say you’re having second thoughts if you still want this,” Kakashi said. “I’ve been through enough that those words cut deep.”

    “Four.”

    “What?”

    “I’m the fifth one you’ve been paired with,” Iruka whispered. “I know.”

    “And do you know why they rejected me?” Kakashi asked. Iruka shook his head. “They went to your father insisting I was a killer and wouldn’t be good to them. And you know what? I didn’t say anything to the contrary. Didn’t try to win the losing battle against them. I was okay with where I was and I told myself if they were too weak to face me themselves, I didn’t want them anyway.”

    “I didn’t run away because I think we can help each other,” Iruka said. “Even if when we finish our cycles you want to go back to being just friends, I think we can be good together.”

    “And if I don’t want to go back to being just friends?” Kakashi asked.

    “Then--” Iruka took a steadying breath-- “we’ve got some work to do.”

    “We do,” Kakashi said. “But first you should rest. You’re, um--”

    “Hormonal and shitty, I know,” Iruka said.

    “I was going to say in pain,” Kakashi said. “And I need to go out for a supply run, so if you’re sleeping I can go without worrying.”

    “I guess,” Iruka said. He finished and fought Kakashi a bit as the jonin insisted he go to bed, but soon sank into the small nest Kakashi helped make with extra blankets from the closet. He fell asleep half propped up on the headboard, supported by a comforter and wrapped around a pillow.

    When he was sure Iruka was asleep Kakashi pressed maskless lips to his forehead before transporting to his doorstep, knocking twice before Anko yelled she was coming, just hold on. “Oh,” she said, looking him up and down when she opened the door. “This is...a surprise. Where’s Ru?”

    “Sleeping,” Kakashi said. “I came alone because I actually need some help.”

**

    Iruka woke to a crick in his neck and Kakashi sitting on the floor, staring up at him. “What?” he asked crankily.

    “You can keep sleeping if you want,” Kakashi said. “I don’t mind.”

    “Not if you’re going to be weird.” Iruka slid down into the blankets, pulling them over his head and plunging himself into darkness. “I can feel another wave coming on and I hurt all over and I just want the world to fuck off.”

    “I brought some tea,” Kakashi said, and Iruka looked out with one eye to see him holding a box of his favorite. “Anko told me this is the one you like.”

    “You went by my place?”  
    “I don’t like seeing you like this,” Kakashi said. “I wanted to make it easier for you but didn’t want to disturb you.”

    Iruka stuck a hand out and made a grabbing motion, growling when Kakashi pushed the box toward him. “Hand,” he said, and Kakashi immediately replaced cardboard with pale skin. “I don’t know why you don’t keep tea. That’s a cardinal sin.”

    “I haven’t had any since we, ah--”

    “Bonded?”

    “You smell like tea,” Kakashi said. “I was avoiding things that reminded me of you.”

    “I couldn’t drink coffee after the memorial stone,” Iruka said. He shuffled closer to the edge of the bed, picked up the box, and curled protectively around it. “Anko was pissed she had to drink cold brew instead.”

    Kakashi chuckled and laid his head on the mattress. “Want me to make you a cup? I can run a bath, too. She said that helps.”

    Iruka played with Kakashi’s fingers before sighing. “I can do it. I know how I like it and I can do it quick before it hits. I don’t want you there this time. I’m sorry. I just...heat isn’t always me being this needy bitch. I just need to be--” He cut off, and Kakashi squeezed his hand.

    “Need to be what?”

    “Full,” Iruka muttered darkly. “Sometimes I sit with something in me when it hurts too much to fuck myself.”

    “So…” Kakashi hesitated for a second before looking up at him. “Bath? Tea?”

    “I’ll do it.” The blankets fell away when Iruka sat up, and Kakashi averted his eyes at the sight of his bare chest. “What, afraid I’ll blind you?”

    “I want to touch,” Kakashi said. “Can you put on a shirt?”

    Instead, Iruka pulled a blanket over himself and slid off the bed. “Bring the tea,” he said, walking out the door. “I can make it if you start running water for a bath.” Kakashi followed and deposited the tea on the counter before making himself scarce. Iruka went about making it, grumbling about the fact Anko hadn’t, apparently, told Kakashi to get even a single form of citrus fruits.

    “It’s ready,” Kakashi said, interrupting his irritation. “Very hot. You might need to adjust it.”

    “That’s how I like it,” Iruka said. He handed a mug over and watched Kakashi’s face flush as he bent over to take a deep breath. It wasn’t the first time he’d seen pink dusting the visible skin, but it _was_ the most innocent. Kakashi had both eyes closed, totally focused on the tea as he took a sip through the mask. “You’re very intent on that. And that’s gross.”

    “I missed it,” Kakashi said, taking another mouthful. “This is my first cup in...shit, months? Almost a year?”

    “Not even on missions when she wasn’t around?”

    “I didn’t need distr--” Kakashi’s knuckles went white, eyes wide as he realized what he was about to say. “I needed to focus on the mission, not on what I couldn’t have.”

    “Understood.”

    “I’m sorry,” Kakashi said. “I’m trying.”

    “It’s fine. There’s bound to be bumps,” Iruka muttered. “It’s not something we can just...undo. Sorry isn’t a magic word.”

    “Yeah.” Kakashi gripped the mug tightly and stared at the floor, lost in thought until Iruka walked up and pushed his face into his chest.

    “I’m going in now. I don’t know when I’ll be out, but if you need to--” he dropped his hand to the front of Kakashi’s pants, forcing down a grimace at the way his cock twitched under him-- “take care of things, please don’t wait up.” Kakashi let out a soft noise when he pulled away, but didn’t say anything as he shed the blanket and grabbed the toy from his bag.

    Kakashi wasn’t lying when he said it was hot. Iruka’s skin stung as he lowered himself in, setting the vibrator on the side of the tub. He hated these days, the second half of heat when the neediness began to wear on his body to the point of pain. Anko had made very clear to him never to push himself past what he could take, no matter how much he wanted to.

    He nearly upset the mug into the tub as he moved his hips out of the water, feeling to make sure he was loose enough before sliding the vibrator in. He laid on his side, staring at his warped reflection in the porcelain before screwing his eyes shut. The restless heat energy flowed through him, taunting him with the want to fuck himself senseless like he could hear Kakashi beginning to do in the next room, but he _couldn’t._ Couldn’t listen too closely to the broken moan of his name when Kakashi brought himself to completion. His ass clenched involuntarily and he pressed a fist to his forehead. “Don’t need to hurt yourself. Don’t need to come, especially for him.”

    But he _wanted_ to.

    He didn’t feel up to jerking himself off like he normally would, so he settled for turning the vibrator on and stimulating himself until the familiar tightness began to hit him. So fucking unfair, he thought as he came, forced into being some sort of animal during heat.

    Kakashi knocked on the door when he couldn’t hold back a sob. “Everything okay, Iruka?”

    “Fine,” he said, voice breaking.

    “Can I come in?”

    Iruka ran a hand over the back of his eyes. “Fine,” he said again, admitting defeat. The door opened and Kakashi walked to kneel at the side of the tub. Iruka knew he must be a sight. “I told you, heat’s not always pretty,” he said. “I hate it.”

    “Would a massage help? It’s something I’m good at.” Iruka nodded, unwilling to look back at him. “Can you take that out and sit up with your back to me, then?” Iruka complied wordlessly, the sudden shock of Kakashi’s cool hands on his shoulders sending a shiver down his spine. He soon relaxed into the jonin’s skilled touch, groaning at the strong swipe of his thumbs down his neck, lean fingers seeking out tension. Kakashi hummed softly as he worked before pausing and resting his chin on Iruka’s collarbone. “I want to hug you, and I want to kiss you, except right--” he dragged a finger down the back and up the side of Iruka’s neck-- “here. Can I?”

    Iruka closed his eyes. “Please,” he whispered. He heard Kakashi pull the mask down before wrapping both arms around him from behind. Iruka’s hands automatically gripped Kakashi’s forearms as he leaned back best he could into his chest, tilting his head for access.

    Kakashi pressed their faces together, sliding his cheek over Iruka’s before putting his forehead against the chunin’s neck. “I think,” he said, breath ghosting over Iruka’s pulse, “you--my partner--in heat are beautiful, even if you don’t agree.”

    Iruka laughed once, dryly. “I’m sad and pathetic.”

    “Am I allowed to mention Sera right now?” Iruka nodded, and Kakashi breathed a sigh of relief. “Betas don’t go into heat. She had bad days, just like everyone else, and I cared for her. I wanted to see her happy. But you--” he pressed his lips to the back of Iruka’s neck-- “it’s almost scary how much I feel the need to keep you happy. Safe. Lov--” He cut off with another kiss before whispering in his ear. “I want to be good. Better. Not because I _need_ to, but because I _want_ to. Does that make sense?”

    “That’s the hormones talking,” Iruka muttered.

    “Maybe, but they’re screaming at me,” Kakashi said. “Let me have that for now, okay?” His lips brushed just below Iruka’s ear, and Iruka turned toward him with eyes still shut. “Is this an invitation?”

    “Yeah.”

    “Thanks.” Kakashi kissed him softly, and Iruka was grateful for the lack of urgency. It was plain, simple, kind. Loving, if he were to admit how it really felt. When Kakashi pulled back, Iruka mourned the loss as the jonin pulled the mask back into place. “Do you want to stay in here for a bit or do something else?”

    “Sleep, I think,” Iruka sighed. He felt a little more calm, a little more centered after the touch. “And I should go back home soon, too. I’ve got packing to do and you’ve got all your stuff.”

    “I don’t mind you staying. I’ll just do it when you’re asleep,” Kakashi said.

    Iruka pulled the plug and asked for a towel, motioning Kakashi away when he stood. “Compromise, and I go home tomorrow morning? That should give us some time. We both seem to be slowing down.”

    “Okay,” Kakashi said from the door. “Do you want me to come out for your birthday?”

    “I was thinking I’d give you the day off from chunin duty,” Iruka said. He nearly laid his head between Kakashi’s shoulders before remembering and putting a hand on the small of his back instead. “It’ll probably be me, Anko, Izumo, maybe Mizuki. He walked forward but stopped when Kakashi didn’t follow. “What?”

    “I’ll be skipping, then,” Kakashi muttered.

    “Shit, I didn’t mean to--”

    “It’s fine.” Kakashi shot him a wan smile before wrapping both arms around himself and settling on the couch. “Don’t worry about it. It’s not your fault.”

    “You sure?”  
    “I know I said all of this was, but it’s not,” Kakashi said. “You didn’t say it to be a jerk.”

    “I’m sorry.”

    “Go get dressed,” Kakashi said, looking out the window.

    Iruka retreated to the room to dry off and dress before cleaning the vibrator and retrieving his now-cool tea. He gulped it down as he sat across from Kakashi. “Come sit in the room with me for a bit.” He found Kakashi’s hand and tugged him down the hall before stopping at the door. “We’ll manage, okay? We’ll figure this shit out.” He took Kakashi’s face in both hands and pulled it down to kiss his forehead. When he pulled back, the jonin’s brow was knit and he had both eyes closed. “Was that...all right?”

    “Mhmm.” Kakashi took a deep breath and very carefully extended his hands to settle on Iruka’s hips. “I’m going to hug you.” Iruka didn’t resist as Kakashi pulled him into his arms, one supporting his lower back and the other sliding up to splay a hand on his spine. “I have a hard time believing that we’ll figure things out,” he said softly into Iruka’s neck. “It has nothing to do with you or your abilities, but the fact that my life never goes smoothly. You need to know that.”

    “Mine hasn’t been perfect either,” Iruka said. “And even if we don’t figure it out--” he nudged Kakashi’s face up to meet his eye-- “we’ll manage. Take what we’re given and manage. Can we do that, at least?”

    “I think so,” Kakashi said.

    “Then that’s how we’ll survive, Kakashi. Adapting to circumstances. We’ll manage.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via Tumblr, Twitter, or join a pretty sweet Discord for all the updates in one place <3


	21. Acceptance

Iruka made good on his decision and left the next morning, promising to stop back later that day to check on Kakashi. Kakashi watched him leave with a heavy heart and drooping shoulders. He could feel the cycle beginning to slow, the exhaustion beginning to set in once again as he turned inside to look over his old life.

First, he made himself tea. It was the first act of his active rebellion against Sera, the beginning of his purge. He was finally able to walk around without his mask. Free. Her presence was beginning to fade behind Iruka’s scent, the chunin overtaking memory and murder that plagued the house. The paintings on the wall didn’t scream as loudly, leftover clothes in the dresser didn’t call to him, books she’d gathered didn’t beg to be read.

They begged for the fire in him to pour out into them, send them into oblivion.

Kakashi began in the kitchen. There wasn’t much to be rid of, but there were so many memories attached to the plates, towels, even the counters. Nights spent up with each other both laughing and crying. He’d kissed her right at the sink the day everything went to hell. The day Iruka had come into his life and uprooted everything he’d taken for granted.

He tossed the last dregs of the tea back and immediately began another cup as he moved around the small pile of things to toss in the middle of the floor. The painting of cherry trees went in the pile first, followed quickly by the river, then the mountains. By the time he got to the framed collage of their pictures, carefully ignored when Iruka was here, he didn’t care about the wall as he ripped it down. 

Her smile taunted him from behind cracked glass and the broken frame, a twisted reminder of happiness she thought had never been real. She’d thought he’d never loved her and she couldn’t have been more fucking wrong. Kakashi flipped the pictures upside down so she wouldn’t see the tears on his cheeks. 

She would no longer be permitted to see his pain. 

The pile grew higher as he went through their things with great prejudice, unwilling to let her invade the space he was now to share with someone who--against all odds-- _ cared.  _ Someone who seemed to accept him, was sorry for how they’d treated him. Someone who, at the very least, pitied him instead of reviled him.

Kakashi shook his head and wiped his eyes. Iruka cared enough to take his needs into consideration, even if they weren’t one hundred percent met. It wasn’t an overwhelming acceptance but an equally as welcome set of boundaries. There were rules, things to keep track of and follow. He wasn’t expected to flounder as he tried to figure out what was all right.

He didn’t always succeed, but he wasn’t screamed at when he fucked up.

The spare bedroom was next. He opened the window for a little air, nearly choking on Iruka’s lingering scent as he made the bed. The next minute he decided to throw the blankets and sheets in the washer instead, because he could feel the need beginning to rise when he sat to sort through the boxes of books. He kept the Icha Icha books along with a few Genma had gifted him over the years, but most of the rest were hers, and they went in the pile along with the paintings and the pictures. 

A part of him thought about giving them to the library or hospital instead of destroying them, but the part that wanted her gone won out and he dragged the pile into the small back yard before standing back and staring at it. There was still more to comb through, a bigger fire to set. 

He decided to leave it for the day.

The few shards of glass he’d accidentally left on the floor were quickly done away with before he switched the blankets to the dryer and laid on the bare bed. He stared at the senbon holes and contemplated, eyes wandering the patterns as he let the feelings he’d pushed away for the last month resurface. 

There was grief, first and foremost. He grieved for the child, if it could be considered that. It was grief for the child that could have been. Grief for dreams shattered along with his heart as Sera spat at him that day. He held a hand over his mouth as he grieved for the life he’d had, the life that was a lie. He was grieving for a lie and he hated himself for it. Hated that he’d believed it.

There was anger, too, and sadness. Underneath, numbness. He lit a cigarette with quivering hands and wrapped his arms around his knees, propping himself up against the headboard as he shook. Incidents began to click into place as he thought about her. The severity of her denial when he suggested she might be pregnant. How her eyes had narrowed when she asked him about Iruka for the first time. It went back as far as the days just after they were paired, when she looked down her nose at him until he broke. 

He should’ve seen the pattern.

Jonin who couldn’t see what was right in front of his nose.

Kakashi snorted before taking a long drag. Iruka in heat was kind--if not more than a little bitchy--and different from what he’d expected. He wasn’t the scrappy little shit who had confronted Kakashi so many times anymore. He’d grown. Matured. Anko had had a long talk with Kakashi about Iruka the day before, given him a lot to think about. 

She’d been kind and firm with him, the same attitude he’d seen in Iruka as she let Kakashi in on secrets to handle him both in and out of heat. “I’ve tried teaching him to cook,” she’d laughed. “You’ll end up doing most of that, because he’s pretty hopeless in the kitchen. He needs honesty. Don’t hide from him.” She’d tapped her cheek and smiled. “You do plan on taking that off eventually, right? He’ll want to see you.”

His lips twitched up in a small smile as he remembered the shock on her face when he said he had. “Boo,” she’d said when he admitted Iruka hadn’t seen his face yet. “He’s going to tell me when he does and then I’ll know what mysteries you’re hiding under that thing.”

He’d told her nothing was amiss, and she sent him on his way with tips, tricks, and no shortage of attitude.  _ Probably where he gets half of his from,  _ he’d thought as he picked up food and sat next to the bed to watch Iruka rest. It was a sight he thought he could get used to.  _ Wanted  _ to get used to.

And then Iruka had opened his mouth.

It wasn’t an entirely unwelcome thing, Iruka’s snark, but it was something Kakashi would have to get used to. “Do no harm, take no shit,” Anko had told him. “That’s how he likes to live. You’ll learn it eventually.”

The senbon holes began to blur together as tears gathered again. “Stop it,” he muttered, crushing his palm to his eyes. “No more. She’s not worth it.” A knock rang through the house, and he wiped the tears away before asking who it was.

“Me.”

Iruka.

“Dammit,” Kakashi whispered, fumbling around the side of the bed for an extra mask and tugging it down on his neck before taking a last inhale and walking to the door, cigarette still in hand. “Welcome back,” he said, ushering the chunin inside. Immediately, Iruka turned on him and asked what was wrong. “Can I not smoke for fun?”

“Your eyes are red and you smell like sadness,” Iruka said, crossing his arms. “What’s wrong?”

“Going through my stuff,” Kakashi said. He went behind the kitchen wall and took another drag before crushing the cigarette out in the sink. Iruka was right behind him when he turned around, startling him. “Fuck,” he said. “Enough with the scaring me.”

“Do you want me to leave? I, ah, I thought…” Iruka took his lip between his teeth again and Kakashi reached out to tug it out. “Sorry, nervous habit.”

“No reason to be nervous,” Kakashi said. “I want you to stay. This morning wasn’t great.” He pulled Iruka into the living room and they both fell to the couch, legs fitting together like a puzzle. “I made some changes.”

“I see that,” Iruka said, looking around at the walls. “Are there plans to replace any of that?”

“Not really,” Kakashi said. “Right now it’s more about getting rid of her. Starting over.”

“With me.” Iruka began to chew again, and Kakashi sighed. “You’re not going to break me of the habit overnight.” 

“It’s so bad for them,” Kakashi said.

“So is smoking,” Iruka shot back, sinking lower until he was half laying down. “I started packing today. I won’t move until you’re ready, but I think I have an idea of something to put over the holes.” He nodded to where Kakashi had ripped the photo frames away and frowned. “I’ve got some cool tapestries to hang if that’s okay.”

“We’ll figure it out later,” Kakashi said. “The ones on your wall in your room?”

“Yeah.”

“They’re so...loud,” Kakashi said, running a foot over Iruka’s calf. “Colorful.”

“Better than white holes in grey walls,” Iruka said. “There’s no color here. It’s strange.”

Kakashi sighed. “Let me finish getting everything out before you start planning out your interior decorating,” he said. “That way I don’t have to worry about you choosing to keep something I don’t want.”

“Fine.” Iruka groaned as he adjusted the pillow behind his head and turned onto his side. “It’s been almost twelve hours since heat last hit and it’s  _ just  _ beginning to start again. I think having you there helped shorten it a little.”

“I’m pretty sure mine’s gotten longer,” Kakashi muttered. “I’m feeling worse today.”

“Sorry,” Iruka said.

“Yeah, doesn’t help I don’t really have...someone to...well.” Kakashi set his jaw and looked away from Iruka’s sheepish gaze. “I’m not saying you’re not helping but it’s hard going from something to nothing.”

“Maybe,  _ maybe  _ someday,” Iruka said. “Anko told me she had something that might help me this morning. I feel a little threatened. She said it was for my birthday.” He pulled the blanket off the back onto himself and held a hand out for Kakashi to grab. “I told her she was trying to give me a heart attack.”

“Do us both a favor and don’t die,” Kakashi said, smile barely reaching his eyes. “Who would I have to keep me in line at the mission desk?”

Iruka squeezed his fingers and grinned. “I’ll have to teach Izumo all my tricks.”

“Right.” Kakashi extricated his fingers and searched Iruka’s face for any hesitation as he pulled a foot into his lap and began to massage. When he found none, he looked down to focus. “But then I’d be stuck with the tea you wanted and how could I suffer with that?”

“Nah, you seemed to like it enough yesterday.” Iruka sighed and shifted, shutting his eyes as Kakashi dug his fingers in. “You like touch, don’t you?”

“I do,” Kakashi said softly.

Iruka plopped the other foot into his lap. “You realize I’ll take advantage of that, right?”

“I hope so.”

“Did she?”

Kakashi paused. “Sera...didn’t love it, didn’t hate it. I think she tolerated it. I--” he let out a long breath-- “I think it was something she used to manipulate me.”

“I thought you two loved each other?”

“I did too,” Kakashi said. He shook himself and began on the other foot, drawing out a low groan from Iruka. “I was wrong.”

“You sure?”

“You don’t do what she did to someone you love,” Kakashi said. The tears were back again, and he hid behind his hair as he bent down. “That’s why I’m getting rid of all of her. It’s not worth dwelling on.” Iruka pulled his feet away and sat up, and Kakashi let him. His hands fell limply into his lap before Iruka took them in his, face inches away when Kakashi looked up.

“Do you need a minute?” Iruka asked. 

“I’m fine,” Kakashi whispered. 

In response, Iruka crawled onto him and hugged him, hips pressed a little too close for Kakashi’s comfort. “Want me to go away?”

“You might want to get off,” Kakashi said. “You’re--it’s, ah--it’s coming, I think.”

“Come with me.” Iruka pulled him off the couch, stopping in the bathroom to grab two towels before walking into the half-destroyed bedroom. “Oh. Uhh...you were busy, I see.”

“Bed’s still free,” Kakashi said.

“No sheets, though.” Iruka turned to him and back to the bed before dragging him toward it. “Fuck it. We’re doing it.”

“Iruka, no.” Kakashi took his hand back, eye wide. “You said no.”

Iruka sidled up to him, slipping his thumbs into the waistband of Kakashi’s pants. “I’m not letting you inside,” he murmured, leaning up to kiss the side of Kakashi’s neck as he pulled the jonin backwards. “Doesn’t mean I can’t get you off. It’s about time, isn’t it?”

“You said you didn’t want to,” Kakashi said.

“I can change my mind, can’t I?”

Kakashi allowed Iruka to push him onto the bed, took off his shirt when he ordered. “Yeah, but--” he swallowed hard when Iruka bent to run his lips down his chest-- “shit. Is it you or is it heat?”

“All me,” Iruka murmured, licking over a scar before taking Kakashi’s nipple between his teeth and pulling softly. “I want this.”

Kakashi whined when Iruka’s hand slipped into his pants to palm him, fingers reaching lower to brush over his balls. “Don’t tease.” 

“I’m not.” The fingers disappeared in favor of sliding his pants off, leaving tented, wet boxers under Iruka’s appraising glance. “You’re going to teach me your body, Kakashi. Tell me what you want.”

“I want--fuck. I just want you to touch me,” Kakashi whispered hoarsely. 

Iruka smiled as he trailed a single finger up the shaft, rubbing gently under the head as he watched Kakashi groan. “Like that? Or like this?” He leaned forward, bracing himself on one hand as he wrapped the other around Kakashi and stroked. “Definitely that,” he murmured into his neck. “I can feel you jump, and your heart’s beating faster.”

“Please.” Kakashi's mouth was dry, swallowing entirely too hard under Iruka’s burning palm. “A little harder. I like--” he reached down, showing him-- “that. That’s how I do it.”

“I’ll watch you without a blanket one of these days,” Iruka said. “Watch Hatake Kakashi come for me.” Kakashi’s hips jerked involuntarily at that, thrusting up into Iruka’s grip. “Do that again,” Iruka said, and Kakashi did, pulling back to look him in the eye as he fucked into his hand. “God, that’s hot.”

Kakashi did it again, and Iruka buried his face into Kakashi’s chest. “Not as awful as you imagined?” He could feel the heat from Iruka’s face as the chunin stammered out a no. “Your hand’s perfect,” he said, pressing up to smell Iruka’s hair as Iruka continued to stroke him. His knot was already beginning to form, the heat and scent of Iruka’s slick and Iruka’s breath over his chest pushing him quickly to the edge. “Iruka, I’m going to--”

“I can feel it,” Iruka said. “Come, Kakashi.”

“You’re sure?”

“You did your watching, now it’s my turn,” Iruka said. “Help me help you.” Kakashi slid a hand down to show Iruka exactly where and how hard to grip and lasted all of seven seconds before he came across his stomach in long stripes, nearly hitting Iruka’s chin more than once. “Fuck,” Iruka breathed against his covered lips, shoving his pants down around his hips as he straddled Kakashi and kissed him hard through the mask. Soon his release joined Kakashi’s on his stomach and Kakashi didn’t warn him before ripping down his mask, pulling Iruka flush against him as they stole each other’s oxygen. 

“Thank you,” he whispered over and over, hands sliding into Iruka’s half undone ponytail to angle him better. “Thank you, thank you…”

“Kakashi, I saw,” Iruka said into his mouth. “I saw your face, I’m sorry, I couldn’t--”

“It’s okay,” Kakashi said. “I wanted it, it’s okay…” He pulled Iruka’s lips back to his, tears wetting their cheeks as Iruka kissed him hard enough to bruise. He’d take it. He’d take the bruises, the snark, and the heats because Iruka had uprooted him to plant him in a different place, one of healing. The place he’d needed since he’d first killed, the place he’d needed after his father’s death, the place he’d needed every second of the last month and a half.

Home.

Iruka had planted him home.

**

Iruka had not expected the flash of Kakashi’s face before their lips married, the piercing red of the Sharingan before he realized and his eyes slammed shut. Kakashi had insisted he didn’t mind, he wanted it, and cried. 

Hatake Kakashi had cried under him that afternoon.

After cleaning and holding him for a while, Iruka had laid him to sleep with the promise he’d be back in the morning. He should’ve stayed, because immediately when he walked in the door Anko began questioning him. “What’s with your lips? Did he hurt you? Is that from sex? Oh my god, did you guys do it? Are you okay? Iruka?” His name was shouted through his bedroom door as he changed his clothes before walking out and sitting on the couch with two fingers resting on his lips. “Tell me,” Anko insisted, throwing herself in his lap.  _ “Eeeeverything.” _

“You know how in the second half of heat I become a little less needy and more open to other things?” Anko nodded. “Well, we, uh... _ I... _ I helped him with a wave and he let me see his face.”

“Is he hideous?”

“Anko,” he chided, lightly smacking her shoulder. “No, he’s not hideous. He’s actually…” He trailed off, thinking of the sharp lines of the jonin’s cheeks, the way his lips curved just right in a shy smile before going in for another kiss. “He’s very pretty.”

“Is he prettier than me?” Anko kicked both feet in the air, grabbing onto his wrists for support as she grinned up at him. “There’s only one right answer.”

“Uh…”

“Of course he is,” she said. “So beautiful he must cover all that radiance, am I right?”

“You’re pretty,” Iruka said. “Pretty irritating.” His hands shot down to tickle her sides and she squealed, sitting up and shoving him away as she told him what a jerk he was before laughing. “No, though. He’s…” He brought his fingers to his lips again with a smile. “He’s fucking gorgeous, Anko. How could I have hated him so badly?”

“Are you thinking with your dick again?” Anko asked. “Seeing his face shouldn’t cause that big of an attitude change.”

“He’s more than this cold-blooded killer,” Iruka said. “He’s more than I thought. He cares. He, uh...cried.” Anko went completely silent and he looked up to see her with both hands clamped over her mouth. “Hello?”

“What did you do to him?” she asked, incredulous. “Did you, like, kick him in the balls or something? God, Ru.”

“I think he was a little overwhelmed,” Iruka said. “He was clearing out Sera’s stuff for most of the morning and I sort of surprised him with sex.” 

“He should consider himself lucky,” Anko said. “It is not every day Umino Iruka offers to have the sex with someone.”

“The sex,” Iruka snorted. “Please. There was no penetration.”

“Still sex.” Anko shrugged before getting up and rummaging through the fridge for the dango they’d made the night before. “Want some?” He said yes, and she stuck some between her fingers to bring them over. “Thought any more about what you want to do for your birthday?”

“I was thinking dinner,” Iruka said as they ate. “You, me, Izumo, maybe Kotetsu, see if Mizuki wants to come out of his cave to socialize.”

“You sure Mizuki’s a good idea?” Anko asked. “Is Kakashi going to be there?”

“I told him he could have the day off,” Iruka said. “He doesn’t want to be near Mizuki, which is fair. And I told him I’d give him time to do what he needs to do with Sera’s shit. He took all those gorgeous paintings down.”

“Does he need a home for them?”

“Said he was going to burn them,” he said. “Burn her memory.”

“Fucker,” Anko muttered. “I would take them.”

“They were out in the rain earlier,” Iruka said. “They’re probably ruined by now, and besides. I think he needs this. Catharsis.”

“Yeah, true,” Anko said. “Still sad.”

“Yup.” They chatted for a bit more before Iruka retired for the night, falling asleep on the bed that was already beginning to feel foreign before waking up to the noise of Anko packing.

“You’re up early,” she said.

“You’re banging around too loudly for me to sleep.” He narrowed his eyes at her while he redid his ponytail, and she stuck her tongue out. “You’re doing it on purpose, aren’t you?”

“I think it’s time to go visit your partner again,” she sang, dancing around the kitchen with a cup of coffee. “Then it’s packing time for you, and tomorrow’s your birthday, hmm?”

He simply growled as he went into the bathroom and got himself ready, knocking on Kakashi’s door for the second day in a row. His hand was raised to knock a second time before the jonin opened the door in a mask, much to Iruka’s dismay. “What, I don’t get to see you without it today?”

Kakashi tugged it down for a quick kiss to his forehead. “It’ll be another adjustment for me,” he said. “Give me time.”

Iruka thumped down in a kitchen chair with a sigh. “Have your fire yet?”

“I’m waiting until everything’s gone,” Kakashi said. “I think it should be done by tomorrow night.”

“Want me to come over at all?”

“It’s your birthday,” Kakashi said, looking away. “Do what you want. I don’t mind whatever way.”

“I’ll see how late I’m out,” Iruka said. “I’m sure Anko’s made plans I don’t know about. I told her I want to go out for dinner and not much else, but it’s Anko.”

“Mhmm. Eaten yet?”

“No,” Iruka said. “She practically shoved me out the door with orders to come back and start packing. Also still insisting she wants those paintings. I told her to stop, that you needed them.”

Kakashi cracked a few eggs into a pan, frowning slightly as they cooked. “Thanks,” he said. “I know they’re nice, but they’re hers and I can’t really...separate that.” 

“Right.” Iruka sat back and watched him work in silence, light slanting across his shoulders and turning his skin luminous as he flipped and scraped. “Know what else she told me?”

“Hmm?”

“You’re probably prettier than her.” He laughed at Kakashi’s shocked look, tucking both feel onto the chair. “I told her she was pretty annoying.”

“Anko is...a little much sometimes,” Kakashi said. He slid the food onto plates and put it in front of Iruka, hesitating a second before pulling the mask down to eat. “I’ll put it back if you’re going to stare,” he said when Iruka didn’t move for the food. “I don’t need her coming after me because you’re not eating.”

Iruka blushed and ducked his head before tucking in, barely able to look Kakashi in the eye as they ate in silence. “Do you want me to stay for a while or do you want space?” 

“I was thinking about watching a movie, actually,” Kakashi said. He took both bowls and rinsed them before going over to the bookcase and  thumbing through the row of titles. “How do you feel about action?”

“Take it or leave it,” Iruka said, walking up behind him to look over with him. “But honestly my brain in the mornings isn’t awake enough to care.” He rested his forehead on Kakashi’s shoulder and smiled when the jonin pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “Pick whatever. I’ll stay.” He settled on the couch to watch Kakashi put it in, settling against him when he sat. 

The movie really wasn’t his cup of tea, but with Kakashi surrounding him it didn’t seem so bad. It was one of the small things he’d imagined in the months before Kakashi completely shut him out--sitting in companionable silence, just  _ being  _ together. 

It felt like all he’d imagined as Kakashi sought out his hand. 

When it ended, Iruka was nearly falling asleep in Kakashi’s lap as Kakashi carded fingers through his hair, lightly massaging the back of his neck every few minutes. “I--” he yawned, stretching out to a more comfortable position-- “should probably go before I end up sleeping here for the day.”

“I wouldn’t mind,” Kakashi murmured.

“Anko would come knocking on your door screaming for me to start packing,” Iruka said. “You don’t want that.”

“No,” Kakashi agreed, sighing when Iruka sat up and yawned again. “Are you coming over tonight?”

“Can if you want me to,” Iruka said. “Wasn’t planning on it.”

“It’s okay then,” Kakashi said. “I had an idea, but I can do it alone.”

“What?”

“I was going to sleep in the master so you can sleep in there without smelling her,” Kakashi said. “I have that room to go through yet so I’ll be in there anyway. Maybe I can help.”

“I can come over if you n--”

“Do what’s best for you,” Kakashi interrupted. “It’s probably better that way anyway. I can deal with what I need to deal with alone.”

Iruka narrowed his eyes a bit before shrugging. “Suit yourself,” he said, leaning in and motioning for Kakashi to take the mask down before kissing him. “Let me know if anything changes. I’ll probably be home most of the day. I can stop back tomorrow morning.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Kakashi said, waving him toward the door. “I’ll survive.” The mask curved up in a small smile and Iruka felt a seed of doubt sprout in his heart. “I’ve got it.” 

One quick hug, and Iruka was on his way home to pack and field questions about what took him so long. He eventually told Anko to go train for a while, to get off his back for a few hours. She left in a huff, and he helped himself through a sudden wave of heat triggered when he sank into a pillow that smelled exactly like Kakashi. 

Anko apologized when she came back, telling him she was just generally excited about the fact he was giving the Copy-nin a chance. When they woke up the next morning, she sat on his bed with a small box in her hands. “Happy birthday,” she said, handing it to him with a grin. “Now, before you open that, I need to tell you something.”

“Okay,” he said slowly, shaking it a little.

“It’s something that’s the exact opposite of what you want.”

“Uhhh…”

She put both hands together, tapping her fingers on her lips. “Open it now and I’ll tell you.” When he pulled out the toy, he scowled. Before he could growl at her, she held up a finger. “I know you said no knots, you don’t even want him near you. But on the off chance you do, this is so I know you can safely prepare yourself for him, okay? Even if you never use it, it’ll make me feel better knowing you have it.”

“Thanks,” he said. The knot on the toy was a little smaller than Kakashi’s, but he wasn’t going to say it because he wasn’t going to take either of them. “I appreciate it.”

“I’m pretty sure you don’t, but thanks anyway,” she said, pulling him into a hug. “It means a lot to me to know you’re safe.”

He hugged her tighter, dropping the toy onto the bed behind them as they rocked in a circle. “I appreciate you,” he mumbled. “You’re not going to just disappear when I move into his place, are you?”

“Oh, I plan on holding you to a weekly ramen date,” Anko said. “And you have to have me over every so often, especially since I’m on mission rotation for the near future. So I’ll see you at the desk too, I’m sure.”

“I’m not telling Kakashi to change the locks for you,” Iruka joked. “No barging in.”

“Please, I don’t want to witness you two fucking on the table or something,” she said, shoving him away. “We can figure out schedules and stuff later once we both get settled, but I definitely won’t be a stranger.”

They spent the rest of the day packing the non-essentials before Izumo and Kotetsu knocked on the door, bearing a bottle of sake and some boxes they’d saved from their move. “Thanks guys,” Iruka said as he ushered them in. “Give me about ten minutes and I’ll be ready to leave.”

“Whenever you’re ready,” Kotetsu said, settling onto the couch. “Hear you’re shacking up with Hatake, Iruka, is it true?”

“Kotetsu,” Izumo hissed, and Iruka heard a thump he assumed meant elbow in side. “You don’t have to answer him,” he called. “Though I’m not going to lie, I’m also curious.”

Iruka held several bobby pins in his mouth as he quickly braided his hair the way Anko had for Kakashi’s birthday so many months ago, but answered as he walked out the door. “All true,” he said. “Notice was for the first, so I’ve got a few days, but yeah, Umino Iruka is no longer a free man.”

“Has he quit being a jackass?” Izumo asked.

“Yeah, surprisingly,” Iruka said. He settled on Izumo’s other side to wait for Anko. “He’s not so bad once you scrape past all the mud.”

Kotetsu nodded. “I’ve been on one or two missions with him,” he said. “He’s cool when he’s not around his beta.”

“Hasn’t been for a month now,” Iruka said. “She was reassigned in the middle of him taking all those back-to-back missions, and it wasn’t a second too soon, I think. She hurt him.”

“Can’t all be winners,” Izumo said.

Iruka shook his head. “Doesn’t mean you should hurt someone for your benefit.”

“Are you gossiping?” Anko said, coming out of Iruka’s room. “Or is Iruka telling you about how his new paramour is prettier than I am?”

“Aww, no one’s prettier than you,” Kotetsu said, grinning over at her.

“Liar.”

“You wound me, Anko.” Kotetsu laughed before Izumo shot him a look. “Hey, we all know I think you’re the most beautiful, okay?”

“Better,” Izumo grumbled, leaning in for a kiss. 

“Finally ready, Anko?” Iruka asked, craning his head back to see her nodding. “Cool. Let’s head out. I told Mizuki seven, so hopefully he’s there.”

“No big loss if he isn’t,” Kotetsu said, whistling innocently as Iruka locked up and shooed them down the stairs. “Kid’s sort of fucked up.”

“He needs someone keeping him on the straight and narrow,” Iruka said. “Might as well practice for some of the kids I’m bound to get at school.” They talked about it as they walked and sure enough, Mizuki was waiting for them at the door. 

“Took long enough,” he said, sulking in the shadows. 

“Told you you were welcome at my place beforehand,” Iruka said. “You missed everyone giving me hell about Kakashi.”

“Heh. The other silver-haired fuck of Konoha, huh,” Mizuki said. “I’ve heard a lot about him.”

“Keep Sera out of it,” Iruka warned. “I’m not getting into this. We’re having dinner for my birthday, and that’s as far as I want tonight to go. Okay?”

“Fine,” Mizuki said with a sick smile. “Just figured you might want to know about some of the stuff he’s done.”

“He said back off,” Kotetsu said, stepping forward and looking down on Mizuki. “Listen.”

“Meant no offense,” Mizuki said, putting both hands up.

“Whatever. Just--” Iruka pinched the bridge of his nose-- “let’s keep it civil tonight. We’re out for a good time.”

For a while, Mizuki complied. They ate, drank, and talked until near nine, when Izumo and Kotetsu announced it was time to go. “You’ll get it eventually,” Izumo said with a wink to the table. Kotetsu flushed and led him away, waving goodbye as they paid and walked out the door. 

“Get it with a killer,” Mizuki muttered.

“Stop,” Anko said. “Not tonight.”

“No, you know what? Tell me, Mizuki,” Iruka said. “Tell me about all the stuff he’s done.”

“Killed that girl, for starters,” Mizuki said, ticking off on his fingers. “Wasn’t ever there for Sera when she needed him. Too blind to notice she wanted to mate with him earlier in their relationship. Probably killed his fucking dad, too. Sitting above a bloody body? Everyone should’ve known he was worthless.”

“Outside, now,” Iruka said. He fought against the shaking attempting to rattle his fingers from his body, shrugging off Anko’s hand as he stalked behind Mizuki out the door and into the street. “I don’t know if you think you’re some sort of Kakashi expert just because you got his beta, but use your fucking reasoning skills, Mizuki. Do you always blindly follow what people say? Accept it all as truth?”

“I do from her,” Mizuki said. “You don’t get that fucked up over someone and not tell the truth. He’s a worthless, fatherless, dog not fit to fath--” He didn’t get to finish before Iruka’s fist connected with his jaw, sending him reeling backwards. “What the fuck?”

“Going to finish that sentence?” Iruka said, shaking his knuckles as he glared. “Try me.”

“Not fit to father a goddamn thing,” Mizuki spat.

Iruka glanced over to see Anko leaning against the building, grinding a fist into her palm and nodding toward Mizuki. Instead of going for him like he wanted, he shut his eyes, set his jaw, and pointed down the street. “Get out of my sight,” he said. “Another word about Kakashi and I’ll hit you ag--” This time it was he who didn’t get to finish, pain bursting across his face to the sound of his nose cracking under Mizuki’s hand. 

“Hey,” Anko shouted, stepping toward them.

“I’m going,” Mizuki sneered. “Just remember, he started it.”

Iruka let him go and stopped Anko from going after him, accepting her sweater to staunch the bleeding. “Fuck,” he said, tenderly feeling around. “I don’t think it’s broken. Ugh.” He spat on the ground, red staining the dirt. “Why did I think closing my eyes to breathe was a great idea?”

“I don’t think you really expected him to come at you,” Anko said, leading him to lean against the wall. “Take a minute to breathe and we’ll go home. I paid and everything before I came out.”

“I ruined your thing,” he said sourly. “Sorry.”

“Not your fault, hon,” she said. “Come on. We’ll get you cleaned up and healed, okay?”

“Are you going to be pissed if I go to Kakashi’s?” Iruka asked.

“Of course not,” Anko said. “You want to go now, or do you want some clean clothes?”

“I want him now,” Iruka said, leaning into her side. “I know he didn’t hear it, but shit. So many lies. Why would she do that?”

“Gone off the rails,” Anko said. She patted his shoulder before pushing him toward Kakashi’s part of town. “Want me to keep the door unlocked?”

“No, I’ll stay there,” he said. “I think there’s more heat coming on. I’ll be okay. But thank you.” He hugged her with one arm before walking away, carefully avoiding pedestrians with his bloody hands. Smoke was rising from Kakashi’s yard when he knocked on the door, yelling once for him in case he couldn’t hear. Steps came toward the door and when Kakashi opened it, Iruka immediately sank into his embrace. 

“Iruka, blood--” Kakashi held him back a few inches as he dripped on the floor, curling his nose at the sight. “What the hell happened? Get in the bathroom, here.” He sat Iruka down on the toilet and took Anko’s sweater, replacing it with an old washcloth. “Who did this?”

“Mizuki was talking shit,” Iruka said. “About you.”

“So he punched you, or did you just run into a wall?” Kakashi examined him before gathering chakra in his hand for a healing jutsu, putting an end to the blood flow. “You’re still going to hurt and have a nice shiner, but--” he tilted Iruka’s head back and forth-- “you’re not going to die.”

“Wasn’t planning on it,” Iruka said. He slid off the seat to kneel with Kakashi, wrapping both arms around his shoulders and kissing his masked neck. “I started it.”

“Did you, now? Grab a shirt and come out to the yard,” Kakashi said, hauling him up. “I can’t leave the fire unattended for too long.”

Iruka nodded and pushed him out the door, carefully taking off his clothes in favor of slipping into pajama pants and a cutoff tshirt. He dabbed the leftover blood away, cleaning himself as best he could before going out the side door and around back to sit next to Kakashi on the ground. “It’s a good thing you’re burning her shit,” he said. 

“Why?”

“She’s getting to him.” Iruka slid closer and pulled Kakashi’s arm over his shoulder, settling into his side. “I’m going to be a mess in about an hour, by the way.”

“Final wave?”

“Mhmm.”

“I can smell it on you,” Kakashi said, leaning down on him as he took a book and tossed it on the pyre. “Do you have your things with you?”

“No,” Iruka said. “I don’t want to use them tonight.”

“Fingers?”

“No.” Kakashi looked at him in confusion. “I want you to fuck me but, ah--” Iruka pointed to his lap-- “thighs. I want you to use my thighs instead. I’m not comfortable with you being inside of me.”

“You’re sure?” Kakashi asked.

“Anko says it can be fun,” Iruka said. “I’ve never tried it, but she says some people like it. I figured we could try.”

“Can I make a suggestion?” Iruka nodded and held his hand out for a book, throwing it into the flames. “It’s your birthday.”

“Yes,” Iruka said.

“Not, ah, trying to brag or bring up Sera, but I am  _ really  _ good at oral,” Kakashi said. “I was thinking birthday present, since I didn’t really get you anything or expect you to be here.” This time they both threw stuff at the same time. “You don’t need to say yes if you don't want to.”

“I want it,” Iruka said softly. “If you don’t mind.”

“I actually enjoy it,” Kakashi said. He freed his lips and kissed Iruka’s temple, humming quietly. “Did you at least get the last punch in?”

“No.” Iruka’s face burned as he turned to face him. “I threw the first, does that count?”

“If you’re going to fight, you should finish it.” Kakashi laughed quietly and pulled him closer. “The more you know, huh? Iruka’s a brawler.”

“I’m really not,” Iruka said. “I was defending you.”

“You don’t need to.”

“I do though,” Iruka insisted. “You might not want to, but I do. You’re not that person everyone wants to make you out as.”

“Everyone?”

“Some people,” Iruka amended. “But some can turn into more and I don’t want you to have to live with that. The omega at the council meeting was rude as hell. Mizuki’s rude as hell.  _ I  _ was rude as hell. I was the worst. I’m sor--”

“It’s okay, Iruka,” Kakashi said. “I’m used to it.”

“You shouldn’t be,” Iruka said. He watched Kakashi add a few more books to the blaze and sighed as the sparks flew into the sky. “They should know, Kakashi. Why don’t you try changing their minds?”

“Been there, done that,” Kakashi said. “A mate-killer is not worth listening to.”

“Did you?”

“She stepped in front of my hand,” Kakashi said after a pregnant pause. “It was a sacrifice she was willing to make but I wasn’t. I didn’t want to kill her. It really fucked me up.” When Iruka looked up, Kakashi’s eyes were wet. “I don’t want to talk about it right now.” 

“You don’t have to,” Iruka said. He slid an arm down to rub at the small of Kakashi’s back as more books burned. “I won’t mention it again.”

“Are you really serious about sex?” Kakashi asked abruptly.

Iruka started. “Why would I joke about that?”

“I don’t know, I just...after yesterday that’s all I’ve wanted and things don’t really work out for me like that,” Kakashi muttered. “I wanted to be sure.”

In answer, Iruka pulled one of his hands down to his lap, curling his fingers around his half-interested cock. “That’s for you when you’re ready,” he said. “Say the word and I’ll grab water so we can go inside.”

“Just a little longer,” Kakashi said. “I need this. We can finish the pile later but let’s sit for a bit. When it’s died down? I’m going to blow your mind.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via Tumblr, Twitter, or join a pretty sweet Discord for all the updates in one place <3


	22. Burn

The look on Iruka’s face when Kakashi said he would blow his mind was one Kakashi would remember for a long time. His spine stiffened, eyes widened, mouth set against a grin as he  _ froze  _ before melting into Kakashi’s side. “I’d like that,” he whispered. “I’ve never, uh--” he licked his lips and swallowed before turning his face into Kakashi’s shoulder-- “I’ve never.”

“We don’t have to,” Kakashi said.

Iruka hissed as his nose bumped against Kakashi’s arm, tipping backwards as his hands flew up. “We should,” he said. “New can be good. Trying things. Good.”

Kakashi took the hands away and held them in his lap, legs tangling with Iruka’s. “How do you feel about my tongue or fingers inside of you?”

“Ask me when it happens?” Even in the firelight, Kakashi could see the way his face was lit up scarlet. “I’m not opposed but I don’t know how I’ll feel when…”

“When you’re so lost you can barely remember your name,” Kakashi purred. He settled behind Iruka’s back with his legs spread around his waist and arms around his shoulders. “Okay?” Iruka squeaked out a yes and Kakashi pressed his lips to the soft skin of his neck before hugging him tight. “If you’re comfortable with that.”

Iruka nodded quickly. “Happy birthday to me,” he said with a small laugh. “Can I have something else, too?”

“Mm, whatever you want.” Kakashi kissed his neck again before hesitantly sliding a hand down his chest and sighing when Iruka covered the hand with his to direct him. “Tell me.”

“I want to do it in the master. I want my room to smell like you and me,” Iruka said, tilting his head back to whisper against Kakashi’s cheek. “I want that for my birthday. Can I have it?”

Kakashi closed his eyes and stilled. “I said anything,” he murmured. “We can do it in there if you want.”

“If it’ll make you uncom--”

“I think it’s a good idea.” He resumed tracing the lines of Iruka’s chest with his fingers, occasionally brushing over his nipples just hard enough to tease. “I want you to come on me like you did yesterday. Mark me.” Iruka gasped and arched against him when he bit softly on his shoulder. “Okay?”

“Again.”

His skin tasted like heaven, and Kakashi ran his tongue over it a few times where it was trapped between his teeth. “Can I leave a mark?” Iruka nodded and he clamped his lips over the area, sucking softly as the fire snapped next to them. “So good,” he said softly, brushing over the bruise once more before moving to press his nose into the back of Iruka’s neck just below his hairline. 

Iruka breathed his name as he inhaled deeply. To think he’d once considered Sera’s scent intoxicating--it was nothing compared to the euphoria that washed over him when he scraped his teeth over the area. Sera was the ration bars he ate during missions, and Iruka was the goodness of his first meal back. Perfect.

Made for him.

“You should get the water,” Iruka said, throat working under Kakashi’s lips as he swallowed. “I  _ really  _ don’t want to wait until that pile burns down.”

“Up, then,” Kakashi said. He retracted his hands and stood, offering one to Iruka. “I’ll be in in a minute if you want to get ready.” Iruka let go of the hand slowly, trailing his fingers over Kakashi’s before disappearing into the house. Kakashi pressed a hand to his stomach and tried to will away the butterflies threatening to burst from his throat. “Fuck, it’s not a big deal,” he said, shaking his head. “Just sex.”

Just sex.

With Iruka.

The person who he didn’t want in the beginning, and sure as hell didn’t deserve now.

He doused the fire with the hose. The rest of the books and assorted knickknacks could wait outside until tomorrow morning. If someone wanted to come in the yard and take them, more power to them. Rummaging through a killer’s yard. Kakashi snorted. Anyone brave enough to do that deserved the bitch’s things.

As the last embers faded, he kicked some dirt over for good measure before walking inside to the scent of Iruka deep in a wave of heat. He leaned against the wall for a second to center himself before shoving off and walking down the hallway to the open door.

Get ready, he’d said, and Iruka had. Kakashi stopped short at the frame to the sight of his legs spread, chest pressed to the bed as he circled a finger around his rim. He was completely naked with slick already glistening on his thighs when he noticed Kakashi staring. “Come and stand by the foot of the bed,” Iruka ordered. “I want you to watch me for a minute. This is what I like.” 

“Can I take my clothes off at least?” Kakashi asked, mouth bone dry as Iruka shook his head. “Please, Iruka.”

“I want to,” Iruka said. He slid one finger inside himself and Kakashi’s knees went weak at the expression on his face. “I want you to please me properly too, so watch.” The second finger went in just as easily, stroking just inside of himself. “This is where I want your tongue,” he whispered. “It’ll feel so good.”

“Trust me, I want my tongue there too,” Kakashi said, shifting uncomfortably as his cock strained against his zipper. “Maybe sooner rather than later.”

Iruka simply shut his eyes and moaned as he teased himself with the tip of a third finger. “Fuck,” he said, lids fluttering. “Just a little bit more. During heat I can take three.” He tucked it under the other two and pushed deeper, brow knitting as he rolled his hips back. “I want it so bad, Kakashi.”

“We could stop and go home to get your toys,” Kakashi said. “I don’t think you want to change your mind.”

“I’m not,” Iruka said. “Want doesn’t me--ean--” his breath caught in his chest as he pulled the fingers out and pressed back in slowly-- “mean need. You know the rules.”

“I want you too,” Kakashi said, keeping his hands balled at his sides while Iruka fingered himself. “More than anything.”

Iruka stopped and looked back at him. “Do I need to stop?”

“Let me instead, Iruka,” Kakashi said. He could hear the need in his voice, the hopeful and broken please implied. “Can I at least touch?”

“Kneel behind me and put your hands on my hips,” Iruka said. “You can touch anywhere from my thighs to my waist but do not put your fingers in me, please.”

The bed dipped below Kakashi’s legs as he settled behind him, fingers whispering over the wet skin before skimming over Iruka’s curves. “I bet you taste so good,” he said. “God, I’ve dreamed about it ever since I smelled you that day, I--” he groaned softly as Iruka began to fuck himself again-- “I’ve wanted you for so long. Wanted to touch you, kiss you, be with you. I was so fucking stupid, Iruka, blind. You’re…”

“Keep going,” Iruka said, visible side of his lips curling up in a grin. “Might get your prize quicker.”

“You’re already here, aren’t you?”

“Oh, you--” Iruka grabbed Kakashi’s wrist with his clean hand and pushed him slightly away as he moved to kneel along with him. “Smooth,” he murmured against Kakashi’s lips. “Very smooth, Hatake, but I don’t know if you’re really appreciating me yet. Think you should show me how much you want me.”

Kakashi went for his neck and shoulder again, avoiding his nose in favor of sucking a matching mark on his other shoulder. “Say the word and I’m on it,” he said. “Though I  _ had  _ hoped getting me naked was part of the plan.”

Iruka smirked before sliding his hands along the hem of Kakashi’s shirt and tugging it up. Kakashi raised his arms to help him before taking his mask off for himself. If Iruka could bare everything, so could he. He would be good, because that was what Iruka needed. He’d be naked right along with his partner.

It was still terrifying.

Kakashi shut his eye as Iruka’s lips brushed across his throat, nipping once near his collarbone. “You’re like a statue,” Iruka marveled. “A beautiful, haunting piece of marble cut to perfection.”

“I’m scarred and bruised,” Kakashi said. “Nowhere close to perfect.” He draped an arm over Iruka’s shoulders as the chunin moved lower, tracing the old scars and new--ones he’d gotten in training as a child to one he’d gotten last year in Iwa. “I have so many.”

“I love them,” Iruka mumbled against his skin. His lips closed over a nipple as his tongue swiped over it once, then again. Kakashi tried not to tighten the arm, crush Iruka to his chest, and Iruka fumbled for his other hand as he worked. “How do you want me?”

Both eyes burst open. “How--”

“Hands and knees? Kneeling above you? Something different?”

Kakashi shuddered at the thought, the relinquishing a bit of control. “I’d prefer hands and knees to start. You could just lay down, but it’d be harder for me to reach your beautiful cock.” 

“And if I said I didn’t want you to touch it?” Iruka asked.

“Hands to myself,” Kakashi said. “Though I’d probably have to kneel on them.”

“Save your knees and touch me,” Iruka said softly. “Give me all you have to offer. I want you to make me a happy man tonight, Kakashi.” He pressed a soft kiss to Kakashi’s lips before settling back on his heels. “Take your pants off. I want to see you.” He ran his tongue over his lips as Kakashi did, letting out a soft whine when he saw how hard he was. “Can’t wait to get that between my legs.”

“You’re going to kill me before we sign the damn papers,” Kakashi whispered when Iruka knelt down and presented. He wiggled his hips with a small huff and Kakashi swore he died, watching a bead of slick roll down Iruka’s inner thigh to wet the covers. “You’re sure I can touch you?”

“I’ll tell you when to stop,” Iruka said. “Now put your lips on me.”

Kakashi smoothed his hands over the top of Iruka’s ass, stretching the taut skin and bending low to kiss the very bottom of his spine before settling onto his elbows and running a finger up Iruka’s thigh. He lifted it to his lips, moving his head to look Iruka in the eye as he ran his tongue along the length. Iruka’s mouth dropped open when Kakashi wrapped his lips around the tip and  _ sucked,  _ eyes closing as he moaned around the digit. “Perfection,” he said when he dragged it away. “Exactly like I dreamed.”

“Going to do that to my cock?” Iruka’s thighs quivered as Kakashi trailed his fingers over them once more, barely touching him. “Please, Kakashi. Please say yes.”

“Eventually,” Kakashi murmured before licking up the curve of his cheek and nipping at the top. “I want to taste you first, get you nice and wet.”

“Not wet enough for you already?” Iruka panted, grinding his hips back.

“I want you soaked,” Kakashi said. “Enough to drown me.” Iruka snorted and Kakashi bit him a little harder, earning a squeak. “You think I’m joking.”

“No, I’m hoping you make good on your promise.”

Kakashi bent down again to lick up Iruka’s inner thigh, savoring the taste of his future husband. So long this had been in the making, and he didn’t want to miss a fucking thing. He wanted to hear every single one of Iruka’s noises, capture every drop of sweat that graced his skin, lose every goddamned shred of doubt that had plagued him over the last year. 

Iruka sighed and shivered, and Kakashi revelled in it.

As he made his way up the sensitive skin to press his tongue flat against Iruka’s hole, the chunin fisted his hands in the sheets and jerked his hips forward. “Good?” Kakashi asked.

“Keep going,” Iruka gasped. “Just...different.”

“Fingers?”

“Please.”

Kakashi brought his thumb to rest against Iruka’s rim, pressing in slightly as he licked around the edge. Iruka whined, face contorting in pleasure when the tip of Kakashi’s tongue slipped inside. Kakashi brought both hands up to spread him, letting saliva drip down before delving back in, slowly fucking him open as Iruka began to beg. 

“More, Kakashi, harder, please, use your fingers, I need you,” spilled from his lips into the pillow, and Kakashi just smiled and dug deeper. He gave Iruka some of what he wanted, sliding his middle finger in along with his tongue and massaging the quickly relaxing muscle.  _ “Kakashi…” _

__ “Another?”

“Yes,” Iruka said, reaching down to touch himself. “Fuck, am I wet enough yet? I want--I want it. I want you. Fuck me. My legs. Fuck my legs, I can’t, don’t want to wait, Kakashi, just do it.”

“Flip over, put your feet in the air.” Kakashi might not be drowning, but hearing Iruka beg was enough. He pressed Iruka’s legs together and held them over his shoulder, positioning himself with the other hand. Iruka’s thighs were absolutely soaked, sliding together easily as the chunin wiggled impatiently once more. “You’re still sure?”

_ “Fuck me,”  _ Iruka growled, and Kakashi did. His cock peeked between Iruka’s legs with each thrust, the skin of their legs meeting with a wet smack with every breath. Kakashi’s fingers dug into Iruka’s shins but it didn’t matter, if Iruka’s broken groans were anything to to by. 

When Iruka reached a hand down to touch himself Kakashi pushed it away, replacing it with his own as they continued to move together. He could feel sweat beginning to run down his back and saw it on Iruka’s face, and he’d never seen a more gorgeous sight. Iruka’s eyes were screwed shut, scar wrinkled as his skin knit together under Kakashi’s gaze. “Beautiful,” Kakashi huffed. “You’re so fucking beautiful, god, fuck--”

“Give it to me, Kakashi,” Iruka said. “Little harder, come on, faster, come for me.” 

Kakashi groaned as his knot began to form, dragging on Iruka’s legs with each pull of his hips. “Yeah,” he said. “You too, come--come on--” His hips started to stutter as Iruka clamped tighter, shooting him a devious grin before he came across his fingers without warning. Iruka held them out and Kakashi bent forward, pressing Iruka’s knees closer to his chest as he took them in his mouth and sucked them clean before spilling over Iruka’s stomach. 

Iruka’s legs fell open when Kakashi let them go, dropping to his elbows and hovering above Iruka’s chest. “God,” Iruka said, breath ruffling Kakashi’s hair as he panted. “We’re doing that again.”

Kakashi did his best to laugh. “I don’t know about your reboot time, but I need a while.” He kissed Iruka’s lips, avoiding his nose before shifting to the side and rolling onto his back. “You are...amazing.” When he turned his head to look at Iruka, the chunin was already staring at him with a grin splitting his face. “What?”

“You licked my fingers clean.”

Instantly, Kakashi could feel the flush up to the roots of his hair. “No different than you the other day.”

Iruka dragged a finger through the pool on his stomach and brought it to his lips. “Just the other day?” 

Kakashi sucked in a breath as Iruka’s tongue wiped the finger off. “I didn’t mean for you to actually try and give me an aneurysm before we make it official,” he said, taking the hand back and threading their fingers together between them. “I plan on more nights like this. Wouldn’t kill my dreams like that, would you?”

“If those are your dreams then we’ve got something in common.” Iruka sighed happily and brushed the hair out of his face. “I think...the room’s been well broken in.”

“Better have been,” Kakashi said. “I don’t think I have another round in me tonight.” He turned back to stare at the ceiling, the walls fading away to black as his vision adjusted. “You’re sleeping here, I take it?”

“Planned on it.” Iruka took their fingers apart in favor of dragging Kakashi’s arm around his shoulder and tucking himself into the jonin’s side. Kakashi tried not to think about the mess on both his skin and the bedding. “If that’s okay with you. I wanted...to be close. I was right. My bed doesn’t smell like you much anymore.”

“I  _ really  _ hope you’re not expecting me to come sleep there, because I can’t wake up to Anko’s questioning,” Kakashi said. 

“I’ll be here in a bit anyway,” Iruka said, pressing a kiss to Kakashi’s chest. “I’ll survive another week. Besides, we both survived almost a year. What’s a few days?”

“A few days too many.” Kakashi buried his nose in Iruka’s hair and hummed softly. “Let’s never do that again, okay?”

“I won’t,” Iruka whispered. “I promise. I promise.”

Kakashi carded his fingers through Iruka’s snarled hair the best he could, avoiding as many knots as possible as the chunin stretched. “You know what we  _ should  _ do, though?”

“Hmm?”

“Shower.” 

“What, together?” Iruka asked. Kakashi simply shrugged, and Iruka pressed up from his chest and grinned. “Last one in makes breakfast for me in the morning.” He shot out the door and as the water turned on, Kakashi smiled up into the dark. 

_ Home,  _ he thought.  _ Maybe I’ve well and truly found my home. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via Tumblr, Twitter, or join a pretty sweet Discord for all the updates in one place <3


	23. Bones

    Iruka woke to the smell of Sera fading quickly from the pillows and no one next to him. He stretched his legs from underneath the covers, curling his toes with a soft groan before collapsing back to the bed. Sera may be fading, but Kakashi was settling in and Iruka shoved his face into where the jonin had laid with him for a while last night before retreating to his own room.

    There hadn’t been any big reveals or admissions, but after their shower they’d fallen back into the sheets to just _be._ With his cheek pressed to Kakashi’s chest and Kakashi’s fingers trailing softly over his arm, he’d been comfortable. Finally, out of heat and with the man he’d come to admire.

    He refused to think _love,_ because there was still work to be done.

    The soft _clink_ of glass and metal sounded from the kitchen as Kakashi moved around, humming quietly. Iruka sat up in bed and yawned as he tried to wrangle his hair into something other than an absolute mess before padding out into the kitchen in pajamas. Kakashi’s back was to him as he peered around the corner, dicing vegetables and tossing them into a pan. There were a few marks on his shoulder where Iruka had explored after sex, but mostly he worried over the slight ridge of his spine and hollows between his shoulder blades. He’d seen Kakashi in plainclothes before and it was almost painfully obvious how much the last month and a half had worn on him. When he cleared his throat softly, Kakashi turned back with his face hidden behind his shoulder. “Morning,” he said. “Sleep well?”

    “Very.” Iruka walked over and kissed the curve of his shoulder while not-so-subtly angling for a piece of mushroom, grumbling when Kakashi swatted his hands away.

    “Paws off the merchandise,” Kakashi said. “I thought you insisted I’d make you breakfast.”

    “I see food and a starving Iruka,” Iruka said. He managed to snag a piece and popped it into his mouth before angling Kakashi’s lips to his. “He had a long night.”

    “An amazing night, you meant to say.” Kakashi tsked when Iruka took a slice of pepper to eat at the table. “I distinctly remember hearing ‘Kakashi is a god.’”

    “I said you were a statue,” Iruka said. “I believe the word ‘perfect’ was mentioned.”

    “Close enough.” Kakashi slid the remaining vegetables into the pan and cracked a few eggs, whisking them before pouring them in as well. “I will take the compliments regardless.”

    Iruka smiled as he watched Kakashi move. Every step and slide of his hands was precise, calculated--the moves of a jonin, no two ways about it. Even after a month of hell and a week of rut on top he was grace incarnate, and Iruka wanted to watch forever. “Mmm,” he hummed. “How about beautiful, did I say that?”

    “I think you were too busy begging,” Kakashi teased, and Iruka ducked behind his hands. “Oh, come out. Eating’s hard when your face is hidden.” He took down plates and stirred the food once before portioning it and sending a portion Iruka’s way. “You can tell me to fuck you now, thank you very much, but you don’t like it when I tell you you begged?”

    “Usually people aren’t that...abrupt,” Iruka said, face still radiating heat as he removed his hands and picked up a bite.

    “You lived with Anko.”

    “Yes?”

    “Nothing.” Kakashi leaned back with his hands behind his head and smirked. “Just thought you’d be used to things like that by now.”

    “There was one time I told her she’d never be bigger than me and she came back with a strap on,” Iruka said. His lips twitched up at the memory. “She was definitely bigger than me that night.”

    “Maybe it’s a Kakashi thing,” Kakashi mused, and Iruka felt the blush deepen.

    “You seemed to like it.” He slid his foot to rest over Kakashi’s and smiled as Kakashi pushed back. “It turned you on.”

    “You in general turn me on,” Kakashi admitted.

    “Do I, now?”

    “Mhmm.” Kakashi looked to his plate and when he looked up, his eye widened at Iruka’s devious smile. “I don’t know how I feel about that look.”

    “Am I currently turning you on?” Iruka wiggled his eyebrows and they both burst out laughing at the same time, food falling back to their plates. “Oh god, please don’t say yes,” he said. “My hair’s a mess and so is everything else.”

    “I think it’s cute,” Kakashi said, grin banishing any coherent thought Iruka had. “I look forward to seeing more of your morning hair.”

    Iruka rested his head on his fist and wrinkled his nose. “I managed to forget my brush again.”

    “Bottom drawer of the vanity,” Kakashi said. “Let me feel it first?”

    “Finish breakfast and you can run your fingers through it while I give you head,” Iruka offered, and it looked like Kakashi had left this plane of existence, he was so happy. “Bet I can make you feel just as good as you made me feel.”

    “I should, ah--” Kakashi screwed his eyes shut and swallowed hard-- “I should get out for a short mission.” Iruka made certain he was watching again before tracing his lips with his tongue, tucking his bottom lip between his teeth and letting it go to the sound of Kakashi’s whine. “Just...a day or two...I could be persuaded to be late, I suppose.”

    “I think you’ve made up your mind,” Iruka murmured. “And _bullshit_ you ‘can be persuaded.’ You don’t need coercing to be late.” Kakashi’s eye held steady and Iruka grinned. “Tell me.”

    “I will _gladly_ be late for those lips,” Kakashi said.

    “Anything to ask me, Kakashi?”

    “I would really love to get your mouth around my cock,” Kakashi said. He leaned forward until he was nearly on top of his plate as Iruka slid the tip of a finger into his mouth. “May I?”

    “Finish breakfast first.” Iruka chuckled at Kakashi’s huff and hurried eating, nearly finished. “You planning on going far?”

    “Just around here,” Kakashi grumbled. “I’ve still got stuff to clean and we’ve only got three days before we’re both on leave.”

    “Shitty timing,” Iruka said. “Two weeks off for ‘honeymoon’ time just after heat.” He looked at the window as he chewed, listening happily to Kakashi’s whine when he finished before him. “Two weeks to get settled, though, I guess.”

    “Haven’t made yourself at home yet?” Kakashi asked.

    “Not quite.” Iruka took his plate to the sink before pressing his lips to the back of Kakashi’s neck. “I’ll be in your room.” Kakashi growled softly as he pulled away to brush his teeth before laying down with a pillow over his face to hide from the sun. When the door opened he held it up and grinned at Kakashi, obviously nervous in his tented pajamas. “You look ready,” he said.

    “You can’t surprise me with that and not expect some sort of reaction,” Kakashi said as he slid up along Iruka’s side. “It’s not ever I get offered head so damn straight I’m going to take what I can get.”

    Iruka turned to nuzzle into his throat, pressing kisses over the tendons as he reached down to cup him. “I never offer,” he murmured. “So you should feel special.”

    “Mm, I’m honored,” Kakashi said, seeking out his lips. His hands slid up Iruka’s back to thread into his hair and he sighed softly into the kiss when Iruka pressed closer. “Maybe you could hurry, though.”

    “No.” Iruka tugged at the bottom of Kakashi’s shirt and helped it over Kakashi’s head, staring at the patchwork of scars over his chest. “Maybe...I want to take my time.” Kakashi sighed softly as Iruka slid his hands under the waist of his pants to tug them down and discard them on the end of the bed. “After all, we only get so many firsts. I want to do them properly this time.”

    “This time?”

    “You’ve got to admit, our first conversations and friendship things were sort of ruined,” Iruka said quietly against his pale skin. He ran his hands up and down his sides, drawing out a shiver when he ran his nails over Kakashi’s ribs. “Time to start making up for lost time.”

    “You’re going to make me lose my mind,” Kakashi said. Iruka pushed his arms above his head when his hands fell onto Iruka’s shoulders. “Mmph, told you, murdering me before we begin.”

    “What a good death that would be, though,” Iruka said. He took Kakashi in one hand and closed his eyes before wrapping his tongue around the shaft and tasting all the way up, closing his lips around the head as he sucked the small bead of precome from the tip. Kakashi’s thighs tensed when he pulled off to breathe against the wet skin, falling slack the moment he took more into his mouth. He hummed softly as he worked his tongue, looking up to see Kakashi gripping the headboard like his life depended on it.

    “Don’t stop,” he said when Iruka let him go. “I’m not touching, look.” He flexed and Iruka simply smiled before pressing a kiss to the soft skin below his belly button. “Your mouth feels so fucking good.”

    “Perfect,” Iruka whispered. He ran the tip of his tongue over the head once before taking more of Kakashi, nearly at his limit three-quarters of the way down as the jonin began to direct him.

    “Do that thing with your tongue again,” Kakashi said. “Wrap it around and suck.” His head fell back when Iruka did so, mouth falling open in a broken moan. “Fuck, fuck,” he said. “Keep doing that. So good. Keep going. Please. Please--”

    Iruka watched him alternate between head on the pillow and raised to look down at him before Kakashi decided on staring, brow knit as Iruka brought him closer to the edge. He did his best to memorize what he could of the silk-wrapped steel in his mouth before he felt Kakashi’s hand in his hair, tugging him off the beginnings of a knot.

    “Don’t force yourself,” Kakashi said, replacing Iruka’s lips with a hand as Iruka moved to put a hand down his own pants.

    “I won’t.” Iruka wrapped his lips around once more before kissing up Kakashi’s stomach, biting down softly on his collarbone as Kakashi awkwardly fumbled with both pairs of hands. “What do you want, Kakashi?”

    “Together,” Kakashi said in frustration. “You--” he nodded quickly as Iruka pulled his hand into his pants-- “yeah, you do me and I do you?”

    “Yes,” Iruka whispered into his neck. “I want you. You’re so good. Perfect for me.”

    Kakashi _whined_ at the words, hips pressing upward until his release splashed between them and working until Iruka’s joined.  “Yes,” he said, burying his face into the junction of Iruka’s shoulder. “Say it again. I’m good. Tell me I’m good. I need, I want--”

    “So good,” Iruka murmured in his ear. “What do you need?”

    “I--” To his surprise, Kakashi stiffened and pushed him off, tucking his knees to his chest when he sat up. “Nothing. Nothing, shouldn’t have said it.”

    Iruka sat behind him and traced his ANBU tattoo until he pulled away, grabbing a blanket to tug over his head. “Okay,” he said, confused. “Do you want a towel or something?”

    “I need a shower.” Kakashi stood abruptly and nearly slammed the door behind himself, leaving Iruka’s heart to crack as the water began to run. He cleaned himself as the anxiety began to race, thoughts flashing quicker than Mizuki’s fist had the night before.

    Was it him? Kakashi? Had he screwed up somehow? Hit an unspoken limit? He couldn’t think of anything it could be and he found himself fighting back tears as he dressed and curled in his blanket on the living room couch. There appeared to be a shadow flashing into the trees when he looked out the window and he got up to reach out with his chakra, finding nothing suspicious. He stood looking out the window until Kakashi spooked him by walking up behind. “Ghosts?”

    Iruka nearly hit him in the stomach with an elbow as he jerked back. “Fuck,” he said. “No. Maybe. Looked like shadows.” When he turned his head, Kakashi was in mission blacks and a mask with his hair dripping onto his shoulders. “I couldn’t get a signature. Imagination, probably.”

    “I’ll check later,” Kakashi said. He pulled away and Iruka came after him as he went to pull on the rest of his uniform. “What?”

    “Do I get an explanation for that?” Iruka asked. “Or is this going to be our MO? Get close and shut ourselves off? Because I’m not going through that shit again. I told you that.”

    “There are things I’m not ready to say and do,” Kakashi said. “I didn’t know that was one of them and I panicked, okay? I just--” he cut off with an irritated groan. “I’m learning. Acceptable?”

    “You could’ve said that,” Iruka mumbled, holding one of his pillows close as he sat on the corner of the bed. “Didn’t need to go cold after sex. Made me very nervous.”

    “The sex had nothing to do with it, I promise,” Kakashi said. He crouched and pulled Iruka’s hands away from the pillow before sliding a gloved hand up Iruka’s arm to cup the back of his neck. “You have limits and I am rediscovering mine. I’m sorry.”

    “‘S okay,” Iruka said, looking away with his lip tucked between his teeth.

    Kakashi sighed before guiding his head back. “Is it? I don’t want to come back and find you gone,” he said softly, eyes pained. “I...you’re right. We shouldn’t go through that again. It’d kill me. I’m not kidding.”

    Iruka put a hand to his cheek and traced masked lips with his thumb, shivering when they parted slightly. “You’re sure it’s okay?”

    “I promised, didn’t I?” Kakashi asked, mouth curving in a sad smile. “You’ll be around when I get back?”

    “Somewhere in the village,” Iruka said. “I’ve missed a week of training and god knows how many desk shifts I need to take over. I imagine I’ll have a long few days.”

    “I can swing by with food if you want,” Kakashi offered. “If I don’t take a day or two mission.”

    “Ramen is always welcome,” Iruka said, standing and guiding Kakashi back to the door. “And you still need to take me on a proper date. Genma’s set you up to be this big romantic.”

    “Genma doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” Kakashi said with a laugh. “I’m just good at figuring out what people want and when.”

    “Take a guess about what I want right now.”

    “Probably ramen, if you brought it up,” Kakashi said, turning to face him. “And a kiss before I leave? To apologize?”

    “I think that’s you speaking,” Iruka said, but pressed up to kiss him anyway. “Give me your key so I can lock up when I leave.”

    “Ahh, shit,” Kakashi said. “I need to change the chakra locks first. Here, I’ll--” they went through the steps and seals before Kakashi pressed the actual key into his hand-- “I’ll fully change them over when I get back, okay?”

    “Deal,” Iruka said. “I probably won’t be over much because I’m still working on packing and cleaning, but I might sneak back to drop some stuff off.”

    “If you can drop it in the master for now,” Kakashi said. “I figure we can sort things off during the two weeks.”

    “Sounds good.” Iruka watched from the door as Kakashi disappeared down the steps and into the street before turning around for a shower and putting on his own clothes. He did a final round of the house before going out the door himself, transporting to his place for a quick conversation until she pushed him out to do his job.

    The day _dragged_ like no one’s business, and he was beginning to get irritable by the time he’d gotten shifts figured out and had the rundown on what he’d missed during class. He stuffed his hands in his pockets as he walked home, smelling a storm on the breeze. To his surprise, Mizuki was leaning against his balcony railing and glaring out over the street. “What do you want?” Iruka asked as he pounded up the stairs.

    “Not to apologize, that’s for fucking sure,” Mizuki said, and Iruka’s fists balled at his sides. “Oh, calm down. You know how we talked about changing shit? Leaving?” When Iruka didn’t react, he scoffed. “I know you’re with _him_ now, but I’ve got an opportunity for you.”

**

    Kakashi ended up with a short C-rank for the day, escorting an older beta to her family’s home in the next town. She thanked him and went on her way once inside the gate, and he took his time on the road back to Konoha.

    He should never have asked Iruka to tell him he was good.

    How could he have been that stupid?

    He didn’t trust him that much yet.

    The sun beat down heavily as he pulled open the zipper on his vest, fanning himself with Icha Icha for a minute before diving in. There wasn’t much of anything to encounter on the road until he reached the gates and Izumo called him over, waving. “Hey,” he said with a grin. “Hear we’ll be seeing a lot of each other soon.”

    “Where’d you hear that?”

    “Just figured,” Izumo said. “If you and Iruka are mated, it comes with the territory. He _really_ likes you, you know.”

    “I hope so,” Kakashi muttered, tucking the book away. “Be shitty to spend life with someone who hates me.”

    “True. Later,” Izumo said, shooing him off as Kotetsu walked up with supper in a bag. “See you around, Kakashi!”

    The walk from the gate to the mission desk was quiet, as was the walk from the desk to home. He walked in to Iruka’s scent rolling over him. It still smelled faintly of heat, cinnamon teasing his nose and causing him to shiver. His clothes went in a pile by the bedroom door as he pulled on civvies before heading out back to begin burning again.

    Kindling and wood joined the pile along with a few more books from the edge of the pile and he lit the paper along with a cigarette, coaxing the flame higher until it was large enough to make him sweat. When he turned to the book pile, a sheet of paper caught his eye. He pulled it out from the cover of a spare Icha Icha book and immediately his blood went cold.

 

    _Glad to see your new bitch is reaping the benefits of my work. Enjoy him while you can._

 

On the bottom of the page there were ten tally marks with an arrow pointing to the top. Kakashi peered over the paper to see a kunai pinning a bag to the house.

    A bag full of fingers beginning to fall apart.

    He nearly stepped back into the fire before spinning around and coughing up bile, barely getting the mask down in time as he clamped a hand on the fence. “What the fuck,” he gasped, wiping his lips on his sleeve. “No, Sera, no, no, why?” Realization set in and his head shot up. _“Iruka.”_ He didn’t bother cleaning before dragging a hose and leaving it running over the fire as he transported to Iruka’s door, immediately stepping in front of Mizuki reaching toward him. “Stay away from him,” he growled, catching the other omega’s chest with a firm hand. “Another step and I toss you over the railing. Fuck off and _stay. Away.”_ Each word was punctuated with a thump of his fist, and he felt Iruka step forward.

    “Kakashi, what--” he began, and Mizuki stood his ground.

    “You don't tell me what to do,” Mizuki said. “You have no control over me and I suspect Iruka doesn’t enjoy you stepping in to control him either, hmm?”

    Kakashi thrust the paper back at Iruka, eye never leaving Mizuki. “It’s a problem when my old beta makes threats,” he said. Iruka exhaled sharply before asking Mizuki exactly what the hell he meant by showing up here. “Leave. Now. I don’t want to see your face again,” Kakashi snarled. “You are not welcome around my partner.”

    “You need to leave,” Iruka confirmed, resting a hand on Kakashi’s back as he stepped beside him. “Please do not speak to me outside of class again. This is enough. This is _insane.”_

    “There’s no please,” Kakashi said. “That is not a request, that is an order. Is that clear?” Iruka’s hand tightened in his shirt as he let the alpha influence reach out, and Mizuki stiffened. _“LEAVE.”_

At the command Mizuki sprinted away, and Iruka turned to him with the paper clenched in his fist. “What is this?”

    “I told him,” Kakashi muttered, nearly shoving Iruka through the door when he opened it. “I told your father something was wrong and god-- _fuck--_ it was right under my nose. How did I not--” He shut the door and spun around to a bowl about to drop from Anko’s shocked hands, Iruka carefully pulling it away.

    “Anyone care to tell me what that was just now?”

    “Fingers,” Kakashi said, breathing hard. Both looked to him in confusion. “She’s cut fingers off omegas like I did a supplier and that’s all I can say, but she’s been doing it. She’s been doing it for months, and I’ve been--I was--” his eye widened as he stumbled back to rest against the wall-- “I’ve been living with her all this time and she held me when I told her I was scared.” He sank shakily to the floor and Iruka moved to crouch next to him. “She told me not to worry about it.”

    Iruka took his hands and squeezed. “You think I’m in danger,” he said, and Kakashi nodded mutely. “Is there anything to do?”

    “I don't know, I didn’t think that far yet,” Kakashi said. “There’s been four dead. I took seven fingers. Three left, there’s three left and she wants you. I can’t--”

    “Calm down,” Iruka said. He pressed their foreheads together and slid his fingers into Kakashi’s hair, massaging softly along the lines of his hitai-ate. “We will figure this out together, Kakashi. You have me to help, okay?”

    “I’m not losing another,” Kakashi said.

    “I know how to defend myself,” Iruka said. “I’m not helpless.”

    “She was taught by me,” Kakashi said. “One of Konoha’s best. That’s not posturing, not bragging--she is _dangerous._ You need to be home.”

    “I am home,” Iruka said, gesturing around.

    “My home. Ours.” Kakashi dragged him into a hug, clutching him tightly as he met Anko’s eye. “I need him with me. I can protect him.”

    “That’s his decision,” she said. “But Ru, I would recommend listening.”

    Iruka pulled back slightly to look him in the eye. “Are you going to keep me in the house, locked tight?” Kakashi swallowed, unsure of what he was fishing for before slowly shaking his head as Iruka looked back to Anko. “Will you be okay?” He turned back to Kakashi. “Is she in danger?”

    “I don’t think so,” Kakashi said. “She’s never been mentioned.”

    “I’ll be fine,” Anko said, holding up her fists. “I’ve got Thunder and Lightning.”

    “I’m not a prisoner in my own house?” Iruka asked, and Kakashi shook his head with a little more confidence this time. “Then you are going to do for me what you did with her, Kakashi. Teach me to fight. We are no longer pawns in her games.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via Tumblr, Twitter, or join a pretty sweet Discord for all the updates in one place <3


	24. Splinters

  _Present_

Sera idly tipped the bottle back, alcohol attempting to bring her blissful numbness as she sat on the roof. Nine fucking years and for what--love? A child? Glory?

“Fucking nothing.”

A sparrow landed on the gutter just below her and shadows greeted it, holding it captive as she crouched in front of it. “You’re too loud,” she muttered as it chirped. “You do not know what it is to scream as your life crumbles.” Its cries grew louder when she tightened the bind, face contorting in a scowl. “You do not know, you do not _care._ All you want is a nest in a tree and to have your stupid hatchlings under you.”

She tightened it once more before releasing it completely, and the bird fell lifeless to the street below. “You don’t know what it is to love and lose. To break.” Her fingers slipped over the glass and the bottle nearly followed the bird. “What would one more piece of shit on the street matter, huh?” She took another swig before standing and weaving along the shingles. “You can replace me. I’m fucking gone.”

Mizuki was just settling on the chair as she hopped in the window. “Sure drink a lot for someone who’s supposed to be battle ready,” he said.

“I don’t give a shit what you think,” she said, draining the rest. “You’re not the one I’m supposed to be serving.”

“Technica--” Mizuki cowered at her glare and averted his eyes. “I’m sorry. I know better.”

“You should.” Sera brushed past him into the kitchen to pitch the bottle in the bin under the sink, chewing on her bottom lip as she leaned against the counter. “Pack a damn bag. I’m going out tonight.”

“It’s almost dark,” Mizuki said. “Stay a while.”

“Shut up.” Sera ran a hand through her hair, doing her best to untangle it with drunken fingers and largely failing. It ended up in a low bun with strands escaping before she grunted in frustration and retreated to the bedroom. The alcohol was eroding her mind, allowing the blackness she’d kept at bay for so long to slither through.

The night she’d been caught.

The night she’d “escaped.”

The night she’d sworn allegiance to a man she’d sworn never to love.

A bag rustled when she began to root through her drawers for the collection she’d amassed over the last several months. She knew. She _knew_ Kakashi had been lying when he said Iruka was nothing to him. How could an interloper like him be nothing when he was so obviously something?

Blind.

Kakashi was fucking blind.

So was she. There was only one person who mattered and it wasn’t the silver-haired fuck who’d been about to make her dreams come true. The dreams she wasn’t supposed to have. The dreams that-- “Doesn’t matter now,” she said, shaking her head. Her face screwed up as she grasped the bag, flesh giving way beneath her fingers. “Disgusting. Fingers, disgusting. Konoha, disgusting. This apartment, disgusting.” She shrugged on a uniform with no care it was dirty, and the room spun a bit as she bent down to pick her weapon pouch off the floor. “Me?” She snorted. “Disgusting.”

Mizuki was curled with a blanket watching TV when she came out. “Adventuring?” he asked.

“You’ll find out soon enough,” she said. “And ice your jaw. I can’t bring an injured _child.”_ Mizuki opened his mouth as if to protest but by the time words formed, she was flitting out the window to land in the alley below. Her throat burned when she felt a bone prod her through the inner lining of her pocket and she took a second to gather herself before plastering a smile on her face and walking into the last lingering touches of sunset.

 

**

_Nine Years Ago_

_Prey_ was the only thought in her head as she sat, transfixed by slanted pupils and a forked tongue. The air was heavy with malignant chakra, nearly choking her as he stepped closer. Anko and Kurenai had been tossed aside-- _useless,_ he spat--and Sera _knew_ she was next.

“They’re not like you, are they?” he said, and Sera whimpered as clammy fingers turned her chin back and forth. “There’s...something about you.”

“I’m a Konoha chunin,” she said. “We are Konoha chunin.”

“You’re different.” In an instant, her back cracked against a tree behind her and she slid down, fumbling for a kunai. “Save it,” he said. “Do you realize why you aren’t tossed in the pile like them?” He pointed and Sera shook her head, cowering against the bark as he began to rasp out a laugh. “I _heard_ you. In the night, speaking with your dear sensei. It’s the best time for secrets, isn’t it?”

Sera spat in his face. “That was between us.”

His tongue flicked out to caress her cheek and she flinched at the contact. “Should’ve set a better perimeter,” he said. “Might not have allowed a spy in.” His eyes roved hungrily over her as he bared his teeth in a grin. “Might not have allowed the snakes in to hear about your desire to be more than a beta bitch. You think an alpha’s going to help you?”

“You won’t,” Sera growled. “You’re nothing but a monster.” Her voice cracked in pain as he nearly crushed her forearms while hauling her up. “You’re going to murder me--us--when you’re done, why bother saying anything different?”

He snickered against the back of her neck as he bound her, shoving her to the ground when she struggled and crushing her face in the mud. “You’re the only person I’ve heard who wants what I want.” She froze. “You will _help.”_

 

_**_

_Present_

Sera watched the flames in the yard. She watched the fire consume the life she’d had, and then watched a new one bloom when Kakashi began touching Iruka. She watched him smooth nervous hands over his hair--he was _never_ nervous with her--before dousing the flames and walking around to go inside. She watched him through the living room window and when he reappeared in the bedroom?

She would’ve thought he’d know by now to shut the blinds.

The fingers rolled in her hands as she steadied her breathing, stared at the way he bore himself to his new come dump. The new one he wasn’t even _fucking,_ for god’s sake, what was his problem? He couldn’t seriously be considering leaving _his--_ she nearly choked at the thought--omega in heat without a knot in his ass.

But he was.

And he did.

And Sera snarled into the darkness as she waited.

By the time morning came and Iruka let his alpha use his throat as a cocksleeve--not _nearly_ as well as she did, she thought with a satisfied smirk--the gold of sunlight had long evaporated the dew gathered during the night, leaving her sweating under the leaves. There was nothing now to stop her from watching as Iruka stood in the living room looking pensively out. Nothing to stop her from giving him something to think about as she bared her teeth and jumped from tree to tree. She saw him start and stare harder as she camouflaged herself once more, and then saw him worry at Kakashi about it. _Fool._ They exchanged keys and did something with the locks--not that it mattered, she didn’t need to get inside--before they left.

She was in the yard in a flash, ripping a blank page from one of the unburnt books and scribbling her note. It went between orange covers before she held the corner of the bag up and stabbed a kunai into the grey siding. There was really no point in staying, she supposed, neighbors might peek over and get suspicious. So she went back to the disgusting apartment on the disgusting street in the middle of the disgusting city she would no longer call home.

Mizuki met her a bruised cheek and a scowl. “Where’d you fuck off to all night?”

“None of your business,” she said, walking past him to thud down on the couch. “Did you get your stuff ready?”

“Still sketches me out, you not telling me where we’re going. And why did I have to stare at Ibiki’s picture all night?”

Sera groaned, shut her eyes, and tipped her head back. “I _told_ you,” she said. “You were supposed to _memorize_ it, moron.” When she opened them slightly, Mizuki was shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot. “You didn’t, did you?”

“My heat’s starting and I couldn’t focus,” Mizuki said in a rush. “I tried. I can--here--” He formed the hand signs for a transformation jutsu and suddenly Ibiki stood in front of her. Well--if Ibiki only had one scar on his face and a much thinner physique.

“You had one job and you couldn’t even manage that,” she sighed. “Yet again I’m stuck cleaning others’ messes. Get him out of my sight.” Mizuki reappeared and she formed her own hand signs, limbs lengthening into Kakashi’s slender form as Mizuki gaped. “This is how you do it,” she said. “He has a few days to go before they put him on leave for their sham of a fucking marriage. So guess who’s going to visit family until the thirtieth?”

“Me?” Mizuki asked.

“And what a good cousin you’ll make,” she said, patting his cheek condescendingly. “Such a good boy.”

Mizuki flushed and shoved her hand away, turning for the kitchen to grab food. “I want to take someone with. At least give the option.”

“Who?”

“Iruka.”

 

**

_Seven Years Ago_

Had anyone told her two years ago she’d be staring down Hatake Kakashi in the Council chambers, accepting her role as his beta, she would’ve called them insane. Certifiable, because there was no way she would’ve deigned to settle for a shambling pile of hormones and daddy issues.

A killer.

She would’ve called anyone but _him_ insane. The one who had told her the steps to take, how to bring Kakashi to his knees. Nearly two years, she’d learned from him. Two years of bending until she broke and was molded into something new. Something great. Something that would help bring about the end of the system Konoha operated in.

Kakashi held out the pen wordlessly, not lifting his eyes from the contract as he shook it a bit and urged her to take it. Nearly begged her. _Perfect,_ she thought as she signed. _No need to isolate like_ he _thought._

Sera settled into Kakashi’s house that night and began to weave her web.

 

_Five Years Ago_

Loving Hatake Kakashi was not part of the plan.

Becoming a part of his life was not part of the plan. She was here for one purpose only and as she curled alone in their bed, Sera panicked. The plan was get in, get him, get out, purge. Destroy. Make a new system, a new Konoha, with Kakashi as its bannerman. A spurned alpha to lead the rest of them in revolt against the other alphas making life a living hell.

She was failing.

Falling.

Two years of whispering, spreading lies and rumors about mate-killer Kakashi--were they so wrong if he really _had_ killed her? Rin wouldn’t have been worth half as much to him as Sera was, though, so maybe it was better that way. Sera could love him so no one else had to. No one else could do it as well as she could.

Sera cried that night like she hadn’t since the day she came back to Konoha to find her parents gone and her home destroyed in a fire. She hugged one of his pillows to her chest and bit into the case to muffle a sob as she felt herself crack. Her life was no longer the relatively easy infiltration mission she’d been let go with.

She’d woven her web and trapped herself in the strands.

 

**

_Present_

Mizuki arrived back from his final appearance in public spouting obscenities at Kakashi and Iruka and everything they stood for. “I always knew he was a worthless little fuck,” he spat. “Needed Kakashi to step in and rescue him. Well, not me. I can make it for myself.” He snatched his bag off the table and fastened his flak vest with a huff before gesturing impatiently toward her unamused stare. “Going to transform and leave with me?”

“Thought you could make it for yourself.”

“Ourselves,” Mizuki muttered. “I still need an escort out of the gates.”

“Bring your aids? I will not tolerate whining on the road,” Sera said. “I do not care if you’re in heat, you are to act like you’re a shinobi. Deal. Push through it.”

“I do, okay?” Mizuki said. “Lay off me.”

“Then what the fuck are we waiting for?” Sera asked. “Get going.” She shoved him toward the door of the apartment they wouldn’t see again before donning the guise of Kakashi, wincing at the feeling of constrictive fabric over her face. “I said _go,”_ she growled, not bothering to lock the door behind them before walking to the gate. She’d spent the day in and out of offices, stealing and forging proper travel documents and mission scrolls in case Izumo or Kotetsu decided to question them today.

To Sera’s non-surprise, they let Kakashi pass straight through but stared Mizuki down, lifting out of their chairs slightly. “Safe travels,” Kotetsu said, narrowing his eyes.

“Come back soon,” Izumo said. “Best luck on your journey.”

True to form, Mizuki had some choice words about the two as they set out on the road. Sera’s fingers absentmindedly traced her scars from the last time she’d seen the _him_ in person--as talented as Konoha med-nin were, they couldn’t save the skin completely. Puncture wounds from unhinged jaws, broken bones, kunai lodged in what seemed like every other available space, she’d been found left for dead somewhere in the woods surrounding Konoha.

She honestly _still_ wasn’t sure where they’d found her.

Three years ago now, she mused as they walked. He was bloodthirsty, forcing her into submission exactly how he had so many years before. Breaking her into a better servant.

“Do I get to know who we’re actually seeing?” Mizuki asked.

“Better if you figure it out as we go,” Sera said, and dropped the transformation jutsu. It wasn’t a long journey to where he’d said to meet but with Mizuki, the five mile walk was endless. He talked. He whined. He bitched. He nearly pushed her over the edge into insanity before an eerie silence fell upon the forest and he quieted.

“Creepy,” he said as she broke off the path to cut into the trees.

“Quiet,” she said. “You do not speak, you do not look him in the eye, and most of all you do not look shocked.”

“What’s so f--”

Sera slapped him. “I said quiet,” she whispered, feeling his chakra draw nearer. They both stilled as the underbrush rattled around them and Sera forced Mizuki to his knees in front of her. He did not need to know. _Animal._

A hiss filled the small grove as a black cobra reared, hooded, in front of Mizuki’s face. Immediately his hands went up and the snake took its chance to strike. Sera looked up and to the side as Mizuki swatted at it again, earning himself another bite. After the third he slumped back against Sera’s legs, whimpering as the snake began to transform.

“My lord,” Sera said, bowing her head as Orochimaru stood in front of her.

“I see you brought a worm for me,” he said. “How quaint.”

“He’s not worth shit. He won’t be missed, and neither will I at this point,” Sera said. Orochimaru’s fingers tilted her chin up and he searched her face with slitted eyes. “I have done what I could.”

“How do I know this isn’t a repeat of three years ago?” Orochimaru asked.

“I can prove it,” Sera said as his fingers disappeared. “I brought him like you asked.” She swallowed hard as she drew a kunai from her weapon pouch. It was honed to a razor’s edge, perfect for what was being requested of her. “It will be done.”

Mizuki looked up with horror in his eyes and began to beg when he saw the kunai. “No, Sera, no, I know I can be better. Don’t.”

“I told you to remain silent,” she said. Orochimaru’s lips split into a grin as she stared unwaveringly at him, winding a hand into Mizuki’s hair for a solid grip. He struggled below her and the kunai flashed forward to slice across his back. When he screamed and slumped back again, Sera shut her eyes. “I’m ready, sir.”

“At your leisure,” Orochimaru said. He held out a hand and idly examined his nails as Mizuki wept. “As long as you want to draw it out.”

Mizuki didn’t last ten seconds. Sera ripped the blade across his throat, uncaring that these wounds would not match the ones she’d been ordered to give the other omegas she’d killed. She began to work before the blood stopped bubbling from his throat, carefully cutting the lines on his face and every finger off of his hand. “Guess I don’t have to save them this time,” she muttered. “No one to gift them to.”

“Come here.” Orochimaru moved directly behind her and grabbed her wrist, pulling her away from the body and to face him. His eyes pierced to her soul, freezing her in place as he pulled her bloodstained palm to his lips. She shuddered as his tongue flicked out once to taste, then again for a long slide to the tip of her finger. Orochimaru smeared the crimson over his lips and held her gaze as he did it again, tongue morphing to a snake’s and curling around her fingers to get every drop. “My lovely little beta,” he purred, and she shook her head.

“I am no one’s beta,” she said. “No one’s.”

“Right,” Orochimaru said, returning his attentions to the last of the blood. “Nara Sera, no one’s beta and barely pulling her weight for me. Where does that leave our...arrangement, I wonder?”

“Intact,” Sera said, shutting her eyes as his tongue flicked between her fingers. Her voice shook a bit and she took a deep breath to steady herself. “I’ll follow you and your intentions, sir.”

“Even if it means killing the man you love?” Orochimaru asked.

Sera’s eyes began to water. “Now? After all this? Yes. Even if it means killing Kakashi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via Tumblr, Twitter, or join a pretty sweet Discord for all the updates in one place <3


	25. Revelation

“You need to go to your dad about this.” Anko grabbed Kakashi’s hand from Iruka’s back and pulled both men up, placing a hand on their shoulders. “Enough is enough. She’s a psychopath and needs to be stopped. Four omegas’ fingers and you didn’t go there first? Leave. Both of you.” She shoved both toward the door again, determination rising in her eyes. “Go!”

Kakashi didn’t hesitate before grabbing Iruka’s hand and pulling him down the steps into the street. “My house, get the bag, then the tower,” he muttered. “Anko’s right. This is enough.”

“You didn’t think to tell me you were a target?” Iruka asked, tugging his hand away before stopping. Kakashi turned, stunned, as Iruka shook his head. “Or that _I_ might be in danger?”  
“The village knows about the omega threat,” Kakashi said. He started toward his house again, taking a few long strides before realizing Iruka wasn’t coming. “Let’s _go,_ Iruka. No more wasting time on this. It’s _confirmed,_ Sera’s behind this entire thing. That’s part of my mission. There is _evidence.”_

Iruka stepped out when he saw the frustration in Kakashi’s gaze. “It’s sudden,” he said, lacing their fingers again and allowing himself to be dragged. “You, and heat, and then this…”

“Death would be more sudden.” They arrived at the house quicker than they should have as mid-walk, Kakashi broke their grip to transport them. He unlocked the door and held Iruka away at arm’s length as he sniffed inside. “Death would kill me.”

“Yeah, that’s how it wor--”

“ _ Your _ death would kill me,” Kakashi said, and Iruka stood stock still on the doorstep as Kakashi ordered him to stay outside. There was no guarantee the house was safe, no neon sign saying “Sera-free home” to welcome him. He wasn’t quite sure why he’d admitted it but Iruka didn’t seem to mind, so he didn’t take it back before searching the house for her chakra. Iruka’s voice sounded from the door along with Izumo’s and Kotetsu’s, telling him Kakashi was out of town.

“He’s inside,” Iruka said, confusion coloring his voice.

“No, we saw him leave with Mizuki about three hours ago,” Kotetsu said.

“Should’ve told Mizuki not to come back,” Izumo said.

“He’s  _ inside,”  _ Iruka insisted, and Kakashi picked the finger bag off the siding before stalking back to the door to find the three bickering. Izumo noticed him first, eyes going wide. Kotetsu was second, and the pair simply pointed over Iruka’s shoulder when Iruka irritatedly asked what was wrong. “See? I told you.”

“Who left, then?” Kotetsu asked.

“Who do you think knows me well enough to fool you?” Kakashi put his free hand on the small of Iruka’s back and guided him forward, shooing the other two down the steps as realization dawned on Iruka’s face. “You two are coming with us.” He pushed them ahead with orders to walk straight to the Hokage Tower and held Iruka’s hand tight enough to bruise as the building appeared. The fingers were shoved deep in his pocket, caressing his thigh with the touch of death while he tried not to gag. No way mate-killer Kakashi puked in the street.

Especially not after causing a scene like that fateful day.

Gai and Tenzou were in ANBU gear in Hiruzen’s office when they arrived. The hokage looked up with a smile, which fell at the look on the group’s faces. “What’s wrong?” Kakashi fished the bag out of his pocket and Hiruzen sucked in a disgusted breath. “Those are…”

“What I’ve been telling you about the last five months,” Kakashi said bitterly, tossing the bag to the desk. “I’d check the woods for Mizuki.”

“He’s not due out of the village for quite some time,” Hiruzen said. He sat back in his chair with a sigh and held his hands out when everyone began to speak at once. “Kakashi first. Explain yourself.”

“I took seven fingertips from a man connected to the beta/omega smuggling ring last year,” Kakashi said, swallowing hard. “I scarred his face as well before he broke and admitted what he’d done. What I needed to know. In January, omegas started appearing dead with fingers missing. I  _ told  _ you. It’s been in my reports. It’s been--” Iruka squeezed his hand and Kakashi pressed his fingertips to his temple in an attempt to stave off the rise of a headache-- “I have said this would happen. Someone was targeting me.”

“He had no clue it was Sera,” Iruka whispered from his side, and Hiruzen started. 

“Your ex-beta?”

“She left with Mizuki as Kakashi a few hours ago,” Izumo said. “Headed out claiming he was going to visit family. Then we got off and saw him here, and...well…”

“She lived with me for years,” Kakashi said, staring Hiruzen in the eyes. “Who better to mimic me than her?”

“You two can leave,” Hiruzen told Izumo and Kotetsu. “Stay outside, but please let us be.” Cat escorted them to the door and Kakashi heard them thud down on the wall before the ANBU settled in place again. “You’re positive it was her?”

“She killed my child.” Iruka let out a soft whine as Kakashi’s fingers constricted, nails biting into his omega’s skin. Kakashi immediately let go and Iruka stared at the ground as Kakashi tore at himself instead. “She was torn away from me at Konoha’s behest and now--” he bit his lip hard enough to draw blood-- “She will not stop, sir. If she’s gotten this far she will stop at nothing to hurt the people I love. To hurt me.” 

“I’d be worried about Mizuki if I were you,” Iruka said softly. “He’s probably not going to last long.”

“If he’s not already gone,” Kakashi said. “I want to go after her.”

“Kakashi--” Iruka stepped closer to his side, worry slipping past the blockers as he wrapped an arm around Kakashi’s waist-- “is that a good idea?”  
“I know her.” Kakashi’s gaze remained steady as Hiruzen’s eyes narrowed. “I might not have known her as well as I thought but I know her patterns. I know how she moves. I _taught_ her. I’ve trained with her. Let me go.”

“Cat, Bear,” Hiruzen said, motioning for the ANBU, “take him with you. Find her and bring her back alive. Mizuki as well.” He knit his fingers in front of his face, sighing before retrieving the pipe from the top drawer of his desk. “We’ll get this taken care of once and for all tonight.” Kakashi nodded and held Iruka close for a few seconds before exiting with the promise he’d be back soon, safely and with traitor in hand.

**  
Asuma met Hiruzen and Iruka at Hiruzen’s gate when they walked home together. “What the _fuck,”_ he said immediately, no regard to Hiruzen’s hand held out to stop him speaking. “I come back after a damned month away to find out I’m to be mated with that shithead?” 

“Asu--” Hiruzen began.

“No,” Asuma snapped. He walked backwards through the gate, down the path into the house before Iruka closed the door behind all three. “You know, I thought being matched with Kurenai was the end. We were happy, we were about to start trying for a kid. And then this? Absolutely not.”

“Him too?” Iruka asked, stunned. Hiruzen sighed, and both Asuma and Iruka crossed their arms. “I’ve been pretty quiet, you know. About this whole thing. You want to know what I did when I found out I was being mated with Kakashi? I cried, then sucked it up and did it. I thought maybe I was a special case.”

“I love her, dad,” Asuma said. He sniffed and looked away from Hiruzen’s gaze. “I’m not fucking a kid into Mizuki.”

“You probably won’t have to,” Hiruzen finally managed. 

Iruka sat heavily at the kitchen table, Asuma beside him as Hiruzen sank into the chair at the head with his face cradled in his hands. “The hell does that mean?” Asuma asked.

“He’s gone,” Hiruzen said. He held a hand up and this time Asuma listened. “Even were he alive at this point, he would not be allowed to take a mate. You know the rules on defection. Mizuki is not Konoha’s anymore.”

“The whole system’s bunk,” Asuma said. “Even if I were to have been assigned someone else, I’d do this.” He stood with both hands pressed to the table. “I’m leaving as well. This is bullshit. I’ve sat by while I see my friends get paired with people they can actually stand and even still barely make it.” Hiruzen reached for him as he began to walk away, and he shook his head. “Send people after me. I don’t care. Kurenai’s decided to stay in the village, so at least you’ll have another person for your games.”

“Fine.” Hiruzen stood with the weight of the world on his shoulders, extending a hand for Asuma to shake. “You’ve thought long and hard about this?”  
Asuma’s eyes softened slightly as he took the weathered skin in hand. “Ever since you called the alpha meeting,” he said. “I’m sorry, dad, but I can’t stand for this. I’m not the only one who feels this way either, I know I’m not.”

“I’m staying, but he’s right,” Iruka whispered, and Hiruzen’s shoulders drooped further. “It’s a shit system.”

“Stay for dinner, Asuma,” Hiruzen said softly, sinking back into his seat when Asuma let his hand go. “I’d like one more meal with my son.”

Asuma sat again as well, the fight draining from him as Iruka put a hand onto his shoulder. “Yeah,” he said. “One more meal with my family.” 

The conversation as Hiruzen prepared the food was stilted, too formal to flow off their tongues, but the system was not mentioned again until Hiruzen put bowls in front of each place. “Your father and I did not love each other at first,” Hiruzen began. “He and I fought every day, could barely be in the same room without snapping at each other. We felt as you two do now.”

“Stuck,” Iruka said.

“Stuck,” Hiruzen agreed. “That was a different time, back when Konoha about demanded a child by a specific time after mating. When we...failed to achieve that, the council at that time almost chose to give us both different partners. It wasn’t until he nearly took drastic measures that they’d listen to us. We may not have been friends, but we were united against a common foe during those months. It was one of the first times someone had questioned the rules, and the council was not pleased.”

“But you had me anyway,” Asuma said. “It’s not like you changed much. Couldn’t have been too disillusioned.”

“You came after nearly three years of growth,” Hiruzen said. “We fought hard. We fought for the right to be what we wanted.”

“And you lost sight,” Iruka said bitterly. “I come to you saying I want to change things and you shut it down. Said it wasn’t feasible.”

“There’s time to rescind the order,” Asuma said. “You’re the hokage. Act like one.”

“You think it’s so simple.” Hiruzen bit down on the end of his chopsticks and laughed. “Two years, we fought, all for the law about forcing a pregnancy to be taken away. We won, in the end, and that’s why you’re not forced to even have a child. Village decisions come to me. Decisions about war and peacetime come to me. Anything else, things related to your designations? That is above my head.”

“You had power in your hands--” Asuma’s eyes narrowed, fingers drumming on the table-- “and you let a bunch of old, rotting fucks take it away from you.”

“Yes.” Hiruzen bowed his head and Iruka  _ wanted  _ to comfort him, truly, but sat pinned in his seat by the revelation his father could have changed this. “We both lost sight. You were born and suddenly things were not as clear as they should have been. I’m sorry.”

“Sorry’s a pretty shit apology,” Asuma said, and Hiruzen nodded. “Sorry does not fix the fact Kurenai has spent every spare moment in my arms telling me not to leave her. Sorry doesn’t fix the way Iruka’s being thrust in with Kakashi when Kakashi can barely look another person in the eye after Sera.  _ Sorry-- _ ” he lifted slightly from his chair-- “does not fix this. It does not fix us.”

“I understand,” Hiruzen said. “But I cannot change the past. Things are not as bad as they once were, and it wasn’t for me to decide they shouldn’t or can’t change again. I can only work toward it in the future.”

“Will you, though?” Iruka asked quietly. Both turned to him. “Will you work for it or will you sit in your chair on the council and forget this happened?”

“Iruka,” Hiruzen said, extending a hand that Iruka ignored in favor of his food. “I can’t promise you anything will change.”

“So be better than the hokage,” Iruka muttered. “Be my--our--father. Stand against them. You know this is wrong. What about the Will of Fire?” He met Hiruzen’s eyes with a slightly watery gaze. “What about that burning passion for what’s right? Is that a lie too? Because I feel it. I will teach my students to feel it. I want to believe in it.”

“You should believe in it,” Hiruzen said. “That is what will keep Konoha strong.”

“Keep it burning, Iruka.” Asuma set a heavy hand on Iruka’s shoulder before standing with a sigh. “It will be the change we need. And when it happens, I will be here if you want me back.” He met Hiruzen’s eyes and both nodded. “I love you both but this is no longer my home. Please--” his fingers tightened almost painfully on Iruka’s shoulder before he turned and walked to the door-- “don’t hate me for this. I want to come back eventually.”

He didn’t give them a chance to respond before the door clicked shut, leaving them in uneasy silence. Iruka broke it first, asking if he’d really be allowed back. “It’s your decision,” he said to the table. “Village affairs. Please say yes.”

“I will,” Hiruzen whispered. His hands shook as he lifted a bit of food to his lips, nearly missing as he shut his eyes. “Because he is my son.  _ You  _ are my son and you should be happy.”

“I think I will be with Kakashi eventually,” Iruka said. “I think...he’ll be good to me.”

“Kakashi will have some things to think on soon,” Hiruzen said. “Because I could not stand and give him what he wanted. I fucked that up too.”

“How?”

Hiruzen pushed his bowl away at the question. “I made a decision, and I split his family apart.”

**

Bisuke and Pakkun ran ahead of the trio, noses down as they followed Sera and Mizuki’s trail out of Konoha. Kakashi kept a careful eye for any traps he’d taught her, suspicious when he found none.  _ Like she didn’t even bother to think she’d be followed,  _ he thought.  _ Did she forget it all in two months?  _

Cat leapt down from a tree next to him, shaking his head. “Nothing that I can see except the branches ahead of where the dogs are headed,” he said. “Strange she would leave such a trail, though.”

“My thoughts exactly.” Kakashi stepped forward, off the dirt path and into the heart of the forest. It was as if an animal had trampled through, the trail was so large, and the dogs noticed as well.

“Thought she was better, boss,” Pakkun called back.

“Smells like blood,” Bisuke said. “Not hers, though.”

The party stopped at Bear’s fist held aloft in front of them. “There’s a clearing ahead,” he said. “I see a body.”

Kakashi’s blood ran cold. “Is it…” He pushed past Cat and Bear to see--to his momentary relief--moonlight glinting softly from silver hair. The weight off his chest crashed back with the realization he should not be happy about this, that Sera had been the one hurting him. And now she’d used one of Konoha’s own.

Shitty as he was.

“The wounds match,” Cat said. “I’m sorry, senpai.”

Bear approached the corpse second, groaning in disgust at the sticky mess that was Mizuki’s chest. “Sera did this?”

“What, think I did it instead?” Kakashi asked, and both ANBU shook their heads. “You can go,” he told the dogs. “We’ve got it from here.”

“Sure, boss,” Pakkun said, and Bisuke followed him in a puff of smoke.

“Her scent’s all over here,” Kakashi muttered. Under all the blood and moonlit grass there was the unmistakable scent of what he’d known as home for so many years. “There’s a different one, too. Foreign. Omega.” His nose sought out the faint notes of the second scent before Cat tapped his shoulder.

“We should get him back so the morgue can look at him,” Cat said. “I’m sure everyone’s got questions.”

“She’s long gone, Kakashi,” Bear said. “Her scent’s stale. Body’s getting cold. We can go out in the morning if you’d like but for now, Mizuki is important.”

“He’s never been. He never would have been,” Kakashi said. “He’s good for this and that’s about it.” He rubbed a hand over his eyes as the ANBU flickered away with the corpse, leaving him alone in the trees. “Why?” he asked the empty sky above. “Why does it never end? Who else is going to leave me, huh? Who else is going to turn away?” His questions echoed on unanswered, and he scoffed as he kicked at the blood-soaked earth. “That’s all I’m good for, isn’t it,” he said. “Killing. Turning people away. Fucking it up.”

Iruka’s face played through his vision, the hurt in his eyes from that morning after Kakashi had slammed the door to his room. “And now he’s in danger too,” he said. “All because of me.” The forest morphed into the walls of the hospital basement as he caught the tail end of Mizuki’s body being carted into the morgue, and Cat assured him that they would take care of things. 

“Go to Iruka,” he said. “Be with your omega. He is more important right now.” Kakashi nodded and walked away, eyes downcast as he scurried through the corridors and out the door. He  _ could  _ go home--go home to safety and Iruka and some semblance of happiness--but he had questions.

Kakashi made his way to the jail instead. “Sorry,” the chunin at the desk said, standing to stop him from walking through. “No visitors this late.”

“Let me through and I’ll put in a good word to Ibiki for you,” Kakashi said. He knew the other alpha was brutal to work under, even after you got to know him, and apparently the omega did too. “Where’s Nara Shikaku being held?”

**

Hiruzen’s words rang in Iruka’s spinning head as he sat on Kakashi’s couch.  _ “I gave her the order.”  _ Over and over they cycled, not stopping when Kakashi slammed the door with an enraged cry of “Why?” Iruka simply stared ahead, chewing on his lip, until Kakashi noticed him. “You should be under guard,” Kakashi said. “Why aren’t you with your father? Anko, at least.”

“Did you know?” Iruka whispered.

“Know what, that Sera was behind the trail of bodies haunting me? Of course not,” Kakashi snapped. “Why--”

“What my father did.” Kakashi’s gaze flew to Iruka’s as Iruka stood, crossing the room to rest a hand on the jonin’s face. “Do you know what my father did?”

Kakashi nodded mutely before whining and pressing his face into Iruka’s palm. “He took my baby from me,” he said. “Shikaku told me. Mizuki’s dead. Sera--” Iruka silently wiped away the single tear that escaped-- “How could I be so stupid?”

It wasn’t a huge shock, but Iruka bowed his head at the confirmation. “We all were, Kakashi,” he said, resting their foreheads together. “No one knew. No one noticed.”

“You always said she was a bitch.” Kakashi allowed himself to be led back to the couch and Iruka began to tug off his uniform, setting the pieces on the coffee table until he was left in the tight black shirt. “You said from the very beginning that you didn’t like her, you didn’t feel safe around her. I should’ve listened. I should have  _ known.”  _ He pressed both hands to his eyes as Iruka sat beside him and pulled him into his lap. “I should’ve known.”

“He told me things could have been different,” Iruka said, and Kakashi pressed his face into his chest. “That maybe we wouldn’t be...forced.”

Kakashi’s hug nearly crushed him. “Don’t hate me because we were mated,” he said softly into Iruka’s shirt. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“He should be sorry.” Iruka stared ahead again as Kakashi shook under his arm, silent tears wetting his chest. “They should all be sorry. Him. Everyone on the council. Everyone who came before them and decided this is the way Konoha should be. I cannot hate my mate.” His fingers tightened on Kakashi’s shoulder and he buried his face in the silver hair, scent tainted by the smell of blood. “I will not hate you.”

“You should,” Kakashi said. “I was awful.  _ Am  _ awful. I’m n--”

“Stop.” It wasn’t an alpha command, but Kakashi’s jaw snapped shut immediately. “We are in this together,” Iruka said as he tugged the black fabric away from his partner’s face. “Come what may, hmm?” He pressed a soft kiss to Kakashi’s cheek before nuzzling against him. “If that means taking this down together, then we take it down together. We are together now and I will not let you slip away because you think you’re not worth shit.”

“I’m--”

“Enough,” Iruka finished for him. He tucked Kakashi closer as Kakashi nodded, ceasing his protests. “You are my mate, Hatake Kakashi, and I promise to help you with this the same way I expect you to help me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via Tumblr, Twitter, or join a pretty sweet Discord for all the updates in one place <3


	26. Tests

It took nearly an hour of Kakashi breathing Iruka deep and holding him close to stammer out anything other than he was sorry and questions about why. He kept his face close to the skin of Iruka’s neck, his steady pulse doing its best to distract him from the fact that no matter what Sera had done, she was right about one thing--Konoha was rotting from the inside out, and the one man he’d never expected to betray him was at the core.

A large part of him wanted to leave it all behind as Iruka said Asuma was. Another part wanted to lash out at every person who’d held power over him, what  _ should  _ have been his choices. The rest wanted nothing more than to sink so deep into Iruka’s space nothing could drag him away again. Genma was right, he thought. There really was nothing like an omega to hold when everything was crashing down.

Sera hadn’t even told him he’d ever be able to be comfortable in someone else’s arms.

At some point Iruka had begun to hum, carding his fingers through Kakashi’s hair in the dark. Kakashi buried his face into Iruka’s unbound hair and was unsure he’d ever really get used to the feeling, the sight of it. He wasn’t going to miss a chance. His masked lips pressed to the side of Iruka’s neck as he let the chunin’s voice flow through and soothe him. It felt a little pathetic, clinging to Iruka as if he was a child, but the anxiety and revelations post-rut were overwhelming.

Iruka would see it eventually anyway.

Maybe it was better Kakashi scared him away before he could get truly attached.

“I have an idea,” Iruka finally murmured. He shifted Kakashi’s legs in his lap, tipped his face up to meet his eye. “Something that’ll help us both. Do you still have that book I gave you for Christmas?”

Kakashi couldn’t stand the look on Iruka’s face when he said no. “She took that too,” he whispered. “Burned it.” Iruka’s body sagged below him and he clutched tighter. “I’m sorry, she did it while I was gone, I wanted it--”

“That was my mother’s,” Iruka said softly. He took his hand from Kakashi’s leg to tuck a finger in his lip, biting down as he looked away. “I--Sera. I should have known.” The breath caught in his throat as Kakashi rubbed their cheeks together, brow knitting. “I need a minute.”

Kakashi was left grasping at nothing as Iruka pushed him off and retreated to his bedroom. He sat completely still until he heard a sniff coming from the hall, then forced himself up and to the bedroom door. Iruka sat curled against the headboard with a blanket over his head, staring out the window. “Am I allowed in?”

Iruka wordlessly opened the blanket and Kakashi settled into his side. “Why?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” Kakashi said, and Iruka ran the back of his hand over his nose. “It was yours and I was very attached to it. It was another way to hurt me.”

“That book was one of the only things I had after the nine-tails attack.” Iruka’s arm tightened around Kakashi’s shoulder as Kakashi tugged down his mask and let out a shuddering sigh. He’d failed, again, and was waiting for the sharp rebuke that didn’t come. “I found it under the collapsed beams in their bedroom,” Iruka continued. “Never thought I’d lose it.” He bowed his head, a tear slipping down his nose to wet the blanket. “It was a way to show I trusted you.”

Not a rebuke, then.

_ Worse. _

“I’m sorry,” Kakashi said.

Iruka shook his head. “I was going to read to you like my parents used to do for me,” he said. “It helped me through a lot of hard nights.”

“I’m not a kid,” Kakashi protested, fingers digging into Iruka’s ribs.

“But you’re hurting.”

“Yeah.” Iruka shifted uncomfortably below him and he let go, curling his hands into his chest. “I don’t know how to make it better, Iruka. I can’t fix it.”

“It’s fine,” Iruka said, tremor in his voice. “You’re here and we’re safe, and that’s what matters. We should really, um--” he shut his eyes and swallowed hard-- “sleep. Get some rest. It’s been a hard fucking day.”

“I want to stay outside tonight.” Kakashi winced at the crack in his voice, but Iruka didn’t seem to notice or care as he pushed their cheeks together. “I keep remembering everything that happened and I know she used...this bed...when she--”

“You’ll get all dirty, unless you’re setting up the tent,” Iruka said. “Besides, we could stay at my place.”

“Anko’s there,” Kakashi said. “I’m not--I don’t want to be around anyone else. But actually--” he got up and pulled Iruka with him, into a hug-- “I have an idea. Might be dirty but it’s not outside and it’s not  _ here.” _

“Where, Kakashi?”

“Home.” Kakashi refused to meet Iruka’s eyes and stared at his feet instead, unwilling to catch any ‘no’ in the chunin’s face. “I’m used to the blood on that floor,” he whispered. “It’s familiar, it’s normal, it’s…” Iruka cupped his face with both hands, already nodding as he trailed off. “It might be awful but it’s what we have. I want to go home.”

**

Iruka never slept well in new places, and the old Hatake estate was no different. Even through the two blankets and one of Kakashi’s spare masks, the scent of dust was thick in his nostrils as he tossed and turned on the floor. There were beds and there were couches, but after years of disuse they hadn’t fared well. 

Kakashi himself didn’t help, pacing and rummaging through the old rooms like his life depended on it. More than once Iruka told him to stop, implored him come to bed, but each request was more futile than the last. The alpha was restless and on the prowl with worry and fear and anger clouding his scent, and finally Iruka just let him be.

His only focus now was not letting the wood floor bruise his hips.

The next morning, he woke to a bleary-eyed Kakashi pushing a book toward him. “Here.”

“Kakashi--” Iruka covered his face against sunlight streaming through deteriorating blinds, holding Kakashi at arm’s length with the other hand. At Kakashi’s soft huff he changed his mind, instead tucking the jonin under the covers with him and stretched out along his side. “Hey, hey,” he said when Kakashi struggled a bit. “I’m not out to get you.”

“I found my old book,” Kakashi said, reaching for the black cover. “For you. To replace--it was my dad’s. Haven’t touched it in years. Haven’t been here in years, even.” He clutched it tight against his chest before taking Iruka’s hand and curling his fingers over the spine. “I didn’t always just read Icha Icha.”

Iruka tried stretching further, groaning when his joints protested. “I will read it with you,” he said, “but I need something more than the floor. I slept like hell last night.”

To his surprise, Kakashi turned around in his arms and wrapped both arms around him, rolling to the side so Iruka was laying on top of him. They both laid there, unsure, until Iruka relaxed into Kakashi’s chest. “This is okay?” Kakashi asked. Iruka could feel his heart beating wildly, the tension in his limbs that was so much more than exhaustion. 

“Comfier than the floor,” Iruka said.

“I didn’t have nightmares,” Kakashi whispered with a shiver.

“You didn’t sleep, Kakashi.”

“But I didn’t have any. And I didn’t have to remember her everywhere I looked,” Kakashi said. His arms tightened around Iruka as he buried a maskless face into his neck. “We switched,” he said. “I’m not the one covering myself. We should stay here for a while.”

Iruka yawned, pulled the mask down, and looked at Kakashi, admiring the sun in his hair. “We have a few weeks off coming up,” he said.

“We’ll spend them training and working in here,” Kakashi said.

“Will we, now?” Iruka asked, arching a brow.

Maybe not the best decision, because Kakashi froze below him. “I thought...you, me...combat training--” he stammered. “I’m sorry, should’ve asked, you’re a p--”

“Calm down,” Iruka said. He pushed his hands through the mess of hair to tilt Kakashi’s head to the side, fingers seeking out the spots Anko had taught him. Kakashi  _ shuddered  _ when he scraped a fingernail lightly over the back of Kakashi’s neck, just over his scent markers. “Just ask me next time,” he murmured over the warm skin. “We’re partners. You’re not my boss.”

Kakashi nearly melted through the floor when Iruka began to massage over the glands. His eyes fluttered shut, quiet noises of pleasure slipping out before he could stop them. “What’re...you doing…” he said, almost slurring his words. Iruka kissed just below his ear and he whined in earnest. “Ir...Iruka--”

“Feel good?” Iruka asked. Kakashi nodded, throat working under Iruka’s lips and tongue as he began to work his fingers up and down. He closed his teeth over the back of Kakashi’s neck with the most gentle touch before Kakashi gave in completely, slumping bonelessly against the wood. “Has no one ever done this for you?” he asked softly. “No one’s ever helped you?”

“No?” One of Kakashi’s hands found its way to Iruka’s neck, mimicking the movements as Iruka sighed. “Is--what is this?”

“I could kill her,” Iruka said, barely audible. “It’s a way to reset yourself. When you’re too far gone to function well, outside of a heat or rut.” He kneaded a bit harder and Kakashi whimpered, fingers tightening over Iruka’s skin. “It’ll make you feel better.” Kakashi’s hand fell away when Iruka stopped, simply cradling Kakashi’s nape to keep his head off the floor. His body was lax below Iruka’s, breathing deep and even as Iruka nuzzled against him. “See?”

“I feel like I just came,” Kakashi said, immediately tensing and clapping a hand over his mouth when he realized what had slipped out. “No, no--”

“That’s good,” Iruka interrupted. “Don’t be sorry, that means it worked well.” He shifted down a bit to rest his head on Kakashi’s chest, trailing his fingers up and down Kakashi’s arms to soothe him. “Shh, Kakashi. It’s okay. It’s not something you should do a lot, but it works wonders. Anko’s done it for me twice.”

“Because of me?” Kakashi asked.

“Yes.” Iruka wasn’t going to hide it. He relaxed over Kakashi when the other began to tighten up again, and reached for his hand. “Past is in the past,” he said. “There’s nothing to change it now.”

“What was it?”

Iruka sighed. “It doesn’t matter,” he said. He lowered Kakashi’s head to the floor, fingers lingering on his skin to keep him relaxed before he slipped off and tucked himself into Kakashi’s side. It was a process, Anko had explained, walking away from someone in this state. He laid there for a few minutes before kissing Kakashi’s forehead and walking to retrieve his pillow and blanket. Kakashi let himself be tucked in, limbs pliant under Iruka’s care. “Do you want me to stay here?”

“We’ve got things to do,” Kakashi muttered, exhaustion evident in his voice. “I was going to start with--” he yawned, pressing his face into the pillow-- “there was a test. Was going to give you a test.” 

“It can wait until tomorrow,” Iruka said. He crouched in front of Kakashi, setting a hand on his shoulder. “I’ll go get some food, but I’ll be back when you wake up. Take care of yourself for me. You matter. You’re more than what she made you.”

**

The closest Kakashi got to testing Iruka that day was dreaming about the bells. He slept worse than Iruka had that night, tossing and turning and trying not to let Iruka know he couldn’t relax. Whatever he’d done earlier had worked wonders, but it had worn off somewhere around the time Iruka reappeared with snacks and some water bottles. 

They ended up laying together a few times, Iruka nestling behind him when he could no longer hide the fact he was awake. The chunin pressed warm hands to his chest and soft lips to his neck during these minutes. It reminded Kakashi of the times Sera had done the same thing but this was  _ Iruka,  _ who wasn’t here to hurt him. 

Yet.

Kakashi shook his head at the thought, nearly smacking into Iruka’s face. “Hey,” Iruka mumbled sleepily. “No.”

That was the most either of them spoke until several hours later when Kakashi woke for good. Iruka’s arm thumped down on the blanket when Kakashi slipped out to pad to his room. He knew exactly where they were--top dresser drawer, tucked below some old socks he hadn’t bothered to take with him when he cleared out. They chimed as he took them out, holding them in both hands as he remembered past times with them.

Iruka hadn’t moved by the time Kakashi crouched in front of him with the bells hanging from his index finger. He started awake when Kakashi tapped his forehead. “My test,” Kakashi said when Iruka’s brow knit in question. He set them down and crawled under the blanket. “You’ll take them from me tomorrow or fail.”

Grumbling, Iruka reached for them and growled when Kakashi swatted his hand away. “It can’t be that hard.”

“You can’t even get them now,” Kakashi said. Iruka took his hand and Kakashi  _ thought  _ he was going to kiss his fingers, but instead he closed his teeth around Kakashi’s wrist. “Hey, no biting. You’re not a dog.”

“We should just do it,” Iruka said, head thumping back to the pillow. “I fucked up my sleep schedule. We could just call it good.”

“You’re barely awake,” Kakashi said. He tried tucking Iruka below his chin but was pushed away as Iruka’s limbs all splayed in a stretch.

“I need to keep packing,” Iruka mumbled. “Only have a few days left. Did a little when I left for food. Anko was glad I was alive.” He pushed his forehead into Kakashi’s chest and sighed. “Can we please stay there? She said she didn’t mind.”

“I don’t want to stay with another person,” Kakashi said. “Here is enough.” He laid back to stare at the ceiling, eyes screwing shut at Iruka’s discontented sigh. His wanderings last night hadn’t provided much clarity or comfort, but there was a sense of familiarity he hadn’t gotten from waking up in Iruka’s bed. Even drenched in Iruka’s scent and comfortable, the bed was not  _ his. _

It was not home.

Even if their current ‘bed’ was a rug covering bloodstains, it was still better than his house and more recent ghosts. Shikaku had confirmed he knew nothing of Sera’s insanity and while Kakashi hadn’t forgiven him, he had thanked him for the admission.

Forgiveness took time.

“Come on,” Iruka said. “The floor feels awful, Kakashi. At least let me go sleep in my own bed.” 

“You’re not under protection alone,” Kakashi whispered. “I’m not letting you get taken away.”

Iruka turned away and crossed his arms. “Thought I wasn’t going to be kept,” he said. “What happened to that?”

Kakashi groaned in frustration, pressing a hand to his face. “You’re not a prisoner,” he said. “I just...we don’t know if she’s back in here or where she is, and I won’t take that risk.”

“I will throw a fit if you’re not going to let me go,” Iruka threatened, and there was no doubt in Kakashi’s mind he would. “At least come with me to pack or something, because I need to finish that and I’m wide awake now.”

“And crabby.”

Iruka’s glare could have leveled mountains. “I have had a bad week and I will be crabby if it pleases me,” he snapped. “And now I can’t go to my house and sleep in my bed without worrying that you’ll be pissed at me.”

“I’m not fighting you on it,” Kakashi said. His racing heart was back, the need to fix the situation at the forefront of his mind as he held his hands up. “I just--not comfortable. Don’t want anyone else intruding.”

“Anko isn’t an intruder.” Iruka heaved out a sigh and turned back around, staring at Kakashi’s neck with his arms still crossed. “It’s early enough she’ll be awake so we can go pack, at least. And we can fight about the bed situation later. I don’t want to do this now.”

“Okay,” Kakashi said, and Iruka tightened his jaw.

“You can’t run away forever,” he said. “That’s not going to fly with me, and you should know that.”

“You didn’t have years of memories in that house,” Kakashi said.

“But I had some stability. And you. And a bed.” Iruka relaxed, taking his lip between his teeth. “Here is dusty and dirty and I don’t feel like I belong. I don’t like it and if you’re planning on moving here, you’ve got some convincing to do. Your place might not be the best but it’s better than here for now.”

“I’m sleeping here, then.” Kakashi sat up and crossed his arms on his knees, staring intently at the wall, staircase, anything but the way Iruka was looking at him. “We can go pack. I’m not stopping that.”

“Well let’s go,” Iruka said. He threw his hair into a messy bun and gathered the clothes he’d strewn about, dressing hurriedly and ordering Kakashi to make himself presentable. “I want to leave.” He pulled Kakashi out the door and out into the yard, stopping when he looked to the sky. His face was lit by starlight as it softened, almost fell. “It’s a new moon,” he said softly.

“And?”

Iruka reached for his hand. “New moon, new things, new situations…” He tilted his head to look sadly at Kakashi. “We’re still learning. I’m sorry.” He tugged Kakashi out the gate and into the street, running into only a few people on the way. “I’d be more inclined to live there if you explained, I guess,” he said. “But I spent a long time creating a stable environment for myself after my parents died and this past year has been...well, anything but. It’s not--” he held up a hand at Kakashi’s sharp inhale-- “either of our faults, but it hasn’t been a good time for me. I’m doing my best to work with the things I have but if those are constantly changing, it’s hard.”

“I don’t seek out change either,” Kakashi said. “I actively avoid it, actually.” He looked over at the hokage monument, Minato gazing over the city. “Sera might not have been good, but she was my normal. And it’ll take some time to adjust.”

Iruka wrapped an arm around his waist and squeezed. “All I want is for you to  _ talk  _ to me about it,” he said. “We’re both in charge. I’m not being  _ that  _ omega, the one who bends over backwards because his alpha commanded it. Communication is key.”

“I’ll try,” Kakashi whispered, watching Iruka bound up his steps. “I promise.”

“Will you?”

“I’m not good at it.” Kakashi walked up behind him, resting his forehead on Iruka’s shoulder as Iruka fished for his key. “But yeah, I’ll...I will do my best. Like you said, we’ll learn together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via Tumblr, Twitter, or join a pretty sweet Discord for all the updates in one place <3


	27. Give and Take

It was raining when they woke the next morning. It was raining as they silently dressed in the old Hatake complex, and it was raining as they retrieved their gear from Kakashi’s house. It continued to rain as they slogged through the mud to the training grounds, setting their things on top of a post as to not get them too sloppy. “Take these from me,” Kakashi said, holding the bells over one finger.

Iruka grabbed for them, just missing at the last second as Kakashi yanked them out of reach. “Come on,” he scoffed. “It can’t be that hard. Sort of a shitty test.”

“If it’s so hard, come get me,” Kakashi said. “You’re not prepared to take them if you’re not prepared to kill me. Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.” Iruka tossed the hair out of his eyes and settled into a defensive stance. “Don’t go easy on me.”

“Sera won’t, so I won’t,” Kakashi muttered under a roll of thunder. He took two steps back, rang the bells, and ordered Iruka to begin. “Show me what you’re made of. Show me you’re more than a village-bound omega.”

A bolt of anger shot straight through Iruka’s core. “What did you just call me?”

“You heard me.”

Iruka’s fingers twitched before he took a deep breath and a step back, curling his lip in disgust. “I should’ve known,” he said. “‘Village-bound omega.’ Some alpha you’re turning out to be.” Mud spattered his pants as he stepped to the right and watched Kakashi mirror the motion. “Fucking bast--”

He didn’t get to finish before landing flat on his back with dirt being ground into his hair. “Again,” Kakashi said as he got up. “You’re not inspiring any confidence.”

“How did--I didn’t even see you move!” Iruka said, scrambling up and away and rolling his shoulders to loosen them. “What the hell was that?”

“Me being better than you,” Kakashi said. He jingled the bells. “Again.”

Iruka fell back into his stance, dodging this time when Kakashi ran at him. He was nearly bent in half as a shin slammed into his side, then found himself back on the ground with Kakashi’s masked face staring down at him. “What the fuck?”

“If that’s your killing intent, you’ve got a long way to come as a shinobi,” Kakashi said. He got up and rang the bells. Iruka already hated the sound. “Actually, I’m in the wrong. There _was_ no killing intent there. It’s worse. You’re apathetic. Defensive. Hit me. You know you want to.”

Iruka kicked at his shins and missed before getting up and glaring. “You have no idea how much I want to,” he said. “I thought you said you were going to train me, not beat me.”

“I said this was a test.” Kakashi danced out of the way as Iruka lunged for him, anger settling to a low simmer in his veins as the rain poured down. “You’re failing miserably.” He sidestepped Iruka’s attack again, not even a weapon out. “And you’re going to be teaching the next generations?”

“Yes,” Iruka said. He fell back to the post, eyes darting back and forth in an attempt to find somewhere to run. Somewhere to strategize. Wherever he looked, a clone popped up. They were in the same skin tight black shirt, dangling the damn bells. Even through the thunder and pounding rain he heard them call. “Let me guess, this is fighting fair? Eight against one?”

“I’m not the only one who knows this jutsu,” Kakashi scoffed. “Are you really that distracted?”

With a growling sigh, Iruka formed his own clones and sent them to Kakashi’s. As each one was defeated a more coherent picture of Kakashi’s style formed in his mind. Each biting word was a taunt and each was a lesson--stop thinking with your emotions. Stop thinking about yourself, and focus on the enemy in front of you. He drew himself up to full height and looked him over appraisingly as Kakashi stared back. “I was.”

Kakashi nodded once. “Again, then.”

Their skin met over and over as Iruka went after him, the seconds between defeat turning into minutes until near noon, they’d been playing cat and mouse for nearly an hour. Kakashi was hiding somewhere in the trees, dampening his chakra so Iruka was having a hell of a time finding him. Hand-to-hand had never been Iruka’s forte but somehow, this was worse. The waiting game. Sometime in the last hour the rain had begun to let up, leaving the fields a sloppy mess the two of them waded through over and over.

It also left no trace of footprints.

“Come out, come out, wherever you are,” Iruka muttered under his breath. The back of his neck began to prickle with anticipation and he pulled a kunai out in a flash, whirling around only to embed it firmly in Kakashi’s rib. Both sets of eyes went wide and Iruka began to panic as Kakashi sank to the ground with blood spilling between his fingers.

“Guess I’m not the only mate killer,” he rasped. “Maybe you’re better than I thought.”

“No. No, no, _Kakashi,”_ Iruka said, grabbing onto his shoulders. “You jumped me, I didn’t mean to, didn’t want t--”

In no time at all, he found himself with face inches from the mud, stomach bent over a log with a boot between his shoulders. “At least you killed me that time,” Kakashi said dryly, and Iruka went limp with relief. “Murderous intent. It works.”

“You died,” Iruka said around his dry throat. Kakashi’s foot lifted and he flipped over, staring up at his partner. “That was a dick move.”

“Maybe you’ll gain a better understanding for how it feels, then,” Kakashi said softly. This time he extended a hand, beckoning when Iruka eyed it warily. “Time out. I could stand to eat something, couldn’t you? Bells are off limits until I say time back in.”

Iruka clasped the hand and allowed himself to be pulled up, staring down in disgust at his soiled uniform. “I need a shower,” he said.

“It’s only going to get worse,” Kakashi said. He let Iruka go and turned to walk toward the post with their bags on it. Rifling through them, he finally emerged triumphant with two ration bars. “Here,” he said as he tossed Iruka one. “Enjoy.”

“You didn’t...mean that, did you?” Iruka asked as they leaned against the post. “About being a village-bound omega?”

“I don’t know, did I?” Kakashi asked.

Iruka narrowed his eyes. “You better not have,” he muttered. “I’m not being stuck here.”

“Can you look me in the eyes and tell me you’ll be safe outside the walls?” Kakashi asked, and Iruka looked at him only to shut his jaw at the look in Kakashi’s eye. “You’ve got a long way to go before I’d feel comfortable letting you outs--”

“It’s not your decision,” Iruka snapped.

Kakashi simply held up a hand as he took a bite. “Listen before you speak. I was going to say before I let you outside _unattended.”_

_Unattended._

Unheard of.

Iruka gaped as Kakashi took another bite, grimacing at the taste. “Un--unattended,” he said. “Alone.”

“That’s what it means, doesn’t it?” Kakashi asked.

“You, Konoha’s pride, are going to let me outside its walls alone.”

“Not if you can’t get it through that dense skull of yours,” Kakashi said. He risked a look at Iruka’s irritated face before staring ahead to the treeline. “I told you. You’re not stuck here forever. Just until your abilities are satisfactory.”

“Which will be...when exactly?” Iruka asked.

Kakashi jingled the bells. “When you prove you’re good enough to surpass Sera.” He shook his head at Iruka’s sigh. “The day will come, Iruka, I promise. You’ve got a lot of potential. You just need to work on bettering yourself. I’m here to help with that, not hinder your progress.”

“Says the man who keeps shoving me into the mud,” Iruka grumbled.

“Wouldn’t do that if you fought better,” Kakashi said, and Iruka crossed his arms and looked away for a split second before lunging for the bells. “Hey! I said off limits,” Kakashi said. “Do I need a course in rules and manners, too?”

“Almost had them, though,” Iruka said. A seed of an idea planted itself as Kakashi began to preach about rules of combat, growing with each insistence Iruka should understand all possible ways a battle should go. “Okay okay,” he said eventually, holding a hand up to stop the jonin. “Since you’re so big on rules right now, I’m going to make you a bet. Dinner tonight.” Kakashi cocked his head, confused, and Iruka grinned. “Winner picks where we go, and loser buys. After a shower, of course.”

“Hope you’re up for sushi,” Kakashi said. “Better bring your wallet.”

“Just be sure to follow the rules,” Iruka said. “No cheating.”

Kakashi stared intently at him before finishing the bar and putting the wrapper back in the bag. “I don’t like the look in your eyes,” he said. “Suspicious.”

Iruka finished and dumped his wrapper as well before sitting down and resting his back against the wood. “I’m ready when you are,” he said lazily. “Say the word and we can begin.”

“Get on your feet,” Kakashi said. “Fight me like you mean it.”

“I haven’t heard the word yet.”

“Okay,” Kakashi said, drawing out the last syllable until Iruka rolled his eyes. “Time in.”

**

Nearly four hours later, Kakashi had had enough. He probably deserved it for his comments earlier, but seeing Iruka sit back against the post with eyes closed as he nearly _begged_ for him to do anything but that...it infuriated him. To hell with it. “I’m leaving,” he finally said. “If you’re done sulking about whatever you’re sulking about, you can come with me. I’ll be at the house showering. If you’re not back in an hour I’m going for food without you.”

Iruka just shrugged. “You do you.”

Kakashi walked off, frustrated at Iruka and Sera and Konoha and the mud encrusting his clothes before just transporting himself to his steps and trying not to track too much dirt into the house. “Half day of training, wasted,” he muttered. “Who does he think he is?” He dumped the clothes into the laundry basket, not even bothering to rinse them before turning on the shower to near burning. The bells he set on the vanity, scowling at them before stepping in. “So much for improving himself.” The front door shut and he listened to Iruka shed his clothes before opening the door.

“I’m coming in,” he said.

“I’m a little busy.” The bells jingled just before Iruka pulled the curtain back. He was an absolute mess, mud smeared all over his face and caked in his hair. Kakashi turned resolutely away from the small smirk as Iruka looked at him. “I wouldn’t be so fucking satisfied if I was you,” he said. “What’re y--”

Iruka held the bells above their heads and grinned in earnest. “I win.”

“Bullshit.”

“Hatake Kakashi, ever so focused on the stupid rules of engagement he never bothered to actually end the match,” Iruka purred, sliding a hand up Kakashi’s chest. “Guess who’s buying me ramen tonight.” He leaned out to set the bells back down before pressing both hands to Kakashi’s quickly reddening skin, from both the heat and frustration. “Going to admit I outsmarted you?”

“No,” Kakashi said. He set his jaw and reached back for the shampoo, still unable to meet Iruka’s eyes. “Unfair.”

“I was perfectly within my rights,” Iruka said. He pushed Kakashi’s hands away from his silver hair and replaced them with his own as he began to help rinse out the mud. “I was tired and about ready to give up and admit defeat myself when you stomped off. Shouldn’t have been so adamant during lunch about when the bells were off limits.”

“You--”

“Not every fight requires I be on the offensive,” Iruka interrupted. “I recognize what you were trying to do and I appreciate that, Kakashi, I do.” He shut his eyes and rested his elbows on Kakashi’s shoulders as he massaged. “But baby steps, okay? This will take time, and you aren’t the only one who can train me. It’s not all on you.”

Kakashi lowered his head for easier access with a sigh. “You didn’t need to waste half a day doing nothing,” he said.

“I was watching the way you move,” Iruka said. “The way you tried to lure me out, the way your jutsus work. It wasn’t just me sitting there.”

“I would have shown you,” Kakashi said.

“Yeah, but then I wouldn’t have gotten dinner out of the deal.” Iruka’s nails scratched just enough to be pleasant as he pushed Kakashi back under the spray and pored over his scalp. “Admit it...you were bested by a chunin. An omega, even.” He was smiling softly when he tipped Kakashi’s chin up and asked him to look at him. “Okay? We have time, Kakashi.”

“We don’t know where she is,” Kakashi said. He hesitantly ran his hands up Iruka’s arms to his shoulders, then wound his fingers into the chunin’s hair. They switched positions so the water ran through long brown locks instead of silver and Kakashi was careful to keep his touches chaste as Iruka groaned at the feeling of his fingers. “Please...ah, don’t do that,” Kakashi said. “I--that--sounds--”

Eyes shut, Iruka reached blindly for Kakashi’s hardening cock. “Need help with that?”

_Yes._

“Not in the mood,” Kakashi said hoarsely. Not before dinner and not...not in the place where ghosts lingered. He would not have the memory tainted.

“Oh.” Iruka pulled back, tucking his lip between his teeth before Kakashi told him to step back. They stood in silence listening to the drops fall as he rinsed Iruka’s hair, unsure of how to proceed from here. “Do you want me to leave so you can do it yourself?”

“I’m fine,” Kakashi said. “Come here.” He gently pulled Iruka forward, mindful of the tension in the other man’s shoulders as he stepped into Kakashi’s embrace. “Don’t hide things from me,” he murmured. “It makes me nervous and when I get nervous, I get upset. Please be upfront with me.”

“Okay,” Iruka said. His arms circled around Kakashi’s waist and he nestled his chin over Kakashi’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

Kakashi brought a hand up to cup the back of Iruka’s neck, massaging gently. “Just something to be aware of for next time,” he said. “Now...are you dead set on ramen? Because I know this little sush--”

“Ichiraku’s or bust,” Iruka said into his shoulder, kissing the heated skin. “I require an at least weekly ramen date to be kept pacified. Otherwise I turn into a monster.”

“Even worse than usual?” Kakashi smirked when Iruka looked up with a small scowl. “I’m kidding. No one’s ever called you that before?”

“Anko,” Iruka said. “But I was sick.”

“Well, better get your ramen then,” Kakashi said. “Wouldn’t want my mate turning monstrous on me, hmm?” He turned them around again so the water was at his back. “Get clean and I’ll take you out. Have a proper date before we get married.”

**

A ‘proper date’ included sitting next to Naruto yelling at Teuchi and Ayame about how he was going to become hokage someday, believe it! Iruka pushed the noodles around before letting the chopsticks click against the bowl in irritation. “Maybe we should’ve gone for sushi,” he grumbled.

“He’s a kid,” Kakashi said. “Bound to get excited. At least he’s excited about something and not fucking up the hokage monument like I hear someone else did once upon a time.”

“‘Once upon a time,’ like it wasn’t two years ago.” Iruka stared straight ahead, feeling his face and ears turn red as Kakashi snickered. “Can I blame it on missing my weekly ramen?”

“I don’t think so,” Kakashi said.

“You get weekly ramen too?” Naruto asked, hands grasping at Iruka’s sleeve. “Teuchi gives me some of the leftovers a lot of nights. He’s great, isn’t he?”

“Please don’t touch me,” Iruka said, shrugging him off. He looked to Teuchi. “He is a good man. Takes care of everyone’s ramen needs.”

“It’s my pleasure,” Teuchi said. He walked to the back, and Kakashi nudged Iruka with an elbow.

“You should be nice to him,” he whispered. “He doesn’t have a lot.”

“He’s got that...thing...inside of him,” Iruka said, curling his lip at the way Naruto slurped the remaining liquid in his bowl. “It killed my parents and left me alone to figure out life on my own. Forgive me if I’m a little standoffish.”

“He’s my sensei’s child,” Kakashi said softly. Iruka fished around in the bowl for a piece of pork before setting his chopsticks down again when Naruto grabbed his sleeve once more.

“Hey, remember that time you screwed up my race?” he asked excitedly. “I still got to the top in plenty of time. Almost beat my record--” his face drooped for a second before Ayame set a second bowl in front of him-- “but I forgive you! I got it the next day anyway. Did you get to where you were going that day?”

“Yes.” At another, harder nudge from Kakashi, Iruka sighed and settled his chin into an upturned palm. “I got home in a timely manner that day, Naruto, thank you for asking.”

“You’re the Copy Ninja, aren’t you?” Naruto asked, tugging on Kakashi’s sleeve this time. The jonin went along with it, nodding and answering question after question about life in Konoha. “Are you and Iruka...dating?” he asked conspiratorially, pointing not-so-subtly with his thumb. “Because I think he likes you.”

“Are we, Iruka?” Kakashi asked, and Iruka nodded with a roll of his eyes. “See? He’s not so bad, bud,” he said to Naruto. “He just needs some time. Can you give us some alone time?”

“Yeah!” Naruto’s screech grated on Iruka’s ears and he was pretty sure every reproductive organ turned to sand inside of him. Thankfully he turned away and Iruka’s ears were spared as he began eating once again.

“Was that so bad?” Kakashi asked.

“Yes.” Iruka looked over to see Kakashi’s eye narrowed. “That’s not something that’s going to change anytime soon,” he sighed. “I’m not making any promises.”

“I just ask you try,” Kakashi said. He gestured for Teuchi to bring his to-go bowl before sliding the payment across the counter. “I’m not saying this to be a dick. But you know what it’s like to be a child alone. I do too.” His fingers caught Iruka’s as Iruka tried to pull his hand back, holding tight. “Just try?”  
“I’m making no promises,” Iruka said again as Naruto finished the bowl. Teuchi let him go without paying, and Kakashi slid a bit more money over the counter.

“Oh, no need,” Teuchi said. “We make enough to give him some for free a few times a week.”

“Put it toward ingredients, then,” Kakashi said. Teuchi accepted it with a gracious nod and a thank you, and Kakashi put a hand on the small of Iruka’s back as they walked into the once again rain-soaked street. “You really aren’t much for children, are you?”

Iruka decided against making the sand comment out loud, especially so soon after...well. “It’s not that I mind kids, it’s just that...specific one,” he muttered as they walked. Kakashi’s fingers dig in a bit and Iruka leaned into him. “I’m sorry. I look at him and I see something awful, Kakashi. I see a demon. And I know that’s wrong and I can try to change it, but I’m not sure it’s going to work. Some things are just best left alone.”

“Like a seven year old with no one?” Kakashi asked.

Iruka winced. “You don’t have to put it that way.”

“Seven, Iruka,” Kakashi said. “Compassion?”

“I’ll try.” The rain poured heavier until they were both soaked through again as they walked in the front door. He turned to Kakashi and looked into his eye before flopping his head forward to Kakashi’s chest. “If you promise to help me, I will try.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via Tumblr, Twitter, or join a pretty sweet Discord for all the updates in one place <3


	28. Broken

 

If ever there was a time Iruka believed in ghosts, it was watching Kakashi restlessly pace the halls of his house in the days preceding their marriage. He saw them in the way the alpha started at nothing and in the way he nestled into the couch when they finished their long, sweaty hours of training. Kakashi retreated to his room when their discussions about where they were going to live got heated, and channeled the nervous energy into sparring the next day. 

Iruka attempted to learn from the experience.

Kakashi was a mystery. One minute he was centered, focused, and the next he slipped into a space Iruka didn’t know how to track. Sometimes he smiled under the mask and others...other times the weight of the world seemed to crash down on his shoulders and he took back any gentle touch he might have been about to let slip. 

“I’ll agree on one condition,” Iruka said quietly the night of May 31st. They were sitting on Kakashi’s couch with the last of the sushi between them on a plate, moving boxes surrounding them. Kakashi looked up silently and Iruka offered him the final piece before speaking again. “We move to the old house if I can take control of making it a home again. I promise to do it well.”

“That’s it?” Kakashi asked.

“Yes.” Iruka held a hand out and Kakashi brushed their fingertips together before taking his hand back. “I don’t want this to be a sticking point and yes, you’re right--it’d be a lot easier now when everything’s packed already.”

“Can I say I told you so?” 

Iruka grabbed the plate and Kakashi’s chopsticks to take to the kitchen. “I suppose,” he said, feeling Kakashi creep up behind him. “What, didn’t get enough of me these last few days?”

“Thank you,” Kakashi whispered into his neck. His arms came around Iruka’s stomach and he held Iruka close, seemingly content just to occupy the same space. “I’m not trying to be mean about it, I just…”

“She wrecked you.” Iruka pressed a hand over Kakashi’s and leaned back. “I’m sorry.”

“Mhmm.” Kakashi softly kissed just over his scent glands, earning a shiver and small sigh. “I’ll learn, hopefully.”

“When do you want to start moving?” Iruka asked. “Tomorrow’s papers and we’ll do the change of address forms after that, so it’s your choice. We’ve got two weeks.”

“As soon as possible,” Kakashi said. He kissed Iruka once more and pulled away to sit in the kitchen chair and watch Iruka clean the dishes. His gaze was heavy and Iruka’s skin prickled under the scrutiny. “Is that okay?”

“Fine with me,” Iruka said. 

A knock on the door interrupted them, Anko’s voice hurtling through the wood. “I know you’re in there,” she yelled. “Let me in, Ru.”

“Coming, coming,” he said, muttering as he padded down the hallway to open the door. “Yes?”

She peered around him to where Kakashi was poking his head around the corner, mask pulled back up. “Can I come in?”

“Are you going to be so loud the entire time?” Kakashi asked. “We’ve had a long day.”

“I think you’ll want to hear it from me first,” she said, twisting her hands as Iruka ushered her down the hallway. “I, uh...don’t really know how to start, I guess.”

“From the beginning would be good,” Kakashi said.

“There’s a new rumor going around,” Anko said. “That you, ah--”

Iruka narrowed his eyes. “Don’t tell me it’s about Sera.”

“It’s about Mizuki too?”

Kakashi knit his fingers in front of his face and rested his chin on them. “Mate-killer Kakashi strikes again?”

“I’m sorry.” Anko sat down and laid both hands flat on the table, looking between the both of them. “And just before you guys get married.”

“It’s sort of a sham anyway,” Kakashi murmured, and Iruka glared at him.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m taking it seriously,” he said, crossing his arms. “I wouldn’t be moving into that dusty old place if I wasn’t, so get off your pity pony and at least admit we can work toward making things real between us.”

Kakashi huffed and looked away. “Sorry.”

“Old place?” Anko asked. “Planning on fixing up the Hatake complex?”

Iruka nodded and slouched in a chair, propping his feet up on Anko’s lap and leaning back onto Kakashi’s shoulder.  _ We’ve both had a long day, we can handle this. It’s just another move.  _ “It’ll take a while. Be less time if you helped.”

“We can handle it,” Kakashi said quickly. Anko’s face fell, and his shoulders sunk low. “I just...you’re...it’s mine. Ours. Private.”

“Oh,” she said with a sad shrug. “That’s fine.”

Iruka reached forward to pull her into a one-armed hug, looking at Kakashi out of the corner of his eye. “Maybe after we get settled,” he said. “I’m sure we’ll be plenty busy until then, so Thursday ramen it is, okay?”

“I’ll drag you along too, even if it kills me,” Anko told Kakashi, poking a finger at him. “So help me god.”

“You might actually need one,” Iruka chuckled. Kakashi lightened with each word, and he breathed a sigh of relief. “He’s not really a ramen person.”

“Sacrilege.” Anko clutched at her chest and mimed dying, looking to Iruka for help. “Does the man even like dango?”

“Don’t know, does he?” Iruka asked, brow cocking in question.

“Haven’t really tried it,” Kakashi said.

“I’ve failed you,” she said. Her head fell onto Iruka’s shoulder and they laughed, Kakashi joining in nervously soon after. “I’ll make you both a batch for tomorrow. You’re coming out for drinks with me and Genma and Raidou, okay?”

“Sure,” Kakashi said.

“What a way to celebrate,” Iruka said, beginning to nibble on a fingernail. “Happy almost anniversary, sort of.” He reached back for Kakashi’s hand and smiled when Kakashi laced their fingers together, squeezing a bit when Anko told them they were adorable. “Oh, you wouldn’t say that if you heard him roll around in bed at night,” he said.

“I do not,” Kakashi retorted.

Iruka dipped his head back to meet his eye. “I’m the one who got kicked in the shins more than once.”

“What about the times you nearly crushed my nose with that damn head of yours?”

“That’s my cue,” Anko said. She patted both of them on the shoulder before pulling on her shoes. “Are any other parties allowed at the ceremony?”

“There’s not going to be one,” Kakashi said.

“We were just going to get it done and over with,” Iruka said. “No fuss.” He saw her out the door and waved before turning back to Kakashi. The jonin looked nervously as Iruka lowered himself into his lap, settling an elbow on each shoulder as he stared back. “A sham?” he finally asked.

“It’s forced,” Kakashi whispered.

Iruka slumped forward and laid his head on Kakashi’s shoulder. “That doesn’t mean it’s not workable. Tell me now if that’s what you really think, because if it is, I won’t put the effort in.” Kakashi tensed and he moved forward to mumble against his neck. “I want to, though. We could be great.”

“Could we?” Kakashi sounded far away and Iruka knew without looking he had that haunted look in his eye again. “You’d take the rumors and mudslinging and all the shit that comes with me because you  _ think  _ we’re worth it?”

“Kakashi.” Iruka pulled back to look into his eye as he curled his fingers around Kakashi’s mask and pulled it down bit by bit. “I could have cut and run a thousand times already. Have I?”

“No.”

“Then can you trust me when I say I want us? Please? For me?”

**

Neither spoke other than the standard vows as they married. Iruka’s hand trembled next to Kakashi’s as they signed the papers, Hiruzen looking sadly down on his son while Kakashi felt himself begin to shut down. The air was oppressively humid and he regretted wearing his uniform instead of a lighter set of clothes.

Wasn’t like it was a super formal day anyway.

Records came next, and Kakashi mourned the fact Iruka had elected to keep the Umino name. “You’re sure?” he asked one last time as they got everything in order, and Iruka nodded.

“Positive.”

When everything was said and done, they stood in the living room looking at anything but themselves. “I think this is usually when people…” Kakashi trailed off as Iruka took his hand.

“Fuck.”

“Yeah.” He was agreeing to both the finished statement and the general sentiment of the word, feeling lost in everything swirling around him. Iruka’s fingers tightened around his and he dropped his head. “I don’t know if I want to.”

“Up to you,” Iruka said, leaning forward to bump his forehead against Kakashi’s chest. “We could start moving, if you want to get a leg up on that. Grab a few drinks afterwards.”

Kakashi allowed himself to relax and let Iruka prop him up a bit. “Am I allowed to ask if you can just hold me for a few minutes?”

“I thought you wanted to st--”

“I wanted to be marrying Sera and seeing my family grow.” Kakashi instinctively reached a hand for Iruka’s stomach and found himself pitching forward as Iruka drew back, brow furrowing as he shook his head.

“No, you’re not allowed to ask,” he said.

Immediately, regret set in. He hadn’t meant it, had barely even thought about it before the words slipped out. “Iruka--”

“Don’t.” Iruka pushed his hand away before brushing past him to shut the door to the master. Kakashi was left wanting and waiting as he sank down the wall with his face in his hands. He didn’t mean it, and shouldn’t have said it, and didn’t even want to remember it, let alone bring it up on his wedding day.

Didn’t want to make his omega upset.

Didn’t want to cause him harm.

Frustration and anger bled out from under the door, Iruka’s sweet scent corrupted by Kakashi’s idiocy. He sunk further into himself as he listened to Iruka sigh deeply and lay down before getting up and striding toward the door. Kakashi barely scrambled out of the way before it opened, Iruka’s foot nearly hitting him before he realized where Kakashi sat. “Get up,” he said, and then softer at the fear in Kakashi’s eye, “please.” Kakashi slid up the wall, eyeing Iruka’s extended hand carefully. “Are you afraid of me?”

“I fucked up,” Kakashi said, and Iruka dropped the hand.

“I’m going to tell you three things and you’re going to listen, okay?” Iruka said. Kakashi nodded. “First, I am not Sera. I will never be Sera. I will not abuse you to get what I want because that is not how  _ partners  _ work, Kakashi.” Kakashi nodded again, and he continued. “I will not be second to you in this marriage and I hope I’ve made myself very clear on that.”

“And the third?” Kakashi asked, drawing into himself.

Iruka paused for a few seconds before looking to the floor. “I’m not having children with you.”

Kakashi felt his heart crack, shatter, and cut every artery on its way down to the floor. “Why?” was the only question he could manage, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear the answer.

“I’m never having children,  _ period _ ,” Iruka said. It did nothing to hear it had been his plan from the beginning. Kakashi sagged against the wall as Iruka detailed his reasons, his voice slowly being drowned out by the heartbeat running rampant in Kakashi’s head. He closed his eyes and let himself drop into the rush before Iruka tapped his nose. “Are you listening?”

“Yes,” Kakashi whispered, throat bone dry.

“I’m not saying this for the sake of being cruel,” Iruka said softly, attempting to meet his gaze, “but I’m sorry. I can’t give you a child.”

“It’s fine.”

“I don’t thin--”

“I said it’s fine.” Kakashi turned and shut his door on Iruka as he stared up at the senbon holes in the ceiling. He should have known it was coming. It was only fair, right? Being hurt in return for hurt. This didn’t seem equivalent, though, a dream cast aside in the wake of an accident. Iruka knocked once, and once again several seconds later before just...walking away. “Why?” Kakashi asked again, the room eating the question and leaving him stranded.

“Because you’re too much for Konoha,” he answered before shaking his head. She was wrong. Everything about her was  _ wrong,  _ wrong, and every breath came harder as the shaking began. He needed out. The senbon-pierced ceiling was collapsing as the walls closed around him and he tore at his mask while rushing past Iruka sulking on the couch. “No,” he mumbled when the chunin got up to stop him from going out the side door into the yard. “Stay back.”

He found himself laid out flat on the ground the second he stepped into the dirt. “Stop,” Iruka ordered, needing nothing but a stare to pin him. “Just  _ talk  _ to me.”

“Go get sterilized for all I fucking care,” Kakashi snarled. “Leave like everyone does. Like Sera, and Obito, and Rin, and--”

“Not every thing we disagree on needs to end in you insisting I leave!” Iruka’s eyes flashed dangerously as he grabbed Kakashi’s wrists and held them above his head, leaning down so they were nose to nose. “Fuck, Kakashi, what do I have to do to make you see that? Are you  _ blind?”  _ He thumped Kakashi’s hands against the ground before letting them go with a sigh to rest on Kakashi’s chest. “Are you?” he asked again, fight bleeding out of him. “Because I need to know what I’m in for, too.”

“You say you’re not her and then you hurt me,” Kakashi said. He squirmed out from under Iruka’s dead weight and sat panting in front of him. “You’re no different and now we’re tied.”

“Stay there.” Iruka inched toward him, licking his finger before reaching for his face. Kakashi jerked back at the touch but Iruka was persistent, and soon Kakashi sat still to let the omega clean him. “Fuck,” he repeated, whisper quiet. “We should just stay in tonight. Neither of us is in any condition to be out in public.”

“It’s a big deal,” Kakashi said. “Family is a big deal because every one I’ve had has been broken. I just--” he took a shuddering breath as Iruka’s fingers gave way to the gentle brush of his nose-- “I just want something normal, Iruka. I want to stop being the mate-killer.”

“Simple. Don’t kill me.” Kakashi tried pulling away but found himself stuck. “None of this is going away in an instant, Kakashi. You might earn a nickname in a second but you can’t lose it as easily. You can’t just unlearn things, and I know my temper probably doesn’t help. I’ll be the first to admit that.”

“We don’t want the same things,” Kakashi said.

“What, you think every goal is going to be in sync?” Iruka asked, and Kakashi didn’t know whether to shake his head or nod. “I am your family now. I have the papers proving that.” He sat back and pulled Kakashi forward, allowing the jonin to lay on top of him as he spoke. “Family isn’t always easy. Sometimes it’s really, really fucking hard.”

“Yeah, but--”

“It’s been two weeks in addition to a year of back and forth,” Iruka said. “Do you know how fast I’d run if I based this entire thing on two random weeks throughout that year?”

“Pretty quick, I assume,” Kakashi said.

“I’d sprint.” Kakashi let out an involuntary whine and Iruka’s hands began to stroke over his back. “But two weeks is not a relationship. That  _ year  _ was not a relationship. Stop running and work with me. Stop  _ insisting  _ I’m going to leave and allow me to stay. I want to stay with you, so grow with me. That’s it. Stay. With me.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via Tumblr, Twitter, or join a pretty sweet Discord for all the updates in one place <3


	29. First Comes Marriage

The first Thursday of their honeymoon couldn’t come fast enough for Kakashi. Between moving and attempting some vague, forced form of affection he was simply finished. He hadn’t brought it up again--and  _ wouldn’t-- _ but both men walked on eggshells around each other. It wasn’t until Iruka went with Anko for a few hours that Kakashi felt he could actually breathe. The ropes holding the old swing in the backyard had long crumbled to dust so instead of swinging as he had as a child, he sat under the tree with his head in his arms.

Its limbs had seen more than their fair share of sadness in the years from his birth to just after his father died. He was sure it had seen plenty afterwards as well, as life in Konoha went on around it. It had seen happiness as well but as Kakashi sighed and leaned back against the rough bark, it soaked in the bitter taste of frustration.

“I thought it’d be different,” he said. “I thought maybe--” The tree didn’t answer him, and he let his legs flop down to the ground. “I thought being mated was supposed to be easier. Smell them and it’s all fine, right?” 

Except it  _ wasn’t _ . With Iruka nothing was simple, not even an arm around the shoulder as they settled onto the couch after a long day of cleaning. Everything was a give and take and what Kakashi really wanted was to just rest. His month of missions after Sera had torn him apart had been anything but healthy and the last few weeks with Iruka had been...irritating.

Iruka didn’t understand and he didn’t want to see.

“There’s only so much I can do,” he told the tree. “I should just take what I can get, right? I don’t need another omega rejection, even if we  _ are _ married.” His lip wrinkled as he looked over his ringless finger, sneering at the naivety that seemed to plague his every decision about relationships now. “Should just be happy someone’s taking pity on me.”

He could almost hear her laughing on the breeze.  _ Silly,  _ she’d call him, then ask if he’d given any consideration to how it would affect them. It was never about  _ him _ , he’d begun to realize. Even if he was laid out sicker than a dog and only wanted a moment of peace she was there with a cool rag to ask him how he thought he’d serve Konoha like this.

It was always about the village. 

Every year he’d trudged through in ANBU gear and every stare he’d had to bear for being mate-killer Kakashi was for the village. It was no matter that he’d been broken nearly beyond repair more than once. It was no matter there was a patchwork of scars on both his skin and his heart. It was no matter he’d given up everything and was now being asked to give up the last  _ fucking  _ thing he’d been looking forward to. 

“It’s no matter,” he muttered. “How could I have known it would turn out this way, huh? I was six when it was chosen for me.  _ Six.”  _ He trailed his finger through the dirt before groaning as he got up to dust himself off. “It’s just life.”

The still-dusty entryway watched him nearly pitch head-first into the wall when he tried taking off his shoes. He sat down hard on the bench and just hung his head between his knees as he caught his breath. Weariness had taken root in every bone, weighing him down and pressing between his shoulders until his forehead nearly touched the floor. Maybe he could stay like this, he thought. It was relaxing enough. Wouldn’t be too hard to fall asleep. 

He probably would have, if someone hadn’t rung the doorbell.

Kakashi padded slowly through the house, muscles aching as he opened the front door to see Tenzou with Aoba standing behind him holding a bottle of sake. “Senpai,” the other alpha said with a nod. “We come bearing gifts.”

“You…”

“Congrats, you figured it out,” Aoba muttered. He leaned against the porch post, holding his arm out for a large crow to land on before looking to Kakashi. “So happily mated to your friend here.”

“May we come in?” Tenzou asked.

Kakashi eyed the crow before asking it be left outside. “You’re not wanted, Corvus,” Aoba said, launching it into the air. “Go be with Corax.” 

“We planned on coming sooner, but--” Tenzou shrugged as he sat the bottle on the kitchen counter-- “plans tend to go awry, don’t they?” 

“What are you here for?” Kakashi asked. He crossed his arms and stared both down, his inability to meet Aoba’s eyes through the glasses unnerving him. “I’m busy.” 

Tenzou simply leaned next to him and let his head fall to Kakashi’s shoulder. “Aoba and I have been doing some talking,” he said. “I already know your thoughts on the forced mating and we’d like to share ours.”

“It’s bullshit,” Aoba said.

“You say that like it’s news to me,” Kakashi said. He reached into the cabinet for some glasses and a bottle opener, pouring the drink without ceremony and handing the cups out. “Would you like to know what Iruka so kindly informed me of the other day?” He didn’t wait for a confirmation before continuing. It wasn’t as if it was a secret. “He’s never having children with me. Ever.” The alcohol bit at his throat as he tipped the glass back, pulling the liquid through his mask. “Not even a conversation, just a straight up ‘no.’”

“I’m sorry,” Tenzou said. “That’s...unfortunate?”

“You can say it fucking sucks, Tenzou,” Aoba said. “Don’t sugarcoat it.”

“Are you saying you have different plans?” Tenzou asked, and Aoba’s spine instantly stiffened. “Didn’t think so.”

“Tell me or get out, please,” Kakashi snapped, face softening at Tenzou’s frown. “I’m sorry, I just--”

“We came to say you’re not alone,” Aoba said. “That’s it. We’ll be going now.” He pushed off the kitchen table and brushed past Tenzou to hold the door open. “I’d like to get the Intelligence offices in order before Shikaku comes back. It’s devolved into an absolute disaster.” 

“Are you going to say goodbye?” Tenzou asked.

“No need,” Kakashi said, waving him away to pour another drink. It’d help him sleep, he supposed. “I’ll see you two around if I don’t end up earning my moniker, hmm?” He shut the door in Tenzou’s startled face before taking off the mask completely and draining the glass again. The old bones of the house groaned along with him as he tossed the glass in the sink and flopped onto the bedrolls they’d laid out on the floor. “You’ve heard the stories, Tenz,” he told the empty room. “Are you so sure I’m as different as you think?”

**

The first Thursday of their honeymoon couldn’t come fast enough for Iruka. Near five he shot out of the house like a bat out of hell, stopping to catch his breath in alley. The first week had been insane, cleaning and avoiding and more cleaning. Mostly avoiding. Kakashi had the sullen look of a beaten dog about him and Iruka wasn’t about to back down because of a few hitched breaths and sideways glances. He’d been sitting outside when Iruka left, claiming he needed a break from cleaning. 

Iruka hadn’t questioned it.

The stroll to Ichiraku was pleasant, if a little sticky in the mid-June heat. His ponytail was beginning to brush the nape of his neck, even though gathered on the crown of his head. “Might as well have her cut it again,” he mumbled to himself as he pulled back the curtain. “Hey, Teuchi.”

“Iruka.” The man nodded to where Anko was reading a newspaper at the end of the bar. “Apologize to Naruto yet?”

“Was I supposed to have?”

Anko set the newspaper down with a sigh. “Our darling ramen man here told me you were quite the dick to the poor kid. I thought I taught you better than that, Ru.”

“I have no need to be kind to him,” Iruka said. “I was pleasant enough.” 

_ Thwack!  _ Anko rolled the paper and hit him over the head, earning herself a proper scowl. “We are kind to all humans,” she said, to Teuchi’s amusement and Iruka’s irritation. “Especially  _ young children who have no idea why you’re being mean.”  _

“Hey, I--” Anko whacked him again, and he rubbed where she was beginning to muss his hair. “I try, okay? I’ve been keeping up with boundaries and cleaning and everything else with Kakashi, even though he’s been avoiding me. He’s got issues, Anko.”

“Yeah, well, issues took her ass out of the village weeks ago,” Anko said. They both ordered and when Teuchi went back to begin cooking, she turned to face him. “How’s the boundaries going now that you live together?”

“He told me on the first he was supposed to have married Sera and be having a kid, so I told him he wasn’t allowed to ask to touch me and I wasn’t doing the kid thing.” Iruka gave her a sideways glance when he noticed her jaw drop. “What?”

“Why would you say that?” she exclaimed, each word punctuated by another newspaper thud until he crossed his arms in front of his face. “So soon, Iruka! Way too soon! Timing!”

“He wasn’t getting near me after that!” Iruka grabbed the paper and pulled her closer, nose-to-nose as he stared into her eyes. “And it’s better he know now.”

“You’re a fool,” Anko said as she let the paper go, nearly allowing him to fall backwards at the sudden loss of force. She shook her head. “I  _ really  _ thought you were better than that. Did you at least help him through it afterwards?”

“I would’ve, if he wouldn’t have cringed away from every touch,” Iruka muttered. He turned back to face the bar and rolled his eyes when Teuchi shot him a questioning glance. “I thought we came for food and friendship, not you hitting me.”

“As your beta--”

“Ex.”

“Fucker. As your  _ friend,”  _ Anko said, “and as someone who wants for you to be happy, you need to learn to suck it up, Ru. Kakashi isn’t me. I  _ can’t  _ have pups. Ever. Orochimaru took that away from me. Kakashi? Seems to be the one thing he wants. How  _ dare  _ you tell me that this soon after Sera aborted his baby you made it very clear you want no part of that?”

“It’s better than false hope, okay?” Iruka tossed his hands in the air exasperatedly. “And it was bound to happen sooner rather than later.” Teuchi brought their food and made himself scarce at Anko’s terse smile. “Right? I thought you’d be proud of me.”

“You were not taught to hurt people,” Anko said. “While I’m proud of you for sticking to your boundaries I could not be more disappointed in your execution. Alphas may be the favored sex but they’re not gods, Iruka, and you are not Kakashi’s savior. I’m coming over Saturday and you’d better have apologized before then. Ah--” she said, silencing Iruka before she continued-- “and it will be to my satisfaction. If Kakashi doesn’t have his past support network, someone’s gotta do it.”

“Fine.” 

“It had better be.” Both tucked into their food, people slowly filling the counter as they avoided each other’s glances. When they were finished, Anko pushed the bill toward him. “Penance,” she said. “I will get next week if you’ve apologized properly.”

“Whatever,” he muttered. He tried slipping off the stool and out the door after paying but she grabbed his elbow at the last second, halting him at the curtain. “I’ll apologize, okay? I came to have ramen with my friend and that obviously failed, so I’m going home now.”

“Get over here.” She dragged him out and sat him on the bench outside, setting a leg across his lap when he tried to bolt. “I am your friend, Ru. That hasn’t changed.”

Iruka sniffed and looked pointedly away. “Friends don’t hit friends.”

“It was with a newspaper.”

“Point still stands,” he said, freezing when she put the second leg over him and leaned over the armrest to gesture to Raidou who was walking down the road with one of the twins. 

Raidou glanced at Iruka’s face before walking over anyway, sitting on his other side with Shouto cradled in one arm. “Long time, no see,” he said to both. “Boys miss you, Iruka.”

“Aww, nothing about Auntie Anko?” Anko asked, pushing her bottom lip out in a pout. “Sad day.”

“And Anko,” Raidou amended, handing the baby over to her when she reached for him. “Right, Shouto?”

The child began to fuss and not for the first time, Iruka’s teeth ground together at the noise. “I’ve been busy cleaning house with Kakashi,” he said. “Sort of a long project when the house has sat unused for over ten years.”

“Oh, I can imagine,” Raidou said. “Any time you want a break, Genma and I could use your services.”

“I’m fine,” Iruka said quickly. Once the twins had passed the newborn stage they’d gotten frustrating, and now that both parents were about to go back to work Iruka was almost certain he didn’t want to be used as a sitter. Other people’s kids were bad enough. His own, with no escape?

Never.

“Genma has the other one?” Anko asked, cooing at Shouto until he quieted. “Did someone miss me?” she said to the child. “Did someone miss me? Huh? Seeing my beautiful face calmed you down?”

“You’re being weird,” Iruka said. He gently pushed her legs off, careful not to jostle Shouto. “And I’m going home.”

“What’s the rush?” Raidou asked, looking between the two with mounting concern. “Is everything okay?” 

“Never better,” Iruka said. “Never, ever--”

“Stop bullshitting me,” Raidou said. He got up after making sure Anko was set and would watch his bags, then trotted after Iruka. “I know that face. What’s wrong with you?”

“Can everyone stop  _ pestering _ me??” Iruka’s voice drew several stares as he held both hands out, keeping Raidou at arm’s length. “I’m sorry. It’s been a long several weeks and I know I promised I’d get Kakashi over there to meet the twins but he won’t even speak to  _ me  _ right now, let alone you, and I ju--”

“It’s hard, isn’t it?” Raidou asked, interrupting him. Iruka nodded as his lip began to tremble. “I know it probably means absolutely squat to you right now, but it does get better. I promise. Kakashi’s a good man and he’ll take care of you.”

“I don’t want that, though,” Iruka said. He felt his body begin to droop and he walked forward to press his head into Raidou’s chest with a groan. “I don’t want someone to take care of me, Rai, I want someone who will change things with me. And if he’s so fucking caught up in kids and family, I don’t know if he’s the one for that.”

Raidou put an arm over his shoulders and began steering him back to the bench where Anko was busy with Shouto. “Kakashi has lost every family he’s had,” he said softly, waving to the baby when Anko turned toward him. “He lost his father, he lost his ANBU family when he left, he lost Sera, and I can only assume he feels as if he’s lost Genma now that we have what he’s wanted. Forget alphas and omegas and all that shit, Iruka. It’s not your alpha you’re working with, it’s a person. As soon as you can see that, things might start to change. Get easier for you.”

“Uh huh.” Iruka ducked out from under his arm when they got to the bench, shaking his head when Anko offered Shouto to him. “‘M going home now,” he mumbled, avoiding her gaze and scuffing his sandal in the street. “I’ll see you Saturday, I guess.” 

**

The first thing Kakashi noticed as he swam out of unconsciousness was Iruka’s scent surrounding him. It wouldn’t be too unusual, except he’d fallen asleep in his own roll with his own blanket, and he was definitely curled around Iruka’s pillow. “Mmm,” he mumbled, content enough to simply plant his face in the fabric and settle back down after tucking his knees closer to his chest.

The warmth at his back threw him fully into the waking world. Iruka’s hand was resting on his hip, heat spreading through the fabric of his pants until he jerked away as if burned. If Iruka would not allow Kakashi to touch him, fuck if he was going to get the same pleasure. “Wake up,” he said, pushing Iruka’s shoulder after making sure his mask was firmly in place. When Iruka didn’t, he pushed again. “Now.”

“‘S bedtime,” Iruka mumbled, turning over before Kakashi shook him again. “What?” he asked crabbily.

“Get out of my bed.”

“‘Kashi…” Iruka reached for him with one hand, carefully swatted away as Kakashi scrambled backwards. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“I said get  _ off,”  _ Kakashi said. He set his lips in a firm like and glared--as much as one could glare with one eye--until Iruka rolled off of the bed roll with a scoff. “This is  _ mine.  _ Not yours. Mine.”

“I thought we were a te--”

“I meant what I said.  _ Get.”  _ Kakashi growled softly, frustration at the way Iruka shuddered nearly outweighing the anger at the chunin’s insistence he’d never bear Kakashi’s pups. “I’m going to the other room.” He began to pick up the fabric before letting it drop to the floor. “Actually, no. You’re going to the other room. This is my house.”

“It’s  _ ours,”  _ Iruka grumbled, tucking his legs under his arms as he scooted back against the wall. “You don’t tell me what to do.”

“But you get to scream about not ever having children with me?” Kakashi sat down heavily on his own roll. “Other room.”

“I’m setting limits,” Iruka said.

“And so am I.” Kakashi nearly snapped again when Iruka didn’t move, but took a deep breath instead. “You’re not the only one allowed to have them.”

“I was going to apologize,” Iruka said. He moved slowly, each inch careful under Kakashi’s eye to make sure there were no surprises. “And say I was sorry I was maybe a little unnecessarily abrupt.”

“A little?” Iruka nodded, and Kakashi crossed his arms. “Try a lot. Do you realize how upsetting it is to hear--” he held a finger to his lips, eye slipping shut at the sudden onslaught of emotion-- “And not that long after--”

“I’m sorry, okay? It was wrong and I’ve got the sound of Anko’s paper ingrained in my head at this point,” Iruka said. “You hurt me too.”

“Two wrongs don’t make a right,” Kakashi said. He dropped the hand in favor of pulling his blanket over his shoulders and sinking in until only his eye remained uncovered. “I’m sorry too, but that was uncalled for. And it doesn’t mean you can sleep next to me and make everything okay.”

“I know, but--”

“You need to ask permission too.”

Iruka grunted and turned his head away. “Thought we weren’t going to play that game,” he said. 

“I spent seven years with someone who didn’t want to play that game. Do you know where that got me?” Kakashi asked, and Iruka sat completely still. “Ruined.”

“You’re not ruined, Kakashi,” Iruka said. He slowly unfolded himself and held a hand out as he moved toward the jonin, as if approaching a wild animal. “You’ll be fine.”

“What about being a team?” Kakashi blurted before he could stop himself. “What about being a family and making everything okay? What about working together and coming up with solutions and compromises and all the stuff normal people do?” He pulled the blanket tighter when Iruka was nearly touching his shin, burying his face in the fabric to escape the chunin’s eyes. “Why can’t I--we--just be normal?”

“Because we’re both the last of our clans?” Iruka offered.

Kakashi tightened his grip. “I didn’t think I would be. I thought I’d have another, but I was wrong about that, too, wasn’t I?”

“Kakashi, that’s not it.”

“You won’t take my last name, I had to fight tooth and nail to get you to live away from where I lived my nightmare, you won’t have kids with me,” Kakashi listed. “Are you really going to try ‘that’s not it’?”

Iruka bit his lip. “I’m trying to say I’m sorry,” he whispered. “Can we call it baby steps?” His eyes widened when Kakashi tensed. “Small steps,” he said in a rush. “Tiny, little, uh, small, baby--” With that, he pulled away and dragged his bedding to the other room. There wasn’t another word out of him until he finished organizing, and even that was the faintest ‘sorry’ Kakashi had ever heard.

It wasn’t until several minutes later he realized he was still holding the chunin’s pillow. Without Iruka to see, he slid the mask down and simply sat for a few minutes, breathing the scent in. While it wasn’t quite the same as it had been when he’d woken up in Iruka’s apartment it was still calming, and he allowed himself to relax before stepping through the door to look over Iruka’s still very obviously awake form. “You forgot this,” Kakashi said softly.

“Keep it.”

Kakashi sighed and knelt by his side, pushing the pillow into his back. “Can you just take it?”

Iruka tucked himself into the fetal position. “I don’t want to be a bad partner,” he said, reaching back with one hand as he turned his face to the floor. “I don’t want to hurt.”

“Me either,” Kakashi said. He took the hand and settled onto his ankles until Iruka tugged him closer. “Iruka?”

“Can you call me Ru? I had a really hard day and that’s what Anko used to do,” Iruka breathed. “I’m tired of everything being so fucked and everyone being mad at me and I  _ just  _ wanted this to be easy.”

“Easy is not the shinobi way,” Kakashi said. Cautiously, he laid himself out after putting the pillow below Iruka’s head. “Easy is for people who aren’t enough for our world.”

“Being a ninja is easy,” Iruka said, pulling Kakashi’s arm over his stomach and settling back against him. “It’s everything else that’s shit.”

“Mmm.” Kakashi took his chances with nuzzling into the back of Iruka’s neck, and was paid with a quiet sigh and a shiver. “Is that okay?”

“I want you to do the thing,” Iruka said, and Kakashi pressed up to look at him in confusion. “The--” he gestured to the back of his neck-- “the thing. I showed it to you. I need it.” 

For nearly a week, the omega’s scent had been laced with anger and sadness but it seemed to have mellowed into an even melancholy now, unchanging even as Kakashi’s lips made contact with the skin of his neck. He did not smell like he was okay, and Kakashi tightened his arm slightly as he scraped his teeth gently over the flesh. “I forgive you,” he mumbled when Iruka tilted forward for better access. “I still don’t like it, but I do.”

“‘M sorry.” 

“Thank you,” Kakashi said. The smell surrounded him with every kiss, nibble, and bite, and when Iruka said that was enough he moved up to rest his chin on the top of Iruka’s head. “You’re right about one thing, you know.”

“Oh?”

“We’ll figure it out eventually. An ex-ANBU and a future teacher. That’s a hell of a combination, right?” Kakashi asked. “Different, yeah, but--” he sighed-- “I think we could do much worse for ourselves. We just have to find our way.” 

**

Anko showed up bright and early the next morning, looking a nearly boneless Iruka up and down as she bent down to smell him. “You smell...sad?”

“Not as bad as it was,” Iruka mumbled. “I thought you weren’t coming until Saturday.”

“Got a mission,” she said, waving a scroll. “Won’t be back for a few days and I figured sooner would be better than later. Hatake!” 

Iruka heard a low groan from the room before Kakashi’s head peeked out, hair going every which way and mask barely pulled up enough to cover things. “What do you want?” he asked.

“Did Iruka apologize?”

“We both did,” Iruka said, blocking her from entering the hall. “And we’re still tired, so can we go back to sleep?” 

“Not until I hear him say it,” Anko said.

Kakashi shuffled down the hall to lean behind Iruka. “It was a hard day and things got heated on both sides of the argument. It will almost certainly happen again and I assure you if we can get through this one at that time, we will get through it again.”

She narrowed her eyes as she looked between them. “I’m watching you both,” she said. “Someone’s gotta. Since you’ll ‘certainly’ have problems in the future again.” She sighed before smiling and reaching in to pat Iruka’s cheek. “Be good to him. And when I get back, I expect ramen.”

“Even if it’s before Thursday?” he called down the steps.

“Maybe we can all go out,” she said. “Make a night of it.” 

“Whatever,” Kakashi mumbled, yawning as he turned back to the bedroom. “I’ll go for ramen. Jus’ not now. Back to bed.”

Iruka followed him and stretched out along his side, barely touching in the early morning light. “Does that mean we can go for lunch?” he asked. Kakashi groaned in response. “Doing another bell test and going for ramen afterwards, deal,” Iruka said. He rolled over and slid a hand over Kakashi’s chest, the other settling under his pillow. “When we wake up again. Maybe we can take a day off.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via Tumblr, Twitter, or join a pretty sweet Discord for all the updates in one place <3


	30. Push

 

In the few days it had taken them to travel to Oto, Sera began to miss the warmth of the sun on her back. The journey was obscured by clouds and rain and all manner of storms, and Orochimaru was largely silent as they journeyed.

She didn’t know what the silence meant.

They arrived to the sound of children laughing in the large stone temples. “Dosu, Kin, and Zaku,” Orochimaru said, lining them up for introductions. “They are under my protection.” When Sera asked if they were his, the three scattered as he hissed in irritation. “How _dare_ you ask me that,” he said, taking her chin in a bony hand and nearly crushing it. “After all I have been through, how dare you?”  
“It’s been years,” she gasped. “Maybe you’d changed your mind.”

“You’d know all about that, wouldn’t you?” Orochimaru tossed her away and she stumbled, nearly hitting the floor before she caught herself on a post. “Changing your mind. Becoming one with the enemy. Have you forgotten exactly what it was you were sent back for?”

“To get Kakashi and bring him here, take down Konoha,” she said. She couldn’t meet his eyes, choosing to stare at the tile as his footsteps drew nearer. “I tried, sir, I tried.”

“You failed. Do you remember what happens to failures in Oto?” Sera began to shake as the memory of her last failure wrestled its way to the forefront of her mind. “You do,” he said. “You remember the blood and the pain and the lovely noise your fingers made when I broke them, don’t you?”

“Please,” she whispered. He stopped in front of her and before she could block him, he wound a hand in her hair to force her face up. “I did my best. I did what I could.”

“Did you really think that was enough?” Sera’s hands scrabbled over his arm as he pulled her head further back, restricting her oxygen and making it even harder to speak.  _ “Answer me.” _

“It wasn’t,” she rasped out. “It would never be good enough until I succeeded.”

Orochimaru left her to sag against the pillar. “Once wasn’t enough,” he said, footsteps echoing before rain began to fall. “They found you and healed you and for  _ what?  _ To save the snake in their midst? You were lucky I didn’t kill you when I had the chance.” He stopped, hair sliding down his back as he looked over his shoulder. “Well,” he smirked, “lucky for me, anyway. It’s been too long and my fingers are itching to pick up my old tools.”

Sera did her best to shrink into the stone. “I can do it,” she whispered, and he strode over to crack his hand across her face. The sting radiated out as it dulled into a low ache, and then his knuckles hit her other cheek. “I can,” she cried. “I swear.”

“You lost that chance the second you left that omega’s body lying there,” Orochimaru said. One of the children shrieked outside at a roll of thunder, and both turned to see Dosu and Zaku laughing at Kin. “They will grow to be more than you ever could for me,” he said, looking back to her. “They are not disappointments. I knew better than to trust a Konoha shinobi.”

“They’re so young,” she said. “Surely you need som--” Spots danced across her vision as Orochimaru’s hand closed around her throat, pinning her to the stone as he glared maliciously over her. “Experienced,” she croaked out. 

“My experienced soldiers have made their way to the bottom of Konoha’s shit heap,” Orochimaru spat. “One’s been taken in by the same lies your  _ partner  _ was, one’s not old enough to be much use, one’s gone silent, and the other’s  _ you.”  _ His fingers tightened and Sera’s hands scrabbled over his arm, nails tearing at the fabric as he held her fast. “Experience means nothing if you can’t do your job.”

Sera fell to her knees when she let him go. Kin met her eyes and in the split second before Zaku tackled the younger girl, Sera thought she saw horror in her eyes. “Please--”

“Get the fuck up.” Orochimaru nearly wrenched her arm from its socket as he pulled her to her feet and shoved her toward the hall at the back of the temple. “You will sit and think about what it is you’ve done, what you’ve cost me. What you’ve cost  _ us.”  _ His eyes flashed in the torchlight when she looked back, nearly tripping over her own feet as she clumsily brought her hands into a seal. “Fool,” he hissed, yanking both hands behind her back until they arrived at a door. 

“No, sir,” she whispered, recognition dawning. “I’m better, I’m  _ better!”  _

It didn’t matter how many times or how loud she screamed, she knew, but something was better than nothing. The same chains littered the walls, water dripped in the same puddle in the corner, mold grew on the dingy floor as Sera shook her head. She’d spent so long here last time, nearly wasting away as Orochimaru bent her until she broke. 

The skin of her palms split open on the rough hewn wall as Orochimaru tossed her in. “You remember this place, good,” he sneered from the doorway. She attempted running at him and found herself flat on the floor, staring eye-to-eye at a large viper. “He’ll keep you company while you sit and think,” he continued as the snake hissed, “because it’s about time you learned what it is to fear.”

He left and she wasn’t sure how long she laid in the darkness with naught but the snake for company but eventually, she fell into a fitful sleep. She dreamed of a time before all of this, the deception and horror, and when she woke up, she was horrified to discover it hadn’t been real.

The water from the corner tasted the same as she remembered. Unlike last time, she knew not to drink too much. Even if the uniform she’d been in had been left in one piece after Orochimaru’s attack, she doubted the smell of urine would have washed out. There was no such thing as niceties in this room, no such thing as kindness or warmth or anything remotely good. There was pain and iron and disgust, but no good.

Except her.

She didn’t belong here. The viper was curled in the corner furthest from her, watching her with beady eyes as she huddled into herself. It was just as cold as last time, too, the Oto wind flying through the grooves in the stone to cut her to the bone. It was just as well, because Orochimaru’s knives hurt just a bit less when her flesh was cool. The ache from being strung up like a piece of meat wasn’t as awful when you could barely feel it.

“I did well,” she muttered. “I’m a good beta. I’m a good soldier. I’m good. I am. I killed him. I  _ killed  _ him.” She shook her hands and the snake hissed. “I did what I had to!”

Its eyes knew her secrets, she swore. 

“You don’t care about it at all,” she said. “You don’t give a fuck about why I couldn’t just take him from Konoha. He’s not the man Orochimaru thinks he is. He’s not. He doesn’t want anything but Iruka and a family and to hurt me, that’s what he wants. Hatake Kakashi isn’t nearly as powerful as I am. He’s not nearly half the person I am.” 

Seemingly satisfied with her outburst, the snake coiled and simply continued to watch as she laid down, sat up, did everything possible to keep herself occupied in the room. Boredom was the enemy now. If she got bored she got complacent and if there was one thing she’d learned from Kakashi, complacency was death. Being locked in a room with a moldy puddle of water and nothing else meant worse things to come. She knew this.

He’d been kind last time. No major arteries or veins had been cut. Her fingers were all intact--broken, but intact. The bruises had faded and the scars had healed, and she was grateful for a second chance. 

She wasn’t sure how lucky she’d be this time.

“Maybe he’ll take some teeth, huh?” she asked eventually. There was no way to judge how long she’d been here but her stomach was beginning to rumble, bringing out a growl from her. “That’s more permanent. And maybe he’ll actually take the fingers this time. I’ve seen him do it. Or maybe, maybe…” She tapped her fingers on her lips. “Maybe he’ll take pity on me.”

When she saw the snake unrolling itself, she laughed. “Pity,” she groaned, falling back against the wall. She could feel the way it snagged on her uniform as she slid down and yelled in frustration. “Fucking take me out and beat me already,” she cried. “Take what you’re going to and leave me to die, sir, I know that’s what you want!”

Orochimaru did not answer.

“I should’ve taken the damn omega when I had the chance,” she said, rolling over onto her side. “Took him and skinned him and pinned his fingers to that fucker’s window. Kakashi, you  _ bastard,  _ you ruined  _ EVERYTHING!”  _ Her foot struck the wall as she kicked backwards and she began doing it again and again. “Stupid--fucking--Konoha--Kakashi--Iruka--Mizuki--rules--” 

After some time, sense won out and she slumped to the floor, defeated. “Stupid me for thinking I could  _ do  _ something about it.” The snake slithered over, sliding over her wrist to drape itself over her side. “Bite me,” she said. “Get it over with. He wants me dead anyway. Just kill me.”

A knock on the door answered her request, a sliver of light spilling into the room before a sandal appeared. “Are you finished with your tantrum yet?” a familiar voice asked.

“No,” she whispered. “No, no, no, no--”

“Oh yes,” the woman answered. A stick clattered to the floor and Sera nearly lunged for it before realizing it was empty.  _ He’d never let me have food, not in here.  _ “You thought you were the only one favored by him?” Anko twirled a kunai in her hand and grinned as she gripped it. “Think again.”

**

Two days after she showed up on Kakashi and Iruka’s doorstep, Anko reappeared during the middle of a sparring session with Naruto in tow. “Hey!” she called across the training field. “Found this one wandering aimlessly around and he said he was watching you both!”

Iruka dropped his weapons when Kakashi did. “So?” he asked, narrowing his eyes slightly at the way the boy tried hiding behind Anko. “We’re busy.”

“Not  _ too  _ busy.” Kakashi trotted forward and squatted in front of Naruto to ruffle the unruly blond hair. “Did you like our moves?”

“I was at Ichiraku and they weren’t open yet and I wanted to see some cool stuff,” Naruto said. Anko pushed him forward and he clasped his hands in front of himself, looking away from Iruka’s gaze as he swayed back and forth. “I was going to race on the fields but you guys were practicing and those are sharp--” he pointed to Iruka’s kunai and Kakashi’s sword on top of a post-- “and I don’t have any bandages anymore.”

“Why not?” Kakashi asked softly.

“Don’t have money and I fell last week.”

Anko put a hand on his shoulder and motioned Iruka over. “Now’s the time to make amends,” she said, a silent ‘don’t  _ dare _ think of saying no’ in her eyes. “Iruka, would you like to take him to the store to get some?” 

“N--”

“We’d love to,” Kakashi said with a hard glance. Turning back to Naruto, he asked, “Can you give us a few minutes to pack up? Weapons won’t carry themselves home.”

“Okay!” Naruto clapped and looked up at Anko with wide eyes. “Are you coming too?”

“Gotta go turn in my report, kid,” she said. “These two’ll take good care of you.”

“Right,” Iruka muttered as he packed his gear and wiped his face. Ending training in the middle wasn’t great and ending it to take care of Naruto was worse, but he wasn’t going to get hit with a paper again. Neither was he going to be subjected to Kakashi’s drawn out sighs as they cleaned and unpacked. “Let’s go, we don’t have all day.”

Naruto tugged on Kakashi’s sleeve and Iruka caught a smile under the black mask. “Can I train with you someday?” he asked, and Kakashi nodded.

“Do you have anything going on this afternoon?” he asked.

“Nope!” Naruto chirped.

“We’re moving, Kakashi,” Iruka said.

“We can all use a break.” Kakashi pushed Naruto gently ahead and held a hand out for Iruka to take, scoffing softly when he brushed past without taking it. “Can you at least try to be friendly in front of others?” he snipped when Anko was out of earshot. “If not because you enjoy being around me, then because you don’t want to be with the mate-killer? I’m still human, you know.”

“I’m not letting him in the house,” Iruka muttered. “Not when everything’s a mess.”

Kakashi glared before letting his shoulders drop as he sighed. “Whatever,” he said. “I’ll play with him in the yard. Keep in the house if it pleases you, but at least keep the visible disgust on your face away from him. He’s got it bad enough without you.”

Iruka stopped, jaw dropping until Kakashi looked back. “Me?” he asked, and Naruto looked to him.

“You’re coming with!” he announced.

“He is,” Kakashi said.

“I’m not.” Iruka glared at Kakashi before transporting back to the house and slamming the door behind him. “There is  _ no  _ reason I have to invite him in the house and even less that I should have to go  _ shopping  _ for him,” he snapped at the empty walls, ignoring the small voice in the back of his head that concurred with Anko and Kakashi. “I’m fine without him. He doesn’t need me.”

The halls rang as he shut the door to his room and began to unpack in irritation, tossing books everywhere before he got to the bottom of one box, then did the same to another. He lost track of time until eventually he heard the front door shut with a  _ click.  _ There was barely controlled rage in Kakashi’s scent and where it would have cowed anyone else, it only served to anger Iruka as he ripped the door open and came face to face with the Sharingan. “What,” the alpha asked as he let his hitai-ate thud to the floor, “the fuck...is your problem?”

**

Sera didn’t bother rattling the chains she was shackled with when Anko appeared the second time. She’d been fed a ration bar, just enough to keep her alert while the other beta took out years worth of frustration on her. “You left me,” Anko had said. “You left Kurenai. You left your teammates and for what, Sera? What could be worth that?”

“Power,” Sera had said, and Anko had sunk a fist deep into her gut with a grimace. 

“We could have seized it ourselves,” Anko had said. “You’re nothing but a deserter and a menace.”

Now, the other woman didn’t bother with words before starting in on Sera’s thighs. Each shallow slice stung like no other but Sera supposed she should be grateful that was all it was. Blood wasn’t  _ pouring  _ and no one was taking her fingernails, right? She’d had worse.

The worst part now was the waiting. Anko had bound her eyes and gagged her when she left the first time and had not removed the cloth when she came back. There was a slight shuffle before she began to move but there was no rhyme or reason to the cuts. One minute she sliced across the top of her thighs and paused to watch the blood trickle down and the next she was cutting patterns down the sides and remarking how pretty the split skin was. “He’s so disappointed,” she said, “and you’re so unworthy of the title ‘soldier.’”

Sera wouldn’t have argued if she could. She’d failed, hadn’t she? She’d abandoned her teammates at the prospect of seizing the village and bending it to Orochimaru’s will. Two other betas didn’t matter in the face of power and now she was paying for it. 

“He cut me open, you know,” Anko said, smacking a wide-open palm over the fresh cuts and causing Sera to cry out into the cloth. “Sort of like I’m doing to you except it was deeper, Sera, so much deeper. He reached inside me and stole any chance of me being able to become more than just a beta.” She pulled back, distancing herself before spitting at Sera’s feet. “He tried to make me an alpha and he  _ mutilated  _ me. It’s all your fault.”

_ I did what was best,  _ Sera wanted to scream.  _ I did what was the right thing to do for all of us!  _

“Did you know that?” Anko asked. Sera heard her digging in a pouch before the cool of a senbon dragged over her arm, point barely tickling the sensitive skin of her inner bicep. “I haven’t really been able to look at myself in the mirror since we were rescued because it’s  _ hideous--”  _ she punctuated the word with a poke, bringing more tears to Sera’s eyes-- “and there you were, fucking an alpha like it was all you were made to do. You were unblemished. You were just perfect, weren’t you? The perfect little bitch for Orochimaru to prey on.”

Sera shook her head and Anko laughed. “Liar.”

“Pet,” Orochimaru’s voice sounded from the door. “Don’t you think the poor girl’s had enough?” His footsteps echoed and with each click of his shoes, Sera tried crawling into the wall. “She’s soaked her blindfold.” He clicked his tongue and took the fabric off gently, leaving Sera to stare with bleary eyes at Anko snarling behind him. “Has she treated our guest nicely, Sera? Hmm? Oh that’s right, Anko, I forgot--” he loosened the gag and covered Sera’s mouth with a hand before she could scream-- “this one doesn’t deserve kindness.”

“Stop,” Sera sobbed into his fingers. Weak, she was, so weak if she was already crying, and all of them knew it. “Let me go back. Prove myself.”

“One chance was enough,” Orochimaru said. “Leave us, please.”

Anko tossed the senbon to the pouch with a groan. “I didn’t even get to do anything too awful to her,” she whined before Orochimaru’s glare sent her skittering toward the door.

Sera looked to the slight gleam of his eyes in terror as he licked his lips. “There, there,” he crooned, running a knuckle down her bruised cheek. “Why so nervous? You had to know this was coming. Was Hatake Kakashi all worth it?” Without warning, he viciously ripped the front of her vest open and rent the shirt beneath it in two. She whimpered as he pressed a hand to her stomach. “Was he worth destroying Konoha’s future generation?”

“Y-yes,” she said, jerking away from his freezing fingers as they slid up,  _ just  _ teasing under her bra. “It was all worth it because he doubts now, he has to. He has to.” She bit down on her lip as he tore that fabric away too, leaving her skin to pebble under the oppressive coolness of the stone. “I swear, I  _ swear  _ he’ll come with you now. He sees. He sees. He sees.”

To her surprise, Orochimaru produced a key. First he unlocked the restraints on her ankles, caressing the raw skin from where she’d attempted escaping Anko’s knife, and then her hands, leaving her to crumple to the floor. “You’d say anything to escape right now,” he remarked, pressing a foot between her shoulders. “I  _ know  _ you, do not forget that. I have known every fucking inch of your body since the day you said ‘yes, master.’”

She was the lucky one, she reminded herself. No horrible medical manipulation of her body, not like Kurenai and Anko. She was favored. She was good. She was the one chosen from them to usher in a new age. She was the one who would  _ help,  _ so why couldn’t he see that? Why couldn’t he see the good she’d done?

Why couldn’t he see it was all for him?

“Quit your sniveling,” he said with a nudge to her shoulder. “You’re even more useless when you’re crying. I taught you better. I broke you of those habits. Konoha’s made you weak. Kakashi has made you weak.  _ Love--”  _ he kicked harder when she attempted crawling forward-- “makes you weak. Love exploits your good will until you’re nothing but a shell, loving someone--” He paused for a breath, clenching his fists as he centered himself. “Love is not worth your time and that is a lesson you should have learned long ago.” 

Sera’s hands clutched at the floor as she wept silently, watching him walk away to leave her in darkness again. She didn’t dare clean herself from the puddle because an infection was the last thing she needed now, but she did drink. Her body shook as the wounds scraped over the stone, her pants having long since been discarded. After she’d had enough she retreated to the corner again under the watchful viper and draped herself in the tattered remains of her clothing before falling into sleep.

**

“What--” Iruka scoffed-- “What the fuck is  _ my  _ problem?” He shrank slightly under Kakashi’s gaze, more so when Kakashi pressed a palm to the wall beside his head. “What’s  _ your _ problem?”

“You are being a  _ child.”  _ Kakashi pressed further, corralling Iruka back into his room and shutting the door so he couldn’t run. “Naruto has been nothing but kind to you. Why are you so hateful?”

“He has that demon in him,” Iruka spat. He fell back to the bed as Kakashi stood before him. “He’s a beast, he...that  _ thing  _ ruined my life, okay? There’s no need for me to be kind, it’s not like h--”

“He doesn’t know!” It was the first real time Kakashi had raised his voice at his omega and it showed. Iruka’s hands bunched in the blanket as Kakashi let his chakra unfurl around him, wrapping Iruka with the full brunt of his frustration. Of all the possible options it might not be the best, but it was what he had and fuck if it wasn’t working. “I took that baby and I gave him to a safe place instead of raising him as my own, did you know that?”

Iruka shook his head mutely.

“Do you know how many times I regret doing that? Giving away my sensei’s son?” Iruka shook his head again and Kakashi snapped. “Every  _ GODDAMN  _ day, Umino Iruka. I try my best to be good to him and I know I don’t always do the best job of that. He ran out of bandages, for fuck’s sake. How can you look at him the way you do?”

“Because he killed my parents,” Iruka growled.

“HE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!” Both men sat in stunned silence at the outburst, Iruka’s chest heaving as he tried to begin breathing again. “He had nothing to do with it,” Kakashi repeated, whisper quiet, and shut his eyes as he sank to his knees. “You’re not half the man I thought you were, Iruka. Do what you want to me, but be kind to a child.” He hung his head and stared at his hands in his lap, itching to retreat to the safety of anywhere else. “You can’t honestly tell me it’s difficult to summon even a little kindness for a seven year old.”

“He killed--”

“Shut up. Just...shut up,” Kakashi said. “Enough about your parents. Enough about the Kyuubi. Enough about the attack. I want to know one simple thing.”

“It shouldn’t be,” Iruka whispered. He slid off the bed to sit out of Kakashi’s vision, around the corner. “It’s hard.”

“You know what’s hard? Being forced to watch you hate the child that could have been my son.” Kakashi sighed as he caught Iruka’s hand sliding out from behind the bed. He dropped his guard, reigned in his chakra, did his best to clamp down on the sorrow in his scent. “That is something I will not apologize for. You can’t tell me you’ll work on something and then days later ignore it completely. That is a limit.”

Iruka edged out from behind the mattress, each inch a mile as he crawled closer. Kakashi allowed him to wrap his arms around his stomach and bury his face in Kakashi’s neck while she shudders began. It was why alphas were taught not to scream at an omega--forcing someone to submit wasn’t how a good relationship worked and it was even worse when the person being screamed at couldn’t help but turn tail and run. “I’m s-sorry,” Iruka stuttered. “I’ll d-do bet-better.”

“Good.” Kakashi no longer had the energy for forced niceties and assurances. Enough was enough and his limit had been reached. He brought one hand up to press between the chunin’s shoulder blades and felt his heart running rampant. “I could have you pinned to that mattress in about five seconds,” he said softly, and Iruka’s breath hitched. “I could do so many things while you’re spineless like this and I  _ won’t.  _ I don’t give a fuck what you’ve heard about me or other alphas but you will respect the people around you. We are good.”

“I do,” Iruka said, fingers clenching tighter.

“Not well enough,” Kakashi said. He tilted Iruka’s head back and looked deep into his half-lidded eyes. “We’re not out to get you. We’re not toys. I will never be a pawn again.” Iruka’s breathing was shallow as he rested their cheeks together, hoping to calm the omega in his arms. “I’m not going to say screaming was justified,” he whispered in Iruka’s ear, “and I won’t say I won’t do it again at some point. You infuriate me. But,  _ but--”  _ he spread his fingers out as Iruka flinched-- “that’s not a good reason either and I’m sorry. Get up.”

Iruka clung to him as he stood, feet trailing on the ground before he got shaky knees below him. “I didn’t like that,” he said into Kakashi’s jacket. “It made me feel small and I’m not. I’m not weak and I’m not small.”

“You’ve been through a lot,” Kakashi agreed. “More than a lot of people have.” He did his best to clear the bed with one arm, the other balancing Iruka, and sat the chunin down before clearing the rest. “You won’t like me saying this, and I am prepared for the fallout later. Even though you’ve been through a lot you’re not special. Many of Konoha’s people have gone through a lot. We’ve lost family. We’ve lost homes. I’ve lost both.”

“I’m here, though,” Iruka said, and Kakashi crooked an eyebrow at him. “I’m family. I lo--”

Kakashi pressed a finger to his lips. “Save it for when you’re not under my influence,” he said. “Never say that to me unless you really mean it. Too many have said it and left.”

“Okay.” Iruka fell to his side and curled into himself, head not even on the pillow as he pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. “Are you leaving?”

“I’m getting you tea,” Kakashi said. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

“I don’t want tea,” Iruka sniffed. He slid both arms over his head as Kakashi sat beside him, protecting himself. “I want you to stay and I want this to be over with.” 

“Tea later, then,” Kakashi said. He stared at the wall and rested a hand on Iruka’s hip as Iruka attempted to get himself under control, only looking over when Iruka’s hand covered his. The chunin’s face was buried in the pillow and the visible skin was mottled. “Do you need anything else?”

“Just stay.”

“All right...Ru,” Kakashi tried. It seemed to work, and he latched on. “Ru,” he murmured, rocking slightly. “Ru…” He pulled his mask down when Iruka looked to him and forced a small smile onto his lips. “Makes this place feel a little more like home. Ru.” He pulled Iruka’s hand to his chest so the omega could feel his heart as well. “Ru’s Kakashi. We’ll get there someday.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via Tumblr, Twitter, or join a pretty sweet Discord for all the updates in one place <3


	31. After the Storm

Cursing from the kitchen greeted Kakashi the next morning, along with the sound of a something clattering to the counter. He couldn’t figure out exactly _what_ Iruka was trying to do but whatever it was, he wasn’t doing it properly. It wasn’t the delicate clink of his teapot--they’d had enough of that to last a lifetime last night as the omega calmed down. The microwave beeped and Iruka growled something about Anko, and Kakashi got out of bed.

They’d slept separately. Iruka took Kakashi’s old room and Kakashi took his father’s, Sakumo’s presence long since departed. Neither had slept much if Iruka’s constant tossing and turning was anything to go by. “Probably why he’s pissed,” Kakashi muttered, running both hands down his face. Yesterday’s guilt was beginning to settle low in his gut again and it hurt.

He wasn’t going to become Sera.

He swore.

Iruka was grabbing the counter and staring out the window when Kakashi looked into the kitchen. “I was going to make food.”

“Didn’t go so well?”

“No.” Iruka turned to him, eyes red and bleary from letting things out last night. There had been a lot of tears. They’d begun when Kakashi had left to get tea and it didn’t seem as they’d ended. He’d held Iruka close as the chunin cried, complained, and allowed Kakashi to see his true thoughts bared. “I’m sorry.”

Kakashi walked in and peered over his shoulder. “What’s it supposed to be?”

Iruka snorted, wiping his nose on his sleeve. “The one thing I’m supposed to be good at,” he said. “I know it’s not a breakfast food but dango always calmed me down.”

“You could’ve asked me to make something,” Kakashi said. He tentatively set his chin on Iruka’s collarbone and sighed in relief when Iruka relaxed instead of pushing him away. “I don’t mind cooking. I enjoy doing it.”

“You don’t have to provide for me. I can take care of myself.” Iruka shrugged Kakashi off and turned to face him. “Maybe I’m a child,” he whispered, eyes planted firmly on Kakashi’s bare feet, “but I won’t be a burden on you.”

“Don’t say that,” Kakashi said. He tried meeting Iruka’s eyes, stopping when he saw Iruka’s jaw beginning to grind in frustration. “You were the one talking about how we should be partners. Your weakness is one of my strengths.”

“And what happens when we’re both weak at something?” Iruka asked, and Kakashi knew exactly what he was speaking of.

“I don’t know,” he said. He moved back to sit at the kitchen table and watched Iruka scrap the whole thing, then rested his forehead on folded arms. “We can’t keep doing this. This is insane. And there’s no reason for it.”

“Rules.”

“Can you focus on something other than your goals for a little bit?” Kakashi asked. “I am not Konoha and you’re coming at me like I’m everything wrong in the world. Shoving your anger into me isn’t how you change things.”

Iruka groaned and sat across from him. “I’m sorry,” he said again.

“I don’t want sorry.” Kakashi peered over his arms and held out a hand, teasing the tips of Iruka’s fingers before the chunin took it. “Sorry’s good, don’t get me wrong. But sorry only gets you so far. You need to be better. _We_ need to be better.”

“We both have stuff to work on,” Iruka said. He still couldn’t meet Kakashi’s eyes and ran his free hand over his face as he turned to the kitchen window again. “What happens when we get better and we still don’t want the same things, huh? How are we going to get around that?” His fingers tightened almost imperceptibly before he let Kakashi’s hand drop. “Neither of us wants to change.”

“No one ever does,” Kakashi said.

“So how, then?”

Kakashi tapped his fingers idly on the wood. “I don’t know.”

“We’re still stuck,” Iruka said.

“Take a step back,” Kakashi said. “We don’t have to figure it out all in one conversation. Don’t get angry about it.”

Iruka got up and rummaged through the cabinets, shutting them in quick succession when he didn’t find anything immediately edible. “Be less irritated if I could find the coffee and something to eat,” he muttered. “I don’t even know where the coffeemaker went.”

“It’s in a box next to the couch,” Kakashi said. “Want me to get it?”

“I would, if I could find the coffee to go with it.” Iruka sank back into the chair and shook his head as he crossed his arms. “I hate moving.”

“You’ve done it what, once?”

“This once is enough,” Iruka said. “Nothing’s where it’s supposed to be and I’m still not used to a new house. _You_ know where everything is. I burnt the fuck out of myself the other day in the shower because I accidentally turned it hotter instead of colder. When you were out in the yard I almost tripped over that stupid step going into the living room. What’s the point in that, anyway?”

“You have a house,” Kakashi said, narrowing his eyes. “You’re welcome.”

Iruka deflated. “Yeah.” He slid his foot to Kakashi’s under the table and finally, finally met his eyes. “We should go room by room today and finish unpacking. We’ve got three days before I go back to training and you go back to missions and I’d like everything settled before then.”

“We can do that,” Kakashi said. “I, ah, was also thinking about something else. I thought maybe we could go to Genma and Raidou’s. Or I could. I think it’s time I met Shouto and Asahi. I can’t hide forever.”

“They’re cute,” Iruka admitted. The corners of his lips twitched up and he ducked his head, seemingly embarrassed to be seen thinking of a child as something other than monstrous. “One time Shouto grabbed my finger and you’d think it was the best toy in the world. Asahi puked all over Genma’s back about two seconds later, though. He was none too pleased.”

“I can imagine.” Kakashi cracked the Sharingan for a split second, capturing the light playing in Iruka’s eyes as they creased up. His own smile came soon after and before he could stop himself, he leaned over and pressed his lips to the chunin’s cheek. Iruka was frozen when he pulled back. “I’m sorry, you were--uh, I was--”

“That was voluntary,” Iruka said, putting his fingers to the spot. Kakashi nodded. “I...thank...you?” His brow scrunched in confusion and the scar on his nose bunched together in a way that made Kakashi relax just a bit more. “I wasn’t expecting that, I guess.”

“I wasn’t either.”

“You didn’t even ask,” Iruka said. Kakashi nodded again, just once and very slowly. “And I...it was okay. I didn’t mind.”

“Let your guard down more often,” Kakashi said softly. “I promise, it’s not going to kill you.”

**

Anko’s cuts from the first session and every one after didn’t matter when Sera woke next. She was certain she’d been moved, because sun was shining through a window that hadn’t been there before. The delicate scent of flowers on the breeze was new. Sheets and blankets and _comfort_ was new, but what was not was the person next to her.

Sera didn’t have to think about the blood when Kakashi was there.

He was as he had been before everything started, before Iruka came in and tore them apart. His chest rose and fell evenly as he lay sprawled out, feet entwined with hers. There was no mask, no clothes to hide him and she felt a tear slip down her face as she looked at him, noticing the details that were _supposed_ to be there. There was no scar just below his hairline on his left side, no marks from the ANBU mask he’d given up.  “You’re not real,” she whispered. “None of it is. Please, sir, enough.”

Kakashi cracked an eye along with a smile. “Who says I’m not real?”

“You’re not.” Sera shook her head as he shuffled closer. “He’s using you and it’s not the way you were meant to be used. Stay away from me.” Kakashi reached for her and she jerked backwards, nearly falling onto the floor below. “You were supposed to be part of the new Konoha, not this...this--” she gestured uselessly over his body. “You’re a ghost, you have to be.”

“I missed you.” In a flash, Kakashi trapped her under him and pressed his lips to her throat. “You were so busy thinking of how to get me to come with you that you missed how close it had been all along.” He ground against her hips and it should have _hurt_ , it should have, with what Anko had done. “You only had to ask, Sera. It was so simple. I would’ve followed you to the ends of the earth if it meant remaining with you, you knew that.”

“You’re lying,” she said.

“Would I lie to you?” Kakashi’s voice was a sensual purr as he slid a cool hand down her side to soothe the tremors racking her. “Would your dear Kakashi lie and manipulate and deceive you? I’m not you, you know.” His fingers dug into her and she cried out, pain lancing through her as what felt like chakra shot into her skin. “I’m not the one you need to be worried about,” he whispered. “I’d be more worried about what your friends think of you now.” When he lifted his head he shifted to the side, leaving her to stare into the shadows where Anko and Kurenai stepped out.

‘Release’ didn’t work.

Both women were naked, skin stained red. Their eyes were dead and they walked with all the grace of one possessed. Anko’s mutilated stomach almost... _pulsed,_ and Kurenai held a child in her arms as they drew nearer. “Here he is,” Kurenai said, placing a corpse into her arms. “Just what you wanted.” It was grotesque, twisted and broken under a curtain of silver hair and Kakashi looked _proud._

“He’s ours,” he said as he cradled its head in one hand. “Just what you wanted.”

“An anchor,” Anko said, staring ahead as her scars began to split. “Just what you wanted.”

Sera dropped it to the bed when it opened its eyes. They were _his,_ Orochimaru’s snake eyes watching her as she began to scream. “Release,” she sobbed when she could find the words. “Release, release, release.” It was genjutsu, it had to be, why didn’t it _work?_

Kakashi clapped a hand over her mouth and hissed in her ear. “This is what you asked for,” he said. “You wanted me and a child and you reject it now? You are _sick._ How could you throw away our child like that?” He picked up the beast and clutched it to his chest, backing up against the headboard with mounting anger. “How could you not want our son?”

“He’s all wrong,” she mumbled, stumbling to her feet and batting away Anko’s bloody hands. “No!” she shouted. “It’s not my fault he did that to you, you could have been the same, you could’ve--” Kurenai’s eyes locked with hers and the other kunoichi’s stomach began to move as Anko’s had.

“You left me to become as an omega,” she said. Sera looked on in horror as limbs stretched beneath the surface, Kurenai’s hands running over the skin as she dropped her eyes with a smile. “I could have been you, but you took that chance from me.”

“That’s what you do, isn’t it?” Kakashi’s eyes flashed as Sera turned to face him. “You take and take and you never give, Sera. There’s not a heart in that chest of yours. Look at this poor child.” He held it out and somehow it looked even more warped now, its cries beginning to sound the noise of every scream she’d wrought over the years. “He’s crying for his mother.”

“It’s a demon,” she said as it cried louder. “A monster.”

“What else would it be?” Kakashi asked, confusion coloring his voice. “It’s yours, after all.”

**

“Bisuke!” Iruka cried, laughing as the dog hopped onto his chest. “Gods, you’re heavier than you look.”

Pakkun snickered from the chair in the corner. “Hear that? Boss’ll put you on a diet if you’re not careful.”

“Oh, please, he can’t control what I eat.” Bisuke settled and his tail tickled Iruka’s neck, staring at Kakashi the entire time. “Can you?”

“I could try,” Kakashi remarked, and Bull snorted from at his feet.

“You’d fail,” the mastiff rumbled. “Remember how it worked last time?”

“Yeah, you tried and poor Bisuke wouldn’t shut the fuck up,” Uhei chimed in from his perch in the corner. “It was hell on all of us.”

“I’m a perfect gentleman,” Bisuke said, sticking his nose in the air.

“You’re a perfect twat,” Urushi grumbled. “Never do that again, boss.”

Kakashi exchanged a look with Iruka before reaching down to scratch between Guruko’s shoulders. The dog let out a low groan and rested his head on his feet before rolling over for a belly rub. “I solemnly swear never to put Bisuke on a diet again,” he said.

“If any of you show up when he’s not around, I make no promises as to what food’s going to be around,” Iruka said. He laid an arm over Bisuke’s back and let his head fall over the armrest to look at Shiba laying against the wall. “Though I wouldn’t say no to the company. You guys aren’t so bad.”

“Aren’t so bad?” Akino said with a huff. “Boss…”

“You are always welcome,” Iruka amended. “Especially if you’re going to stay and help with the rest of unpacking.”

“That’s my cue,” Bisuke said before disappearing in a puff of smoke. The rest followed quickly, leaving Iruka freezing and Kakashi snickering at his shocked expression.

“I didn’t say they were incredibly helpful outside missions,” he said. “They’re not contracted for moving.”

Iruka let his hand flop to the floor, the other draping across his forehead. “I know we only have the bedrooms and living room to finish yet, but I was sort of hoping they’d stay for some of it. I like them. Why didn’t you introduce me sooner?”

“We weren’t really...in a good place to do that,” Kakashi said. He picked at the skin around his nails, biting his lip as he drew his feet into the chair. “But I thought maybe it’d be a good way to show I want you to be a part of my life. Small things, you know?”

“Well, I wouldn’t call Bull ‘small.’” Iruka looked to him with a gleam in his eyes before smiling. “I like them a lot, Kakashi. Thank you.”

“Do you want to push through and finish tonight or do you want to wait until tomorrow?” Kakashi asked. He unfolded himself and padded over to the box he’d taken the coffeemaker from earlier and pulled it open, pawing through the miscellany until Iruka’s hand folded over is. Both men paused, slightly ill at ease until Iruka backed away. “Thanks.”

“I think we’ve done enough for today,” Iruka said. “I was going to suggest going for sushi. I know you wanted to last week.”

“Oh, we don’t hav--”

“Let me take you out,” Iruka said, tone firm.

Kakashi nodded and closed the box, each movement purposeful. “I’ll get ready then. Do you have somewhere specific in mind?”

“I was going to let you pick.”

“Jeans are fine, then,” Kakashi said. He turned around to search Iruka’s face, lit by the soft glow of the fading sun. “There’s a good, out-of-the way place Tenzou and I used to go all the time. Amazing food and they don’t mind giving me a corner booth away from prying eyes.”

Iruka reached out to twine their fingers together. “Why do you wear it? I don’t know if I’ve figured it out and it’s going to bother me.”

“Makes me feel safe.” On instinct, Kakashi reached to pull it up and frowned when it wasn’t there. He’d discarded it around noon, after Iruka had seemed to be settled and unwilling to go through what they had the night before. “Like people can’t see me.”

“You don’t like being exposed,” Iruka said with a nod, tilting his head to the side in contemplation. “Sort of what I thought.”

“There’s not many people who have seen my face,” Kakashi said. Iruka was slowly drifting closer, enveloping him in his scent and presence until Kakashi was having a difficult time finding words, let alone breath. “Um, Iruka…”

“Thank you,” Iruka mumbled into his throat. His lips brushed over Kakashi’s leaping pulse twice before he pulled back, only to be drawn into a proper kiss. It was soft, a little unsure, but for the first time since Iruka’s heat, Kakashi felt they could be more than snapping at each other and being hurt. “You should really...ask first,” Iruka whispered when they broke. “Maybe.”

“I took my chances.” Kakashi turned down the hall and shut his door, pressing his fingers to his lips as Iruka retreated to his own room. He dressed quickly and ran his fingers through his hair just enough so it flowed properly, then opened the door to the sight of Iruka already dressed. It was the same shirt he’d worn to Kakashi’s party last year and with his hair down and his hands stuffed in his pockets, he was--

“You look nice,” Iruka said, interrupting Kakashi’s thought. “Ready? I’m starving.”

“As I’ll ever be.” They walked quickly, ducking through back alleys until they stood in front of a dilapidated door on the other side of town. “Looks like hell but the food’s good,” Kakashi said. “Though stay away from the tuna. I’ve gotten sick from that a few times.”

“You’re probably allergic,” Iruka said. They were seated and not soon after, Tenzou walked in with Aoba. “Want to talk to them?” he asked when Kakashi kept glancing over.

“Do you mind?”

“Tenzou!” Iruka called, and the other man smiled at the waitress before coming over, Aoba lingering behind him. “Sit down and eat with us. You too, Aoba. Friends, or…”

“Together,” Aoba said. He slid in beside Iruka and picked the menu out of the holder in the middle of the table, sliding down in the booth as he read. “Tenzou said you two used to come here, Kakashi. Any recommendations?”

“Shark bait’s good,” Kakashi said. “Little spicy.”

“Doesn’t bother me,” Aoba said. “Tenz? You?”

“Anything salmon,” Tenzou said. He didn’t bother looking at the menu before the waitress came over. “Red dragon, please.”

“What’s your hottest?” Aoba asked, and ordered a roll of that. “What?” he asked when Tenzou looked at him with one brow raised. “Spicy food does it for me.”

“Shark bait,” Kakashi ordered, and scoffed when Iruka ordered tuna. “Your funeral, you know.”

“Eat me.”

“Rather you not,” Aoba said, smacking Kakashi’s hand with the menu when he reached for Iruka. “I don’t want to have to explain why I’m sitting next to _two_ perverts.”

“Ouch,” Kakashi said dryly, but settled for touching their toes instead. “How have you two been holding up with everything?”

“Well, all things considered,” Tenzou said. He looked to Aoba, who shrugged and knit his fingers in front of his face. “The crows are an adjustment, though they seem to enjoy the fact I can form them a perch instantly.”

“You’re useful,” Aoba said.

Iruka snorted and stirred the ice in his water. “How about me, Kakashi, am I useful?”

“Only if you stay out of the kitchen,” Kakashi said.

“Fair enough.”

The conversation shifted from topic to topic, flowing easily until Tenzou brought up Shouto and Asahi. “I heard they’re having a hard time readjusting to their regular schedules,” he said. “Genma and Raidou. I went out with Genma the other day and his head just wasn’t in it. Doubt they expected it.”

“Twins keep them up all night,” Iruka said. “I stopped helping watch them, which I’m sure hasn’t helped. Crying children and I don’t get along.”

“You said it.” Aoba held his hand for a high five and Kakashi winced slightly at how eager Iruka was to return it. “They’ve got their time and place and it’s not near me or the boys. Corvus and Corax are more than enough.”

“Thought you weren’t supposed to keep them as pets,” Kakashi said.

“I don’t.” Aoba leaned over the table and picked up a piece of sushi from Tenzou’s plate only to replace it with one of his own. “We sort of bonded when I fixed Corvus’s broken wing and they love hanging around because I’ll give them food and stuff for nests, but they’re free to leave if they wish. They nest in a tree near the training grounds.”

“I’m pretty sure they’re setting up shop in one of the trees near my place,” Tenzou said, then corrected himself. “Our place.”

“We had the ninken over today,” Iruka said.

Kakashi was grateful for the redirect. If they could get through the day without another snapping match he’d be more than happy and talking children wasn’t the way to do that. “They were a little shocked I was back in the old place, but at least the living room’s a little bigger. I get the feeling they’ll be around a lot more,” he said.

“How’s your move going?” Aoba asked Iruka. “Know it can’t be fun.”

“Not...great,” Iruka admitted. “I moved twice, really, so it wasn’t exactly pleasant. And we go back to work soon.”

“Teacher training, right?” Tenzou asked.

“Then onto jonin,” Iruka said with a nod. “Might as well get it out of the way sooner rather than later, right?” He looked to Kakashi, who ducked his eyes and picked up a piece of sushi and ate it behind cover of a menu. “I mean, it’s only a matter of time before I can get enough momentum to get the laws changed.”

“I support it,” Aoba said.

Tenzou elbowed Kakashi. “How about you?”

Kakashi measured his words carefully. “I won’t say no to a larger jonin force,” he said. “Fuck knows we could always use fresh ideas and more bodies. But I wouldn’t get too ahead of yourself. Take your time. It’s going to be a process.” He took a deep breath and took Iruka’s hand. “But I’m here for it.”

**

Kakashi was sitting next to Sera on the wall when she rose from the depths of the mockery of what could have been. So many times she’d been put through it, each worse than the last as Kakashi grew more aggressive. “Miss me?” he asked, and Sera shook her head. “Aww, don’t be like that.”

“Stop it,” she muttered. “I got the point long ago, sir, don’t do this.”

A knock sounded from the door and Anko walked in, Orochimaru close behind. “‘Don’t do this,’ she says,” Orochimaru said. “But didn’t you have everything?” Anko leaned against the wall next to Kakashi as the sannin knelt before her. “You had your lover, your child, a warm bed...is that not what you wanted?”

“Not that way,” she whispered, head hanging low. “Not like that.”

“Not quite what you expected?” Anko smirked.

“How sad,” Kakashi said. “I thought maybe we could be together again.”

“You’re not real,” she said. “I didn’t see them. Some of your scars. You’re not real. You’re not him.”

“You can both go,” Orochimaru said with a flick of his wrist, and both Kakashi and Anko dissolved in a cloud of smoke. “Maybe it was me who should’ve known better,” he said, examining his nails as Sera cringed away from him. “Of all the people in the village, they were the ones you were closest to and I suppose that was my downfall. You knew them inside and out, like a good little Oto kunoichi. Unlike you, however, I won’t make the same mistake twice. You will not see them again. Do you know how long you’ve been in here?”

“No, sir,” she whispered.

“Long enough to need a meal,” he said, curling his lip in a sneer. “Look at you, you’re starving. Are you hungry?”

“No, sir.” The hunger pains had largely abated, session after session leaving her unable and unwilling to say much more for fear it would begin again. She flinched at the touch of Orochimaru’s hand on her elbow and nearly fell to the floor when he hauled her to his feet. “Please, no.” Food meant change and she just needed to get through the next session, just needed to get back to her new normal.

The lamps in the hallway nearly blinded her as she blinked in their light. She was disgusting, she could feel it, completely bared and covered in god knows what. Kin ran across the hall entrance before backing up and gaping at her. “What happened, sir?” the young girl asked.

“She angered me,” he said, pulling Sera’s hands from her breasts and center. “Show the girl what happens to people who anger me, Sera. She’ll learn soon enough.”

“Is that blood?” Kin asked softly.

“Answer her, Sera.”

“Yes,” Sera said, lip trembling as Orochimaru let her hands go. “It’s m-mine.”

Kin looked her up and down before shrugging, dispelling any notion Sera might have had about getting help. “You shouldn’t have screwed up, I guess,” she said before continuing her run.

Orochimaru forced Sera further down the hall until they stood in a room with only a bucket and spigot. “Clean yourself,” he ordered. “You’ll join us in an hour and no less. A change of clothes will be left outside the door. You will present yourself as an Oto shinobi should or you will be put back in there. I will not be kind this time. I will hold nothing back.”

“Yes, sir.” Sera was left alone to shiver in the dark. She didn’t know how long she sat there but eventually she made her way to the spout, unshocked the water was freezing. With tremulous hands, she filled the bucket and wrung out the washcloth set on the side. Each touch of the fabric was painful and not just over the healing knife wounds...the bruises and abrasions from the shackles hurt just as badly.

It was almost blissful relief when she upended the biting bucket over herself.

Orochimaru had set out a robe similar to his and she nearly soaked the fabric through when she put it on, shuffling down the hall with broken steps before emerging into the dining hall. The three children looked up before Orochimaru did, baby snakes settled before their venomous parent. “Sir,” she whispered.

“Help the lady to her seat, Dosu,” Orochimaru said.

Dosu got up and took her hand in his, tugging her closer to the foot of the table before pulling out the chair. “Here you go,” he said. “We’re having deer.”

“Yes, sir.”

“She called me sir!” Dosu said. His chest puffed as Sera’s head fell forward, hair obscuring her vision. “That means I’m like you, right, Orochimaru?”

“Yes,” Orochimaru mused, “I suppose it does.”

“I wanna be a sir!” Zaku whined.

Orochimaru began to tap his fingers on the table, effectively silencing them all before he got up to stand behind Sera. “What do you say?” he asked, fingers bringing her hair back to tie an Oto hitai-ate around her head. “They’ll be your charges now. The children you always wanted, _Sera.”_ He dug his nails into her back to force a smile onto her face before settling back down and motioning to the door. “We’re ready. Bring it in.”

She couldn’t bring herself to eat more than a few bites before pushing her plate away, bile rising in her throat. “I’m all right,” she said when one of the servants came to her side. “I’ve puked before, keep your hands away from me.”

“So rude,” Orochimaru said. “What a bad example you’re setting, _girl._ You should pay some respect.”

Immediately, Sera apologized. Anything to keep herself out of more danger. Anything to net herself a chance to get back. Get out. “I’m so sorry,” she pleaded, and Orochimaru settled back into his chair. “Please forgive me. I know not of what I speak.”

“Oh,” the woman said, placing a hand over her heart. “Er, sir?”

“Accept it,” he said.

“Thank you,” she told Sera.

“Why so scared?” Orochimaru asked when the woman was out of earshot. “Afraid we’re all out to get you?”

“Yes, sir.”

Orochimaru snorted. “At least you’re honest. And after I gave you your friends to keep you company.” He clicked his tongue and she cowered into the wood. “Grow a spine,” he snapped. “I thought you were _so_ much better. You’re doing a shit job proving it to me.”

“Is she our new mother?” Kin asked.

“Yes,” Orochimaru said. He reached over to slide a hand over her hair and looked into her eyes. “And she’ll remain here until you’re old enough to go in her stead.”

**

Iruka was the first in the house. “Didn’t realize those two were a thing,” he said, thumping down onto the couch with an arm out.

Kakashi followed, going for the chair before Iruka motioned him over. “They came over the other day with some sake,” he said. “I was also surprised.” He perched on the edge of the couch until Iruka tugged him backwards, tucking him under his arm. “Oh?”

“Anko always did this when I was upset with her. Big believer in ‘healing touch,’ or so she calls it.” He sighed, and Kakashi forced himself to relax.

“I didn’t know if you wanted me to, after yesterday,” he said. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…”

“Screamed at me?”

“Yeah.”

“You were right, though,” Iruka said, fingers tightening in Kakashi’s shirt. “And what you said afterwards, too.”

“Which thing? There was a lot.”

“Being an orphan.” Iruka’s forehead fell to rest on the side of Kakashi’s head as his free hand reached for Kakashi’s. “I deserved the yelling.”

“No one deserves yelling,” Kakashi said, and Iruka shook his head.

“I made a promise and I broke it. More than once. I’ll probably fuck it up again, too, just like you will,” he said. “The entire time I was laying in bed last night, I couldn’t stop thinking about what if this is it? This is going to be our entire marriage?” He shook his head again before burying his nose in Kakashi’s hair. “It’s not going to be. It can’t.”

Kakashi leaned into him and settled his cheek on Iruka’s shoulder as the omega kissed the top of his head. “I swear that’s not me,” he said. “And I know that’s what they say. That’s what Sera said. I shouldn’t have said it, I--”

“I’ve known you longer than that,” Iruka murmured. “I just hadn’t really seen you really...react to stress.”

“I usually just hide,” Kakashi said. “Kind of hard when you’re attempting to train your new husband how to fend off your old partner because she’s insane.” He let a wavering smile slip and Iruka pulled back to tip his chin up. “We have a lot of problems most people don’t, don’t we?”

“At least we didn’t have to clean crow shit out of your hair.” Iruka was completely serious for several seconds before both burst into laughter at the mention of Tenzou’s story, Kakashi’s face nearly hitting the chunin’s lap before he pulled himself up. “Fuck,” Iruka said, wiping a tear from his eye. “Please tell me no one’s going to shit in the house, because I am _not_ cleaning up ninken poo.”

“I hope not,” Kakashi said. He settled back into Iruka’s side and slid his fingers into the hair on the nape of Iruka’s neck. “This is okay?”

“Yeah,” Iruka said, nearly purring as Kakashi began to massage. “Never, ever stop.”

“You have about--” Kakashi looked at the clock-- “two hours before you start feeling sick. If you want to do anything.”

“I don’t know about that,” Iruka said, a slight nervous edge slipping into his voice before Kakashi groaned and covered his eyes.  
“I meant like watching a movie or something,” he said. “Not...sex.”

Iruka sighed in relief. “I meant what I said, you know,” he eventually said. “About penetration. During heat. I don’t want that.”

“I’m not going to say I like the idea, but we’ll work around it,” Kakashi said.

“I’m sorry.”

Kakashi disengaged and got up to grab a glass of water. “Don’t be,” he said. “I won’t apologize for wanting it and I won’t apologize for wanting most of the things I want, but that doesn’t mean it’s unable to be talked about or compromised.” He handed another glass to Iruka and stood awkwardly as they both drank. “I, ah, wouldn’t say no to maybe laying together for a bit.”

“Alpha wants a cuddle?” Iruka asked, and Kakashi could feel the flush in his toes. “I might be able to arrange that. Come here.” He got up and took Kakashi’s glass to the sink before pulling him down the hall to his door. “Thank you for asking,” he said. “It helps.”

“You’re welcome,” Kakashi said. He let Iruka tug him through the doorway and stopped short when the chunin turned on the light, revealing something very large and very teal laying in the middle of his bed. “Ir-Iruka,” he said, trying to keep calm as he realized what it was. “That is a knot. That is a knot and it is not mine.”

Iruka turned very slowly around with both hands over his mouth. “That...is…”

“Iruka.”

“You can ask Anko about it,” Iruka stammered, fear whipping through his scent. “Birthday present from my last birthday, ask her. I told her I was never going to use it, I swear, Kakashi, please don’t be angr--”

“I am not angry.” He had a choice and he made it, taking a deep breath and consciously releasing his fists. “I am...that is not what I expected to see.”

“Here, I can--” Iruka whirled around to shove it in his dresser drawer, slamming it shut with more force than necessary. “I forgot it was there, I was unpacking all day and just...forgot. I’m sorry.”

Kakashi caught Iruka’s wrists in his hands as he wrung them anxiously. “You’re fine,” he murmured. “Calm down. Calm down. It’s okay. I know why you’re having this reaction and I know it’s me, and _I’m_ sorry. I’m not going to yell. I’m not.” He pushed Iruka gently back and let him go to sit next to him on the bed. “Not a big deal.”

“Okay.” Iruka let out a shaky breath and clutched at his hand. “I didn’t mean it.”

“I know.” Kakashi laid down on the bed, legs still hanging off the side, and Iruka laid down next to him, pressing his face to Kakashi’s chest. “Shhh.”

“I kept it in case, you know,” Iruka whispered eventually. “And I thought maybe we could--you or I could--” He shuffled up Kakashi’s side and rested a hand on his chest as his nose brushed over his throat. “I don’t want to use it, but maybe you wanted to some day.”

“Alphas don’t take knots,” Kakashi said.

“Then why do I have to?” Iruka whispered. “Do you see why it doesn’t feel fair?” He looked to the jonin with wide eyes. “You saw it. It’s huge. And I’ve felt yours. I’ve _held_ yours. I don’t want it."

“You don’t have to.”

“Maybe if toy took it first, _maybe,_ but knots give way to pregnancy and that gives way to ch--”

“Stop,” Kakashi whispered. “Enough for tonight. You don’t need to explain it or yourself.”

Iruka clung tighter. “Okay,” he said. “Buried for now. It’s done. Can you stay for a few minutes at least, now? I think it’d be good.”

Kakashi laid with him for more than a few minutes. They laid there until their eyes slipped shut, only the sound of Iruka’s steady breathing in his ear keeping him awake. He tried not to focus on the way the chunin held onto him like he was the only thing he’d ever hold in his life. He also tried to keep the ‘I told you so’ out of his mouth when Iruka woke near eleven complaining of an upset stomach. “You know where the bathroom is,” he said instead, helping Iruka up only for him to dash out of the room. “Hey,” he said when he knocked and heard only a groan in return. “Are you okay?”

“No.”

“Well,” Kakashi said, sliding down the wall, “a long night it is, then. Nothing like food poisoning to bring people together, huh?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via Tumblr, Twitter, or join a pretty sweet Discord for all the updates in one place <3


	32. In Sickness

Food poisoning was one hell of a way to begin a marriage. Bonding, sure, but as Iruka leaned his fevered forehead on the toilet seat he thought maybe, just  _ maybe  _ the gods were punishing him. “I’m never going back there again,” he groaned.

“You didn’t listen,” Kakashi said, voice muffled by the door. “I know what I’m allergic to and it’s not tuna.”

“Fuck off.” The door opened and Kakashi knelt next to him to put a hand on his shoulder. “Yeah, I know, you told me so.”

“I didn’t say that,” Kakashi said.

“You were thinking it.”

“Hmm.” Kakashi dragged his fingers along the length of his spine and looked away when Iruka had a near-miss, barely hitting the bowl. “Do you want me to get you anything?”

“Something that’ll stay down, maybe,” Iruka said. He watched out of the corner of a teary eye as Kakashi nodded and left, leaving him shaking and alone as the sun burned his retinas. “Kakashi,” he moaned after a minute. “D’you have curtains?”

“No,” Kakashi yelled from the kitchen. Iruka heard several footsteps and some plastic crinkling before Kakashi sat back down beside him and held out some crackers. “I don’t know about staying down, but these help when I’m sick.”

“Thanks.” One went down easily and Iruka settled back against the tub with both arms folded over his stomach before he tried another a few minutes later. “How long does this last?”

“About a day and a half when I had it,” Kakashi said.

“Help me to my room.” Kakashi got up and held out a hand, urging Iruka leaned on him as they walked down the hall. “Should’ve listened,” he grumbled. He pointed to the closet where his towel was hanging and Kakashi draped it over the side of the bed for him. “Can you grab the trash, too? No point in puking on the floor.”

“No problem.” Kakashi sat on the edge of the bed and stroked Iruka’s shoulder after he pulled the blankets over himself. “Do you need anything else?”

“Sleep,” Iruka said. He’d gotten next to none the night before, nerves jangled by the knot incident before he’d woken to his stomach cramping. “You can go if you want, I’m sure you’ve got better things to do than nurse my sorry ass.”

“I just have to unpack my room,” Kakashi said. “Won’t take too long. Might go for some groceries.”

“Go, then,” Iruka said. “I’ll be here. Alone. Dying.”

“Iruka.”

“I’m kidding, Kakashi, go.” Iruka turned over and swallowed hard, shaking his head against another bout of nausea. He smiled faintly to himself as Kakashi patted his head before leaving him to suffer in peace. “Maybe it’s not so bad,” he groaned to the ceiling. “Now he’s seen me puking my guts out. And the knot.” He let his head fall to the side to look at the drawer he’d shoved it in.

He’d been so afraid of Kakashi screaming again. 

He had, admittedly, deserved what he’d gotten, but hearing the alpha roar sent ice rocketing through him. He’d felt powerless, so incredibly  _ small _ in the face of anger that he’d simply gotten himself out of Kakashi’s sight until the alpha also sank to the floor. Kakashi’s whisper had barely reached his ears before regret settled in and he crawled toward him, chest aching with the need to rectify his actions. 

The room and twisting in his stomach faded away as darkness crept in around him. His sleep was fitful and not  _ incredibly  _ restful, but it was long enough to wake to the sound of Kakashi banging around in the kitchen. There was a plate with some water and crackers on the nightstand along with a note of ‘You were sleeping, so eat these when you wake up’ in his scribbles. 

Iruka smiled. “Maybe he does care,” he told the empty room. Kakashi’s scent drifted down the hall as Iruka nibbled one at a time, waiting a few minutes to be sure they weren’t going to just come back up. “Okay,” he said when they were done. “Kitchen. I can get to the kitchen.”

Kakashi had to help him into a chair, but he made it. 

“Feeling any better?” he asked, putting the back of his hand to Iruka’s forehead. “Did you see the food?”

“Yeah,” Iruka said. He let his arms flop to the sides as Kakashi went back to preparing...whatever he was preparing. “Uh, thanks for that.”

“I have news,” Kakashi said. “I’ve been assigned a mission.”

“So soon?” Iruka asked.

“It’s been a while,” Kakashi said, holding a spoon out to the side after licking it. “We still have a bit of leave but they want me to leave bright and early on the day it ends.” He shut off the stove and poured a bit of chicken over some rice he’d portioned and grabbed two spoons from the drawer. “Bland enough,” he said as he plopped the bowl down between them. “You should eat a little. Try to, at least. Should be feeling a bit better.”

“Little.” Iruka took a small spoonful and blew on it before tasting. It didn’t seem to turn his stomach so he ate one bite, then another. “I should’ve listened.”

“Can I finally just come out and say I told you so?” Kakashi met his eyes with a small smirk before Iruka rolled his. “What? You basically said it.”

“Doesn’t mean you can say it,” Iruka grumbled, “but yeah, fine. You told me so.”

“You going to be okay to go back to training when I leave?” Kakashi asked. “Anko can come over if you want some company. I ran into her and already told her you were sick. She’s the one who suggested this. You could, um--” he bit his lip, curled his fingers tighter around the spoon-- “if you wanted, you could sleep in my bed?”

“Well, if Anko’s sleeping over, she’s not sleeping in your bed,” Iruka teased. “That should be mine, right?”

“You still want this?”

“Okay, listen.” Iruka settled his hands over Kakashi’s and shut his eyes. “I was a dick the other day but I did mean that you should stop acting like I’m going to run away. I’m not.”

“I know,” Kakashi sighed. Iruka opened his eyes when the jonin snorted a few seconds later. “Not like you’d make it very far right now anyway.”

“I’m barfing on your pillow just for that,” Iruka said. “That, I can promise.”

**

Kakashi swore his bed had never felt so good. By the night before he was supposed to leave, Iruka was feeling mostly recovered and well enough to come along to the memorial stone. It was a quiet affair, rain on the breeze and Kakashi’s fingers twined with Iruka’s as Kakashi revealed the story of how he’d earned his reputation. “I’m so sorry,” Iruka had said, and Kakashi had just turned toward home.

They’d fallen into his bed without much hesitation. 

“Please don’t start something if you’re not planning on finishing it,” Kakashi whispered into Iruka’s shoulder when Iruka’s hand began brushing lower over his back. “I’d love to participate but if you’re going to tease, I’d rather you didn’t.”

“No teasing,” Iruka said. “I swear.” He slid down a few inches to settle their faces together, eyes flicking from Kakashi’s lips back to his eye. “Let me give you a proper send-off? I haven’t...since…”

“Oh,” Kakashi breathed. He hadn’t either, stress and training and revelations shoving it further and further from his mind. It wasn’t as if he even masturbated  _ often,  _ but... “Oh,” he said again, firmer as Iruka’s fingers slipped below the waist of his pants. “Iruka, what exactly do you want?”

“To make you feel good.” Iruka kissed his nose and then his eyes, lips brushing ever-so-gently over his scar. “De-stress...relax…”

“Please,” Kakashi whispered. He rolled onto his back and Iruka adjusted with him, kneeling over his hips as he melded their lips together. Heat sex was wild, different, the urgency and sheer need that had driven them now absent in the face of a different sort of need. 

This was Iruka searching for absolution.

Iruka kissed him slowly, allowing Kakashi to memorize every curve of his lips to the sound of his breathless sighs. Kakashi’s hands wandered the slope of his hips, the lines of his stomach, everywhere he could before Iruka took a hand and pulled it toward his zipper. His pants parted easily and his hardening cock was warm through his underwear as it filled in Kakashi’s hand. “Touch me,” the chunin whispered against his cheek. “However you want, just no--”

“Knot.” Kakashi nodded and withdrew his hand in favor of urging Iruka onto his side. “Can I see you naked?”

“Of course,” Iruka said. He wiggled out of his pants and tossed them to the floor, struggling with his shirt until Kakashi helped him, his own clothes joining the pile soon after.

“Sit up,” Kakashi said. “I should learn you, right? Show me where you like to be touched.” He sat behind Iruka and the chunin wound their right hands together, kissed each fingertip, and dragged them down his chest to close over his cock before turning around in his arms. “What? Is this--am--um, common--” he squeezed his eyes shut as Iruka kissed him again. “Is there anywhere else?”

“Show me your favorite spots, Kakashi.” Iruka pressed a heated palm to Kakashi’s pale skin and pushed him backwards, trailing his fingers down as Kakashi’s back hit the mattress. “I said tonight is about you and I meant it.”

“But I’m good at serving,” Kakashi whispered. “I’m good at learning.”

“I didn’t ask what you were good at. I told you to tell me how to love you.”

Kakashi would never admit he flat-out whimpered at those words. Iruka smiled kindly down at him before leaning close and sealing his lips over his pulse. “I like my n-neck...touched,” he gasped. “And my cock, and ch-chest.” Iruka was busy nibbling the sensitive skin of his collarbones, and he wasn’t sure anything had ever felt so nice. “And those, I guess?”

“Come on,” Iruka said softly. “There’s gotta be more than that.” One hand fell to caress Kakashi’s cock and the other moved to brush over his arm. They were the  _ simplest _ touches, but Kakashi jerked away when Iruka hit the skin just inside his elbow. “Oh, see? Sensitive.”

“Tickled.” Kakashi squirmed as Iruka did it again, tucking his arm close to his side. “No, I don’t like that.”

“Your sides?” Iruka asked. His free hand roved over the planes of Kakashi’s stomach and over the v of his hip before coming back up to cradle his head. “Legs? Feet? Anything?”

“I don’t know.” The air around them was heady with desire, thick with the yearning boiling below the surface. “I don’t know,” he said again when Iruka asked if he was sure. “I really don’t, I--didn’t explore.”

“Sera.”

“I’m sorry.”

Iruka threaded his hand through Kakashi’s hair. “She didn’t deserve you, you know.”

“Please just kiss me.” Kakashi slumped back into the pillows as Iruka began to lick and bite at his scent glands before sitting up and fitting both lengths into his hand. 

“So good,” Iruka murmured with brow knit as he slid against Kakashi. “One day you’ll be able to sit here and tell me what makes  _ you _ feel good, and I will be so lost in you no one’s going to find me.” He sighed as Kakashi took his other hand, gripping tightly when Iruka told him about some of the things he’d learned from Anko. “Should we ever get to the point of penetration, I can blow your fucking mind, Kakashi.”

“I want it.” Kakashi began to move on his own, hips rising to meet Iruka’s and fuck into the precome-slick hand. “I want it so bad, Ru.”

“You know what you have to ask for,” Iruka said. He broke Kakashi’s hold to settle between his knees and hike one leg over his shoulder. “So easy,” he whispered as he bent close to Kakashi’s face and began to move his hand again. His hips rocked into Kakashi’s, motion not unlike how Kakashi wished he could move with him. “Ask me sometime. Please.”

Kakashi dug his heel into Iruka’s shoulder to drive him closer as he pushed his hand away. “Sounds to me like I’m not the only one who wants it,” he said. “All you’ve gotta do is ask, you know.”

“Limit,” Iruka gasped when Kakashi tightened his grip. “Non-negotiable.”

“Can I ask you to come on me, then?”

“Yeah.” Iruka replaced Kakashi’s hand with his own again, separating them and stroking himself until he was groaning into Kakashi’s lips. His orgasm splashed over his hand and Kakashi came with the warmth on his skin and the scent of his mate in his nose. “Mmm,” Iruka hummed into his neck as he let his leg slip. “Yeah, that was good. Good, needed that.” He slid off and laid down, kissing Kakashi’s shoulder until Kakashi began to squirm. 

“Clean,” he mumbled. “Dried come is--got a mission, don’t know if I’ll shower in the morning.” He grabbed his towel from the chair in the corner and wiped himself down before doing the same for Iruka. “I need sleep.”

“I’ll get up in a second,” Iruka said, eyes slipping shut as he held up a hand. “Just... _ one.”  _ His yawn tapered off in a whine before he nuzzled into the pillow and turned onto his side. “Prom...ise.”

“Right.” Kakashi sized up the mattress with Iruka on it and decided that no, there was not enough room for both. “Don’t worry about it,” he said to the sleeping chunin. “I’ll take yours, I guess. Just remember me while I’m gone, okay?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback via kudos and comments encouraged and greatly appreciated! You can also let me know your thoughts via Tumblr, Twitter, or join a pretty sweet Discord for all the updates in one place <3
> 
> Updating end note to say now, WWW is on hiatus. I have been trying since last update to get words out for it and I just cannot. There is a lot more story to tell, I promise. So many more things happen. I am just not in a place to finish this particular one right now. 
> 
> I encourage you all to check out my other stuff (I am currently sitting in rare pair, multishipper hell heh) in the meantime but understand if you should not wish to do that. 120k in 7 months for just one story was a lot, and I'm finally admitting burn out on it. 
> 
> It will be back in the future, though. That I can promise ❤️


End file.
